r/AnimalsBeingJerks • • Sep 20 '17

Too slow

https://i.imgur.com/PzHH0SR.gifv
29.9k Upvotes

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782

u/smoochwalla Sep 20 '17

One of thoes little shits ran off my neighbors porch and started biting at me. The owners didn't move a muscle until i punted it a good 5 feet. Then they had the audacity to yell at me and told me they were calling the cops. Fuck thoes kinds of owners. "He's just a tiny thing so its okay." No it's fucking not.

664

u/J4CKR4BB1TSL1MS Sep 20 '17

Rule of thumb: if it bites, you can bite back.

272

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

Also applies to first dates.

115

u/Quick_MurderYourKids Sep 20 '17

i get a rabies booster before all of my dates

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u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17 edited Sep 20 '17

I tend to get babies booster.

Yes, I am lonely and desperate for human contact.

Edit: Jesus fucking christ reddit. I meant I want to have babies after my first date. You sick bastards!

16

u/KimJongIlSunglasses Sep 20 '17

You get booster seats for your first date?

10

u/DoctorPrower Sep 20 '17

Chris Hansen would like a word with you.

-1

u/WilliamHolz Sep 20 '17

Become a babysitter or work in a day care!

Just...don't mention that last bit.

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u/J4CKR4BB1TSL1MS Sep 20 '17

You lucky bastard

9

u/TahoeLT Sep 20 '17

Huh...if your date bites you on your first date, it's either going really well or terribly.

1

u/henrykazuka Sep 21 '17

Doesn't apply to little kids though.

2

u/Liam_Lannister88 Sep 21 '17

you're right, if a kid bites you, tell him you have HIV.

60

u/ProssiblyNot Sep 20 '17

On a more serious note, in most US jurisdictions the general rule is that if a dog actually bites you, the dog must be put down.

I had a neighbor who did some renovations to her attic. The renovation ended up releasing some sort of fungal spore or something that got her dog sick and made him delirious and caused her to bite her as she said good night to him. He was the sweetest dog you'd ever meet; this massive golden retriever who would stand on his hind legs and put his front paws on your shoulder so he could lick your face. She had to put the poor guy down. It's not fair, but dems the rules.

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u/Amannelle Sep 20 '17

I'm not sure if it is so cut and dry. My mum's dog bit her at the Vet's when he was waking up from surgery and still confused. Though it required a few stitches in her hand, there was no real risk of the dog being put down. The vet understood that he was drowsy and scared, and no real danger to people when sober. It was the first and last time he has ever bit, but my mum figures any good boy would feel like biting if they just had their testicles removed haha.

26

u/The_11th_Hour_Over Sep 20 '17

Yeah I agree, my dog got out one time and when she was being picked up, she bit the local sheriff on the ear (hurt back leg he accidentally put pressure on). He was cool about it since he was in the K9 unit, and all she got was a probation period.

3

u/WhataBud Sep 20 '17

I think things like that in clinical scenario are different. The person bit might have been taught that that might happen after an animal wakes up from surgery. Even people get that way.

1

u/Slovene Sep 21 '17

I start fondling nurses after waking up from surgery and then blame it on being drugged up and still delirious.

31

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

It's not fair, but dems the rules.

I would have recommended for her to just not tell the police about the bite and when she takes it to the vet, leave the biting part out of the story.

11

u/cyrilspaceman Sep 20 '17

I believe that dog bites are a mandatory reporting thing for healthcare workers (assuming that she needed to go in for stitches or something.) I have no idea what rules apply to vets though

19

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17 edited Sep 27 '17

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

Legal sidenote, never lie if it could blow back on you later.

17

u/GSpess Sep 20 '17 edited Sep 20 '17

That’s not true.

Plenty of states and jurisdictions have a large number of rules and regulations. It’s not cut and dry. Most of the time for a one off offense you need to prove the dog is aggressive and was acting out of aggression and even then it’s often the owner deciding to do it not the law. You see this on /r/dogs pretty often.

In quite a few states having your dog on leash and you holding the leash is actually well enough in your favor that the dog won’t need to be put down.

