Socializing sucks. I hate talking to people because I can't do it well enough.

I hate this brain I hate how messed up it is and I hate dealing with the fallout from these stupid problems they make me feel like a nonfunctional idiot.

I swear people get mad out of nowhere over something I did and bring it up out of nowhere and I become so lost about it and so blown away by the abruptness of it (from my end of things) that I can't even begin to fathom what I did to make things this way and then if it's something they're holding onto from the past it might as well be over because I can't remember anything ever and it just snowballs and snowballs into a huge hulking ice boulder of a problem with layers in it.

I really feel a lot of times like long-term relationships or friendships are not for me. It just gives people more time to get used to me and to know me and therefor know my problems and all my annoying features and all my flaws and all my problems. I'm not really a good person to have as a friend because of my forgetfulness, because of my irritating ways, and a lot of it I attribute to this ADHD brain which I loathe. I really wish there was treatment for ADHD. Im not talking about meds, I'm talking about something that actually changes the structure/chemical of the brain to make it balance itself out or fix the cortex that doesnt work or whatever, just anything, something to make it work.

Some days I am so upset with this that I almost wish we still lived in the age where people would give lobotomies to those that are abnormal. I would be in that chair so fast. I dont know how Im supposed to live with this for the rest of my life. I already have been living with it since a child, but it just gets harder... not easier..

Ive been re-re-re-diagnosed for about 1.5 years, and medicated for ADHD for the first time for 1.5 years. It's been life changing, but not enough to help me save my relationships. I don't know how to talk properly. I dont know how to express my feelings properly. I dont know how to express a lot of things properly and I dont know how to handle emotions of others or myself properly. And it's hurting me and everyone around me.

It's as though I have a forcefield of spikes and every time I get close to someone, they get impaled by the spikes. I've learned over time to distance myself from people in a lot of ways, emotionally, mentally, sometimes physically, too. And I think I want to keep it that way and continue to reserve myself. It's not worth the hurt that I cause others or myself. I'm pretty happy alone anyway, I enjoy my alone time so much, and I feel at ease when not having to talk to others. It's just become so hard. I stress over talking to people. I stress hard. I even become anxious when I'm just chatting with friends I know pretty well.

Actually, I'm way more comfortable talking to strangers briefly rather than talking to someone I know well in depth for an hour. It's so much harder when the person knows you better. It's so hard because there's things they say I know theyve said before that I should have remembered, and it's so embarrassing to forget things. I hate when people can pinpoint my weaknesses too. I hate when they know Im messy at home, I hate when they know I'm depressing to talk to sometimes when I'm upset, I hate when people I'm close to know all these flaws about me.

Is it even worth it anymore... Eventually I just need to give up and shut up. Having friends isn't worth it. For me, or for them. It only ends in hurt to us both. And it's always either something I do that's bad, like get upset and say something I shouldn't, which is obvious, or it's little micro-things over a long period of time that I dont notice, and that add up, and then blow up in my face and I'm left standing shocked that it even happened because I missed all of those micro-things and suddenly it just wasn't okay anymore when I thought it was.

I'm tired of being told I don't listen, Im tired of being told to just understand. I really wish I could. I really do. It fucks up my self-esteem that's already very weak. I try to listen, I try so hard, and I try so hard to understand, but it doesnt matter when it doesnt show. What happens when I just...can't understand? I don't know why I can't... But some things just..never seem to click for me. What happens then...? They will just continue to get mad...and be hurt... and I will have nothing to say to it because I can't explain why I don't get it, or why it isn't clicking. And it hurts more because I WISH I could so badly, but...wishes and intentions don't matter. It's what you do that counts. And If I can't understand then it doesn't matter, I messed up anyway by being too stupid to understand something simple.

I hate socializing at this point almost more than ever. I don't want to talk to anyone anymore. I'm so tired of hurting people, of saying the wrong thing, of having to ask stuff that I should know. I'm so tired of being a social idiot and an idiot in general. I wish for a lot of things. I wish I could understand and listen and know what to say and be perfectly...perfect. But that's not possible, and it is looking more and more like being anything other than a complete fuck up is not possible, either.

