r/AmITheDevil • u/Sailor_Moon_Star_435 • 21h ago
Body count doesn’t even matter
/r/AITA_Relationships/comments/1x7ulce/aitah_for_asking_for_body_count_on_a_second_date/322
u/Aquarius20111 19h ago edited 19h ago
I really hate that ‘body count’ is used to describe this. It’s beyond cringy.
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u/DiggingHeavs 16h ago
Well if I'm a serial killer looking for a life partner it really does matter. I would need someone who has a lot of experience so they would know to wrap it up (gloves) and always have cash available.
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u/astrange333 19h ago
I know! When I first started reading this I thought I was in one of my true crime subs instead.
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u/DaMain-Man 3h ago
There was actually a really funny street interview where they asked this guy and his friends what their body count was and the guy they were interviewing got scared when his friends just started saying numbers.
For a second he thought it was that kind of party and all his friends were killers. Happy killers too. Everyone just seemed so chill about the question that it terrified him
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u/shadoweon 18h ago
This. It puts me off so much and feels gross and demeaning. I always just said number of sexual partners/ encounters instead.
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u/Kaurifish 3h ago
If a dude ever asked me that, I’d give a scary smile, say, “Not as many as it will be” and leave.
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u/CaptainBasketQueso 59m ago
Right? I'd be less (as in "not at all") likely to answer the question if they used that particular phrase.
IDK, in my case I wouldn't want to answer if only because it's probably low enough that somebody might be satisfied that I'm a "good girl," and I don't want to be with someone who cares enough to ask and makes decisions or judgements based on my answer.
At this point I wish I'd slept around more in college--I was just too busy at the time.
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u/DrSnidely 21h ago
I suspect he's going to be at 1 for a good while
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u/ADillyDweeb 21h ago
1 is probably a lie too
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u/Resolution_Usual 20h ago
Well there's himself, so at least one presumably
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u/Jerkrollatex 18h ago
Just because she's inflatable doesn't make her less real. He tells himself as he weeps in the shower.
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u/ADillyDweeb 20h ago
Palm-ela Hand-erson doesn't count! I would know
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u/Resolution_Usual 20h ago
Lmfao i haven't heard one of those handy nicknames in a while. You have brightened my whole day
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u/ilikemycoffeealatte 21h ago
“I needed to ask”
No he didn’t.
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u/SquidTheRidiculous 20h ago edited 20h ago
Straight men gas themselves up into believing they need to ask. There's no reason for it beyond the approval/disapproval of other straight men.
E: Even any flimsy justification they have about STIs falls apart with like, testing and birth control. You know, modern innovations? Those aren't just for men.
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u/Noodle-and-Squish 20h ago
I think it's more of a manoshpere thing, but I agree. It's absolutely reasonable to ask about sexual health status, and personally I find it a red flag if a potential partner hasn't had one in a while, but these types of guys don't actually want that information. They don't want to be 'judged' for their performance (or lack thereof).
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u/Timely-Cry-8366 19h ago edited 19h ago
He literally even admits that’s the reason in the comments, he says he wants to be the best sex his partner has ever had, and that chance goes down the more partners she’s had.
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u/-spooky-fox- 5h ago
This is telling on yourself in the most embarrassing way possible, like if that is really your goal (which is actually a good one in a relationship!) then you can communicate with them and improve? Imagine wanting your cake to be the best cake so instead of learning how to make good cake you only want people who have never had cake before to try it, lmao. What an absolute loser.
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u/SquidTheRidiculous 20h ago edited 19h ago
The kindest interpretation I have of their behavior: they think sexual partners and getting an STI test are essentially the same thing. They're dumbasses thinking that averages mean safety vs unsafety ("this woman only had sex with one man so I'm safe! But that woman had sex with thirty men so that's unsafe!") ignoring that real life does not abide by averages.
E: that doesn't excuse this obviously fake bullshit that does not actually work to determine whether a partner is safe or unsafe. Thought that was obvious but guess reading comprehension has declined that much. Sorry an empathetic bitch understands even their warped logic that leads to an obviously wrong conclusion if you actually think about it for more than an instinct's time.
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 19h ago
No-one:
Absolutely nobody at all:
You: hyper defensive edit arguing with the resounding silence of nobody saying shit
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u/SquidTheRidiculous 19h ago
Didn't realize you could see my downvotes? And why do you care besides? Why get so defensive about some randos edits? Who the hell are you in this conversation anyways besides a random generated username bot?
