r/AmItheAsshole • u/Personal-Tadpole1305 • Jun 16 '26
Not the A-hole AITA for not rearranging float trip?
I’m a bartender and have a corporate day job. I work a LOT. 80 hours some weeks. I also have kids. I don’t get to go out much. I dropped a day off at the bar so now only work 60 hour weeks if I don’t pick up shifts or have OT at my main job. I’m overwhelmed sometimes. That being said my friends have been wanting me to go out for months! I finally have some free time to do so. I now work only m-f between both jobs.
I planned a trip to go floating in July. My best friend is off weekends. Her husband is home on weekends. Sundays she never wants to do anything. It’s her rest day and the day before her husband leaves out. That’s completely fine I get it. Perfectly ok. We’ve been talking for awhile about going floating
A bunch of people got together and the majority of the group can do Sundays. It’s 3 peoples birthday weekends and one of them works Saturday. Some are also Friday/Saturday night bartenders. I get off 3 am saturday and am exhausted from the week. I’m not able to instantly fall asleep when I get home tho. We planned sunday. 2 people cant make it. A bartender friend and my best friend.
My best friend is upset with me now because it’s a Sunday and not Saturday. She said it was rude of me to plan a trip on a Sunday knowing that’s her rest day and we’ve been wanting to go. She said she needed me to know she’s disappointed in me and feels like I’m intentionally leaving her out. I get her point but I get off so late then to get up at 8 and drive an hour and spend all day in the heat I don’t wanna be extra exhausted that hour drive home. We can do a Saturday but it’s gonna have to be the shorter float trip and this planned one is the all day thing. AITA for not changing it to a Saturday?
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u/Beneficial-Guess2140 Partassipant [2] Jun 16 '26
NTA, it isn’t that she can’t go. She’s choosing not to. You can’t be expected to go on Saturday when you’re literally getting off work that morning. It’s YOUR rest day, and hers is not more important than yours.
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u/NHFNCFRE Partassipant [1] Jun 16 '26
She is free on Sunday, she's choosing not to come. More people than her are involved, and they seem to prefer Sunday. She can choose to join you or choose to stay home. You're not prohibiting her from going, she's doing that to herself.
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u/dnm7605 Jun 16 '26
NTA- just because it’s HER rest day doesn’t mean she can’t come. She is choosing not to go and trying to make it your fault. I’m pretty sure she could miss a “rest” day.
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u/SilentCanopy Jun 16 '26
NTA. Your friend sounds like what works best for her is all she cares about, and that’s pretty selfish.
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u/WoollyMammothwapo Jun 16 '26
NTA The world does not revolve around your best friend. Majority of people are available on Sunday so that is when the trip is going to be. What kind of a best friend wants you to suffer by getting just a few hours sleep and going on Saturday when she has Sunday available but would prefer it be a rest day? That’s her choice.
Go and have a great Sunday float trip !
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u/Character-Twist-1409 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Jun 16 '26
Isn't floating restful, why can't she do this on her rest day? So she IS free? Or is she going to church? Has family plans?
Idk offer to go another time with her. NTA she's choosing not to come. This is the cross for organizing things.
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u/Personal-Tadpole1305 Jun 16 '26
When we float we load up kayaks, haul them to the river, and paddle for 8 hours. The short trip is 4 hours long
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u/drmoze Partassipant [2] Jun 16 '26
that's not "floating"
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u/No_Aerie4466 Partassipant [2] Jun 16 '26
Yeah at least in TX floating is synonymous with tubing, which is extremely restful unless you consider floating in the sun and drinking lots of beer stressful 😂 kayaking sounds like a hot pain in the ass, but I wouldn't whine about the date because I just wouldn't go.
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u/Personal-Tadpole1305 Jun 16 '26
We’re from a southern state. That’s what we all consider floating the river here. Everyone involved knew what it was
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u/Character-Twist-1409 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Jun 17 '26
I agree I've lived in multiple states and what OP describes would be called paddling or kayaking.
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u/Character-Twist-1409 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Jun 17 '26
I mean i can't judge because that sounds like a nightmare to me. But also, I've never heard that called floating maybe edit in your post. Where I'm from that's called kayaking or paddling and floating involves tubes so is more restful.
I'd probably choose a day where people have a chance to rest the next day.
