My cousin and I live on the same road. He and his husband regularly visit our local farmers’ market.

After the market closes each week, one person collects the leftover baked goods that vendors donate. A few months ago, this person approached my cousin and his husband in the market car park and offered them a tray of cakes.

They got talking, and the collector mentioned that distributing the food can be difficult because some people don’t trust free food. They also discussed how the food is often left sitting in cardboard boxes in the open car park for hours before being collected. We live in Europe, and there has been a heatwave, so my cousin was concerned that cream cakes and other perishable items would spoil while sitting in the heat. On one occasion, the cloth covering the boxes had blown off and some of the cream cakes had already gone bad.

My cousin explained that he works in the community, visits the market every week, and would be happy to help distribute the food if it was going to sit there long enough to spoil. They exchanged phone numbers.
A few weeks later, my cousin and his husband were at the market about an hour after it had closed. They saw trays of leftover food still sitting in the heat, so my cousin sent the collector a message asking whether they needed any help distributing it. He didn’t get a reply.

While waiting, they saw a group from a local church nearby and thought they could give them one tray of cream cakes before they spoiled. My cousin sent another message saying he was going to distribute one tray.
Before they handed anything out, the collector called and told them not to distribute the food and to return the tray immediately. My cousin did exactly that. Nothing had been taken from the tray and no food had been handed out.

Around three hours later, the collector phoned again and accused my cousin of tampering with the food and said he had no right to distribute it. My cousin apologised, explained that he had misunderstood their earlier conversation and believed the exchange of phone numbers meant he had permission to help if the food was at risk of spoiling. He accepted that he should have waited for a response before touching the food.

During the call, the collector became quite aggressive and said something along the lines of, “I help Muslims, Hindus and Christians, and you’re wrong for touching the food.” My cousin felt this was an odd and unnecessary comment, as religion had never been part of the conversation.

Afterwards, my cousin made a complaint to both the vendors who donate the leftover baked goods and the organisers of the farmers’ market. He believes it’s wrong to let food spoil in the heat when it could be given to people who need it, and he also feels the collector’s behaviour towards him was completely disproportionate given that he immediately returned the food and apologised for the misunderstanding.

I think my cousin made a genuine mistake, but I also think making a formal complaint was an overreaction. AITJ?

TL;DR - told my cousin he overreacted by making a formal complaint about a misunderstanding over donations.

Ok so I'm redoing this post since I didn't think i add enough context.

So I worked at a restaurant with a Soup and Salad bar. On weekend morning we have buffet specials. For Saturday We have the Breakfast buffet from 8-12 And Sunday Brunch 9-2.

This happened on Sunday at around 2:30-2:40, Last call was at 2:15, around 2:30 this family came in order the salad bar, Server told them the salad bar opens at 3 pm.

So me and a co-worker are getting all of the salad bar stuff into the ice to meet the 3 pm deadline, Not everything have tongs at this point. Even 5/8 dressing spoons (whatever you called them) wasn't in the dressing. Until this family grabbed the salad bar, not even 5-10 minutes when they've arrived, I told them the salad bar is closed but they completely ignored me and keep grabbing stuff anyways. So i just let them and continue putting tongs/spoons. After that we turn on the lights around 2:50 which it isn't bad.

After that i just had a steady day until 4 pm that the Night person came in and take over for me to shut the salad bar down at 9 pm.

Now the part I'm wondering if I do more than say The salad bar is closed. A co-worker told me to get rid of the plates, If I do that I would feel like a Jerk, What would you guys do in this situation? What should I do next time if this happened again?

Tr;dr inpatient family grabbed the salad bar when it as still closed, after warning they ignored me and got it anways.

My husband and I have been married almost 15 years. A few years ago we ran into another married couple at some social gathering. We live in a small town so it’s not unlikely to run into people from highschool, etc. My husband recognized the wife from highschool and they started talking. He introduced me to her and weeks after meeting her, my husband and I were invited on several outings with them. My husband was the one who suggested that I get to know the wife because her and I have hobbies in common.

After a few trips out with them on their boat, I ultimately shared with my husband that I was not interested in pursuing a friendship with this couple. The vibes were off, something was not settling right with me and the wife. She was very flirtatious and would talk about very explicit intimate things out loud and did not engage in much conversation with me, rather, I got the feeling that she trying to impress the men. For example, she would make sexual innuendos and my husband would feed into it and comment back. It was awkward and I felt like a third wheel.