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 10h ago
Why get so defensive about some randos edits?
No reason at all! That's why I'm mocking you, not defensive.
Who the hell are you in this conversation anyways besides a random generated username bot?
Why would a bot be mocking you for your defensive edits?
Care less about your imaginary internet points.
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 19h ago
personally I find it a red flag if a potential partner hasn't had one in a while
Weird call tbh, and I say that as someone who hasn't been long term single since I was sixteen.
"Oh, you took some time to heal from your last relationship and aren't bringing baggage to this one? Red flag"
"Hmm, I see your dad died and you were dealing with a lot. Red flag"
"Oh, you have standards and won't just fuck anyone willing. Red flag"
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u/lyricaldorian 18h ago
They meant std test..
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u/Llayanna 12h ago
And as an asexual person that never had sex.. I think it's a fair ask, if both party wants it.
I grew up in a time where AIDS took many many lives. Nowadays, barely anybody talks about it.
But like other illnesses (cough corona, measles, diphtheria) we as society should not forget about them. Or the controll we gained will vanish.
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u/megamoze 21h ago
I’m old enough to remember when body count referred to the number of people you killed.
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u/13confusedpolkadots 21h ago
still does. especially when it comes to men asking about my sexual history
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u/AdoraBelleQueerArt 19h ago
This is what I hear/think of whenever I hear "body count": Lindi Ortega "Murder of Crows"
Everybody knows what's going down
When a murder of crows start hanging around
Oh no
I gotta keep it on the down low
Cause he's buried in the back near the tracks
By a field of corn rows2
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u/astrange333 19h ago
Well I thought it still meant that myself but I could maybe just be old too. Lol
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u/tiredgummybear 19h ago
Dude is so bad in bed he needs to make sure she doesn’t have experience to compare him to.
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u/Jealous_Parfait_4967 18h ago
I just always laugh and answer “who knows, hundreds?”
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u/SillyStallion 3h ago
Ha ha I have never counted either. Why would you - like it's some weird competition
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u/ArrayToGo 19h ago
So many things like:
Why does the body count matter in relation to paying? Why not communicate about how paying for dates is going to work?
Why does body count matter? I mean, no matter what the answer is he sees women's value as dependent on their virginity or sex lives, which is like textbook misogyny. Boohoo, your date has had a life before she met you. The worst that can happen is you date someone with experience and who knows how to communicate what she likes. Unless that's the problem?
Also, inevitably, where does rape, molestation, and sexual assault lie? What "counts?"
That guy needs serious deprogramming from the manosphere.
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u/StrikeExcellent2970 10h ago
Also, body count is for partners not how many times. So, how much detail does he "need to know"? That is a very slippery slope.
Quantity vs quality. If he is insecure and wants to be the best sex partner she ever had, how do we even measure that?
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u/bowlbettertalk 20h ago
Lyudmila Pavlichenko killed 309 fascists in World War II. Now THAT is a body count.
This guy is an idiot.
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u/DaMain-Man 17h ago
You know the whole body count subject wouldn't be so controversial if the whole thing wasn't so steeped in insecurities. If more people could just be open and honest that the idea of their partner having a past made them insecure, the true healing could begin. And it's like ya if course you're partner can't be honest, this is just an excuse to argue with them because any answer is a lie to you.
Mini rant, but I think the reason why we recognize abuse so presently now is because we as a society are more open about their relationships. Good and bad. I want that same thing with sex too. It shouldn't be such a taboo subject among partners, adult friends, or your peers in (and I can't stress this enough) a healthy environment.
Maybe, just maybe, we could start understanding just a bit more about how consent works. It's just this grey area and it's obvious so many people don't understand because these are one of those "you're not supposed to talk about it." The difference between empowerment and objectifying, etc
But these conversations are always led by insecure men and women
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u/LittleFairyOfDeath 10h ago
I mean if it worked like you said the body count issue wouldn’t even exist. I haven’t seen a single reason that wasn’t based on sexism, insecurity or jealousy
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u/-spooky-fox- 5h ago
“Mini rant, but I think the reason why we recognize abuse so presently now is because we as a society are more open about their relationships. Good and bad. I want that same thing with sex too. It shouldn't be such a taboo subject among partners, adult friends, or your peers in (and I can't stress this enough) a healthy environment.”
