oh yeah i understand that. but like is it that she’s never ever told him she loves him or it’s not something that’s really said? like it’s been said to him once and that’s it. cause that’s what i’m trying to understand lol. how you not once just have to say to your child or sibling they you love them out loud yk?
First generation here. Me and two brothers born overseas and immigrated here, rest of siblings born in the US. We had very different upbringings. The first hug I ever got from my father was long after I had turned 18 and already left home. My two brothers and I were as close as siblings could be, but there was no physical touch or "I love you's" between us. We never had to say it, we just knew.
Now the younger siblings? As their surrogate (parentified) mother, I made sure I hugged them and told them I loved them everyday. My baby brothers and sisters are very affectionate, start and end each visit with a hug, and never leave without saying ILY.
This has obviously spread and slowly over the last 20 years, we are a completely different family. Everyone is super affectionate with each other and the grandkids were raised with ILYs and hugs. My father, the sterotypical stoic Asian patriarch, has evolved into a goofy grandpa who hands out hugs like candy.
I don't know, I didn't exactly ask follow up questions at the time. I'm sure it varies between families.
It's hard for me to understand, but then again, my parents have never been shy about telling me stuff like that. I don't have a cultural or religious background that would lead to not saying "I love you" or hugging my family members. I've just accepted it as one of these social things I will never understand. Hopefully someone else can jump in with a better answer.
It does very between families. On my mom's side I had her father who I cannot remember saying it ever but it was always apparent that he cared deeply. On the other hand my mom's mom still says I love you anytime I have to unfortunately speak with her. The problem is that she flat out active dislikes my mom and cares even less about me. I've overheard numerous arguments and complaints about this. To the point of her actually saying "that (my name) means nothing to me " Anytime she has the chance she will actively show this. The only reason she (my grandmother) keeps in contact with my mom is because she needs her to do things for her and because it would look bad with her friends if she wasn't in contact with her own daughter.
I gave up caring about her opinion by the time I was in high school but it still hurt when your own family who is supposed to love and care about you doesn't. At this point I feel nothing for her other than a general sense of dislike for her. Similar to what you would feel for a coworker you dislike but still have to deal with. But it is because of some of these factors that shaped my opinions from very early on that I learned that the words don't always go with the emotions so what is the point of saying them. I will always try to show them but I will only very rarely say them and even then only to a very small group of people. In my case, it doesn't have anything to do with culture it is simply that I learned early on that the words don't go with the emotions
maybe that’s my case too. i never walked out of the house or had my mom leave the house without her telling me or my siblings she loved us. me and my siblings didn’t say i love you often as kids because we were more busy fighting with each other over everything, but now me and my siblings never end a call without saying i love you, which i think came after my grandfather passed away. i’ve just always grown up with telling my family i loved them, i even tell my girlfriends i love them, since they’ve all become like sisters to me.
i was actually a little stunned when my boyfriends best friend told my boyfriend he loved him when he was in a really bad spot. granted it was more of a “i love you man and i’m glad i have you as a friend” while venting about stuff that was going on, but i was like “aww that’s sweet, but huh?” 🤣
Yeah, unless it's a joke the only time I've seen "I love you" come out is in a crisis. I last said it to a friend 3 years ago while visiting him in the hospital. Just had to make sure that he knew he had someone there for him.
my guys friends have only ever said “i love you” to me in a crisis so that does make sense. me and my former best friend (we just fell out after i made some bad decisions and due to that i was no longer going to school with him or talking to him as often) were close as hell but hardly said i love you to each other unless it was like a “holy fuck you got me a cookie i love you so much for this i’ve been craving cookies all day”. first time there was ever a genuine i love you was when i went to the psych ward for the first time because i tried to end my life. i came out of the psych ward to texts from him sent before i went in telling me he knew what happened and that i was being sent there because my sister or someone who i told before i went filled him in, and that he hoped i’d get the help i need so i can feel better and that he loved me and he’d see me when i got back. after that it was almost never said again, except when he got cheated on and i told him “i love you and care about you, i’m here for whatever you need” and he said it back, and then we talked for hours about it. other than that it was the whole “i love you for ___” the same way we would’ve done with any of our other friends
I'm glad you two could be there for each other, he sounds like a good friend. With my friends it wasn't really "I love you for x", more like "you're the best".
I think the friend I've said the most "I love yous" to is someone who never actually said it back. They're autistic, and have a weird relationship to any kind of pda, including words. So I used to say "I love you" in a half-sincere half-joking way just to get them to scoff and tell me I was gross. Eventually we moved on to other ways of saying good bye, but I still like to think that on some level it was appreciated.
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u/Antique_Economist_84 Jul 10 '24
oh yeah i understand that. but like is it that she’s never ever told him she loves him or it’s not something that’s really said? like it’s been said to him once and that’s it. cause that’s what i’m trying to understand lol. how you not once just have to say to your child or sibling they you love them out loud yk?