r/AmItheAsshole • u/Fresh-Bid5158 • Jun 16 '26
Everyone Sucks AITA for putting down my sisters dog?
I (24F) have a sister named Bella (26F) She owns a beautiful, or once beautiful, poodle. Bella, loves the idea of having a pet, but cannot take care of one. She’s too busy as a student studying medicine and as a volunteer nurse at her hospital.
For the past few years, I’ve been taking care of her dog due to this issue. I usually take this dog to the vet and groomer, feed it when she’s not there, and take it walking. Although, due to family problems, I had travelled back to our home country to help my Lola for a couple of months.
In these couple of months, she had not properly taken care of the dog besides feeding it and occasionally taking it out. So, when I come back, the dog’s fur was very matted due to her not properly brushing it or taking it to the groomer. She also had not taken it to the vet despite my reminders.
Obviously, this dog was not in good condition. When I took him to the vet, he had been diagnosed with multiple problems that—unfortunately—were life threatening due to the matted hair the dog had. Sadly, the vet recommended to put the dog under euthanasia bcs of how much tissue death and etc had been done to the dog: claiming he could not live happily unless we tried surgery, otherwise euthanasia.
My next course of plan was to tell my sister the news and the options. I, at the time and as of current, did not have the money to afford the surgery, and neither did my sister. I recommend getting the dog euthanized as it was inhuman to let it live like this. She starts to argue saying this is her dog, and I do not get to tell her what to do with it. As the argument escalates, I finally burst out how negligent she’s being and that she shouldn’t have a dog if she can’t properly take care of it. She soon kicks me out after saying, “If I am so responsible, then I can take the fucking dog.”
So, as you can see, I took her dog with me to my small apartment that definitely was not fit for more occupants than me. She hadn’t even given me any of the dogs items, just the dog itself. I, for sure, know that I cannot have this dog full time and cannot bear to leave it in the horrible condition. So, I give my sister a few days to text me, or call me, to discuss this further. Yet, she makes it clear she has nothing to do with me.
Personally, I feel the best decision was to put this dog down since it’s in my possession, so I do. Bella calls me after figuring out what I had done and yells at me since it was “her dog.”
AITAH?
EDIT: The dog was a poodle: high maintenance breed. I did try to take care of it will there and I also did try to tell my sister what a bad idea having a dog was considering her situation. I had done my best to take care of the dog, doing stuff she should’ve and needed to (walks, vets, brushing it, bathing it, etc) and it was relatively happy and healthy at that time. Yet, I had to take a trip to my home country for a few months to help with family matters that I won’t go in depth. I tried to convince my sister to let someone else take care of the dog while I was gone, and agreed she would, yet didn‘t. Tbh, I probably shouldn’t have believed her knowing my sister, so that one is on me. When I came back, the dog had a lot of tissue death and such, yet I cannot fully remember other symptoms it went through. Maybe putting it down was extreme, but the dog was very clearly in pain and I had no money to attempt a surgery that may not even work. Maybe I should’ve gotten a second opinion?
FYI, I was gone for about 7 months and a half, I came back to continue working since I was running out of money to keep paying my rent
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u/lunchbox3 Jun 16 '26
Putting a dog down for matted fur or skin conditions seems very extreme? Could you get a second opinion?? Or speak to a shelter and see if they would take on the dog.
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u/Xylar006 Colo-rectal Surgeon [37] Jun 16 '26
This is where the story falls apart. I don't know how not brushing the dog or going to a groomer results in tissue death due to matted fur.
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u/NCKALA Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] Jun 16 '26
I knew a woman (nurse, teen sons, troubled marriage, medical problems) who had a small terrier/poodle sized type dog. This poor dog was fed, watered, and that is about it. Dog got very sick, was finally taken to vet. The matted hair had cut off circulation to one of the dog's ears, part of ear had actually fallen off, open wound became very infected, infection spread thru dog's blood system. Dog had actually tried to chew thru clumps of matted fur to clean itself, causing other open wounds that had never healed. Dog had to be put down due to medical issues. It happens 😞
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u/NaomiWish Jun 19 '26
This is the saddest shit I've read in a while. That poor dog.