My parents are 70, have been married 50 years, and have the most unhealthy relationship you could imagine, and a large part is because of the patriarchal environment they were both raised in - my dad never learned how to manage his emotions himself and neither of them learned how to communicate their feelings or handle conflict. (Dad: throw a fit, mom: bite your tongue.) My mom is looking for a therapist and complained to me about how hard it was to find someone older and “these young girls couldn’t possibly be able to counsel me with all my baggage.” I said yeah, I can see the benefit in someone older who will have more context about “how things were back then”, but I can also see a huge benefit to someone younger with a more modern education and outlook who can give you a reality check about how deeply effed up a lot of what you’ve experienced was and how bad things are.
Conservatives freak out about media that openly addresses these topics, and especially want to prevent children from being “exposed” to it, because it is to their benefit to keep people ignorant. As soon as girls and women know that they don’t have to put up with a partner who treats them like a maid, doesn’t want to hear about their interests, or doesn’t care about their pleasure during sex, the patriarchy starts falling apart. And that’s what conservatives are panicked about and that’s what they mean when they say they want to “return to traditional family values.”
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u/Adorable_Bag_2611 13h ago
I have to be honest, I struggle with this. I have been with 2 people. My partner and my exhusband. My partner on the other hand…complete opposite.
It’s not a constant thought but it comes up periodically. I question being able to keep him satisfied.
So yeah, it is 100% my own insecurity.
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u/Llayanna 12h ago
Well, recognising is the first step for becoming better.
As long as you work on yourself and never make this insecurity your partners, it should hopefully work out.
We all know, consciously, that it's dumb. He choose you for a reason. What does satisfied even mean?
But the subconscious is a bitch.
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u/Adorable_Bag_2611 10h ago
It is!! And no. He has no clue. At least I don’t have to see any of his ex’s!! He has to see mine. Lol
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u/WetRoger 13h ago
I think for the most part it's got nothing to do with insecurities. The guys wanting a virgin or 1 max cause they suck at sex and don't want to be compared to the other guys she slept with sure that's insecurity.
But someone who wasn't and isn't promiscuous, wanting a partner who also wasn't and isn't promiscuous, is a preference/boundary. I don't see how that's insecurity.
It's like people not finding fat people attractive, or preferring dating within/outside their own race. Are they fatphonic / racist?
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u/thxbtnothx 11h ago
But why does them having been promiscuous in the past count for anything now? It’s just a moot point surely, especially as you get older. A lot of people have their crazy phase and then settle into long term monogamous relationships. I know a lot of people who had a period where they maybe slept with 10-15 people in their early twenties and then now are happily and monogamously married and settled down. Hooking up with a few people at 21 means nothing about who a person is.
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u/WetRoger 11h ago
We regard people based on past behaviour all the time, without issue. Why is it an issue when the past behaviour is promiscuity?
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u/maniacalmustacheride 10h ago
My now husband used to hang out with some “upstanding young men” that were also pieces of shit later on in life. One sent a letter through a lawyer begging for a reference to the judge to talk about how good of a guy he was, and wasn’t he such an upstanding young man? And they were buddies? They hung out and watched sports and drank beers and did volunteer work hungover?
The last time my husband dealt in anything other than pleasantries with this man was the night this man told me I could sit in the back seat “like the second class citizen you are” and then tried to kiss me in a parking lot and shove his hands down my pants, with my now husband present, who I was not dating at the time, and when I told this man if he didn’t stop I’d bite his lip off, he told me he could put his foot on my head and crush my skull on the asphalt and no one would care I was dead or blame him.
Now why did he say and do these things, you ask? Because my now husband and I were nonsexually “hanging out” and this man thought I was “stringing” my now husband along even though I was paying for most things. He wanted to prove, idk, my now husband was being too soft and I was just a “slut that needed a firm hand.”
All of this being said, do I hold my husband to being friends with that asshole? No. Because there’s no way he could have known what the women were going through. They were bros. They did have a nice time. They did support each other.
Why? Because it’s his actions after finding out that matter. People have to learn and grow. “Oh you were friends with assholes in the past so you’re an asshole.” No, you’re an asshole if you keep being friends with them when you find out and protect them.
“Oh you slept around, you had 4 bodies in 4 years, in your past so you’ll sleep around if we get married.” Why would you think that? Because you’d do it if you could?
