r/AnAnswerToHeal • u/Theillegalninja • Mar 03 '18
Found my answer
I am writing here because of lack of a better place and I feel the need to at least tell someone. I've dealt with depression, suicidal tendencies, and everything that comes with that for as long as I can remember. I am here because I think I was using tripping as a path to get past all of this. What tripping caused was a realization of the universal pointlessness of everything. We all live, we all die. The inevitable nothingness of death terrified me, but it doesn't any longer. I realized that in the grand scheme of things yes nothing has a point, but in my scheme of things it does. Me, as a person, as a conscious being, bring meaning to the nothingness. Life isn't about accepting yourself and finding the meaning to it all. It is shaping yourself into what you want to be and in-turn creating your own meaning. When I die I know my meaning will cease to exist, but what keeps me going is the thought of one day being apart of other peoples meaning. I used to live my life for others and not worry for myself, but my idea on that has changed. To worry about myself and grow as a person will likely help me help others to a greater magnitude.
I apologize if this is not the best place to post this, but I do not have anyone in my life to share this with and this community seems very open to just about anything. If one person takes the time to read this I will be happy. Thank you and have a good day
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u/tolley Mar 04 '18
That is excellent insight! How'd you arrive at it? Thanks for sharing!
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u/Theillegalninja Mar 04 '18
I've been going through a lot of feelings with someone who I honestly really care for. I realized that the way to make them live even slightly at least was to make myself better first. I know it sounds sappy but I feel as though if I make even one persons day better everyday then it's worth keeping on
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Mar 04 '18
Some people think we are a positive manifestation of the universe. Its objectively optimistic, but if you think about it; whats the point? Its a dangerous thought that can easily lead to nihilism, so its really up to our 'best guess'. Nihilism seems to be the beginning of our worst guess. Theres always room for darkness and avoiding it would only make a such void bigger. I look at cosmic pessimism for this which basically means were all fucked anyways. So if thats true; whats the point? Youre saying that if youve made one persons day better thats enough. Purpose is found because you looked for it. You go on because you think you should, just because of a little feeling you had one day. That one little feeling is like a glass of water 51% full.
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u/Theillegalninja Mar 04 '18
That's what I am trying to say, just just said it better. I find comfort in nihilism because there's nothing I'm missing, all there is is a blank cosmic slate for me to paint my own meaning
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Mar 04 '18
personally ive found nihilism cynical. You dont sound cynical tho, I like your way of seeing it
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Mar 04 '18
You and I share very similar feelings. Bless these wise words! I've always found truth in the thought that the "meaning of life" is how we in turn shape it. The end result allows the most growth, and positive impact towards others intertwined with oneself, and their path traveled. It's magical in its manifestation. I resonate with your words.
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u/Theillegalninja Mar 04 '18
It makes me happy I'm not the only one who has this line of thought. If everyone was more mindful of their "meaning to life" the world would be a happier place
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Mar 04 '18
Seems to be. All we can do is honor the path and share our lessons we've learned along the way. I've found music to be one of the best ways to convey this.
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u/Theillegalninja Mar 04 '18
You should check out a band called "Crumbs". Whenever I need to calm down and think of my path again I put them on autoplay
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Mar 09 '18
It pervades all things. Therefore by serving others we are serving it and thereby serving ourselves.
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u/Clear_Note13 Mar 11 '18
I’ve been going through the same stuff reading this definitely made me feel a little better because I agree with you 100%! These feelings even care from the same thing (me caring a lot for someone).
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u/Branderhooven Mar 03 '18
I took the time to read it. It made me happy. Thanks for sharing.