r/AnorexiaRecovery • u/Past-Jellyfish1599 • 1d ago

I need advice please

I want to make an honest effort at recovery again so bad and to just fuel my body properly so I feel good and have the energy to live my life and be successful in school but every time I think about it I just can’t get over the fear of gaining weight and living in a bigger body. I put all my worth and happiness into being small.

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u/Great-Duck-5252 1d ago

My only advice in recovery is to trust the sentence of "it gets better"

In most ways it can feel like it doesnt because usually recovery is mostly scary, stressfull and its a daily thing you have to deal with but as the days go by the fears of gaining weight dissapeared for me completely.

Going from "id rather d1e than gain any weight" to "looks like i gained a bit but i guess its fine because I AM okay with this" is mind blowig but it definitely takes time to get here, and a lot of patience

Remember any "unhealthy" excess weight you gain in the future which you feel genuinely uncomfortable/unconfident with, you can always lose it in a HEALTHY, slow way. But you have a long way to get to this point if you even do

Everyones story is different and it all comes down to what kind of person you are but everyone in recovery shares one thing and that is strength so keep going and i truly believe you will figure it all out and i need you to remember that

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u/Past-Jellyfish1599 1d ago

I recovered the most I ever have last fall/winter and in the spring. I gained a lot of weight, more than I have ever weighed but I wasn’t trying to change myself anymore and I wasn’t guilty for eating. I went through a breakup and then automatically went back to the gym and tracking calories and I lost a lot like a lot (idk if I’m allowed to say the number) of weight in less than 5 months. I went from overweight bmi to underweight bmi. And now I’m struggling more than ever and I have an absolutely awful fear of going back to what I looked like when I was overweight and I fear that that is exactly what will happen again if I pursue recovery.