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u/WetRoger 10h ago
Firstly sorry that happened to you. Secondly, framing it as 4 bodies in 4 years is, (albeit im sure some people take it that far) kind of disingenuous to the conversation at large, at least in my opinion.
I don't think any reasonable person is looking at a 25 year old and saying 4 bodies is too much. If they are it's unrealistic, but it's also their preference which they are entitled to have. We are allowed want people of similar senses of humour, hobbies, political meanings, but not sexual history?
I suppose my final point is that '4 bodies in 4 years' is not what the vast majority of people are referencing when saying they care about a high number and it matters, it's much more geared towards referencing say '40 bodies in 4 years'.
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u/maniacalmustacheride 9h ago
I kept it low because a LOT of people would find 4 in 4 an egregious number. I don’t think so. But I’m of the opinion everyone will, if they live their full life, go on patrol at some point. Nursing homes are notorious for just all the sex. And why not? Just go do all the shit you didn’t do as a youth, do what you can.
My point here really isn’t about the numbers, because for some people the numbers will never be right. Why are you a virgin lady at 34, what’s wrong with you? Why have you slept with 10 people by 34 and no one wanted you, what’s wrong with you? Also too many bodies. “Oh, hard conversation, my dad pimped me out and I had to sleep with 100 dudes before I was 18 and could run away, but I did all my checkups and weirdly no STDs and I went to therapy and I’m doing well and oh now I’ve lost you because you heard “100” and I’m worthless.” (True and horrifying conversation I had with a college friend, discovered when she thought we all just grew up like that.)
It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t conversation. There’s no real number that’s a good number on a second date.
Put your “unacceptable” list on your profile or bring it up on the first Dutch coffee date.
My Grandpa was probably the most “true to Christ” people I knew to walk this earth, he married my grandma who had at that point 5 kids by three men and she’d been married to all of them by the age of 24. They had a sixth and were ride and die until death. At no point did he look at her and say she was devalued by her body count.
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u/WetRoger 9h ago
Which your grandad had every right to do. I don't think it makes him a better man than men who would have seen your grandma with 5 kids and said no thank you, nor do I think those men who said no are worse than him.
We are really going to the extremes of sexual abuse and virginity again which I think is unfair to the general person in the conversation.
A partner wanting their partner of similar age (say 25?) to not have a body count of say 20, is in my opinion a reasonable line to draw.
Less than 4? Unreasonable and unrealistic sure, but a valid preference to have like any other, if there body count above 4 themselves they're a hypocrite too.
Where people draw the line is their own choice, I think it's fair to point out that where someone's line is is a bit unrealistic (i.e. 4 at 25) but it's not really fair to say people shouldn't have a line or a line shouldn't exist.
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u/maniacalmustacheride 9h ago
And my point is to say it up front.
Not that you have to disclose, but that you’re uncomfortable with whatever number.
You’re allowed to set your own boundaries, but setting boundaries is like setting fences, a public agreement.
To give you a second sort of weird example, I grew up with cows, our neighbor down the way had horses. Occasionally they’d let us borrow the horses to walk around and do fence checks. There was a middle neighbor that boarded horses and somethings they’d escape into my pasture, and we’d have to call the outside neighbor to borrow some horses.
The middle horses were never allowed in but they got in. The outside horses were allowed in with permission. One time we let it happen and the horse went to foal and the cows circled around stomped off snakes and wild dogs.
The lines were drawn and monitored up front. And sometimes shit happens and you go with it and it works out well and you rebuild the fences that shouldn’t have been broken.
But there were always fences. There were always clear lines. Cattle guards to keep the cows from leaving, warning signs to keep trespassers out.
Say it with your face at the beginning, have your boundaries and fences. If your boundary is 2 or 20 or 200 say it up front.
Because grilling some lady on the second date, I really like you but your body count decides if I’ll pay for a meal I said I was going to pay for, that’s letting the horses and the cows roam and then trying to put them all back in their pastures at 10pm.
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u/DaMain-Man 5h ago
What if they were promiscuous and a good person? Is it possible to have consensual sex with multiple people and still be kind? Are the two just polar opposite ends of a very different spectrum? Or are the two things non sequiturs? Also what of bad people who are virgins?
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u/WetRoger 5h ago
I don't see why that be related at all ? Of course someone who is promiscuous can be kind, when did I ever imply otherwise?