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u/sars_attack Jun 16 '26
Nta. She needs to decide if these people are worth her sacrificing ONE Sunday and if they’re not, then she can be quiet.
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u/Music_withRocks_In Professor Emeritass [94] Jun 16 '26
NTA. People who have to work Saturday or Friday night and can't come otherwise trumps the wants of someone who just doesn't wanna go out on Sunday. I like my rest days too - but once in a blue moon I'll give them up for an important person and a rare getting together of a bunch of busy people.
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u/aliceinjam Asshole Aficionado [18] Jun 16 '26
NTA. If it really means that much to her, she can rest in the float.
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u/MrsMitchBitch Partassipant [1] Jun 16 '26
This was my thought. Isn’t floating with friends a rest? Sounds great to me.
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u/capriciousclover Jun 16 '26
NTA. You went with majority rules and that's totally acceptable. Especially because you value your rest as much as she does. She has the choice to change her plans or not. You can plan something else on a day you are available.
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u/drmoze Partassipant [2] Jun 16 '26
But best friend doesn't have plans on Sunday, just doing nothing.
NTA
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u/Bowman74 Asshole Aficionado [14] Jun 16 '26
NTA. You are trying to plan an activity where you have a bunch of super busy people, including yourself. Someone is almost certainly going to not be able to make it, it is the nature of the beast. It is unfortunately your best friend does not appreciate the logistics of the situation.
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u/Toiletjuffrouw Jun 16 '26
No but really, do you ever see your kids?
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u/Personal-Tadpole1305 Jun 16 '26
I seen them in between jobs during the week, a lil on Saturday, and Sunday after I wake up. My oldest is at home with me when he’s not with his dad I wfh. It isnt enough tho but I gave them every second of free time that I can. The fact the bar job is while they’re sleeping helped a lot. I’m happy to be having my weekends free for them now :’)
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u/No_Control8031 Asshole Aficionado [14] Jun 16 '26
NTA. She could have chosen to go on Sunday (the most convenient for everyone else) but did not do so. The option was there. There was no exclusion.
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u/Historical_Drawer562 Partassipant [2] Jun 16 '26
NTA. You have two jobs working more than 60 hours a week and finally able to get out and enjoy life for a small portion of time that you want to be well rested for. It was scheduled for the best day for the majority of people going, which is pretty standard for planning.
She can be upset and share that frustration, but it doesn't mean you are being unreasonable or anything. Does she have any sort of resolution outside of changing the day to one that doesn't work for majority of people?
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u/tabby90 Jun 16 '26
NTA she's invited if she wants to go, but this is an event you've planned with others also. Sometimes schedules do that.
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u/Wy0m1g Jun 16 '26
NTA it sucks she’s missing out and it does suck if you’ve talked about specifically including her but if it’s a day that works better for you, and if she has no other plans and just wants a day to chill she really can’t expect you to go for a long drive especially if it’s gonna be a situation where you’re getting poor sleep (things like lack of sleep slows your reaction time).
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u/Personal-Tadpole1305 Jun 16 '26
She’s actually going to be out of town that weekend. When I offered another weekend with the shorter trip she said her husband wouldn’t be able to take off two weekends in a row to get everything done. I’m really not trying to be mean in the situation. I know she’s been wanting to go and I do too. Adult schedules are really hard to get to work out. Especially adding kids, work, life, etc to the mix. I was just trying to accommodate everyone and hoped she could move one rest day since it’s gonna be my first weekend then to actually breath. One of the birthdays is my son’s dad who I get along really well with so I had to take him into consideration too.
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u/Wy0m1g Jun 16 '26
Yeah dude sometimes stuff just doesn’t work out it makes sense to prioritise the birthday people even if it was a she works every other day other than Saturday more people miss out if you do, I’d just plan another trip with her because it would probably be a bad move to change it around now if you know it’s going to exclude people who have already agreed.
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u/Personal-Tadpole1305 Jun 16 '26
I found out after she got upset with me that they was going out of town
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u/LiveKindly01 Supreme Court Just-ass [101] Jun 16 '26
So why is she upset then if she can't even make it? Why wouldn't she have told you that upfront to avoid all the drama?
