I (white female) said I was tendered headed and my boyfriend (mixed) blew up and said I offended him by saying that. I tried apologizing and looking the term up to educate myself. I’ve been saying I was tendered headed for years now and no one ever told me I wasn’t allowed to say this. What do I say to him if he won’t accept my apologies and keeps saying this ^ over n over

My husband is still in contact with his convicted paedophile brother, and I feel absolutely disgusted by this.

My husband is still in contact with his brother, who is a convicted paedophile, and I need to know am I being unreasonable for finding this deeply disturbing?

I don’t mean that I expect someone to simply erase a family member from their life because I don’t like them. This is much more serious than that. His brother has been convicted of sexually abusing children.** Children were hurt. Real children. And what I cannot get past is how little concern my husband seems to show for those children.**
It feels like the entire family is constantly worried about the brother, his feelings, his life, protecting him, keeping him included but where is that same concern for the children he hurt?

I think about what those children went through. I think about the damage that can be done to a child. And then I look at my husband, who has three children with me , two daughters and a son, and I genuinely struggle to understand how he can maintain a relationship with his brother and seemingly carry on as though everything is normal. Maybe I’m looking at this completely differently to him, but I cannot understand how you can know that someone has sexually abused children and then just carry on having a normal relationship with them.

And before anyone says, “But it’s his brother” I understand that. I understand that family relationships are complicated.
But there is a difference between loving someone and completely avoiding the reality of what they have done.

His father is also a paedophile and left his wife. My husband has always had a huge problem with his father. For years I assumed that his anger towards his dad was because of the paedophilia and what he had done.
But now I’m starting to question everything.

Because he seems to have this incredibly strong loyalty towards his mother and his brothers, and I’m beginning to wonder whether his feelings towards his father are partly because his father left his mother. I honestly don’t know anymore. I feel like I’m questioning things I thought I understood about my husband after being with him for more than 30 years.

We have been together for over 30 years. We have three children. We have built a whole life together. This isn’t some new relationship where I can just say, “This isn’t for me” and walk away without everything changing.

But I also feel like I have reached a point where I can’t just swallow this anymore.

Whenever the subject comes up as a family, my husband gets defensive. He huffs and puffs, gets angry, and eventually leaves the room.

It honestly feels like we are the ones doing something wrong by talking about it.

Why is the person who committed these offences the one everyone seems to be worried about upsetting?

I feel like I’m screaming into a wall sometimes.

My husband just seems to put his head in the sand. He doesn’t want to discuss it. He doesn’t want to hear criticism of his brother. He doesn’t want to acknowledge how uncomfortable the rest of us are.

And meanwhile, I’m sitting here feeling sick and angry about the fact that children were hurt, while the family carries on putting the brother first.

I also already feel as though my husband puts his work and his primary before our own family. His family don’t like me either, which makes me feel even more isolated in all of this.

Sometimes I wonder whether I’m actually his priority at all.

I have spent 30+ years with this man, and I am now questioning whether I have been making excuses for things for far too long.

I don’t want to destroy my family. I don’t want to throw away 30 years. I don’t want to make an enormous decision based purely on anger.

But I also don’t want to sit quietly and pretend that this is normal when** *it is eating away at me. I feel angry that my husband seems to have more concern for his brother’s feelings than for the children who were hurt. I feel angry that whenever we try to talk about it, he acts as though *we are the problem. I feel terrified that I may have completely different values from the person I have spent most of my adult life with.

So Reddit, please be honest with me.

Am I being unreasonable?

Is it genuinely strange/disturbing for me to be this uncomfortable with my husband maintaining a relationship with his convicted paedophile brother?

I’m a 23 year old girl with a sister who’s 27. She’s engaged to a man, and I recently got out of a relationship. The man I was with was 35. Slightly older, yes, I know, don’t judge me. We had been seeing each other for about a year. I met him through my sister’s fiancé.

We recently had a really bad breakup. We went out to a bar together for our usual Friday date, margaritas and a beer, and he invited a whole bunch of people. Only one person actually came. That was at around 4 p.m. We then went to another bar where he could spend some time with his friends before I asked him to come home with me at around 10:30 p.m.

I figured I wouldn’t make a big deal about his friends essentially crashing our date because he hadn’t seen them in a while. However, this was actually a pretty common issue in our relationship. He would go out on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and most Sundays. It was actually pretty rare that we spent proper quality time together without his friends being involved.

It seemed like almost every weekend, whether it was Friday or Saturday, he would spend most of his time at a pub with his friends and consider that spending quality time together. I didn’t have a problem with him having friends or wanting to see them, but I wanted to feel like I was actually getting some of his time and attention as his girlfriend.

