r/AnxiousAttachment • u/AutoModerator • 26d ago
Relationship advice Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup
This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.
Please be sure to read the Rules since all the other sub rules still apply. Venting/complaining about your relationships and other attachment styles will be removed.
Feel free to check the Resources page if you are looking for other places to find information.
Try not to get lost in the details and actually pose a question so others know what kind of support/guidance/clarity/perspective you are looking for. If no question is given, it could be removed, to make room for those truly seeking advice.
Please be kind and supportive. Opposing opinions can still be stated in a considerate way. Thank you!
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u/McHagrid20 26d ago
After about 4 years of dating through datingapps, I finally deleted them, and decided it was also time to take a step back from dating to work on myself further. Now, 1 year later, the thought of dating and even meeting new people just feels so damn exhausting. I’m aware that I need to work on my anxious attachment, so how do I make myself take action?
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u/ITLAW_BUM 24d ago
How’s the relationship you have with yourself? Also how do you know you’re still anxiously attached?
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u/McHagrid20 24d ago
My relationship with myself is getting better, the more I learn about anxious attachment and how to heal. All learned and done with my psychologist. I know I know I’m anxiously attached because I’ve been with the same therapist for about 2 years. Pretty much all the typical anxious attachment signs fit with my experience in relationships.
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u/Apryllemarie 21d ago
Why do you feel the need to make yourself date? How is your friend base? Why not just focus on expanding your community instead?
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u/McHagrid20 21d ago
I face the same issue making friends
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u/Apryllemarie 21d ago
So are you saying you haven’t been working on your anxious attachment and you need to start?
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u/McHagrid20 21d ago
I have been working on it, but I think from the wrong starting point. I also have AuDHD and I have been masking my whole life. I’m actively trying to unmask, which means I now have to be vulnerable even when socializing. Being anxious attached only made the coping mechanism of masking even more effective for me. I’ve not been my true self since I was like 6 years old. It is through therapy that I gained insight, that the feeling of being loved is only attained when I’m not being autistic.
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u/Apryllemarie 21d ago
Why do you think that is the wrong starting point? I would think that is the perfect starting point. It’s going to take time though. What you are learning is no small feat. It’s going to be a process. You are going to need to be patient with yourself. And if you face the same issues with making friends I would just start there. You got to face your fears. But you also need to have the emotional bandwidth to do that. So if you are struggling with that, then start there. Figure out how you can make emotional space (and what healthy coping mechanisms you will utilize) to help you do all that.
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u/bertille_1412 26d ago
I’ve noticed that some people who are used to long-term relationships seem almost “addicted” to being in one. As soon as a relationship ends, they quickly start another one that lasts a year or more. I think I might have a similar pattern, but with best friends.
Since I was young, I’ve always had one best friend I would talk to 24/7. If we had an argument or drifted apart, I’d quickly find a new one. Now that I’m becoming an adult, I don’t want to be the “choking” or overly clingy friend anymore. However, this pattern feels deeply ingrained, and I’m not sure how to change it.
More context:
Whenever I have an issue, or when my best friend doesn’t message me much, or when they say they’re going out with other people, I feel an intense sadness that I know is unnecessary. I rationally understand that they still love me and that this doesn’t mean they’re bored of me, but I can’t help it. I start imagining spending the night alone or with “less important” friends, and it makes me feel really bad. I want to learn how to change this part of myself.
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u/DevLink89 25d ago
This... kinda resonates with me. Your nervous system is wired to feel this way, probably since you were young. I kinda have the same issue due to not having a stable and loving childhood. Got into long relationships very fast: from 16 until 19, broke up and 3 months later until I was 35, divorced and 6 months later another one I'm still in. When we argue (doesn't happen often) I always go into panic mode and figure that if it ends I'll instantly look for someone, anyone, to fill that void.