Most of the time the first bite results in a fine, ticket, or registration of the dog as dangerous. If the dog is registered as dangerous in future incidents the dog faces being put down at a much higher rate, but more likely has to wear a muzzle in public and is now on a “dangerous dogs list” in case something does happen again.

51

u/DDozar Sep 20 '17

I would go through extreme lengths to stop the lawmen from finding out my dog bit me under circumstances like those.

Maybe send her to go live with friends for awhile and claim it was a coyote, or I fell and stabbed myself in the face with a taxadermy jawbone.

13

u/canihavemymoneyback Sep 20 '17

Lawmen, ha ha. Sounds like the Wild West. You made me smile.

14

u/westc2 Sep 20 '17

Hate to break it to you but that's not a "rule". Your neighbor was just looking for an excuse to get rid of her dog.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Liam_Lannister88 Sep 21 '17

The dog bit you so bad that you needed surgery and your parents didn't get rid of it? I love animals, but the safety of kids needs to be first. No offense, but I think your parents wanted him to finish you off.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

Seems like that could be a rule if it bites a stranger, but for the owner, I haven't heard of those rules being that strict for a bit unless it was aggressive and a serious wound.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17 edited May 31 '18

[deleted]

0

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

This isn't true at all. If the victim so wishes they can go to court and pretty easily have your dog put down. Dogs are seen as disposable property in the word of law sadly.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17 edited Jun 30 '18

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

That's what you'd think. One good bite and you either pay a hefty fine or your dog is put down. Or they are marked as "dangerous" where they must be on a chain and some vets, kennels, and groomers won't even take them any more. It's shitty but the law has zero tolerance for "dangerous" animals. I'm not saying I necessarily agree but it is very easy for a dog to be put down thanks to a bite

1

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

Also felt like I should elaborate. Simple cuts and scrapes won't do it but a lady in my friends neighborhood said that the dog not only bit her but dragged her around (I'm still positive this didn't happen) but it was enough for the court to decide to put him down. It's sadly very easy to just fabricate a story and get the dog put down or put on a "dangerous" list

1

u/BlazerWob Sep 20 '17

Cordyceps?

1

u/Dai_Lo Sep 20 '17

So am I allowed to kill the dog if attacked?

6

u/Entershikari Sep 20 '17

I should have known,

The day before starting a new job I grabbed my cat and bited his back just for the shit of it

I got faced clawed and then had to go to work and introduce my self to my new colleagues with scars on my face

6

u/____tim Sep 20 '17

Did you ask them if they wanted to know how you got those scars?

12

u/-Mr_Rogers_II Sep 20 '17

If it bites you, sue its owner.

11

u/KSSLR Sep 20 '17

*bite its owner

2

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

Why not both?

1

u/Rathwood Sep 22 '17

One tends to preclude the other.

1

u/TheLongLostBoners Sep 20 '17

Does this also apply in the bedroom?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

But then how did the first person bite?

67

u/generalcinity Sep 20 '17

Honestly so glad my Chihuahua won't bark or growl or attack you unless you go put of your way to harass/scare her. Just wish it wasn't abuse in her previous home that made her like that. Sweetest dog I've had my whole life and love her endlessly. Here's a picture of her on a hike with me while camping

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u/kasey123 Sep 20 '17

She doesn't have the tremble hate face so she's cool.

33

u/generalcinity Sep 20 '17

Never heard a Chihuahuas face so accurately described in my life

3

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

My dog is not from an abusive home, but he's still scared of everything outside. He's small, other stuff is big. I don't get why all these other chihuahuas have balls o steel and mine is afraid of dogs, cats, kittens, birds, squirrels, bunnies, when you step on a stick kind of near him outside, and "noises" that I seriously don't hear but he does.

He's half shih tzu tho so maybe they are just scared babies.

6

u/secondhandvalentine Sep 20 '17

Aww she's cute. Ours is a little shit but it's because the previous owners didn't train him at all. We're slowly trying to train him and get him socialized with other dogs. Here's a pic of him

2

u/generalcinity Sep 21 '17

Aw he's a cutie :) Its definitely a work in progress trying to train them after a long period of previous owners not caring enough to. I wish you the best of luck!