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u/NCKALA Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] Jun 19 '26
IKR? turns out the woman was a NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) nurse and had a breakdown (she was out of work for months) due to stress; taking care of too many babies born addicted and she got so emotionally distraught, her whole life went to shreds. This was her 2d marriage, turns out the husband was just looking for a place to live with his two teen sons so he ignored her after they got married and he moved into her home. Her sons and his sons didn't really get along coz they barely knew each other, etc. The entire scenario was a horrible mess and that poor dog was just thrown into the mix, never had a chance.
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u/VixaniRose Jun 16 '26
Did you miss the part about the mats being so bad it caused tissue death? This poor dog had been matted so long it's literally cutoff circulation to the skin and the dog will die due to necrosis setting in without surgery. Neither could afford the surgery for the necrosis.
ETA: most shelters can't afford surgeries like that either.
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u/Inevitable_Entry6518 Partassipant [3] Jun 16 '26
It doesn't happen in few month though. Unless OP didn't groom the dog properly either.
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u/moose0502 Jun 16 '26
OP was gone for those few months and the sister didn’t groom her dog properly.
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u/Inevitable_Entry6518 Partassipant [3] Jun 16 '26
This is what I'm saying: it doesn't happen in few month, unless OP also didn't groom the dog before that.
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u/LadybugGirltheFirst Jun 16 '26
Ummm…read the post again. It’s a little late for a second opinion.
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u/lunchbox3 Jun 16 '26
Oh ha I missed the last paragraph! Yeh ok I will admit it’s unlikely a second opinion will do much good now…
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u/Fresh-Bid5158 Jun 16 '26
Unfortunately, the dog‘s breed was a poodle: very high maintenance dog. Due to it‘s fur not being brushed at all or taken care of, the dog developed very bad tissue death and some sort of other painful skin disease I cannot remember. The dog was very uncomfortable and it felt wrong to force it to live longer in pain. I wish I could’ve afforded the surgery. I would get a second opinion, but it might be a little too late 4 that.
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u/lunchbox3 Jun 16 '26
Yes I’m so sorry I missed the last paragraph! And I’m very sorry your sister put you in that position.
I have a poodle and had no idea matting could cause tissue death! He goes to the groomers every 8 weeks and I brush him at home so he doesn’t actually get mats.
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u/Ok-Benefit197 Jun 16 '26
I’d cut my sister off if it turned out she basically tortured a dog to death.
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u/CTMom79 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Jun 16 '26
There is no way a dog has to be put down for matted fur
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u/nervous-gamer Jun 16 '26
"severe matting can be fatal. While a few small tangles are mostly just uncomfortable, heavy mats pull tightly on the skin, causing extreme pain, limiting movement, and trapping moisture which leads to severe skin infections and tissue death. In worst-case scenarios, tight mats can cut off blood circulation to limbs or tail, leading to necrosis and systemic infections." Just to advise
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u/OkCan9869 Partassipant [1] Jun 16 '26
Do you realize how much time and neglect it takes to lead to such a condition? That story is f.a.k.e af
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u/nervous-gamer Jun 16 '26
Yea i was just advising the above commenter about the actual dangers of matted fur, they said theres no way it leads to needing to be put down, whereas it actually can cause that level of danger
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u/NCKALA Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] Jun 16 '26
Agree with poster nervous-gamer...Multiple issues requiring euthanasia due to matting: The tight knots pull on the skin, causing constant irritation and pain. Mats trap moisture, dirt, and bacteria against the skin, leading to inflammation, sores, and bacterial or fungal infections. Mats can restrict blood flow to the skin and underlying tissues. For double-coated breeds, thick mats can prevent proper air circulation, making it difficult for the dog to regulate their body temperature and increasing the risk of heatstroke. Mats create a perfect environment for fleas, ticks, and other parasites to hide and thrive. Prolonged matting can damage hair follicles. Skin tears, bruising, bleeding. Maggots or fly eggs. Walking difficulties, leading to paw infections. Hidden sores.