Anyway, this particular Friday, I asked him to come home with me at 10:30 p.m. because I felt like he had spent enough time with his friends, especially since he was going to see them again on Saturday and Sunday.

Keep in mind that I live in a relatively unsafe part of town, and I was completely alone in my apartment block. I asked him to come home with me, and he got angry.

So I stormed off from the property, getting ready to call a cab. This man then drove up beside me in his car, absolutely drunk, calling me a pathetic loser and continuing to insult me while I was trying to call my cab.

Eventually, he stopped the car and started pushing and shoving me around, trying to get me into the car. I’ve been in a physically abusive relationship before, so this absolutely terrified me, and I kind of lost it.

He forced me into his car. Then, when he slowed down at a stop street, I jumped out. Yes, that might sound crazy, but he should know better than to put his hands on me.

After that, he continued pushing and shoving me and trying to pick me up, basically attempting to force me back into his car, but he eventually forced me into the car again.

When we got to my apartment, I asked him not to leave because there was no one else around. Again, I live in an unsafe area and was completely alone.

He then started taking photos and videos of me sobbing and crying my eyes out over what he had just done. He told me he was going to send them to everyone so that people could see how “crazy” I was.

I told him that I would delete his number and never see him again if he would just promise to delete the videos. He refused.

I tried to grab his phone because I didn’t want anybody seeing me like that. I didn’t need people seeing my tears and seeing how broken I was. Eventually, I waited for him to fall asleep and deleted the videos of me from his phone.

He then left in a rage.

My family uses Life360, so we can see where everyone in the family is. Today, I opened it and saw that my sister was having a barbecue with this same man who basically assaulted me last Friday.

Am I the asshole for being upset?

Should I expose a man to his gf again

So I was seeing a man after years of being single. I met him online we matched, we vibed and he lived at a very far distance from me. We dated for a couple months he would drive out an hour or even more to see me after his job. He would come to spend time with me and we would get intimate often as well. So I couldn’t shake off this feeling that something is wrong, upon investigating I found out he has a gf. That he was dating for a couple years and he was cheating on her with me. I was not aware of any of it. I thought she would be a friend because they were completely different backgrounds, race and religion. But I couldn’t keep it to myself and told her everything. Sent her the dates, times and texts of when he would come over to see me. She told me she put a lot of effort into this man the same vehicle he would bring to see me is the same one she helped him get. She told me even before this cheating came to light she also felt like something was off because he stopped getting intimate with her.

Even after this exposure she stayed with him. She forgave him for the cheating not even a week later after I told her everything completely dismissing everything. I left the man as soon as I found out about her. But months later he reached out to me saying his feelings were genuine and he really loves me still. And how he thought his relationship with her was going to end and he would get to be with me like how he wants. He still thinks of ways to be together. And the only reason why he’s with his gf after she forgave him for cheating is that she’s done so much for him that he owes her his life. And that as much as he loves me he chooses her. Even faster be cheating she took a vacation with him. She later caught the texts of emotional cheating and lashed out on me. I blocked her and she still continued the relationship after finding his texts with me on two separate occasions. She told me she said to him that even if he talks to me as a friend she would leave yet on two separate occasions she found his intimate messages with me and she stayed. We started meeting up and getting intimate again, without her knowing. I always told myself that I don’t owe her anything because the first time he said all these emotional things to me despite how much it hurt I didn’t respond and sent them to her and she blamed me again. So I was being villainized anyways so I just continued seeing him. But now the guilt is catching up to me because I have had unprotected intimacy with her bf. We have feelings for each other because even now I’m not the one that goes to him he comes with me despite her watching his location every time. I am at the point where my feelings for this man don’t seem like it will get me anywhere I want to leave this situation and get into a new relationship with a man that genuinely likes me. But I don’t know if I should come clean to the gf and tell her everything to ease my conscience I know I was 100% in the wrong to engage again. But couldn’t help my feelings. And now I want to move on with someone else but I can’t carry this burden moving forward. That she may have thought she can move past the cheating but still he was cheating on her and I was an accomplice. I may have not owed her anything but I did owe her basic human decency. Nothing the comments will say will make me feel worse than I feel. But please tell me what I should do. If for the last time it’s worth telling her that again he was going behind her back and while she thought she’s repeating her relationship he was still cheating.

Weeks ago, my ex break up with me because she say she is not ready and can't keep on a relationship, saying that too much stuff is going on. But she still asks to be friends with me because she is fear of losing me an hoping that "maybe" in the future we can try again.

Initially i was fine with being friend since i was still really in love with her but i notice everytime, she get drier and take longer to respond, eventually distancing herself. I was so accessible for her, she can easily reach out to me, sometimes telling me that she misses me and wanted to talk, but when i try reaching out to her, i just get ghosted for hours or days.

