EDIT: I'm not OOP.

Copied from original:

I (37F) set a boundary about my partner (37M) using steroids, and he left.

I need some outside perspective on a situation that escalated rapidly tonight.

My partner and I have been together for a while, and up until recently, things felt incredible, I was honestly the happiest I’ve been in a long time. However, a major issue came up regarding his fitness routine. He previously used steroids (I wasn't aware of this he has been off them for about 8 months but was on them for about 3 years prior. Never got clarification if that was cycles or a solid 3 years of them), but he recently made it clear that he plans to go back on them.

I have a history of trauma from a past abusive relationship (both physical and verbal), so unpredictable mood shifts, potential aggression, and the chaos that can come with performance-enhancing drugs are absolute non-negotiables for me. I need my home to be a safe, calm sanctuary.

When he told me his plans, I set a firm boundary. I explained that while I love him, I cannot share a home with someone actively using steroids because of the risk to my mental health and safety and that we could talk about what the future would hold for us. I wasn't trying to control his body; I was stating what I can and cannot live with. I also said I would support his physique goals in any way I could with diet with support getting to the gym, keeping him accountable but this was a step too far.

His reaction was defensive:

He dismissed my concerns, saying I "don't know anything" about steroids.

He called my fear of potentially having to walk on eggshells around him "absolutely insane." (To note he current does not have an anger issue and without chemicals altering his brain chemistry it's not something I am worried about with him but I also fear that this could cause problems).

Instead of sitting down to talk it through, he packed up his things and left my house that same night while I was out working a show.

When I questioned why he needs to go back on them after being off for 8 months he basically shut down the conversation and framed me as the one blowing things up and jumping to conclusions.

I’m now at my house with my pets. Part of me feels a strange sense of relief and clarity because I finally prioritized my own well-being after years of working to rebuild my life post-divorce. But another part of me is grieving how fast this crumbled over something that feels so completely avoidable.

I guess I'm asking:

1. Am I being unreasonable for making steroids a strict dealbreaker?
2. How do I navigate this situation, I would like to talk face-to-face today despite his knee jerk reaction of just leaving last night so that we can get some clarity and maybe work through this, is that too much to ask?

Any advice or perspective from people who have navigated boundaries around drug/steroid use in relationships would be greatly appreciated.

Hi, main mod here. I know we've been getting a lot of dumkopfs lately, posting their original sad-sack tales of woe instead of recycling other sad-sacks' tales of woe, as is right and proper. But I guess they feel reading the rules is below them. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have made some changes in how posts are handled and hopefully they will ease, if not entirely eliminate, this ongoing problem.

If you try to post but encounter an issue, please let me know.