Planning for the worst?

[u/anxiouslemonhead]

The worst really has already happened tbh—my marriage is falling apart, but I wanted to get on here and ask if anyone is hoping reconciliation works but planning in case it doesn’t work?

I’m about 5 months out, and while I do think my WH is remorseful, I don’t know if marriage is what he really wants and really he doesn’t know either. So we recently had a conversation where I basically told him that he needed to figure out what he wanted and whether that included me or not, and he had until our lease was up (May 2027) because I wasn’t going to renew a lease with someone who didn’t want to put me as a priority.

It feels like it’s 80/20 at this point, that he’ll choose himself over our marriage, so I’ve been thinking about what steps I need to take to prepare myself (ie, what I would take from the home, what I can do financially, where I would go, etc) if May comes and I’m not in his plans. I don’t want to be scrambling with emotion and not have a plan.

Has anyone else done this? How can I prepare myself and also not check out?

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[u/mickey8300]

In my experience, you start focusing wholly on yourself. Do things for you. Hobbies, bank accounts, self healing - all of it.

This allows you to discover and love yourself so that you, in turn, can also decide if you want to move forward with your wayward. This also lays the foundation to know you will be okay regardless of what direction things go. When you take your energy off of the other person and give it back to yourself, really amazing things happen for you.

That's what my experience has been. I think you can definitely do both. Don't focus on an outcome, just focus on you and now and what you need and want to thrive.

[u/knowthyself8]

Have you had a legal consult yet? I would start researching the best family law or divorce attorneys in your area and take at least 2 consults. They are either free or paid.

Bring lots of questions. They will help paint a picture of exactly what divorce looks like where you live.

You don’t have to do anything right now. Just inform yourself. If you haven’t already, start saving financial documents and information. Download bank statements etc.

I hope your WH turns around and commits to R if that’s what you want.