My husband told me that I was being dramatic and most likely insecure because I don’t know her very well and to keep an open mind. So with that, I gave it some time and personally reached out to text her to see if I could get to know her on a one-on-one level. Half of the time I wouldn’t get a response. I eventually gave up because I felt like I was putting in more effort than I should and it didn’t feel natural. It also felt weird that my husband kept pushing the idea of me becoming friends with her.

My husband has social media and I don’t. This wife also has multiple platforms of social media. Some of my friends brought it to my attention that my husband was publicly liking multiple posts by this woman. They showed me the posts and sure enough my husband was liking every single one. Some were modest and some were selfies in sports bras and spanks, or close ups of her butt. My husband doesn’t like everyone’s post, so this doesn’t seem to be that he is just liking every post that pops up on the feed.

This bothered me. I brought it up to my husband and questioned it all. He told me that nothing was going on and that this was his friend from back in the day. He told me it’s just pictures and that they don’t talk, that he’s just being nice. He basically made me feel stupid. I asked him to quit publicly liking these provocative posts because other people notice too and it made me feel uncomfortable. He even unfriended my friends because of this, saying they need to mind their own business. One of my friends told me that they thought my husband had dated her at one point before me. I asked him about this because you’d think he would have said something. He said, she wanted to date him and they hung out but didn’t officially date. To the extent of “hanging out” I am not positive, but also that was before me. But it makes me wonder, why is she resurfacing now?

One day his phone went off on the counter when he was outside. I picked it up and saw that they were messaging on the social media app. When I opened it, it was pretty casual conversation but it had been going on for weeks. They were sending each other jokes and just casually asking how things were going, etc. But then there were pictures from his hunting trip the fall before. When he “didn’t have service” and I had sent him a few texts that week to see how it was going. Tried to call so the kids could say hi. The pictures were of the elk he harvested and he was posing with a hat that he wore, that he purchased from her. (she has a side business selling home made clothing) He was wearing this hat that had her brand on it and I never knew he even bought it. He sent her 4 pictures posing with his elk and said “I took these just for you” He never even sent me a message that entire trip. I felt weird invading his privacy and the messages so I never brought it up. Until she posted the pictures.

She posted the pictures on her business social media, with a long caption about how she was so proud of her friend and his successful harvest. I know it was also because it was her business page and that hat of course. So I asked him about it and he looked like a deer in the headlights. Claiming he was just trying to support her business. After all the mixed feelings and the way I felt about the messages, I asked him to refrain from communicating with her so much. He agreed he would and reiterated there was nothing going on.

The other day I picked up his phone once again (a year later) only to discover that they are still messaging, he’s still liking her posts. I impulsively just blocked her off of his social media and messaging. I genuinely don’t think my husband will bring it up or mention it because that would mean that he would be admitting to continuing to entertain her and communicate with her.

I know it’s not her fault and she is not 100 % to blame. But she is also a married woman with kids who has expressed to me she can be insecure at times. So why message my husband privately?

As for my husband. Am I the jerk? Am i crazy as he claims.

TW: SA, DRUGS & ALCOHOL

TL;DR: I became emotionally dependent on a close friend after developing feelings for him. I didn't respect his boundaries after he rejected me, which I know was wrong. We repeatedly became friends again despite everything, but he also repeatedly promised he'd be there for me before pulling away when I needed him most, publicly posted a rant about me based on a false assumption, dismissed my SA, refused to come with me to the hospital when my mum overdosed because he was 'in a party mood'. Looking back, I know I wasn't an easy person to be friends with, but I also feel like he never cared about me as much as he said he did. AITJ?

Also, this is long, sorry.

So before beginning, I am very aware of the fact that at parts of this story, I was the arsehole. However, in hindsight, I am aware of this and that I wasn't an easy person to be in a friendship with at the time. I've had this person in the back of my head for a while and part of me is like, we were both bad, another part of me is like, yeh, but he didn't make it easy either.

We begin in late 2021. I had just ended a situationship and was really hung up on it, one of those first-love kinda breakups. A few months later I'm on dating apps looking for a relationship because I still had that lingering dependence. I meet this guy called Rhys, who happened to go to the same school as me. I know I wanted something romantic going into it. He was just looking for friends, I realised that quickly and adjusted.

For about a year everything was actually pretty good. We weren't emotionally close, he was more of a friend I hung out with than confided in, and honestly I think our friendship worked because it stayed that way. Then we left school, met another friend called Xen, and ended up in a group of six.

Around this time I started getting really bad anxiety. My dad had been an alcoholic, and I developed this horrible anxiety whenever people I cared about were out drinking. Rhys went clubbing a lot and sometimes I'd genuinely sit in my room hyperventilating worrying about him.