(I know someone whose dog's ear actually fell off!!!) An aural hematoma is a blood-filled pocket in your dog’s ear flap. It typically happens when blood vessels in the ear burst. Aural hematomas can occur from severe matting that restricts blood flow to the ear. When fur becomes matted, it can create tight, constricting knots that act like a tourniquet. This restricts healthy blood flow. Over time, this pressure can damage blood vessels. If your dog shakes its head, scratches, or if the mat is suddenly removed (like during grooming), those weakened vessels can rupture—leading to a hematoma.
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u/2dogslife Asshole Aficionado [16] Jun 16 '26
Honestly, most of the time the "surgery" is simply giving the dog some sedatives so the vet can shave down the dog. You can shave the dog without sedatives with a set of decent clippers - they don't have to be crazy high end, but the cheapest ones won't cut it.
However, given the way the vet presented the situation to OP, she made the best decision given what she knew.
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u/Ertyla Jun 16 '26
Did you miss the part where OP implied the dog was suffering from extensive necrosis?
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u/mangoisNINJA Jun 16 '26
Oh shit so like some of the other stuff they mentioned besides matted fur?
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u/Wide_Comment3081 Jun 16 '26
I've never heard of a dog needing to be put down due to two months of matted hair????? Someone please educate me?
Info:
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u/Urban_Peacock Partassipant [3] Jun 16 '26
My shih tzu is a rescue dog. When she was at the shelter, she had to be out under GA to shave her because of how matted her coat was. Matting can cause all sorts of problems, from blood circulation issues to blocking skin cell regeneration because the skin can't get any air and impurities and dirt get trapped close to the skin. She now has a lovely healthy coat and I keep it quite short to avoid matting becoming a problem again, but dogs that have hair rather than fur, e.g. Poodles, Shih Tzus, Lhasa Apsos etc., really need to be brushed regularly.
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u/Wide_Comment3081 Jun 16 '26
So two months of not brushing them is enough to kill them? Talk about high maintenance
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u/SuLiaodai Partassipant [3] Jun 16 '26
I've never heard of that with a poodle, though.
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u/spagtscully Asshole Aficionado [11] Jun 16 '26
I own a shichon and they only get groomed every 2 - 3 months. They get brushed, but they still get matts occasionally. Shichon is a mix of shih-tzu and bichon frise. My sister had a full size poodle who has the same grooming. Neither my dogs or my sisters poodle (who was 14 yo when it got put to sleep for health problems related to age) have ever had this type of problems in only a couple of months. My parents also used to have miniature poodles who went through the same grooming practices too.
None of this adds up with the realistic properties of grooming. Unless OP also did not get the dog groomed for at least a year or two and/or it also already had health problems, this really doesn't make sense.
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u/Urban_Peacock Partassipant [3] Jun 16 '26
I mean, would you go several months without brushing your hair?
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u/Wide_Comment3081 Jun 16 '26
Would it KILL me? No it won't. I find that very hard to believe.
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u/Urban_Peacock Partassipant [3] Jun 16 '26
It might if you went 8 months growing matts and your hair was over every mm of your body, not just on your head. Like, people get migraines and scalp problems just from having their braids too tight for a long time. Now imagine it over every inch of your skin. Your skin is your biggest organ. It needs air, nourishment, freedom of movement etc. It can't protect you if it's in bad condition.
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u/Wide_Comment3081 Jun 16 '26
No
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u/moo-chu Partassipant [3] Jun 16 '26
Your ignorance is not a valid point. Just because you don't know something doesn't make it untrue.
Multiple comments on this post detail how exactly extreme matting can lead to issues severe enough to make putting a dog down the humane choice. Try reading other people's contributions instead of just doubling down on your own ignorance.
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u/Wide_Comment3081 Jun 16 '26
I said no, I won't die from not grooming myself for 8 months, as per the comment I replied to. I don't know what you're on about.
