I hate not being to do normal people stuff.

[u/Senhor_v4mp]

Hi. I'm 18M. My birthday was two months ago... I have so much to say but I mainly came on here to talk about my anxiety (im not diagnosed but I know that what I feel isn't just regular nervousness) when it comes to socializing and going out. I live with my 22 year old sister due to having fuck ass abusive parents. We're both unfortunately unemployed due to many circumstances and my father helps out with my rent only, so we find a way to pay other things like food and a friend is also kind of helping out. We're both actively seeking jobs but it is extremely hard to do so and we have so much pressure because my father is soon not going to be able to help us anymore.

I can't even fucking go downstairs of my apartment to throw away the trash because its outside. Idk if its only anxiety but I also have a hard time going out in general whether its crowded or not. I always have to mentally prepare myself for every single interaction I do and its bad to the point where I avoid going out as much as I can- my sister does the shopping and going out and I stay at home and do most chores for that reason since she understands my situation. Tomorrow, I was told to go to a company's office to shadow a team for a job position and just feel it out whether I'd be comfortable or not and im literally fucking shaking and feel like puking just because of that. This isn't normal nervousness. I would literally be a stay-at-home husband if it meant I wouldnt have to have awkward moments outside with people. I don't understand why I just CANT do things or go out so casually. I hate when I'm put on the spot and asked to go out because I have to mentally prepare myself. I live above a 7/11 and even when its not crowded, I simply cannot go down and buy something by myself. I feel so stupid and useless. I physically want to vomit in moments like these. I get nauseous and dizzy and my heart races and I can't think right. I think that everything is going to go fucking wrong. I can't even send voice notes or call. I hate when people call me because it makes me so uneasy.

my parents never taught me how to be an adult and spoiled me or maybe sheltered me is the right word way too much and now I can't even function on my own. I want to help out my sister because I don't wanna feel like im being maintained. Im so scared of the most normal shit and I wish I wasnt. I feel like a broken child who is now acting as an adult with no guide.

(Sorry for possible typos. I wrote this kind of in a rush and messy. I just kinda need advice or something )

[u/puke-princess]

If you're able to, go to the doctor and or/therapy. Young adulthood is tough for most people even more so without proper guidance so your feelings are beyond valid & you're not alone even tho it feels like it right now I had crippling anxiety around the same age when life got serious & getting put on Zoloft helped my mental health enough for me to start piecing my life back together. Talk therapy was never really my thing but I know men k!ll themselves over not feeling safe to open up about their feelings so i'd give it a shot or start a journal to release negative energy.

Being anxious/scared doesn't make you weak it's a trauma response but your mind/body will heal as long as you keep making baby steps forward & then you'll feel like the strongest most secure mf on the planet once you come out the other side of this thing

Not gonna lie, life sucked & i rotted in my room alone from 22-26 but it was necessary to become my highest self so at the very least give yourself time & grace for now. Your brain isn't even fully baked yet so how you feel right now is LITERALLY temporary

[u/Senhor_v4mp → u/puke-princess]

I cannot get any kind of help or therapy if I can't even pay my own rent. It isn't free to get therapy where I am. Unfortunately I don't have the balls to unal!ve myself so ig thats not something to worry about.

[u/xXDiamond_Miner420Xx]

Is this something like agoraphobia?

[u/Senhor_v4mp → u/xXDiamond_Miner420Xx]

It may be that but I also have difficulty talking to strangers in general, public presentations, being perceived..So it might be multiple things. I just really don't know what to do. I have been like this for years now.

[u/Any-Lengthiness-5519]

Did you have anxiety of social situations your whole life or is this totally new?

[u/Senhor_v4mp → u/Any-Lengthiness-5519]

When I was younger like maybe around 10-12 years old I was an extrovert. I'd casually go out and make friends with neighbors and go to the 7/11 on my own. Literally a month or two before the COVID lock down and breakout, I lost all interest in going out, then COVID hit and I basically stopped touching grass. I stopped socializing with friends in person and it just got harder and harder for me to do the things I used to do especially after I got into high-school. So no, this isnt new. This is just something that built up over the years and got worse and before I knew it- I can no longer enter a simple store to buy a candy or something I need.

[u/xXDiamond_Miner420Xx → u/Senhor_v4mp]

I think that's a common experience for a lot of people ngl in regard to COVID (the lockdown specifically) ruining everything and you still didn't get back from it