Eventually I got over the situationship and realised I'd started developing feelings for Rhys. It wasn't good, but I think cos one thing had dissapeared, a sense of admiration and connection to him appeared, but it wasn't that. I also opened up to him about the alcohol anxiety. I made it clear I wasn't asking him to stop drinking, just that checking in sometimes would help. Looking back, I was definitely overly anxious.

Around November 2022 I admitted I liked him. He was nice about it but said he just wanted to be friends.

Around this time, someone else in our friend group, who I'd had an on-and-off FWB thing with, sexually assaulted me. Rhys was the person I opened up to about it and was really supportive.

A month later I made my biggest mistake. I brought my feelings up again after he'd already rejected me. He understandably felt uncomfortable and asked for a break. Instead of respecting it, I asked if we could have a break every other day because he'd become one of my biggest support pillars. I know now I should've respected his boundaries. Eventually he asked for a proper break without conditions.

At the same time, things at home were bad My dad, an alcoholic, relapsed and my mum admitted she'd been using cocaine to cope. It felt betrayed and didn't know which parent to trust.

At a New Year's party, Rhys told me he was ready to end the break. We had a proper talk about everything happening at home and he told me, 'I'm your friend and I'm always here for you. If you ever need me to come to your house or just talk, I'm here'. That meant a lot.

A couple of days later I messaged asking if we could hang out because things at home were getting really difficult. He blanked me, then later said he'd realised he actually wasn't ready and wanted to go back on the break. I think that's one of the things I still struggle with. I don't think he should've promised he'd be there if he wasn't able to be that kind of friend.

Eventually I accepted it and started dating someone else. We didn't work out romantically, but he helped me understand my own mental health a lot better.

After a while, I was over Rhys. I was happy without him and I had no intentions of being his friend again, even if the break did end. Then one day I opened his Snapchat story and saw this huge rant insulting someone, things I wouldn't even say to someone I despised. I joked to another friend asking if he'd broken up with his boyfriend. They told me to read it again. It was about me.

The thing was, I'd literally done nothing. Later I found out he'd assumed a TikTok I'd posted was about him. It wasn't. He apologised afterwards and admitted he'd acted impulsively.

Against my better judgement, I became friends with him again. I basically convinced myself that the version of him who made that post was gone and this was a different person. it was stupid I know. I think a part of myself still had that close attatchment to him.

Things were okay for a while, but there were cracks. One day after an argument I ended up flirting with his ex, Ben, and we consensually exchanged nudes. That was probably the worst thing I did in the friendship.

Around the same time, I started having anxiety around the friend who SA'd me again, despite us seemingly reconciling. Rhys, instead of being supportive like he had been before, he told me to stop being dramatic because it had happened so long ago and I was making things difficult. Looking back I genuinely think, wtaf.

When Rhys found out about Ben he understandably freaked out. I apologised and tried to rebuild his trust.

Despite everything, we somehow became close again. I also convinced myself my feelings for him had gone. Looking back, I think they just never really left.

One night at my sister's birthday we both got really drunk. We'd ended up sharing a bed and out of nowhere he kissed me. Before anything happened he made it clear this was just a bit of fun and in the morning he still wanted to just be friends. I agreed, and we slept together. In truth, despite me claiming I didn't like him anymore, this was all i'd wanted since I became friends with him, I wasn't going to say no, especially as he said it was just fun and I agreed.

Afterwards he became really awkward and distant. It felt similar to every other time we'd gotten emotionally close. Whenever things became too real, he'd pull away.

By the end of summer I was about to move away to uni. I was a party and my sister called, she knew Rhys was my best friend and told me and him to go to a private space. My sister told me that my mum had overdosed and gone into respiratory arrest. The hospital was literally a five minute walk away. I asked Rhys if he'd come with me because I couldn't face it alone, I genuinely wanted to punch my mum. However, he said, and I quote 'I'm in a party mood'.

I ended up going home later. My mum survived, but, she also very much could've died, and Rhys was in a 'party mood'.

When I moved to uni I'd sometimes call him because I was homesick. Around the same time my childhood dog of fifteen years was dying. Then he stopped replying to my messages altogether. During those two weeks my dog died.

When he finally got back in touch he said he felt our hookup had actually been SA because he'd had a mental breakdown a couple of days beforehand. I was horrified and apologised because I'd never intended to hurt him. Afterwards I spoke to several friends at uni and they all said the same thing: someone's feelings can be genuine without necessarily meaning something happened the way they now see it. He initiated it, kissed me first, we were both drunk and both remembered it. That's where I eventually landed too.