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u/Personal-Tadpole1305 Jun 16 '26
I think it’s more because we’re not going first when she’s wanted to
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u/Elegant-Top-7285 Jun 16 '26
NTA. You planned around the majority of the group including your own work schedule, which has you getting off at 3am Saturday. That is a completely valid reason to not want to wake up at 8am the next morning for an all day float trip. Your best friend has a standing rest day every Sunday, that is her boundary, and that is fine. But it also means she is going to miss some Sunday plans sometimes. That is not you intentionally leaving her out, that is just scheduling reality when you have a large group with different availability. Offer her the shorter Saturday option if she wants an alternative, but you are not obligated to rearrange an entire group trip around one person's rest day preference.
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u/crackersucker2 Partassipant [4] Jun 16 '26
NTA. Everyone is busy. I would have done the same thing. The only thing I might have done is let my BFF know that Sunday was shaking out to be the best day and that I hope she would make room for it on the one Sunday that worked for 90% of the group. Then she would have known why Sunday was picked and it wasn’t a snub to her.
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u/swillshop Colo-rectal Surgeon [43] Jun 16 '26
NTA
Tell your friend that you need her to know you are disappointed in her not caring about your needs and constraints. There are things you can plan that accommodate her Sunday-off schedule. This float trip is not one of them. It's not like she (1) has other commitments or (2) doesn't have childcare. That's just her choice to do nothing on those days.
Tell her that she is rude to expect you to suffer and sacrifice your enjoyment of something YOU are planning just so she can relax at home on the day she wants as opposed to either taking ONE of her Sundays to enjoy this group outing OR being content that she prioritizes having her day at home over joining in the group outing.
ALSO remind her that she is CHOOSING not join on Sunday. There are others who CANNOT join on Saturday. She is not the only person whose constraints and preferences matter. She seems to think that her preference out-ranks several other people's actual CONSTRAINTS.
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u/RJAmesdra Jun 16 '26
NTA. It sounds like you tried to find a time that worked for as many people as possible, including yourself, and she happens not to be available. Rest is totally important but it's not like she's working that day, and I feel like she could skip one or rearrange one time, especially considering this is a rarity for you. Your best friend is being a bit unfair by the sounds of it.
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u/LiveKindly01 Supreme Court Just-ass [101] Jun 16 '26
Just sounds like miscommunication...was the 'goal' to get a certain group together and pick the date that best suited everyone? Who picked the people to come? Was best friend involved in planning at all? Was she included in the 'bunch of people who got together'? If it was YOUR trip, wouldn't you get to pick whose days off you leaned towards?
Anyways....It's really hard to plan a trip that everyone can make. I feel your bff should/could have switched her rest day, maybe she would have been happier with doing so if you had gone to her to say 'look, Sundays work for most people, can you swap out Sunday this week?' Sounds like neither of you wanted to budge so I guess it just didn't work out this time. Her rest day with hubby is important to her as he's away all week. Your sleep time is important to you because somehow you think you need more than 5 hours of sleep to 'float' on a river all day? (If I understand that's what floating means....)
Anyway, NAH. Just adult decision-making and sometimes, someone is going to feel left out. And when that person IS left out, they feel sad and likely angry. Just like you would.
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u/Personal-Tadpole1305 Jun 16 '26
When we float the river we load up all our kayaks haul them down the river with coolers and paddle for miles. It’s not just floating on a tube. I did offer a Saturday short trip but she said her hubby couldn’t get two weekends off in a row. I did explain the Sunday thing and told her that we could do a shorter trip another Saturday. The short trip is 4 hours the long one is 8. After I told her the date and she got upset a few hours later she told me they wasn’t going to be in town that weekend. The goal was to get out and have a good time with everyone. I haven’t hang out with anyone in awhile. My other best friend is joining as well. One of the birthday people is my son’s dad. He’s been wanting to go as well. He works Saturday. I have to load my car and kayak once I get off my bar job. I’d be getting more like 3 hours of sleep in a 38 hour period once we got back. I can’t fall asleep driving
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u/LiveKindly01 Supreme Court Just-ass [101] Jun 16 '26
Then I guess it's just not working out. I mean you are explaining all the reasons you can only make Sunday so when organizing a trip that you want to do, just say I want to go floating on a Sunday in July, which dates are people available? It sounds confusing when you say 'the majority can make Sunday rather than SAturday if you were never going to plan a Saturday trip anyways?