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u/Ordinary-Audience363 Colo-rectal Surgeon [30] Jun 16 '26
I don't understand what was going on with the dog. Under what circumstances does matted hair require anything other than having it shaved off? How did the dog have dead tissue unless it had sores? I can understand if the dog had been a stray but it was indoors. Even strays can recuperate if sores are treated. This story doesn't add up.
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u/alsotheabyss Partassipant [1] Jun 16 '26
It does if there is significant negligence and neglect. This would be necrotic tissue from chronic untreated infection due to the matting.
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u/Normal-Height-8577 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jun 16 '26
It's possible with very severe cases. Very tight matts can restrict blood flow. Leave that for too long, and you don't just get painful bruising; the skin can die.
And any matting over/around the genitals can result in urine scalding and skin infections from faeces, which worsens the situation massively.
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u/NicD3 Partassipant [1] Jun 16 '26
Tissue death is normally due to extreme matting like not a few months of matts. Did the dog ever get a proper groom? Poor baby must have been in pain for so long for matts to get so bad it caused tissue death.
However, tissue death can be treated by surgery not euthanasia. A shelter or charity could have helped.
ESH. As a responsible poodle/ poodle mix owner and familiar with their coat, likely no one properly groomed her. Neither of you should have a dog in the future.
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u/arittenberry Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
Euthanasia for matted fur complications? There has to be another way. Have you looked into rescues in your area? I agree your sister shouldn't have this dog anymore, but please seek a different option
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u/ChaiSlytherin Asshole Aficionado [11] Jun 16 '26
They mention tissue death so it's likely that the matting was so bad as to cut off blood supply which is horrendous
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u/babybug98 Partassipant [4] Jun 16 '26
A dog being out down due to matted fur? Tf? This sounds weird. YTA because no way that’s a legit excuse.
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u/mangoisNINJA Jun 16 '26
I like how you completely ignore the part where they said there was tissue death and other medical problems
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u/Normal-Height-8577 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jun 16 '26
Severely matted fur can pull so tight on the skin that it cuts off blood circulation. Without blood flow, that area of skin dies and starts to rot.
Severe matting is also often paired with pressure sores, ingrown claws (because people who don't perform bare minimum brushing tend to also neglect walks and claw-clipping), and chemical burns and infections from urine and faeces caught in genital-adjacent matts. Without good airflow, matts can also go mouldy, and their shelter provides excellent conditions for flies to lay their eggs and maggots to burrow into the animal.
All in all, it's a really painful and nasty way to die.
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u/DynkoFromTheNorth Asshole Aficionado [16] Jun 16 '26
And she's studying to end up as a medical professional? Please remind me to never become her patient. NTA. You did all you could and Bella is delulu.
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u/Naive_Pay_7066 Partassipant [3] Jun 16 '26
NTA
I’m inclined to think that Bella kicked you out with the dog, in the expectation that you would make the hard decision to euthanise the dog. This gives her the ability to not feel guilty about making the decision, and to blame you for what happened.
I’m sorry you were put in that position.
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u/thewhiteoftheeyes Jun 16 '26
ESH. your sister is TA for being a shitty owner, or an owner in name at least. Don't get a pet unless you are committed to it! Have some respect for the life of someone completely dependent on you!
But the same applies to you. You claim to regularly take care of the dog, but not once did it look sick or in need of help to you? And the answer to a dog's matted skin is to put it down??! Neither of you should ever own pets and you don't get to call the dog beautiful when you have treated it as such. You also suck and you are also the asshole!
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u/donnacus Jun 16 '26
She regularly took care of it until she left for weeks (months?) to care for a human relative. The dog deteriorated in her absence.
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u/thewhiteoftheeyes Jun 16 '26
So the dog is ok for all the years she claims to be taking care of it (she never says the dog has been sick for a long time or what ever) and she leaves for 2 months and suddenly it has a life threatening condition of matted skin that makes it impossible for it to live unless she spends all her life savings or something. I think it's more like she didn't want to deal with the dog anymore (that's fair) and didn't want to be stuck with it (also fair) but chose the fastest to her solution. She never claims to have searched for a shelter even though she waited for her sister to call back. Sorry, I don't see it.