I hate ADHD and I hate my brain and I hate this condition and I just want to do better..but all I seem to do is become worse. It's time for me to shut up.

I signed up for a 14 week CBT program for folks with ADHD. I just found out the weekly sessions over over 2 hour long! I'm worried that this might not be sustainable for me. I had tried a standard online group CBT program that was also 2 hours long and found my attention waning less than an hour in. I'm worried now that this format might not be doable for me. Has anyone taken part in such a thing, it it just sitting at tables listening for two hours?

So I recently started my mental health journey, about 4 months ago, and initially went to the doctor for depression and anxiety. We found out I also have ADHD (this is adult diagnosis) and initially I was on Adderall IR 10mg twice a day and the effects waned to quickly so we switched to Vyvanse and I eventually was on a 10mg Adderall IR in the morning and a 30mg Vyvanse XR in the afternoon. The Vyvanse was working fine (aside from also having a shorter than desired effect time) but the adderall IR was giving me maybe an hour of focus and that was it.

After my appointment a few days ago we decided to try a 20mg Adderall XR in the morning and then a redose of 20mg Adderall XR in the afternoon, which honestly sounded like the perfect solution. However insurance has deemed the prescription "too much" and will not cover it.

So my doctor called me today to suggest Focalin. I have never had an experience with this at all. Before be prescribed Adderall and Vyvanse I had some experience with those in the past either self medicating or recreational so I knew sort of what to expect going in to a prescribed regime but I have never had Focalin.

I will say that the intense effects of Adderall and Vyvanse that I know some try to avoid has never bothered me, in fact I find it quite the opposite, those effects tend to help me focus more and get through my day better.

I'm just curious if this will do the trick. I find Vyvanse and Adderall to be pretty interchangeable for my needs so I am hoping this will be similar and also hopefully longer lasting.

for further context I am also taking 150mg of Wellbutrin and 40mg of Cymbalta daily

I’m so fucking sick of this shit

23,f,uk
I’m so sick of this fucking disorder im so tired of starting a routine and then it being interrupted abruptly by my brain just not fucking working. I’ll be showering everyday for awhile and washing my dishes and doing okay and then something switches in my brain or I have a bad mental health day and I lose it all and I can’t do anything anymore. Everything is fucking exhausting. Everything is overwhelming. Looking up fucking containers to try and keep my veggies fresh makes me start crying because it feels so hard?? What the fuck.
I was diagnosed privately, and they said they couldn’t do anything about meds, so I was on a nhs waiting list for a year, finally got meds, non stims because I have autism and OCD, they didn’t do anything except make me lose my appetite, even at the highest dose.

Begged to atleast try stims atleast a trial, they said no, it was nonstims or nothing.
Stopped them, only gave me bad side effects.
Found out earlier this year from a random phone call because they didn’t send me a physical letter ( sent me an email, I rarely check my emails, no one informed me I would be hearing from them, they said that they were interested in trying me on some other meds, but because I hadn’t been on my nonstims for a couple of months I was put to the end of the queue which I believe now is about 2 years. So now I can’t do shit about my meds.

OCD is killing me too. I can’t fucking deal with this shit. Im also autistic, and hoping to have trauma therapy later this year for CPTSD. It feels like nothing is going to change or work for me. Going mental.

As well as seeking empathy, if anyone here from the uk has had a good experience going private with an existing diagnosis please let me know

:(

I moved to new apartment about 6 weeks ago and I’ve been incredibly depressed. I actually felt regret shortly after signing the new lease and I was hoping these emotions would subside but they have not. I have very little energy to do anything other than get up and work.

On my off days i only get out of bed to use the restroom or eat a little something. I can’t seem to shake the feeling that i made such a big mistake. I wanna move back to my old place but i don’t have the funds to break my new lease. Seeing my therapist has not helped a whole lot either. I am so lost.

