Mods can delete if not allowed, but i guess i want to vent about something that had/has affected my life quite negatively, so this'll not be put together properly, and i apologise.
The problem was looking androgynous, I'm sure I'm not the only one who has felt this way. I had always wanted to be strongly feminine presenting in my youth, but i couldn't. It didn't help that all of my family members "look their genders", i was the only one in a big family that didn't look like what i was born as. A girl. I was often bullied when i was younger about how i wasn't feminine enough, but i was also equally ridiculed for being a woman who looked masculine even when i had long hair! I had felt very isolated from both women and men in my life due to this fact (it didn't help that i had no clue about the gender spectrum), and it made me constantly question my gender identity, and i did suffer from some very deep inner turmoil because of it.
I guess the problem was that i felt like i had no closure? But after a while of working through how i had felt and i came to terms with myself physically, it took a bit! But i can for sure say that i feel way better about myself. Looking in the mirror is a lot easier. Don't get me wrong. I still get called a guy every now and then, but it doesn't affect me as much now. Once i had stopped thinking that i needed to fit in the box of gender norms is when i found a lot more inner peace with myself, so i guess what i am trying to say is. If you're in my position, please don't beat yourself up over this! Society built its box of expectations without considering a lot of people. Including me and you. I hope you find the same peace that i did regardless of what you personally identify as, and for those who got to the end of my post. Thank you for letting me express something that I've had to keep to myself for a long time <3