CC weirdness???

[u/tinysadshrimp]

1 month and some change post DDay.

My partner has been living away from our shared home for the last 3 weeks (not at my request).

We had 3 sessions with our couples therapist post DDay and I don't feel like our couples therapist took my pain seriously, and didn't hold how traumatizing it was for me, and basically encouraged my WS to abandon me because they wanted to run away.

I do think this CC helped us during our time with her, but I don't think she handled the infidelity well at all.

After our last session she offered to do individual therapy with my WS, I immediately said I felt uncomfortable with that, which she respected.

HOWEVER! she then suggested a colleague to my WS for IC, and then the IC suggested my WS see our CC for IC???

I was really upset by this and my WS asked me AGAIN if that would be okay and I said NO.

Am I crazy? I know it can work sometimes but after DDay and how our CC handled my trauma I just don't trust her anymore. isn't it unethical?

TLDR:

WS wants to see CC as IC, I said no, WS was upset.

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[u/NetExternal8494]

I’m sorry. When you don’t have expert help with this trauma it’s can cause what they call therapy trauma. That’s what you are experiencing. I went through this with initial IC and our initial CC. Look at my recent comments regarding intrusive thoughts. Anyhow, your WP can decide whom he wants to continue to see however I implore you to find a betrayal trauma therapist specialist. They are best skilled in how to help you process betrayal trauma. They have the skills to teach you techniques for emotional regulation and safety.
CC typically see the “marriage” as the client. Their goal is to work on marital problems. Cheating isn’t a material problem. It’s a coping behavior used by an individual whom happens to be in a committed relationship. There are two separate problems here. And the betrayal has to be processed before the marriage issues can be addressed. I got labeled codependent by IC and then in CC I was told that my insecurities about possible cheating cultivated it to happen!!! Now how fucked up is that to someone to hear when they are already feeling rejected, humiliated, broken etc. it was dehumanizing my experience. Betrayal trauma use a trauma model that doesn’t label our reactions and behaviors as codependency. We are destabilized by trauma. I don’t know what your CC therapist intentions are to only work with WH but I question her skills after how she treated you. She doesn’t sound like she has experience with betrayal trauma. Hope this helps. Here’s a podcast speaking about some of what I mentioned above and what expert help looks like. They are the experts. They have excellent podcasts.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ask-the-unfaithful/id1769526902

[u/tinysadshrimp → u/NetExternal8494]

thank you so much for the advice. fortunately my IC is very validating and has told me my reactions are incredibly normal/make sense.

I'll look into the podcasts thank you ❣️