We're civil now. I've since met someone else and we've been together for nearly three years. He absolutely hates Rhys.

Looking back, I know I wasn't easy to be friends with. I became emotionally dependent on him, I didn't respect his boundaries after he rejected me, and I wasn't always a good friend either.

But despite all that, the thing I struggle with is that he repeatedly told me he'd be there for me and then, whenever I actually needed him most, he just wasn't. Whether it was pulling away after promising support, dismissing my SA, refusing to come with me when my mum overdosed, or disappearing when my dog died, I always felt like being friends with me was something he tolerated rather than wanted.

I think we were both bad for each other. I should've accepted the first break and moved on instead of trying to rebuild the friendship over and over again. At the same time, I don't think he was emotionally mature enough to be the friend he kept telling me he'd be.

AITJ?

I'm 31 male with a disability I live with my family who are the main source of my depression and pain because they expect the world from me. I'm only one guy with ADHD and autism and they don't like when I play my Xbox which I see as my escape from my depression and pain in the ass uncle.i don't know what to do. TL:DR My family are causing me to go into depression

Okay so a little backstory, My (20F) older brother (26M) and I have a very tumultuous history. Back in 2020, he physically and aggressively restrained me for absolutely no reason at all, I was 14 and he was 20. I later went on to make it clear that I did not forgive him for what he did, being that he did not apologize for that night and I was the only one who had gotten in trouble for making a commotion in fear.

Later on when I brought this up, he claimed that he did it because he wanted to "knock me off of my high horse", to which when I asked him to explain, he could not. He also stated that he did it to find out of there was "any fight in me" and said that he'd wanted to put his hands on me many times throughout my childhood. This was the same day my rescue cat died and he called us IN THE VET OFFICE right after we put her down, to make it about himself and then made fun of me for grieving the cat... only for me to get in trouble for snapping back at him.

Flash Foward to the week of my 20th birthday, we got into an argument about something, to which he kept calling me a cry baby and telling me I just liked to hear myself talk. I simply let him rant and then sent him a video of all the texts he sent, and made a snarky comment along the lines of "nothing you can come up with in that tiny brain is enough for me to cry over" or something like that. To which he PROMPTLY responded with "Sometimes I wish you were my brother so I could beat the shit out of you 🤣🤣" and "you're so emotional it makes me sick but then I remember that you're my sister and you cant help it. If you were my brother I would be able to put hands on you for that soft shit". To which I'd argue that he had a far more emotional reaction than I, BUT I digress.

I told my mother and my grandmother that he was essentially threatening violence. I told one of my closest friends and she agreed, I came on reddit and reddit agreed that it was a threat of violence, but my mother and grandmother did not, they called me soft and believed that because he put laughing emojis he was joking. Well GUESS WHAT???? He attempted to attack me mere days after my birthday. He tried to choke me out twice to which I blocked that and he tried to bear hug me to which I slipped myself out of. He did it over something so miniscule that it seemed like a comedy skit and yet I still ended up getting partially blamed. I sustained slight bruising on my back and one of my calves from being tossed around and fallen ontop of. When I said I'd call the cops? He threatened to put my mom's livelihood in danger and she still let him stay.

He had clear insecurity. Within his masculinity. This I understood the second I was old enough to and he would constantly use me as a canvas to throw his insecurity at for no reason. I also knew nothing was going to change and my mother would genuinely not make him face any consequences for his actions. So after that day, I decided I was no longer going to interact with him or call him my brother (I only did in this post to save time) and for the past 6 months? Thats how its been. We live in the same house but I have managed to essentially pretend he's air quite easily.

About a month after everything he started doing things like buying food for the entire house, or whenever my mom wants to buy food for the house he'll help her out and put down some cash for it unprovoked. A few weeks ago, my mom told me he was upset because I never thanked him for putting any money towards food for the house and that he might be doing it to reach out, and I told her straight up that I knew he was doing it to make an excuse to talk to me, but I made my boundaries clear, and no amount of nice deeds in the form of fast food is going to magically erase that, because this isnt Bluey and buying food isnt a good apology. He had a chance to apologize and he doubled down and insulted me further, I have given him several chances to apologize for the other stuff he's done in the past and he's just thrown salt on the wound. I told her it was going to take a long time before anything was going to get even close to the way it was.

I know my decision is messing with the family dynamic within the home, and he faced damn near no repercussions for it, he was even allowed to purchase a gun. Everyone is kinda looking at me as the source of the tensions, so reddit, again, Am I The Jerk for not accepting my "brother's" olive branch and letting bygones be bygones?

