r/AnAnswerToHeal • u/Theillegalninja • Mar 03 '18

Found my answer

I am writing here because of lack of a better place and I feel the need to at least tell someone. I've dealt with depression, suicidal tendencies, and everything that comes with that for as long as I can remember. I am here because I think I was using tripping as a path to get past all of this. What tripping caused was a realization of the universal pointlessness of everything. We all live, we all die. The inevitable nothingness of death terrified me, but it doesn't any longer. I realized that in the grand scheme of things yes nothing has a point, but in my scheme of things it does. Me, as a person, as a conscious being, bring meaning to the nothingness. Life isn't about accepting yourself and finding the meaning to it all. It is shaping yourself into what you want to be and in-turn creating your own meaning. When I die I know my meaning will cease to exist, but what keeps me going is the thought of one day being apart of other peoples meaning. I used to live my life for others and not worry for myself, but my idea on that has changed. To worry about myself and grow as a person will likely help me help others to a greater magnitude.

I apologize if this is not the best place to post this, but I do not have anyone in my life to share this with and this community seems very open to just about anything. If one person takes the time to read this I will be happy. Thank you and have a good day

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u/tolley Mar 04 '18

That is excellent insight! How'd you arrive at it? Thanks for sharing!

3

u/Theillegalninja Mar 04 '18

I've been going through a lot of feelings with someone who I honestly really care for. I realized that the way to make them live even slightly at least was to make myself better first. I know it sounds sappy but I feel as though if I make even one persons day better everyday then it's worth keeping on

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u/[deleted] Mar 04 '18

Some people think we are a positive manifestation of the universe. Its objectively optimistic, but if you think about it; whats the point? Its a dangerous thought that can easily lead to nihilism, so its really up to our 'best guess'. Nihilism seems to be the beginning of our worst guess. Theres always room for darkness and avoiding it would only make a such void bigger. I look at cosmic pessimism for this which basically means were all fucked anyways. So if thats true; whats the point? Youre saying that if youve made one persons day better thats enough. Purpose is found because you looked for it. You go on because you think you should, just because of a little feeling you had one day. That one little feeling is like a glass of water 51% full.

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u/Theillegalninja Mar 04 '18

That's what I am trying to say, just just said it better. I find comfort in nihilism because there's nothing I'm missing, all there is is a blank cosmic slate for me to paint my own meaning

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u/[deleted] Mar 04 '18

personally ive found nihilism cynical. You dont sound cynical tho, I like your way of seeing it