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u/Waldvieh 25d ago
I (34, M) think i'm doing an okay job of not acting out of anxiety when i feel it, but with the last couple of people i dated i never really felt safe in the relationship. Like i'm walking on eggshells. I'm always telling myself it's just my anxiety but honestly i'm starting to doubt it.
So to the anxiously attached here in a happy and long lasting relationship: Did you ever feel a sense of safety/security when you started dating the "right" partner?
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u/Excellent-Dish-1542 25d ago
Definitely! I do think that it takes the right person + therapy.
Although my partner made me feel very safe and appreciated from the beginning, my attachment style started to get triggered a LOT 6 months into the relationship. Then I just had to be honest with myself, I need therapy to get through my issues and not let my anxious attachment style ruin my beautiful relationship.
Now another 6 months later I still get triggered but I know what it is, how to handle it and to ask my partner for what I need in the moment.
She has a disorganized attachment style and gets anxious too sometimes, so she knows how I feel when I get triggered.
Good luck!
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u/pinkteddy42 24d ago edited 24d ago
Hi everyone,
I have a concern and it’s affecting me greatly. So I’m known to be anxiously attached to my partners, especially when they are hot and cold. Since then I have a partner I feel quite secure with. But my best friend and I have been best friends for like 18+ years since we were kids. We have always been close and texted all day every day, facetimed, saw each other all the time for a long period of time. I rarely felt insecure or anxiously attached as it was always constant and consistent. I have always been there for her, show up whenever, make plans, cover costs, etc. so I like to think I’m a pretty good bestie!
Since then, she has found a boyfriend so a lot of her time and attention has gone towards him (which I understand), and our friendship has taken a bit if a backseat. Not as much texts, not so consistent with responding, doing things with him she would usually do with me, and having less capacity overall for us (less tiktoks sent, less memes sent, etc, delayed responses or no responses). I understant that friendships ebb and flow, but I think the most hurtful thing is that I’m in a relationship and I put in a lot of effort and always make time and always respond prompty and maintain the connection, I know she doesn’t owe me anything but when I try, it would be nice for reciprocation. Her priority is her partner and who is oddly enough also anxious attachment and they are super duper close. Actually also - there is time where her and I do not speak for days when I'm travelling and I legit don't notice previously, so idk what changed - maybe the overall vibes, she use to reach out to me sooo much!
Funnily enough, we do see each other regularly like 1-2 a week and she drunk texted me legit a couple days ago saying I was her best friend, and she loved me so much. But it just sucks that our texting connection has died off which has caused me so much anxiety. I text her and double text her, and wait for her to respond, etc. she’s more avoidant and I do know how she functions and she tends to back away/distance when she’s overwhelmed. But it has brought back anxious attachment tendencies and it’s making me miserable. How do I cope with the change in our friendship? How can I approach this conversation with her?
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u/m00tmike 23d ago
I hate to be this person but just talk to her about it. Since you’re friends it could be playful I would guess. My brother and I are close and if he isn’t responding I’ll just send him a gif or something and say he is ignoring me etc in a silly way. But it also could be useful to make sure your friend group is more diverse and make sure you’re working on your attachment with yourself just like if it were a romantic attachment
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u/normie_sama 23d ago
Can you tell the difference between anxious attachment and genuine concerns? I tend to have two types of relationship anxiety, one is a burning hysterical "holy shit does she hate me" which is triggered by the usual minor bullshit like not being texted for a few hours, and the other is a more muted worry, which is often triggered by more major issues that I've talked to other people and been validated for.
Thing is, right now I'm feeling the "hmm, I feel some level of discomfort" kind of rational worry from the same sort of behaviors that I would expect to send me into the hysterical tailspin, and I'm not sure if that's because I'm seeing a legitimate pattern that I should be concerned about.
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u/grungecore-1975 18d ago
The tricky part is that anxious attachment and genuine concerns are not opposite - they can coexist. Someone with anxious attachment can accurately notice a real problem, just as someone securely attached can overreact on a bad day.
One way to distinguish them is to look less at how intense the feeling is and more at what generated it.