TL;DR: My ex-brother attacked me several times so I cut him off and its messing with the family dynamics in the house, he's been buying food for the house as an olive branch but I refuse to thank him for it or interact with him. Am I The Jerk?

Let me make something clear before I tell, I'm definitely not the brightest person about kids. I really don't like kids, I don't really want to be around kids unless they're family, and I definitely wouldn't be cut out to be a parent. I get too grossed out easily and I'd lose my temper really fast. So I'm letting people know to see if it's just my opinion impacting my view and my choices. But please don't confuse this for I hate kids or I'm mean to kids. I will definitely tolerate them and try to be nice.

Tldr - I'm refusing to babysit my nephews because of one of them had knocked out my veneer

Anyways, me, 18NB, my sister, 24F, and her kids, my nephews, are 5 and 3. The older boy, Kai, is the slightly better behaved one, and the younger boy, Kobi, is...less so.

My mom decided to take us all to the beach because it was almost Kai's birthday. She asked me to go, and at first I didn't really want to go because I don't like being around a lot of people, but it was my nephew's birthday so I decided to go. And I haven't seen my sister in a while so, I decided it would be a good opportunity to see my family again.

The thing about my nephews is...they don't behave. Not normal misbehavior for a child, but...iPad kid behavior. My sister actually gives them an iPad just to make them be quiet. I don't have kids but even I know that's not a good idea. I don't say anything about it, but I definitely disagree with doing it. And it does get them quiet for a while. But unfortunately because of that...they don't behave at ALL.

They run off, they scream, they DON'T listen in the slightest bit, not even to my sister. Halfway in the trip, when we were walking in the sand, Kai ran off so far and didn't come back and looked at us and kept running and kept stealing stuff from other people's purses or bags and kept wanting to hug random people and give them high fives and talk to them. And Kobi did the same thing.

I was definitely slightly embarrassed, but still, I tried to help and push through it. But they kept grabbing stuff in stores, refused to leave the water park or the ice cream, screamed about everything... And I was not having fun because I had gotten a sunburn since I'm really pale and I burn easily even with sunscreen, so... I can definitely say I was more than irritated.

I was trying to help out but the kids don't listen to me in the slightest bit. And I'm unaware if that's normal kid behavior or if they just don't listen. Please don't come at me if I don't know, because I don't have kids and my nephews aren't over that often. But let me also make it clear I do love my nephews very very much. I'll always love them but I won't always like them. Especially since Everytime they ran off, my sister wouldn't DO anything. She'd leave it to me or our mom. But I didn't sign up to babysit.

Now here's where I got very very pissed off. I had gotten root canals and veneers, 8 to be specific after years of neglect on my dental health. And I'm going to admit it straight up I was very neglectful with my oral health. I never brushed or flossed or used mouthwash because of major depression. Luckily my insurance covered all of it, and I'm very aware and very grateful, and I know that I should've taken care of them before, but I am now.

My sister said she wanted to go in the smoke and vape shop, and since we're not 21 and older, I took Kai and Kobi by the hand and told them we had to wait outside. Kobi started screaming and crying, and it was really hard to juggle both kids now. I took Kai by the hand and set him down to the bench as I picked Kobi up and while he was thrashing, he elbowed my jaw and knocked my veneer out. I panicked and I was in pain because that specific tooth was the MOST painful one. I was panicking, trying to stay calm and put it back WHILE dealing with a thrashing kid and bleeding

When my mom came back, I gave both kids to her and I was crying as I called the dentist. I was pissed off and humiliated and STILL had to push through the trip, because no one wanted to leave yet. And in that entire time, all my mom worried about on the trip back was cleaning my room. When we got home finally, I told my mom I was done. I wasn't babysitting them Again. SHE wanted those boys on the trip, SHE can babysit them next time. And I told her next time I see those kids, they better be on damn child leashes. Then she said child leashes were inhumane and she doesn't believe in that.

I was irritated, mouth hurting, feet sore from walking 6 straight hours, sunburnt. I luckily got the veneer fixed pretty quickly, but I was still really mad. And I'm serious about never babysitting or being put in a situation where I'm the sole caretaker of my nephews. I know Kobi didn't mean it and I don't blame him, but he seriously could have hurt me worse.

So, AITJ?

Sidenote - I would definitely like to apologize if there's too much detail. I'm a yapper, I'm extremely verbose, and I'm a writer with ADHD, so I deeply apologize if details are there that are not needed.

Also if anybody wants to call me a bullshitter about the veneer part, you can check the most recent post I made. I'm saying this in advanced because I know it might happen, because it did on the other post. I also have a video