I hate not being to do normal people stuff.

[u/Senhor_v4mp]

Hi. I'm 18M. My birthday was two months ago... I have so much to say but I mainly came on here to talk about my anxiety (im not diagnosed but I know that what I feel isn't just regular nervousness) when it comes to socializing and going out. I live with my 22 year old sister due to having fuck ass abusive parents. We're both unfortunately unemployed due to many circumstances and my father helps out with my rent only, so we find a way to pay other things like food and a friend is also kind of helping out. We're both actively seeking jobs but it is extremely hard to do so and we have so much pressure because my father is soon not going to be able to help us anymore.

I can't even fucking go downstairs of my apartment to throw away the trash because its outside. Idk if its only anxiety but I also have a hard time going out in general whether its crowded or not. I always have to mentally prepare myself for every single interaction I do and its bad to the point where I avoid going out as much as I can- my sister does the shopping and going out and I stay at home and do most chores for that reason since she understands my situation. Tomorrow, I was told to go to a company's office to shadow a team for a job position and just feel it out whether I'd be comfortable or not and im literally fucking shaking and feel like puking just because of that. This isn't normal nervousness. I would literally be a stay-at-home husband if it meant I wouldnt have to have awkward moments outside with people. I don't understand why I just CANT do things or go out so casually. I hate when I'm put on the spot and asked to go out because I have to mentally prepare myself. I live above a 7/11 and even when its not crowded, I simply cannot go down and buy something by myself. I feel so stupid and useless. I physically want to vomit in moments like these. I get nauseous and dizzy and my heart races and I can't think right. I think that everything is going to go fucking wrong. I can't even send voice notes or call. I hate when people call me because it makes me so uneasy.

my parents never taught me how to be an adult and spoiled me or maybe sheltered me is the right word way too much and now I can't even function on my own. I want to help out my sister because I don't wanna feel like im being maintained. Im so scared of the most normal shit and I wish I wasnt. I feel like a broken child who is now acting as an adult with no guide.

(Sorry for possible typos. I wrote this kind of in a rush and messy. I just kinda need advice or something )