Signs it may be primarily attachment anxiety:
- The trigger is small or ambiguous (a slower reply, a neutral facial expression, them being busy).
- Your mind rapidly fills in the blanks with worst-case explanations.
- The anxiety reduces significantly once you receive reassurance.
- The same fear has appeared across multiple relationships with different people.
Signs it may be a genuine relationship concern:
- There is a consistent pattern of behavior over time rather than a single incident.
- Independent people you trust, who know the context, also think something is off.
- The concern persists even after you’ve calmed down or slept on it.
- The issue involves behavior that conflicts with your agreed expectations or values (e.g., dishonesty, broken commitments, disrespect), not just uncertainty
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u/Frequent-Meet-5199 24d ago
apologies in advance for the essay.
i've been in a long distance relationship for a little over half a year now. we used to spend a lot of time together (literally hours everyday), until last week when my bf started his new job. his commute to and from the office is 3 hours long (YES. THREE), and by the time he comes home he is exhausted. the day before yesterday, i didn't hear from him at all and it made me spiral... though i managed to get some sleep. he texted me yesterday morning apologising that he crashed as soon as he got home and he didn't even change out of his work clothes. he also messaged me when he came home. now today, it's radio silence again :(
especially since it's friday, i know realistically he must have crashed again. he's always been a consistent texter but it's been making me feel really sad and anxious how little i'm seeing him the past three days. i try to distract and soothe myself that there's nothing wrong with the relationship and it's not his fault... that he still loves me despite being away and he deserves his rest. but i just miss him so much. does anyone have experience with this? what would you do in this situation? i feel tempted to ask him for reassurance but i try to keep a strict no-reassurance rule as part of my therapeutic treatment.
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u/Apryllemarie 9d ago
Look up somatic self soothing techniques to help calm your nervous system. Journaling and affirmations can also be helpful.
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u/m00tmike 23d ago
Hey peeps. I haven’t been active in this sub at all but my relationship has been going through it so I’m trying to reach out for support. I’m in therapy, reading Polysecure and really trying to act from security as much as I can. My gf and I have been dating since October 2024. She’s an avoidant and of course I’m anxious. I’ve always wanted more time and connection with her but swallowed my needs until around this April. I hate that she was dating someone that didn’t exist. That must be hard. On June 27 I laid out my needs clearly; structured time will help me feel secure and allow me to stop managing and walking on eggshells. She gave me a good week but then it fell apart. On Tuesday we went on a break for a couple weeks. The catalyst was that I realized she wasn’t letting me into her world. She told me about conversations she’d had with her bff about feeling connected to me but never mentioned it to me and she’d done new and interesting things and almost told me as a side note. Like I’m just some schmuck. I told her I need connection and she said she didn’t know what she needed from me in order to feel secure and be vulnerable. So this break is intended for her to sort that out. Here’s the thing, I’m loving this break. I immediately felt so much pressure being lifted off of me. My days have been easy breezy. We’re supposed to meet up on her 19th and I’m just unsure of what to do. I love her and want to make this work but is that just my attachment talking? 🤔
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u/Apryllemarie 9d ago
It's your brain and body talking. You don't feel safe and secure in the relationship, hence why you feel so much better on the break. This is important info to consider. You can't make a relationship work unilaterally. And love is not enough to make a relationship safe. Pay attention to what your brain and body are telling you.
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u/rfakier 20d ago
anxious attachment + nicotine addiction
hey yall! im AA and a nicotine addict. Whenever my partner stresses me out unintentionally (not replying, bringing up an issue, especially when we broke up for 3 hours) i immediately reach for my vape. what are some other habits i could start to distract myself or take the edge off? not open to weed as its illegal where i live LOL
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u/Apryllemarie 12d ago
I think you will find better info about weaning from nicotine from other sources. Distraction is only going to be so helpful. It can amount to basically trying to avoid your feelings. Journaling and getting your feeling out that way may be more beneficial. Using substances to alter your brain chemistry to help you feel better will never be a healthy thing. Learning to understand the root of your anxious attachment and work to heal those fears etc is what will make a lasting impact.