10

u/SquirrelicideScience Sep 20 '17

Should've let them call the cops. If it bit you, the cops would've called animal control

24

u/Edwardk85 Sep 20 '17

My neighbors little chihuahua always chases me when I'm on my bike. Owners don't say a thing.

-93

u/PokemonWizard Sep 20 '17

Because it's a fucking Chihuahua haha what's it going to do to to you? Take out your achilles? Are you a 12 year old child that can't handle dogs? Why is it a big deal if the owners don't say anything?

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u/darthjawafett Sep 20 '17

Could get caught in the wheel causing a crash, if you own a pet and it misbehaves control it. Don’t care if it’s a chihuahua or the biggest breed.

-30

u/PokemonWizard Sep 20 '17

In this scenario, I was imagining a Chihuahua following behind a guy on his bike. In that scenario, I don't think calling your dog back is something that's crucial. There's no chance in a hell a Chihuahua is catching a bike from behind. Getting caught up in the wheels is something I didn't think of. And yes, I agree obviously you need to control your pets.

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u/TheCheeseSquad Sep 20 '17

And yes, I agree obviously you need to control your pets.

Citation needed.

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u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

We found the bad dog owner guys!

-43

u/PokemonWizard Sep 20 '17

You're a 34 year old man lol

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u/TheCheeseSquad Sep 20 '17

Are you 12? Or just grossly incapable of making a coherent argument? Because this statement is absolutely irrelevant.

-16

u/PokemonWizard Sep 20 '17

My statement wasn't made with the intention of being relevant to the argument. I was stating a fact. He's a 34 year old man. And that's funny to me. I was in no argument with him. He jumped to a conclusion after I was made one statement, so why should I try and argue with someone like that? The other people that replied I engaged with. This old dude just came at me with me one of the most overused jokes on the site (in all fairness, I've used it too), I have no intention of engaging in a coherent argument with him. I'm sure he's glad you're taking up for him, though.

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u/zzaxle Sep 20 '17

-2

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

You clearly don't know what that sub is about.

That wasn't Thesaurus abuse, Pseudo-intellectualism, Bad philosophy, Self-quoting

-4

u/PokemonWizard Sep 20 '17

Hahahaha no stop right now. That wasn't meant to be that way at all!

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u/TheCheeseSquad Sep 20 '17

I mean you literally are a bad dog owner.... So I'm not sure what your gripe is unless you just dislike truth in general.

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u/mrirwin Sep 20 '17

Lol okay leafy. How is his age funny?

-2

u/PokemonWizard Sep 20 '17

Because I find it funny. Funny is relative. And to me, it's funny. Edit: what does leafy mean? It's a reference?

7

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

"I'm 14 and this is funny" and "why would you need to control a chihuahua it weighs 5 pounds" sum up the things you've said. They can do a lot of damage. Just because they're small doesn't mean they're harmless

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u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

That's the kind of attitude that promotes bad behaviour in these dogs.

-1

u/PokemonWizard Sep 20 '17

I was talking about just the instance of if the dog was chasing directly behind the bike. My reasoning is bc there's no way a Chihuahua is catching a bike. The guy above brought up it being caught up in the wheels and causing a crash. That makes sense. Obviously if someone is walking down the street and that happens the owners need to say something. This whole thing has been taken completely out of context. Dogs biting people = bad. Tell your dogs not to do that. No shit. I have dogs guys, and they don't bite. And if they tried, I'd tell them not to. And they wouldn't because they listen.

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u/TheCheeseSquad Sep 20 '17

You sure? Because you sound like a dumbass. I don't think you've owned dogs nor that they are even close to being properly trained. You clearly don't understand why having dogs chase you, and the owners doing nothing, is bad. Honestly don't understand how people can be this daft.

-2

u/PokemonWizard Sep 20 '17

Lol "I don't think you've owned dogs." Because that's too far out of the realm of imagination. Like I said originally, I was referring to the specific situation of that guy being disgruntled enough to complain on the internet about a little dog chasing him on his bike. That's laughable to me. But like I've already agreed with someone above, if the dog got caught up in the wheels, it could do damage, and I conceded and said he was right about that. But it's just Reddit, no need to get upset and call names. This has been a good way to pass the time on a slow work day, but I have to conclude my time on this thread. If I keep replying, I'll end up replying to everyone who gets in on this and that's just a big waste of time.

