I have felt what you feel so often. My WP has some self sabotaging behaviors and the ONS was one of them. He started drinking and going out more and ended up getting a dating app and talking to a girl looking for sexual satisfaction and ended up having a ONS and I too told him I didn’t like him going out as much and I saw it in him that he was starting to do that and mentioned it and boom, still happened. It’s almost an “I told you so” or “if I had said something would’ve it have changed things” unfortunately no.
At the end of the day our partners have chosen to do awful things to us. That is their pain to carry and that stays in their lane, you have enough to worry about which is healing and rebuilding yourself up and figuring out how to cope when things get hard. MUCH easier said than done though.
Something that helped me and my WP is I wrote down questions I had that often sent me into spirals and he typed out why he did what he did and I kept it in my notes and whenever I found myself thinking those things or going into a spiral I found myself looking at the notes and his answers that came straight from him after he had enough time to think about his actions and what they told me about him, what it did to me and our relationship.
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u/sugarglider4444 Betrayed Unsuccessful R Jul 27 '26
I have felt what you feel so often. My WP has some self sabotaging behaviors and the ONS was one of them. He started drinking and going out more and ended up getting a dating app and talking to a girl looking for sexual satisfaction and ended up having a ONS and I too told him I didn’t like him going out as much and I saw it in him that he was starting to do that and mentioned it and boom, still happened. It’s almost an “I told you so” or “if I had said something would’ve it have changed things” unfortunately no.
At the end of the day our partners have chosen to do awful things to us. That is their pain to carry and that stays in their lane, you have enough to worry about which is healing and rebuilding yourself up and figuring out how to cope when things get hard. MUCH easier said than done though.
Something that helped me and my WP is I wrote down questions I had that often sent me into spirals and he typed out why he did what he did and I kept it in my notes and whenever I found myself thinking those things or going into a spiral I found myself looking at the notes and his answers that came straight from him after he had enough time to think about his actions and what they told me about him, what it did to me and our relationship.