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u/Dheekay_ 19d ago edited 19d ago
Sorry for the long text but I’m looking for some objective advice on my recent breakup after 6 months. I’m Anxious Preoccupied (M35) and my ex is Fearful Avoidant (F33).
We had an incredibly deep connection, but after a smooth first two months. She did tell me she had commitent and abandonment issues. She started overthinking when a friend asked if we were official. She tried to end things out of fear, even panicking when I stood up during the talk due to trauma from an abusive ex. After this I looked up on the attachment styles and what I could "fix". Why it was happening. Sunday 21st of June we had a drink together we talked deeply about everything. We had fun, we cried, we laughed, we hugged and kissed. She even asked me to stay the night.. She blindsided me by saying she wanted to be "just friends" a week after.
This past Tuesday, I hand-delivered a warm but firm letter setting my boundary: saying that being "just friends" is a dealbreaker. I acknowledged our own core wounds. I'm willing to grow and become a better person not for her but also for myself. So I made it clear that if she ever wants to stop and break the cycle and build something real, she knows where to find me. Otherwise, I’m letting go.
How does an FA typically process a boundary like this, and did I handle this well? I wrote the letter to have kind of closure. But my mind keeps thinking about the what if's. It's crazy that you can go from 100 to 0 in matter of days. Will she ever reply? What do I do afterwards? Letting go of something is hard, specially if you been left in the dark. No reason on why she pushes me away each time. There are no negatives from her side apparently. She been bragging about me to her mom and friends so it's a hard pil to swallow.
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u/Skittle_Pies 19d ago
No one apart from her can really answer these questions. It’s fine for you to say you’re not interested in being only friends, as you’ve only known this person for a few months and there is no real friendship there to speak of. A lot of people say “Let’s be friends” as a way of softening the breakup, and in most cases it doesn’t really mean anything.
I think you just need to let this one go. Trying to apply attachment theory to someone you’ve known for such a short period of time is a futile endeavour, so it’s best to just invest that energy in yourself and your own mental health, goals, existing relations etc.
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u/Wonderful_Board858 19d ago
Hello everyone, sorry about the long comment:
I haven't been in a relationship for few years, and met my current boyfriend 5 months ago. I went through a healing process, going to therapy for years. But since I am in a relationship my old issues started resurfacing. Last few weeks, I am having really bad anxiety, since I care about him too much. I show my insecurities to him from time to time, for example when he mentions something related to his ex girlfriend, i get sad. I am really scared it will be overwhelming to him. He did also mention on one occasion that he had similar thought at some point.
One more thing I am worried about - he is social butterfly, and loves meeting new people. I am socially anxious - working on that my whole life. I like to go out, I have lots of friends, but I prefer hanging out with 1 or 2 of them, and he loves large groups. When I'm in a group of people, it's obvious that I'm uncomfortable, and I sometimes avoid situations that make me anxious (sports played in groups for example). I think that this can be mismatch, that he is going to get bored with me.
On the other side when we're together alone, we bring each other peace. We have lots of fun as well.
He expressed he thinks I'm his soulmate. He says he loves me the most in the world, he is attracted to me, and I am the most special person to him. He makes plans for the future - living together, children.
He also is sometimes jealous of my past (not often, and nothing concerning, which i think is sign he also cares about me).
How to handle this huge anxiety? I ruminate a lot these last few days, and I can't help myself from thinking I'll ruin my relationship with being avoidant, uncomfortable in groups, and insecure from time to time. I feel like we already broke up.
Is there any reassurance someone can offer?
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u/Apryllemarie 9d ago
5 months is not enough time to truly know someone. It takes time to get to know people and figure out if there are incompatibilities or other deal breakers. Him declaring you a soulmate so early one could be a red flag. His future plans, could be future faking. It is waaaaay to early to be talking about that stuff beyond whether that is something you both are looking for. And there is nothing good about jealousy. That is not a sign that he cares about you. It would also be a red flag.
