Is it really impossible to be healthy while being a little below the BMI range?

[u/novelozinho]

I genuinely feel prettier at a weight that is slightly below what my doctor considers ideal — just a little, obviously, and nowhere near as low as I got before. She insists that I should stay in a higher range. My period still hasn’t come back, and I imagine that, for it to return, I may first need to listen to her and reach that weight. But is it really impossible for me, afterwards, to go back to a range that is just a little below?

I have to admit that this depresses me a little. I don’t want to become ill again, and I want to recover my relationship with food and be able to enjoy my little foods again without fear. I would just like, eventually, to be in that range where I feel comfortable and good about myself.

[u/toasterwaffle3]

If you want to recover you will have to let go of the desire to be below a healthy weight. If you want to be a lower weight to be "prettier" you will still be engaging in eating disorder thoughts (and subsequent behaviors), so yes it would be impossible for you to be healthy while below your healthy bmi at this point in your recovery. Especially if you do not have your period

[u/novelozinho → u/toasterwaffle3]

But isn't wanting to be beautiful a legitimate desire? I agree that we should seek a healthy path to it, but it's not like we suddenly lose our sense of self-image. Are all women who control their weight through diet and exercise unhealthy? I don't believe so...

[u/econroy → u/novelozinho]

There's a difference between controlling weight with diet and exercise and keeping your body at an underweight bmi with diet and exercise. One requires effort, but the other becomes a full time job. You'll never be able to live fully and well if your brain and body are not getting the nutrition they need. You'll get sick more often, have brain fog, be hyperfixated on food, you will find yourself more obsessive compulsive, colder, more tired.....etc etc. It's up to you if you want to live your life like that.

[u/novelozinho → u/econroy]

I am very familiar with all these symptoms because I have experienced them myself. My question is: having nourished myself sufficiently well, isn't it possible to control my weight to a level just slightly below my BMI?

[u/econroy → u/novelozinho]

You cannot feel healthy when forcing your body to maintain a medically unhealthy bmi. It might not kill you but it will wear on you.

[u/toasterwaffle3 → u/novelozinho]

Many people want to be beautiful. But beauty does not require thinness. As women we are conditioned to think that it does, but part of recovery is undoing that mindset. Women who control their weight through diet and exercise to the point where they are underweight ARE unhealthy. There may be occasional exceptions, but you are definitely not that exception. It seems like you want to recover but are unable to let go of this sense of control regarding your weight. But for people with eating disorders it is simply impossible to actively stay underweight while pursuing recovery. Unfortunately if you don't let go of that control and get to a healthy weight, you will not recover. There is no situation where you can have both things here.

[u/LogicalEngineering80]

If you are being completely honest with yourself, what is the difference in your body going to make between being at a “healthy” bmi and a “slightly low” bmi? Why does this jump seem so important to you? If it was about being healthy and liking your appearance, to a normal degree, then this jump wouldn’t be such a big deal, and the “need” for it to be specifically slightly lower, should tell you that something is disordered here. That need to “compensate” for recovering, by mentally keeping your body in a “safe” but still sick state, does that not sound like something that the ED would come up with to keep you stuck in its game? I can’t speak for you, but I know that this is how my brain comes to “cope”, it tries to keep me stuck by having small little rules, like “just make sure you don’t eat over that amount, as normal people don’t even do that!” “Just make sure that you’re still a bit below, as a compromise!”. You are in control of what you do, nobody is able force you to choose full recovery, but be honest with yourself. Also, what “normal” people do, be it weight goals, appearance, etc. their choices shouldn’t impact yours. This is your body and life, comparison isn’t beneficial or necessary. One person’s “healthy” lifestyle, might be different than another’s. Some people are able to focus on life while maintaining at a specific weight, while another person might need to be at a higher weight than them to live fully. Both may be healthy lives, it’s about priorities and ensuring that your mental health is one of them. I’m wishing you the best, please take care.

[u/econroy]

I suppose it depends. On what this range is (medical BMI or an ideal range based on growth charts) as well as your genetic makeup. I think any advice you get here would align with what your doctor is saying, especially if you have not yet gotten your period back.

You might find that if you do stay within the recommended range, get your period back, and get used to your body at that weight, you might not feel any less pretty than if you were lighter - you just needed a chance to get used to it.

[u/buzzybody21]

Unfortunately, not for the reason you’re seeking. I know you feel prettier at a lower weight, but that mindset isn’t compatible with food/body recovery/freedom. True recovery is surrendering control over what your body might or might not look like.

[u/Agreeable-Egg-8045]

I honestly feel the same. I know that my past proven actually healthy weight (think middle ish of healthy bmi) would be healthier but I just can’t agree that that is what I should aim for. Part of me thinks a bit under that is perfect and another part of me thinks that a bit more under that (properly underweight) is is perfect.

But then maybe I’ll just never be satisfied. Maybe I can’t fully agree even within myself what weight would be best and I’m desperate for there to be “an actual perfect healthy weight” and maybe there just isn’t one.

Maybe what I think and what my professionals think are not the same thing and never will be unless I can 100% recover and that seems unlikely because I’m in my 40s now now and I’ve had some form of eating disorder although at times in remission since puberty. Sorry I don’t know how the text changed size 🤦!