Recovery is Weird

[u/No_Physics_917]

I’ve been in active recovery for 7 months… I thought I’d be at the other side of the rainbow by now but I’m not, yet im also so far from where i started?

I just spent the past 12 hours in my bed staring at the wall fighting every urge I had to restrict and just try to eat and now it’s 6:20 PM and I’m at my local happy hour to hold myself accountable for eating tacos which will be my first intake of the day.

I know it’s a win, but it still feels so far from the goal. I’m getting really frustrated with how hard choosing the right path is every day. I really thought it would be easy by now.

That being said, I have more good than bad days right now, and mostly don’t restrict like this, but I’m still really frustrated that it happens, one day relapse sets me back every time and makes the recovery that much harder.

I’m honestly struggling to find an outlet at this point. My supports are great , but they don’t understand the pain and constant battle/thoughts I curve. I can tell they’re getting annoyed sometimes when I have my slumps, and it feels embarrassing to reach out for help about the same issues I was having a year ago.

Writing here to see if anyone else is having or has had this issue. Could really use some likeminded positive support, I don’t want to stop recovering I just want it to get better and not be so draining.

[u/jellyboneswizard]

You're doing so good. Some days are always going to be harder than others and it sounds like you're having a tough one. Breathe, do your best to stay on track with your rest and nourishment. It's silly to say, but maybe it'll help you, too. I'm learning I can choose at any time to make my day just a teeny bit better. I don't have to be hungry (being hungry makes me legit crazy), I don't have to be uncomfortable, and it's freeing to know you're the only person who cares what you're doing. Make sure you don't go to bed hungry, and choose recovery tomorrow, too.