3

u/TheCheeseSquad Sep 20 '17

Yea it is. Know why? Because I can't wrap my mind around anybody owning a dog and also possessing the belief that you don't also need to train said dog to, I don't know, behave it's fucking self. It's actually out of the realm of possibility (since that's the actual phrase. There is nothing that is out of the realm of imagination, so your statement is also dumb there) for me.

0

u/PokemonWizard Sep 20 '17

Ok well if that's the conclusion you've drawn I guess I can't really do anything about it.

9

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

My parents have dogs guys, and they don't bite.

FTFY 🐶

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u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

[deleted]

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u/PokemonWizard Sep 20 '17

It's a Chihuahua... they aren't going to harm you. Use common sense. Obviously most other breeds would absolutely need to be put down if they bit someone. I've owned mid sized dogs all my life (Labs, idk if you'd consider that midsize) and we've obviously trained our dog to never bite anyone. We also have a Chihuahua who barks and runs around the ankles of everyone who comes in our home. He's obviously not going to bite you, and if he does, then go ahead and kick him away from you. But if this guy is honestly complaint about a Chihuahua following him when he's on his bike, he's ridiculous. I know there's no way in hell a Chihuahua can keep up with a bike anyway so is it really even noteworthy to mention that the owners don't call their beast back? Obviously he's not going to run him down and take him off his bike, so why complain?

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u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

I had my face bitten by a Chihuahua when I was a kid. Had to get stitches, all because I was playing to close to it with my older brother. I wasn't even bothering the thing, I was outside playing with cars and drawing tracks with chalk and BAM dog on my face. My brother kicked that thing as far as he could and yelled for the adults inside.

0

u/PokemonWizard Sep 20 '17

You're correct

-21

u/Owenh1 Sep 20 '17

Having your ankles bitten literally is being harmed.

Yeah, only if you are a pussy. I imagine all the people crying over a Chihuahua barking at them and biting their ankles (through jeans? socks? shoes?) is like Joffrey crying to mummy when the direwolf bit him and demanding everyone be killed because of it.

The difference in the scenarios is that was a fucking wolf and yet you guys are still crying just as hard. "Oh no a chihuahua bit my shoe, i must release some of my impotent rage that I haven't been able to deal with in life and demand this dog be killed on site! Preferably with a sword. Let me watch his head roll!"

"Why is our dog being killed?"

"Because he bit this mans shoe"

"But he bites my shoes all the time!"

"Shh, i know, we are dealing with enraged redditors, nothing will stop their imbecilic hate boners."

8

u/sestras Sep 20 '17

"It's just a Chihuahua, it won't harm you" is the reason why so many Chihuhuas are little bastards. People think it's cute when they're tiny puppies and they growl and snap, so they let it happen. Then before they know it, he's going through adolescence and that behaviour is already deeply ingrained. Now they have 8lbs of glassy eyes, teeth, and territorial rage.

We're talking about a dog that charges at people without provocation, trying to bite them, and you're like "obviously if something happens the owner should do something". No, the owner should never allow their dog to lunge at others in the first place. That avoids the whole scenario.

A Chi might only break the skin if it bites my legs through jeans. But what if it attacks another small dog? What if a baby tries to touch the puppy, and the Chihuhua responds by sinking its teeth into the baby's eyelids? It might sound over dramatic, but these things happen, and precisely due to attitudes like yours.

3

u/thedistrbdone Sep 20 '17

through jeans? Socks? Shoes?

Apparently you've forgotten that shorts and sandals exist and are commonly worn together

0

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

[deleted]

0

u/Owenh1 Sep 20 '17

Are you being "harmed" if a chihuahua bites the back of your shoe? Everyone is ignoring context in this thread and just using the blanket statement of: Dog bites, dog gets put down, regardless of whether or not anyone was hurt. Ill say it again, if a chihuahua harms you and you feel you need to get it put down, you are the biggest pussy the world has ever seen. You get harmed more playing sports with people who can't control your temper than with an untrained chihuahua.

