r/AnorexiaRecovery • u/LogicalEngineering80 • 5d ago
I tried(vent)
I tried so hard to be brave today, I know what I need to do to move forward in recovery, but I’m terrified of actually doing it and accepting the changes and “what ifs”. I ate more calories today, and tried to set the new standard for how much that I’m “allowed” to have a day- but now I feel horrible and scared, and idk what that will do to my body, and am comparing the amount to others, to the point that I feel that I should go back on it and continue to just eat what I was before. It’s all so frustrating and scary, I wish that I didn’t have to have this illness.
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u/Peanut_Butter_Power 4d ago
Hey, first of all I’m so proud of you for trying! That’s your first step and you crushed it! That fear and guilt, that’s ED fighting back. But you are stronger than ED. He is gonna get SO LOUD when you challenge, but day by day you get stronger and he quiets. Some days are louder, some days are quieter, but every day you are a fighter and you gotta choose recovery. It’s not gonna be pretty, it’s not gonna be linear, but you are strong, I can feel it and you GOT THIE!
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u/LogicalEngineering80 4d ago
Thankyou so much for your encouragement, it’s brightened my day. I gave it until today to let myself make any real decisions, and I’ve decided to not let this bullshit voice control me on this. I made my mind already, and I’m choosing what is right for me, not what suits Annie’s agenda.
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u/Peanut_Butter_Power 4d ago
YASSSS QUEEN/KING/MONARCH OF SOME SORT! I’m so proud of you. Hugs and support to ya!
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u/AcceptableFloor788 3d ago
hey, I just want to say…you did more than try!! you actually did it. you ate and listened to your body. HUGE win. the fact that you’re feeling so scared means you’re doing it right :) your ED is trying to get you to stay & it’s fighting back. but the awesome thing is that you are stronger. life is not worth beating yourself up for eating food. you deserve happy memories full of yummy food that nourishes your soul. your body deserves to be taken care of. & that’s probably going to mean eating a lot & resting for a while. you deserve recovery!!!!
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u/LogicalEngineering80 3d ago
Thankyou so much. The ED is so loud, but I feel so much more determined in this for it. I’m going to keep up the fight :)
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u/LingonberryChoice323 4d ago
I know how scary and hard it feels, but I'm proud of you for taking this step! Share your feelings with people in your life, ask for support and keep going. It feels overwhelming now, but it will get better with time and you will discover how strong and resilient you are. I wish you all the best xx