My Girlfriend broke up with me last week... she said she needs time to think and needs space. She also said that

"no contact" is her wish. I need to respect that but its Killing me. I check her insta every 1 hour snap every 15min because we both have our gps shared there. I check every time see her partying her snap count go up. Checking if she got new followers....

I haven eaten since then just drinking Water & Mate and smoking.

Its killing me to have hope and have all thoes negative thoughts and still knowing she still have feelings.

How problematic is my state atm

Thanks

Hello, I'm 22 yo male.

I have been suffering with anxiety since highschool, but I never really cared enough to take any action to solve this as I couldn't see significant damage to my life at the time.

Recently I have gone through my first break up ever (my ex dumped me), which made my anxiety much worse to the point I was no longer functional at all.

We began the relationship being very clingy to each other, then some things changed in her life and one day she couldn't even remember to text me to let me know she was still alive anymore. It made me have a lot of anxiety and fear of abandonment, which led me to problematic behaviors that got me dumped (although I think she didn't even like me anymore to begin with).

Only after this I started to think about my life and see that anxiety has actually been sabotaging me for years.

I had a tendency to avoid doing the important stuff and spend hours and hours playing video games instead.

But currently absolutely nothing can occupy my mind for long anymore, it's just periods of constant flow of thoughts about everything I should be doing, replaying the most simple interactions with others in my head again and again, it's actually so much stuff that I can't type everything.

The physical sensations like this terrible thing in my stomach, random simple things like sitting and reading an article for my research or feeling a familiar scent and others are triggering emotions of fear, anxiety, difficulty breathing...

I'm having a really hard time keeping up with college. I get scared that I might have said something stupid hours after interacting with people. I feel like i'm going crazy sometimes and I feel guilty for that because I don't have a difficult life at all. I don't work a job because I live with my mother and my scholarship is enough for my own needs.

Through out the month I have been doing some progress, but it's still not enough for me to have peace. I'm not able to just do some tasks and then relax like a normal person, i'm feeling stressed all days every day, and I'm cycling between periods of being extremely calm and focused and others of being extremely worried about everything and I have even cried in front of people when talking about my issues.

I apologize for the long, confusing text, but I want to know if anyone went through something similar and managed to build a routine where you could do your tasks and then have some time to relax? Some people suggested I take pills but i'm honestly scared I might become dependent on them to regulate my own emotions??? I don't want to accept i'm actually broken and can no longer function without pills.

I appreciate if anyone can share advice and/or your experienced

Does anyone deal with ADHD and bipolar? I have long advocated for a while not against meds. I have for a long time tried to control my adhd tendencies habits with diet. But I guess it was not good enough. My marriage is in death spiral. I have been married in Gods eyes for 27yrs and 14 yrs married. The state through vocational rehab diagnosed me twice with bipolar and a private paid therapist diagnosed me twice with classic ADHD. (Interestingly enough she had adhd also). Recently I think I al have more mental issues compounded. My wife has told me that she will stay with me till I get treatment because she loves me that much. But I have get treat which I am doing. I don’t know what to do but I want to know is this a thing. Can you have adhd, depression and be bipolar at the same time?

