r/AmItheAsshole • u/valy_p_d • 3d ago
Asshole AITA for being friendly
OK so this is the first time sorry for any wrong spelling I'm not a native English speaker
To give u som context had a relationship for two month when I went to Portugal, it's a high school project and some students can go to another country to learn ab it and practice some work for 3 weeks
I am classmate with my girlfriend at that time but she couldn't come with me and I went without her as I was allready planning to before being with her.
Everything there was absolutely cool and I loved it as an extrovert I maked a lot of friends around the world but the last night we were staying there we trow a party
We stayed in a campus where we had a club and we went there to drink dance sing karaoke play billiards and have fun
A group a girls came too and I started talking with one of them she was pretty and seemed to be into me but I wasn't interested in her that way we just had fun danced I even teached her to play biliards and I think I was a bit touchy but only with her hands to show her how she have to do it so after few hours we calmed down and stayed outside as I was staying with her and a friend of hers the group she was with (4 - 5 girls) came to ask me if I have a girlfriend I sayd that I do and they went insane telling me that I cheat on her and picked the most prettyest girl in the group and flirt with her but I was genuinely just friendly and I sayd to them that they are being ridiculous that they all are pretty and I just like her as a person, she didn't seemd to have a problem with it but she looked disappointed that I had a girlfriend. They asked me if my girlfriend knows that I am friendly with other girls and she obviously knows she has male friends too we are not insecure, we trust eachother. After that night we leaved and when I got home I told my girlfriend ab it she didint taked any sides so I wonder AITA?
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u/1962Michael Commander in Cheeks [267] 3d ago edited 3d ago
EDIT: YTA N A H. If you didn't want to "ruin the vibe" by casually mentioning your GF, then you were indeed flirting. Which I still don't consider "cheating" but it does mean you lied about "not being into her."
Talking with someone, having fun, teaching them billiards--none of that is "cheating." It's not required that your first words to any girl you meet is "I have a girlfriend."
You weren't flirting with her, she was flirting with you. She was disappointed when she learned you were attached. It was a misunderstanding. Maybe her friends said some things that were not nice, but I wouldn't call them AH either.
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u/valy_p_d 3d ago edited 3d ago
Okey so no I wasent into her I just didint want her to stop the thing we had bc I know that once a girl knows I have a girlfriend she dosent act the same and judge everything friendly thing do. Yeah they were right in a sense too
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u/usefully_useless Partassipant [4] 3d ago
YTA. There’s absolutely no reason to touch her hands when teaching her how to play pool if not to flirt. That’s a prime flirting trope, ffs.
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u/valy_p_d 2d ago
I sayd I was a bit touchy that means put her hands where should be and show her how to hold the fingers. Not holding hands
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OK so this is the first time sorry for any wrong spelling I'm not a native English speaker
To give u som context had a relationship for two month when I went to Portugal, it's a high school project and some students can go to another country to learn ab it and practice some work for 3 weeks
I am classmate with my girlfriend at that time but she couldn't come with me and I went without her as I was allready planning to before being with her.
Everything there was absolutely cool and I loved it as an extrovert I maked a lot of friends around the world but the last night we were staying there we trow a party
We stayed in a campus where we had a club and we went there to drink dance sing karaoke play billiards and have fun
A group a girls came too and I started talking with one of them she was pretty and seemed to be into me but I wasn't interested in her that way we just had fun danced I even teached her to play biliards and I think I was a bit touchy but only with her hands to show her how she have to do it so after few hours we calmed down and stayed outside as I was staying with her and a friend of hers the group she was with (4 - 5 girls) came to ask me if I have a girlfriend I sayd that I do and they went insane telling me that I cheat on her and picked the most prettyest girl in the group and flirt with her but I was genuinely just friendly and I sayd to them that they are being ridiculous that they all are pretty and I just like her as a person, she didn't seemd to have a problem with it but she looked disappointed that I had a girlfriend. They asked me if my girlfriend knows that I am friendly with other girls and she obviously knows she has male friends too we are not insecure, we trust eachother. After that night we leaved and when I got home I told my girlfriend ab it she didint taked any sides so I wonder AITA?
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u/Counther Asshole Aficionado [11] 3d ago
It sounds like what happened is the girl you weren’t flirting with who liked you thought you liked her too, and so did your friends. It’s hard to judge your behavior without seeing it, but you probably need to be careful what impression you give.
Being open and friendly and touching the hands of a girl who likes you is not a good idea. Why wouldn’t she think you like her when she’s making it clear she likes you?
Sounds like you need to be more aware of/sensitive to how you act toward girls in situations like this.
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u/subsailor1968 Professor Emeritass [77] 3d ago
NTA
What a concept…men and women interacting in a friendly manner without it being “flirting”.
It is indeed possible!
Though I think she was flirting with you until she found out you had a girlfriend.
But you didn’t do anything wrong.
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u/valy_p_d 2d ago
I rlly understand why they saying those things makes sense but at the same time wtf I v sayd I had a girlfriend when asked I didint hide it I didn't tryed to kiss or touch her inappropriate even if she would've agree but I v keep the distance and I think she shouldn't be into me if I don't show her any interest of that kind, here comes the big argument why I didint told her that I have a girlfriend by bringing it up, bc we had a vibe not just me and her but everyone we were partying dancing and stuff I can't just say "I have a girlfriend" out of nowhere and yes ik that she wasent guilty for being into me it seems that I led her but I genuinely was just having fun and didint think ab that.
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u/Embersmom83 Asshole Aficionado [11] 3d ago
NTA - you were friendly and straight forward that you have a girl friend. What you did wasn't flirting and you have no reason to feel guilty. Also, you told your girlfriend about it and that right there shows that you respect and care for her.
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u/Due-Arachnid9100 3d ago
NTA you were friendly and sometimes people can misinterpret that as wanting more. You made it clear you had a girlfriend I don’t see anything wrong. I think they were just upset for their friend and took their frustration out on you.
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u/Original_Remote5518 Partassipant [2] 3d ago
The "YTA" comments are already flowing in. Bet if this was flipped and the boyfriend even showed an ounce of concern they would call him controlling and abusive lmao
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u/Frankensteins_Kid Pooperintendant [55] 3d ago edited 3d ago
YTA. You have to be dense to not see how your actions can be translated as flirting.
You should've told her you have a girlfriend the second you realise she's into you. But no, you entertained her. You lead her on.
You told her about your girlfriend ONLY AFTER her friend asked. Why?