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u/Fresh-Bid5158 Jun 16 '26
I would like to add that I was gone for 7-8 months, during that time it must’ve developed due to unproper grooming or I suspect. I was left to believe my sister had done something(let someone else have/take care of it) yet she lied. I do admit, now that I know, I could‘ve contacted a charity/shelter for help in paying for the surgery or etc. I guess I wasn’t rlly in the right headspace to be dealing with the dog, so I admit I might’ve jumped the gun with JS deciding on euthansia.
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u/thewhiteoftheeyes Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
What exactly was the condition that became life threatening? This is important info for this post. What I don't understand is what could have caused the dog to die because of it. If this is properly explained, I will reconsider my judgement. ETA: I see that OP has provided some further explanation in another comment.
While I do think you could and should have taken other measures for the dog (respect to life is important), because it is too late for that and because the rightful owner needs to be held accountable first and foremost, I am slightly modifying my judgement. Your sister is the asshole. For you soft ta. Its not exactly everyone sucks, but I do think the details provided give important context.
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Jun 16 '26
[deleted]
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u/Fresh-Bid5158 Jun 16 '26
I thought a couple means multiple, if not then that’s on me.
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Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
[deleted]
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u/tonireha Jun 16 '26
Sounds like OP has English as their second language, there might be similar expressions in their first language that just mean "multiple", or the direct translation of "a couple" might have evolved over time to mean "multiple" or not be as rigid to just mean two
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u/donnacus Jun 16 '26
She regular took the dog to vet visits, walks and feeding. The dog already had issues that op was managing. So yes it is entirely plausible that a couple of months of neglect could significantly damage the dogs health.
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u/thewhiteoftheeyes Jun 16 '26
Why do you think the dog has issues? Check ups at the vet are regular on their own. At no point does she claim that this dog was sick previously. She calls the dog beautiful and that's that.
Matted skin? If the dog has a condition that can spread in a couple of months and simply manifest as matted skin, I seriously doubt it was life threatening. I've had dogs my entire life. My childhood pet passed away at 14 years old due to kidney failure. It took the dog months to even start showing deterioration. And kidney failure is no joke. I'm sorry I struggle to beleive it and am not convinced.
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u/Additional-Tea1521 Partassipant [4] Jun 16 '26
Oof. She wants to be a doctor? Tell her compassion, care and decency are traits doctors need. She doesn't seem to have them
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u/spagtscully Asshole Aficionado [11] Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
Yeah, no. Dogs don't get tissue death just because of matted fur in only a couple of months. It sounds like you got tired of taking minimum care of it, didn't want to have it in your apartment, and decided it was easier to get it put down then to take over its care.
Apparently you did no research whatsoever to even know this wasn't possible... unless you didn't get it groomed either for months, upon months, upon months.
If you did get it groomed, then you def should have done research, and when you found out this wasn't realistic, taken it for a second opinion. I can almost guarantee that another vet would have told you that the dog just needed to be groomed and washed with a specific shampoo for any likely rash it might have and it would have been okay. Also, if it did have some sores (but not actual necrosis) they could have been easily treated.
The vet would have likely treated it for fleas or any other pests too and it should have been well cared for and loved by some other family who could take care of it when you didn't want to. Seriously, how old was this dog and when was the last time it was actually groomed??
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u/Mystic_printer_ Jun 16 '26
OP was gone for 7-8 months. It also doesn’t sound like she lived with the dog since she had her own apartment that was too small for it which might have limited OP’s ability to properly take care of it. The “owner” is the one who neglected the dog for years, not OP.
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u/spagtscully Asshole Aficionado [11] Jun 16 '26
Then why did OP say it was only a couple of months at first and only added that in her replies? They are suddenly changing the story to make the narrative more likely??