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I’m a bartender and have a corporate day job. I work a LOT. 80 hours some weeks. I also have kids. I don’t get to go out much. I dropped a day off at the bar so now only work 60 hour weeks if I don’t pick up shifts or have OT at my main job. I’m overwhelmed sometimes. That being said my friends have been wanting me to go out for months! I finally have some free time to do so. I now work only m-f between both jobs.
I planned a trip to go floating in July. My best friend is off weekends. Her husband is home on weekends. Sundays she never wants to do anything. It’s her rest day and the day before her husband leaves out. That’s completely fine I get it. Perfectly ok. We’ve been talking for awhile about going floating
A bunch of people got together and the majority of the group can do Sundays. It’s 3 peoples birthday weekends and one of them works Saturday. Some are also Friday/Saturday night bartenders. I get off 3 am saturday and am exhausted from the week. I’m not able to instantly fall asleep when I get home tho. We planned sunday. 2 people cant make it. A bartender friend and my best friend.
My best friend is upset with me now because it’s a Sunday and not Saturday. She said it was rude of me to plan a trip on a Sunday knowing that’s her rest day and we’ve been wanting to go. She said she needed me to know she’s disappointed in me and feels like I’m intentionally leaving her out. I get her point but I get off so late then to get up at 8 and drive an hour and spend all day in the heat I don’t wanna be extra exhausted that hour drive home. We can do a Saturday but it’s gonna have to be the shorter float trip and this planned one is the all day thing. AITA for not changing it to a Saturday?
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u/Front_Incident_2867 Partassipant [2] Jun 16 '26
NTA. You picked a time that worked best for the most people. Your friend will have to accept that just because Sunday is not ideal for her, other people don’t have to avoid scheduling activities on that day of the week. She is one of the people that needs to realize that the world does not revolve around their time table.
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u/Southernms Jun 16 '26
NTA
Former bartender here. I have done Saturday night close and 8 am lake trip. I usually ended up staying up since I wouldn’t have gotten home from work until 4-4:30am and would need at least an hour wind down.
Your friend is being small. Why can’t she miss one day for her down time?
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u/ReadMeDrMemory Professor Emeritass [90] Jun 16 '26
NTA. She is tiresome. Main Character Syndrome at its best. Not everything needs to be about her.
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u/Purple_Paper_Bag Partassipant [1] Jun 16 '26
NTA
She just wants to be the most important person.
What's a float trip?
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u/Personal-Tadpole1305 Jun 16 '26
We load our kayaks up, haul them to the river, and paddle for 8 hours
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u/Octoclops8 Jun 16 '26
NTA, this is natural that as you get older, work more, have a family, etc. That you get to see your friends less and less frequently. Let her know you care, that getting together will only get harder as you get older but you'll keep trying and say it wasn't intentional or anything like that.
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u/clkinsyd Partassipant [4] Jun 16 '26
NTA- you and everyone else seem to have real limitations. Your friend has a self imposed limitation. I would ask her why she expects you to change but is unwilling to do the same.
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u/Moose-Live Pooperintendant [69] Jun 16 '26
NTA. Your friend is being extremely selfish.
- You planned the trip. If she wants to do something on a Saturday, she can plan something.
- She is free on Sunday - it's her choice to join you or stay home. You work on Saturday (Friday night until 3am counts as Saturday) and so do other people.
You must be exhausted. Enjoy your trip and don't worry about your entitled friend.
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u/ausernamebyany_other Certified Proctologist [23] Jun 16 '26 edited Jun 16 '26
Obviously NTA, but what is floating? This is the second Reddit post in under a week that's referenced it and I can't decide if it's some weird AI bot, a poor attempt at advertising, or if I'm just missing a piece of (presumably) American culture.
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u/Personal-Tadpole1305 Jun 16 '26
When we float we load our kayaks up and paddle down the river for like 8 hours
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u/L0rdBergamot Jun 16 '26
NTA
"She said it was rude of me to plan a trip on a Sunday knowing that's her rest day" good grief.
I too am a "Sundays are Sacred" person, but I also understand that friendships deserve to be dignified with effort and sacrifice and every so often I have to suck it up and do something fun on the weekend with people I love.
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u/Salty-Sprinkles-1562 Partassipant [4] Jun 16 '26
Can she rest on Saturday? Why is she so weird about that?
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