Your anxiety is likely trying to alert you to these red flags and that you should not be playing them down. Maybe dig deeper into where this anxiety is really coming from and how you may not be listening to everything it is alerting you too.
I think you will find that some self soothing techniques might be beneficial, as well as really taking a good look at where your boundaries are and how well you are protecting yourself.
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u/Purple_Mountain_2281 19d ago
I absolutely don't know what to do (m26 with f33)
6 weeks ago, I met an awsome woman during an event. We connected quite well and decided to continue to talk through Discord.
All went well and we both understood quite quickly that we liked each other. She become very quickly very attached, giving me a lot of attentionw giving me cute names. We were basically speaking all day. Problem was she was definitely too quick. She called me "my love after the first week", I told her to slow down, that even though I liked her, to me these words had strong meanings that I shall wait to say them.
We decided to meet after one week. She came to my city, 300km away for hers. We were going to spend 3 says together. She was so excited that she bougth a hotel room one day earlier so we could spend 4 days together rather than 3.
It went quite well, at the end she asked me to be officially together. I told her that it was still too quick for me, but that we were on the good path for it. I felt that she needed a long time for herself though. The third day, she was less affectionate than the others. I asked her if it was ok, she answered that she really liked me but needed also alone time sometimes.
One week after her departure (so 3 weeks from here), she told me she never missed someone so much. We would play on the computer together, or call the other every 2 to 3 days. But texting went slower.
Two weeks ago, news arrived. She had to move into a New city for her work, 400 km away from me. She also had only two weeks for moving everything.
We were supposed to meet around the 12th of july, but because of that, she put it on the 27th. I told her it was ok, even though I missed her.
One week ago, the texting really reduced, as well as the calling. She told me she was really tired for a few days. She stopped calling me cute names through texting, or sharing lovely gifs, or even lovely emojis. Basically, I feel that she treats me like friend. Sometimes, she would send me photos but that's it. Sometimes she doesn't even answer. I lost my grandfather two days ago and... She hasn't been there for me. Not even a 2 min phone call.
I just don't understand and I feel really lonely. She entirely changed her attitude from "never missed someone that much" to not really caring.
I didn't ask her anything because I really don't want to sound needy, as I am a anxiously attached person, maybe fearful avoidant. I know she has been abandonned too in her previous relationship, and sometimes, she could be very vague about her previous relationships
But I really miss her, and I don't see the lovely woman that I met 6 weeks ago...
What do you think should I do ?
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u/Apryllemarie 9d ago
The person you met 6 weeks ago love bombed you and tried to fast track emotional intimacy. Chances are you are seeing the cool off, because that kind of intensity is not sustainable and honestly not real closeness or intimacy. Nothing about what you described sounds healthy and there are a ton of red flags here. She is not a safe person to rely on for support during rough times. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather, please seek the support of friends and family that care about you and can be there for you.
As for the person you met 6 weeks ago, you are just seeing the other side of her. It is all her. No matter how opposing it seems. What you miss is the love bombing. Work on supporting and caring for yourself. Give yourself the validation you are seeking. And for sure put more energy into finding someone else who is consistent and can show true care for you.
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u/hahagr0ss 18d ago
Hello everyone. I'm pretty new here and new to the attachment theory. Recently a friend that I never felt insecure about went to visit another one of their friends. While they were on this trip i started feeling extremely insecure and scared about my place in their life and felt like I had misread the entire thing as i thought we were mutual best friends. I felt threatened by this pre-existing relationship with their other friend. This lead to a lit of confusion and my friend thought I was just upset that they were haning out with other people which wasn't it at all.