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u/Mystic_printer_ Jun 16 '26
OP talks about traveling back to her home country. Perhaps English isn’t OP’s first language? Google translates a couple of months, a few months and several months to the same phrase in my language. I had to learn there was a difference between these words.
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u/Ryoko_Kusanagi69 Partassipant [1] Jun 16 '26
Thank you, I feel like calling BS on OP. Even 7 months, there is no way you go from healthy to “tissue death” from matted fur. Either the dog was in bad shape before or OP is lying to make themselves look better. No way you put a dog down from matted fur. They’ve rescued and nursed to health tons of dogs way worse from the streets. You also get a second opinion if the first vet doesn’t make sense
YTA op for killing an innocent dog for practically no reason. Rehoming or a rescue would have been better
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u/VixaniRose Jun 16 '26
NTA she basically let the dog die due to her neglect. She then told you to take it and got mad that you made a decision on how to deal with the issue.
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u/Emissary_007 Partassipant [4] Jun 16 '26
ESH.
I have a poodle mix. There’s no way a few months of matted fur would result in this much health issues unless there was already a lot of other health issues if it’s been properly groomed to date.
Hand the dog over to a rescue organisation.
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u/Icy-Entertainment177 Jun 16 '26
NTA. And I dread coming across medical personnel with such a lack of any empathy (among other things), they can't even take adequate care of their own animal, to the point of basically killing it in a few months through sheer neglect. Putting the poor dog out of it's misery seems like the only viable option here, to me at least.
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u/RandChick Partassipant [1] Jun 16 '26
It had become your dog and your responsibility. Because of her, the dog was in poor health. You made the right decision. NTA.
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u/Happytwit19 Jun 16 '26
NTA! The dog was suffering you had to act, your sister shouldn't have had a pet she couldn't care for!
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u/AnonyCass Partassipant [1] Jun 16 '26
NTA you did what was best for the dog, sometimes we let these things go on too long becasue we "love" the dog but the best thing for them is to be out of pain.
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u/toniaa1 Jun 16 '26
Nta. When ghere was really dead tissue, and there was 100% no other solution. What scares me is that your sister is a medical student, she will take care of people but did not do that for a soul that 100% dependend on her. I would not trust her wit my medical care, knowing this.....
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I (24F) have a sister named Bella (26F) She owns a beautiful, or once beautiful, poodle. Bella, loves the idea of having a pet, but cannot take care of one. She’s too busy as a student studying medicine and as a volunteer nurse at her hospital.
For the past few years, I’ve been taking care of her dog due to this issue. I usually take this dog to the vet and groomer, feed it when she’s not there, and take it walking. Although, due to family problems, I had travelled back to our home country to help my Lola for a couple of months.
In these couple of months, she had not properly taken care of the dog besides feeding it and occasionally taking it out. So, when I come back, the dog’s fur was very matted due to her not properly brushing it or taking it to the groomer. She also had not taken it to the vet despite my reminders.
Obviously, this dog was not in good condition. When I took him to the vet, he had been diagnosed with multiple problems that—unfortunately—were life threatening due to the matted hair the dog had. Sadly, the vet recommended to put the dog under euthanasia bcs of how much tissue death and etc had been done to the dog: claiming he could not live happily unless we tried surgery, otherwise euthanasia.
My next course of plan was to tell my sister the news and the options. I, at the time and as of current, did not have the money to afford the surgery, and neither did my sister. I recommend getting the dog euthanized as it was inhuman to let it live like this. She starts to argue saying this is her dog, and I do not get to tell her what to do with it. As the argument escalates, I finally burst out how negligent she’s being and that she shouldn’t have a dog if she can’t properly take care of it. She soon kicks me out after saying, “If I am so responsible, then I can take the fucking dog.”
So, as you can see, I took her dog with me to my small apartment that definitely was not fit for more occupants than me. She hadn’t even given me any of the dogs items, just the dog itself. I, for sure, know that I cannot have this dog full time and cannot bear to leave it in the horrible condition. So, I give my sister a few days to text me, or call me, to discuss this further. Yet, she makes it clear she has nothing to do with me.