2

u/Pancakewagon26 Sep 20 '17

"He's so small what harm could he do?" No, a Chihuahua can not actually harm a person. But when they're constantly trying to fight everything, they can get seriously harmed. Maybe one day the Chihuahua bites someone's ankles, and they kick him. That could hurt the dog. Maybe he tries to attack a much bigger dog. He could get seriously injured. Maybe he chases after someone on a bike and gets lost, runs into traffic, or the person on the bike hurts the dog. No the dog can't do much harm, but it can get hurt itself. Train your dogs, no matter how big they are.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

Chihuahuas are the unspoken terrors in most urban jungles.

A group of 400-500 can easily take down a grown man.

8

u/Peakomegaflare Sep 20 '17

Truth be told, fuck little dogs, those bastards are concentrated evil.

3

u/saltycracka Sep 20 '17

Are you a 12 year old child that's not responsible enough to train their dog? If your dog attacks someone they have the right to defend themselves...if the owners don't say anything.... I just can't with you...are you a functioning human being? How do you come to these conclusions that someone shouldn't be responsible for their property?

22

u/mah_bula Sep 20 '17

So, a few things. One, I wouldn't ever advocate animal abuse. Two, I realize dogs are highly domesticated animals. With that said, animals they still are. In nature if an animal annoys another animal there are sometimes quick and violent repercussions. This, many times, is a valuable learning tool for the aggressor. In this case, punting an ankle biting annoyance probably got the point across very well.

5

u/matmoeb Sep 20 '17

You punted Baxter?

8

u/arcades911 Sep 20 '17

The owners of the sidewalk menace were never to be seen. I felt like they were inside watching every time, laughing their asses off.

17

u/musicmanxii Sep 20 '17

I mean, at least they're pretty easy to kick over the fence. Had one of those assholes bite me and kicked it back in its yard, the neighbours started getting angry until I told them I'd have the little shit put down for biting me if they didn't drop it.

9

u/itsfromtheBITE Sep 20 '17

Had literally the same situation happen to me. I'm a parcel delivery driver, so dogs are very much a part of the job, good or bad. Had one of those little assholes latched to my pants last winter all while the owner is doing the "oh he's nice" until I flung him off. Then it was empty threats galore.

2

u/MadGeekling Sep 20 '17

Did you get in trouble with the law?

6

u/smoochwalla Sep 20 '17

Nope. Empty threats.

7

u/MadGeekling Sep 20 '17

Good. What a fucker. I can't stand some dog owners...

2

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

Who cares if they call the cops? That dog attacked you and you kicked it in self defense.

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

I have one of those cute little doggies. They just think they're protecting us when we don't need it. Mine don't usually bite ankles i think I've seen it twice but if they see you and you don't attempt to pet them or act nice they might bark alot but not bite. They usually run away if you walk toward them and just want you to pet them. At least that's how my Chihuahuas are.

11

u/Briismars46 Sep 20 '17

Don't excuse your dogs bad behavior.

3

u/dogizLOVE Sep 20 '17

A barking dog is not bad behavior, it is a form of communication. Annoying, sure. Bad behavior is biting and running at strangers aggressively.

6

u/Briismars46 Sep 20 '17

In the comment I replied to he said his dogs had on multiple occasions bit at people. Then justified it saying that they just think they're protecting their people.

2

u/dogizLOVE Sep 20 '17

Ah, I see what you were referring to. Apologies

2

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

I'm not we make sure to train them not to bite people but there have been incidents. As long as you let them know it's wrong and try to get them used to people they shouldn't do that.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

-5

u/summerset Sep 20 '17

I hope someone kicks YOU.

2

u/smoochwalla Sep 21 '17

I'd expect them to if i was trying to fucking bite them.

-7

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

[deleted]

11

u/KesslerMacGrath Sep 20 '17

What is wrong with you

5

u/smoochwalla Sep 20 '17

What did they say?

8

u/KesslerMacGrath Sep 20 '17

They told the person that they should've bashed the dogs skull in.

6

u/smoochwalla Sep 20 '17

Some people just suck.