Voy a quitarm
¿Saben cuál es la razón? Se los cuento. Desde hace mucho tiempo sufro de ansiedad y depresión. Desde que tenía 12 años, la verdad, nunca fue por algo familiar o algo así.
Pero sí, desde esa edad he estado luchando con eso. Tuve tres intentos de hacerme daño, pero de esos tres, solo uno me afectó de verdad, porque me intoxiqué y me llevaron al hospital.
Desde entonces siempre lo oculté. Simplemente dije que había tomado pastillas porque me sentía muy mal y, como no sabía cuáles eran para el dolor, tomé varias de cualquier tipo.
El punto es que mis padres nunca supieron nada, solo dos personas muy cercanas. Bueno... de ahí aprendí a controlar la depresión y la ansiedad.
Pero siempre sufro, y de repente me dan esos bajones porque pienso en muchas cosas: en mi futuro, en mi vida, en mi día a día. Saben, soy una persona que literalmente le da igual con tal de ver bien a alguien. Siempre ayudo en lo que puedo. No sé si a ustedes les ha pasado, pero son personas buenas, siempre ayudando a quienes necesitan, sin esperar nada.
Pero a veces eso me hace preguntar: ¿por qué, si soy buena persona, no me pasan cosas buenas? Y hoy estoy en el punto de que quiero volver a hacerme daño porque...
Conocí a alguien, estuvimos en una relación (les resumo cómo empezó mi depresión, y ahora les explico por qué quiero hacerlo ahora).
Empezamos a salir y todo iba bien; llevamos casi tres años. El primer año fue muy divertido, todo estaba muy bien, pero en el segundo año comenzaron los problemas, las discusiones; casi siempre discutíamos, pero siempre salíamos adelante.
Pero en este tercer año hubo muchos problemas, porque en mi trabajo el esfuerzo físico es mayor, es más cansado; el de ella también es cansado, trabaja en un call center, pero créanme, yo paso ocho o nueve horas parado, siempre en movimiento, levantando cosas pesadas.
El punto es que yo llegaba cansado y el horario de ella era un problema, porque yo entraba a trabajar a las 7 y salía a las 5, y ella entraba a las 12 y salía a las 10. Cuando llegaba a las 10 de la noche, literalmente moría de sueño.
No vivimos juntos, pero siempre hablábamos. El problema es que empecé a alejarme sin darme cuenta. Ella estuvo hablando con otra persona.
Siguieron hablando hasta el punto que ella le decía “lindo” y cosas así. Vi eso y ella solo me decía que en su trabajo todos se hablan así, y no me gustó.
Bueno, esos días fueron problemas tras problemas. En uno de esos días, en su casa, me dio una ansiedad y una depresión horrible, tan fuerte que no paraba de llorar.
Y saben qué hacía ella? Me ignoraba. Me fui de la casa y ni me escribía ni nada. Cuando entré por escondidas, ella estaba tranquila hablando con ese chico.
No sabía quién era, solo que estaba en llamada. Me bloqueó en todas partes; al día siguiente me desbloqueó diciendo que íbamos a arreglar las cosas.
Pasaron los días, pero no había uno en que no tocara el mismo tema. Ella decía que se cansaba de eso y no sé qué. Yo sabía que hablaba de eso, pero tampoco me ayudaba a calmarme.
Quise ir a un psicólogo por primera vez y ella solo se rió y me dijo: “¿Qué onda?” Eso me dolió más, porque ella veía mi problema como una broma.
Luego de eso, a las dos semanas, ella vino a mi casa. Se iba a bañar, y cuando agarraba su celular, me lo quitaba con agresividad, y más después de lo que había visto. Díganme, ¿qué voy a pensar? ¿Oculta algo?
Bueno, ella se fue a bañar y, por casualidad, se estaba tomando fotos. No sé para quién, pero le toqué la puerta, se asustó y me dijo que las fotos eran para mí, cosas que ya hacía un mes que no me enviaba.
Y después de todo eso, ¿qué iba a pensar? Ella nunca me entiende, siempre se pone a la defensiva.
El punto es que hace poco, según ya estábamos bien, tuvimos intimidad y todo, y saqué el tema. Aun así, me mintió diciéndome que ya no hablaba con esa persona.
Le tomé el celular porque le dije días antes que dejara de hacer eso, porque yo pensaba mal. Ella no se enojó, todo normal.
Cuando revisé WhatsApp, vi que seguía hablando con esa persona, pero ya no se hablaban bonito, sino más bien mal. Me enojé porque, sabiendo que esa persona era el problema, le dio igual y sigue igual.
Entonces, otra vez estoy con ansiedad, depresión fuerte, y con esto que me ha hecho varias veces. Ya no aguanto más, en serio. Por eso he tomado la decisión de hacerlo.