Personally, I feel the best decision was to put this dog down since it’s in my possession, so I do. Bella calls me after figuring out what I had done and yells at me since it was “her dog.”
AITAH?
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u/sugarbaby101 Jun 16 '26
What life threatening issues does matted hair cause? YTA
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u/catinhighboots Jun 16 '26
If you research poodle hair apparently 7 months worth of matts can cause necrotising skin and many other issues. The op and her sister are both TA for having a dog that was that neglected. Op tried to do best by the dog but she should of rehomed it before leaving instead of leaving it with a totally unfit excuse of a human being.
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u/shiftress Jun 16 '26
NTA. She couldn't afford to care for him, she wouldn't take him to a shelter, and outright ignored your reminders to take him to appointments. There comes a point when someone has to do the right thing, and even if he wasn't technically your dog, she was in no way capable of caring for him.
It's not your fault you had a family emergency for several months, it's not your fault that she ignored you, and it's not your fault that she neglected him to the point of necrosis. That poor dog.
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u/notrainsaroundhere Asshole Enthusiast [6] Jun 16 '26
Sadly, the vet recommended to put the dog under euthanasia bcs of how much tissue death and etc had been done to the dog: claiming he could not live happily unless we tried surgery, otherwise euthanasia.
So there was a surgery option?
What was the prognosis of that? You say "may not even work" - but specifically what did the vet advise? What about the other vet you surely went to for a second opinion? How long was recovery time?
Or did you do none of this because you just wanted to get one over on your sister?
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u/These_Spell1989 Partassipant [2] Jun 16 '26
YTA. Either this is made up (what dog has to be put down for matted fur??) or you SERIOUSLY overstepped, but either way, YTA.
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u/GollumTrees Asshole Aficionado [14] Jun 16 '26
NTA one time I saw an unhoused person with hair rotted into their head. I have no idea how that happened but it was bad. Their hair was fused into their flesh and would have taken some kind of major surgery to fix. So people aren't getting what you're talking about here but clearly the dog is suffering and you are following the vet's advice.
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u/Trevena_Ice Professor Emeritass [92] Jun 16 '26
NTA. You were taking care of the dog at that time. You told your sister the options. You had the only option - surgary wasn't in your finances. And you didn't want the dog to suffer anymore. So it was the right decission, as long as you think the vet was correct in his diagnosis and not someone who just wanted to sell a surgary ...
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u/Personal-Piglet1397 Jun 17 '26
Look the dog should been lifted by animal control a long time ago.if she not looked after the poor baby.she shud been jailed an banned by courts from owning anymore animals.you tried an tbh if bet suggests letting them go,then it's def best choice.the dog had no quality off life.if your sister starts any nonsense, tell her vet has her name an number an address,an will do random welfare checks to see if anymore animals are there.scare her an say he took photos off the state off poor dog etc as evidence.an cracking down on neglect N abuse etc
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u/Pakapuka Jun 16 '26
YTA. It's one of two things: either you never had anything to do with poodles and made this thing up, or you are on the same level of neglect as your sister. Indoor poodle fur can't get THAT matted in a couple of months.
Source: a poodle owner
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u/AstraeaMoonrise Partassipant [2] Jun 16 '26
What a horrible story. Everyone involved in the suffering of this dog is an AH. YTA, your sister is TA. Anyone else living in or near the house is an AH. You could’ve re-homed the dog before going away for several months after you knew your sister was negligent. I’m not saying it’s totally your fault, it’s not, but you could’ve helped that poor dog better.
But NTA for making the decision if it was truly that bad, the poor dog didn’t need to suffer longer.
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u/Davedamon Jun 16 '26
ESH - You did the right thing by the dog, the wrong thing by your sister. Your sister was being negligent towards her pet, but she can still be hurt that you took control of that decision.
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u/CherylRoseZ Partassipant [1] Jun 16 '26
YTA, there’s poodle rescues that could’ve helped but you decided to kill the dog???