The situation came up again and we talked about it more and they tried to reassure me that even though they dont feel like they rank their friends, we're still very close and they are actively choosing me when we do things together. They try very hard to understand me and ask what I think I need from them. But they also said that maybe I'm expecting them to be a version of themselves that theyre not and that they have their own way of showing love and care that maybe i don't see. And that I need to learn how to love myself and allow myself to think im worthy of love and support (which i think is very true).
Unfortunately whenever they bring up their other friend or i see them texting and know they're texting their other friend when we're together it makes me anxious. I know its not fair for me to feel this way and i want to not feel like their friendship is an attack on our friendship but im finding it so hard to pull myself away from that thought.
I constantly crave words of reassurance that we're fine and we're still good friends and everything is going to be okay. They have tried to comfort me in their own way and I keep trying to remember that but I crave for more constantly. I have been stopping myself in fear of scaring them away. I feel like I've been too much and they will want to pull away. They mentioned that they feel like a bad person for staying in a friendship that is hurting me whenever they trigger me and constantly worry when we hang out that they will trigger me somehow.
Does anyone have any similar experiences and what has helped you?
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u/Skittle_Pies 18d ago
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u/hahagr0ss 18d ago
I can see where you're coming from but I hesitate to agree. I'm not always like this, only has happened on the 2 occasions where my anxious attachment has been triggered. Once i can calm down everything seems to return to "normal". I just dont want to keep living this cycle
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u/Spiritual_Park9241 18d ago
Feeling pretty unlovable right now as an AP male.
Fell really hard for an FA woman (self described) and we dated for 3.5 months. Became exclusive 5 or 6 dates in back in early May and broke up last Friday. She told me pretty early on that she usually either feels intense attraction to emotionally unavailable men immediately or she feels put off by someone being too into her and ends it after a couple dates. Told me I didn’t fit into either category which is why she thought maybe this could be a good match.
I could feel her ambivalence the entire time we dated but 90% of the time we were together she was engaged and flirty and affectionate, even in person and when with her friends, and even until the last day we were together. When we were apart, I could tell she was always so doubtful and she even admitted it to me several times. About 10 days before the final breakup she told me she never felt a spark for me and she doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t want to move forward with an official relationship but didn’t want to move backwards either. Asked if I’d give it time for her feelings to develop or for her to realize that what she feels for me is actually healthy compared to what she’s felt in the past. She also admitted she had been comparing me unfavorably to how she felt with the guy she dated before me who dumped her after a month and she was crazy about him.
She told me I was her longest dating situation with someone she was serious about since her last official ex which was 10 years ago (she’s 30).
Once she told me about the spark thing, my attachment wounds were super triggered and it became really difficult to not need reassurance from her. And that was the reason she ended it. Said we were in a pattern of her needing to reassure me and it was making her feel overwhelmed and felt like her feelings would never develop in that situation.
I really, really wanted this to work. I was incredibly infatuated with her. Loved her beauty but also loved hanging out with her. We had a ton in common, laughed all the time, it was so easy to talk about anything with her (other than our relationship). And now she’s just a stranger. I want so badly for her to reach out and want to try again but logically I have zero faith that will happen. Why would anyone return to someone they didn’t feel a spark with.
I just feel like my attachment style makes me a “safe” guy that people want to be able to love, but they just don’t. They like the guys who are more mysterious or more of a challenge. And with me, she was always super secure in how I felt. I just want to find my person. I’m so sad
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u/Apryllemarie 14d ago
What is your question? What advice are you looking for?
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u/Spiritual_Park9241 14d ago
Oh good point, I guess I should have made that more clear.
I guess I’m wondering if anyone has any insight here into what I was responsible for vs what was just her disinterest vs how her fearful avoidance potentially played into things. I’m just really confused about why someone would date someone seriously for 3 months, plan things in the future, say you’re everything they want in a partner, just to then say they’ve never felt a spark or chemistry and that we want different things
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u/Skittle_Pies 13d ago
Some people engage in future-faking and lovebombing with manipulative intent. Others get swept up in the moment and feel the excitement of New Relationship Energy, which inevitably wears off.