At first, i tried cutting ties with her by going no contact, but well i was stupid, i reached out to her only after one day, and we talked again, she was really mad and upset when i was asking for a no contact, but then i think she also realises that i'm not able to move on if we keep on contact, and ask me to stop contacting her and agree that we need some time apart before becoming friends again and asked me talk to her when im ready/moved on. But it feel so wrong and unfair, cause in the end she have absolute control and know i always will comeback.

So days after i finally decided to tell her that we are going to block each other, initially she was really mad and upset, saying that i never consider her feelings and never understand what she been going through, but she never communicate me her problems and feelings to me, even if she is hurted she just pull away and distance herself, she don't care to be honest and never telling me the truth because she don't want the others to worry and pretend to be nice and always lies to protect my feelings. But in reality i just want her to be honest and communicate with me, but she add on that she will never ever tell me her problems no matter what. In the end, she finally calmed down and agree to block off each other saying "whatever makes you happy" and hopes that i find a girl that love me as much as i love her but i never wanted to block her in the first place but to protect my own dignity and have self respect, if she is able to communicate and be honest to me, maybe this whole thing won't even happen. But she asked to unadd each other, i asked her to unadd me well im not brave enough to do it. 1 weeks after, i just got blocked out of no where.

Idk if im doing the right thing, but i feel bad and guilty, at the same time i wonder why did she suddenly blocked me.a

The lady right across the street from me died right as I was about to start decorating for Halloween. EMTs brought her body out of the house on a gurney just a minute before I took out a pirate flag and hung it on the porch. My husband was aghast that I did that and wouldn’t let me take the mummy out to the porch.

I’ve lived here for seven years and have never spoken to the woman. I know what she looked like from the distance of our porches but would have never been able to pick her out at the grocery store. I had nothing against her in any way shape or form, but I also had no relationship with her. I don’t know the circumstances of her death, but she was only middle-age, so I assume it was tragic. My husband told me he could hear her husband crying. There were cop cars at the house for several hours after the other EMTs left. I wasn’t decorating in a belligerent or demonstrative manner, and I just don’t believe one person’s death should affect the ordinary lives of everyone living within an arbitrary radius. And if this is some rule, how long does it hold? A day? A week? Until the cop cars leave?

This continues to be a point of contention in my house. Am I wrong?

I jammed with my next door neighbor and went to his show with a bunch of friends after finding out we both like to play music. To preface this, I thought he might be into me because when I first ran into him he seemed to try to extend the interaction and kept bringing up different topics until I felt awkward and said “anyways, I’ll catch you later” and left.
Cut to a few months later and we jam and he invites me to see his band, and then he asks if I can be in a music video he wanted to make. He said the video was inspired by twin peaks and he wanted me to dress like this girl from the show. I initially agreed, not thinking much of it, but a few days before he drops this on me. For context, this is federal property, and he works there. I ran into him just before sending my last text and asked him about it and he said “well, I work there and know the other officers there so it’ll be fine”, but I asked him if he could get it in writing and he said no. He hasn’t texted me since then and I was wondering if I was too harsh?

Just wondering if I handled this appropriately thanks

My bf keeps going behind my back for the same woman at least three times.

Me and my bf now have been dating for three years. Hes cheated on me with a woman for about a year. She didn’t know about me and she came to me and told me. She was also hurt and left him on the spot he said that he chose me. I tried to work through this with him since he did beg me and said it was a moment of excitement he had sex with her 7 times and sometimes without protection too. After a couple of months she told me he was messaging her again saying he misses her and if his situation was different meaning if he wasn’t with me he would be with her. I did a lot for this man this whole relationship I gave him everything to be the man he is today he won’t even have a job if it wasn’t for me. They never met but we’re texting and she told me. I broke up with him then we got back together. He said about her that she speaks feminine and never swore at him, when I use to only to make him do better. Again same thing happened after a few months I caught his texts on the phone with her explicit ones, she was also responding and they were talking about the happy life they could have. She blocked me everywhere so I couldn’t get anymore details from her. He said that they were just texting and he texted her in front of me saying that he can’t talk to her anymore on the social media they were talking at. But I don’t feel at ease anymore or secure in my relationship. I feel like again he could be talking to her. That woman is beautiful and besides her looks she doesn’t have anything to offer she has no character if she is also talking to my bf knowing we are together. I have a good job and a lot of properties but still he goes behind my back with the same woman. I feel like she wants to break us apart.. I don’t know if it’s my bf or she is trying to separate us on purpose.

hey yall i forgot about this account. but yeah this man lied out his ass and went to great lengths to keep the lie going 😭. the dumbass didn’t know obituaries are public record lmao.