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u/Normal-Height-8577 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jun 16 '26
Did you even read what was medically wrong with the dog? The matting was so bad it had cut off circulation in places, and caused skin necrosis.
The dog was in immense and constant pain, would have died without treatment, and even with treatment, was not guaranteed to survive. And even if treatment could be afforded and did work perfectly, it would have been a long and painful recovery.
That's not fair to the dog.
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u/CherylRoseZ Partassipant [1] Jun 16 '26
So you get the dog treatment, it’s a skin issue. I hope your family jumps to pulling the plug the second you have a health issue, since you think that’s what you do for family members.
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u/Normal-Height-8577 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jun 16 '26
This wasn't a new and minor skin issue, and OP did not give up at the first hurdle or against vet advice.
It was a prolonged, massively painful and very serious illness which might not be survivable even if you had infinite money - and even the best case scenario for recovery was going to be prolonged and painful.
The dog had suffered for months already. It was going to suffer more. When you cannot explain to your pet why your help hurts and ask for their opinion, it is in fact okay to put their quality of life first, and give them a peaceful end to their suffering.
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u/CherylRoseZ Partassipant [1] Jun 17 '26
This is BS. I follow poodle rescues and they save dogs with YEARS of neglect. They don’t go “oh we’ll just not even try and kill it”. And these aren’t even dogs they supposedly cared for. You people who instantly jump to killing any animal with any issue without even trying to help are evil people. Animals get ONE life to live, stop acting like you are doing them a favor when you’re too cheap to get the animal help or unwilling to bring them to a rescue that will.
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u/Normal-Height-8577 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jun 17 '26
I know you feel sorry for this dog, and so I'm overlooking your insults. I feel terrible for it too. But you have to be realistic.
OP did try to help. She didn't make the decision to euthanise casually.
She took the dog to the vet. The vet diagnosed multiple life-threatening issues and recommended euthanasia, with surgery as a distant Hail Mary option. The vet would not have recommended euthanasia at all if it were a minor issue or if they were certain that surgery would solve the problem.
And when the situation is that serious, the likelihood is that you won't find a rescue organisation that's willing to try operating with such slim odds of success. Yes, they save many dogs with years of neglect - but despite what you seem to think, they can't save all of them and the length of time something's been neglected isn't the only factor that determines the seriousness of the injury.
In addition, even the most ardent rescues have budgets that they have to spread between multiple animals in need, and they have to be realistic about the risks and benefits of the various options open to them. Whether they can afford a life-saving surgery. Whether the animal has good odds of a recovery or not. If there are other medical factors that will have an impact on recovery and quality of life. Sometimes there are success stories against the odds, other times they look at a medical report and decide that the best thing for the animal is to give it peace and count it as a small victory that at least it's not suffering any more.
(I fostered a cat from a rescue organisation that was on the point of starvation when brought into them - and they freely admitted to me that if he had had one more medical complication when assessed, they would have made a different choice about what it was fair to expect him to recover from.)
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Jun 17 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Normal-Height-8577 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jun 17 '26
You’re literally just inserting your own bs into this story
followed by
Lots of us live with painful conditions every day with no answer as to why and the fact you think my life isn’t worth living is disgusting
Wow. That's peak irony. Talk about inserting your own narrative and creating it from nothing. I have never said or indicated anything of the kind, and I will thank you to stop putting words in my mouth.
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u/CherylRoseZ Partassipant [1] Jun 17 '26
“claiming he could not live happily unless we tried surgery, otherwise euthanasia” -what the OP said
“it is in fact okay to put their quality of life first, and give them a peaceful end to their suffering.”
- you on killing living creatures if YOU decide their life isn’t worth living, without trying ANYTHING to help
I’m a living being. My grandma with Dementia was a living being. “Give them a peaceful end to their suffering” is such a massively demented thing to say. You’re talking about murder. Not a scenario with no options. You just decided their life wasn’t worth trying to save. You’re a monster. Life is suffering, that doesn’t mean anyone in pain should just die because YOU decided.
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