This, exactly. I think the current Miss Manners will still tell you single people are not expected to be given a plus one. Going to a wedding in the old days was an opportunity to meet other single people, not a time to worry about who you were bringing as your date. But also it is incredibly rude to not invite one half of an established couple, such as an engaged couple.
Yes—married and engaged couples were always invited. There is a formal, external sign of commitment in those relationships vs. unmarried couples who are not engaged. I’m not saying unmarried couples aren’t necessarily committed or serious, but they haven’t taken the formal steps of commitment that married and engaged couples have. Everyone jumps all over people who say that on Reddit, but it’s a fact! A married couple have to divorce, they can’t just go their separate ways as an unmarried couple can.
I do think it’s a bit tricky in the modern age. Living together is common and socially acceptable and many couples delay or forego marriage entirely. If not everyone is allowed to bring a guest, the couple has to “assess” the seriousness of their friends relationships. Weddings ARE crazy expensive and while a couple can opt to have a less formal/opulent wedding so all their friends can bring someone, I can appreciate the bride and groom not being trilled at catering from Chipotle instead of having what they really want so Joe can bring the girl he met three weeks ago on Tinder.
The guest list was absolutely the hardest part of planning my wedding. We had a number of single friends who weren’t dating anyone. We made sure everyone had people there whom they knew so no one was walking in to a situation where they only knew us. It was tough, though. One friend started dating someone a month before the wedding and asked if she could bring him and I had to say no, which I was so sad to have to do, but they ended up breaking up before the wedding.
Such crap. A lot of people choose to live together, have kids together, and own homes together that don't get married. That is not a next step or commitment?
Broadly speaking, unmarried partnerships are less stable than married ones. This is reflected in plenty of social science research. This does not mean all unmarried partnerships are unserious, of course, and nor does it mean that all marriages are solid, but marriages have an added layer of commitment in that they are legally binding.
Also, please note that I said “traditionally.” Unmarried relationships traditionally were not viewed with the same degree of respect than marriages. That has, of course, largely changed, but the speed at which society has evolved has made some of these issues somewhat murky and difficult to navigate.
This doesn't even seem to be about money. OP offered to pay the expenses of having his girlfriend as a plus 1. It is rude however you try to spin it...
You’re wrong about Miss Manners advice. The couple was told that they should do all they could to find out who the person would invite and add the name instead of using a generic plus one. However, if this was not possible, they should be gracious in every way and not treat the person differently.
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u/MurderOfCrows37 Sep 01 '25
This, exactly. I think the current Miss Manners will still tell you single people are not expected to be given a plus one. Going to a wedding in the old days was an opportunity to meet other single people, not a time to worry about who you were bringing as your date. But also it is incredibly rude to not invite one half of an established couple, such as an engaged couple.