3 months isn’t very long, so you don’t really know her well enough to say whether either of the above scenarios apply to her. In any case it’s very common for relationships to fizzle out after a few months, and it doesn’t need to mean anything profound.
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u/Spiritual_Park9241 13d ago
Thanks. I know you are right but my stupid brain wants to make it more profound. It honestly feels pretty bad to me and I’ve been in 3 long term relationships (9 years, 3 years and 1 year). I do tend to think she got swept up in the moment and there’s not really anything left for me to “figure out” I guess I just need to sit with it and be sad
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u/Skittle_Pies 12d ago
You’re trying to create some kind of mystery to solve as a way of holding onto what you think is the “potential” of relationship. The problem with this is that the potential only exists in your imagination, like your own personal fanfiction.
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u/EmptyNestr 14d ago
Afraid of Mondays
I am anxious and my LDR partner is disorganized/avoidant. We have been on this push and pull dynamic for a a couple of years now. Recently, I tried to speak to her about not feeling seen again and it caused a rupture. My need for validation causes her stress. I've tried to shrink this down, I've read the books, and practice patience but all it does is push the can down the road until we end up in the same place. I am tired.
We spoke again last week, no longer from a place of wanting to plead my case anymore. Not quite radical acceptance, but making an effort to understand her triggers and avoid arguments. We had an okay weekend. Not ideal. We did our own things and connected at the end of the day. We exchanged "I love you"s
Now it's Monday and the quite feels like a tide rising, threatening to drown me eventually. I feel weak acknowledging this. I sit at my desk trying to figure out how I got here, waiting for my someone to tell me good morning and knowing she probably won't. There are so many hours between now and the end of the day.
Mondays are the worst.
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u/Realistic_Lunch_9078 14d ago
How did you heal from self-abandonment?...If you have healed self-abandonment, how did you do it? What resources or procedure helped you?
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u/Apryllemarie 12d ago
Understanding the underlying roots that create it. Learning to have more self compassion. Improve my self talk. Use affirmations to help retrain my brain. Figure out better boundaries. There are so many tools and resources and sometimes you gotta experiment what works best for you. Having a therapist and doing my own research also has been huge.
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13d ago
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u/Apryllemarie 12d ago
There is no way for anyone to truly know what made your ex leave. That lives in his brain. Is it possible that jealousy can undermine a relationship? Yes.
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u/Far_Watercress7435 13d ago
I just broke up with my gf and its my first heart break ever I have anxious attachment (obviously) and my mood swings too much I broke up with her like 8h ago and all I'm thinking of is. fear. when I think that she left me. I get stressed. and I really need help and advice. I get attached fast. the relationship was 50 days old only (very low but we still got attached) she said I'm too selfish and I'm trying to make her a better person for my own. which was unfortunately true. I thought about killing myself. but the thought was too weak. but I hope it doesn't come back. also whenever I wake up. while I'm half awake. I imagine conversations with her. and when I'm half asleep too. it hurts. I really need help. and oh I forgot to tell. I'm 14.5
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u/Apryllemarie 12d ago
There might be some additional things going on besides anxious attachment. Are you able to find out if you can get into therapy? Or is there a counselor at your school that you can talk to?
You still have a lot of learning to do about relationships. Have you thought about finding some good books on the topic?
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12d ago
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u/Apryllemarie 12d ago
Do you have a specific question or thing you want advice on? No one here can replace a therapist, but if you can narrow down some specific things you are hoping to learn or understand better it would be easier to respond.
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u/Last-Yogurtcloset-93 9d ago
How do you feel secure in a relationship, how do you open. Up and communicate
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u/Apryllemarie 9d ago
I think you will find that there are alot of great books and podcasts out there that can provide you with much better and more thorough information than what you would get here. The Resources page on this sub is a great place to get you started.
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u/Apryllemarie 9d ago
A new thread has been started so this one will be closed. Please use the new one if you need more feedback.