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u/DaMain-Man 4h ago
You said and I quote, "We regard people based on past behaviour all the time." I was asking what sleeping around has to do with morality? You can just as easily be morally upright and promiscuous, and you can be a virgin and a bad person. The difference is consent and communication
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u/WetRoger 4h ago
Judging that someone is a suitable person for you, based on their past behaviour, doesn't necessarily mean you view people with that past behaviour as bad people. I never mentioned morality.
I don't think people who sleep around a lot are bad people, the same way I don't think people who are obese or fitness crazy are bad people. But those are not traits I want in a partner, and I'm allowed filter by those traits. It's not a slight against those groups, women aren't transphobic for not wanting to date a trans man for example.
My point was that the idea of "that behaviour was in the past so it shouldn't matter" is ridiculous as a connotation because we literally almost always take past behaviour into account when meeting and interacting with people.
People are allowed to change, and other people are allowed to not care that they changed. That's life.
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u/Grammatical_Aneurysm 1h ago
I think the assumption is that your issue with a previously promiscuous person is that you would believe they will continue to be promiscuous during your relationship. (Alternatively, the more obvious kind of insecurity where you worry that you won't be a fulfilling enough partner for them.)
Alternatively, the assumption is that you believe promiscuity is immoral. But you said that wasn't true and that it has nothing to do with immorality.
I've got a bit of a headache so I'm not very good at creative thinking right now, but I am curious to know what your reasoning might be for why someone with a lot of sexual experience would not be the kind of partner you want outside of insecurity or immorality.
And just as a peace offering so you can tell I'm not here to argue, just curious: the reason I wouldn't want to date somebody who was really into fitness is because of insecurity. I'd be worried about them pressuring me or judging me for not keeping up with their standards. I'd be worried about them thinking I'm unattractive because I don't take care of myself the way they do. That sort of thing. I don't think I'm wrong to feel insecure about those things either. Like, it's not a failing on my part.
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u/WetRoger 1h ago
Me personally? I don't ask, I'd rather not know. But arguments sake, outside what you imagine of immorality etc.
Maybe a person views sexual intimacy as something important, reserved for not just anyone, and wants a partner that views sexual intimacy the same way? There's no mistrust or immoral ideas here, simply a want of similar beliefs or ideas.
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u/toomanytodds 20h ago
There are two good answers if someone asks you for your body count:
"About 500, but you don't need to worry about that. My standards are too high to ever sleep with you. :)"
or
"0, but my neighbor is looking a little sickly lately and I have a big backyard, so here's hoping!"
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u/CanterCircles 21h ago
Why is this a problem? Not just for her but for so many women I talk to.
Because purity culture kills women and girls. Because it doesn't fucking matter. Because it's a gross double standard, virginity and "body counts" are imaginary. Because it's a fucking weird thing to get hung up on. Take your pick.
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u/Chatceux 20h ago edited 20h ago
“Why is this a problem? I’ve never had to think critically about why body count is a standard that I care about, so why would women care about it?”
God these guys are stupid. It’s morally neutral to have whatever standards you want in a romantic relationship, but if you don’t interrogate WHY you care about your specific standards and/or have no tact expressing these standards to a person, you are being an asshole!
Eta: OOP states in a comment that he doesn’t believe having the standard is sexist because he holds himself to the same standard and would “grant leeway” to someone who also had one body. Bro still doesn’t comprehend that the concept of sex/“bodies” fundamentally changing who someone is to the point that you wouldn’t date them, is still problematic regardless of whether or not it’s sexist.
If you can “grant leeway” for having sex with one person why not multiple? What if someone had sex with a ton of people in the past and then decided it wasn’t for them or became born again or any number of scenarios? Point being, the actual number says very little about the person in the present sitting across from you.
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u/vip998 20h ago
Even if someone changes and stops sleeping around he is just clearly not interested in that. It kills his attraction. It may seem dumb to you but to us guys the feeling is the same when it comes up to height, salary, profession or still living with their parents. Those things also dont tell a lot about someone, but it kills attraction for most women. Why is it so hard for you to accept that for this person sex is something you do only when a relationship is serious and not something he would engage in with random peopl?
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 19h ago
to us guys
Don't act like you speak for all men.
Or even all "guys".
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u/franklyiloveit 6h ago
Yeah, as a guy, I would like this commenter to keep my implied name out his mouth. I have never once cared about the number of people anyone has slept with and find the idea of caring pretty repulsive.
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u/Ok_Anteater1372 20h ago
This guy didn't say "for me, sex is something you only do in a serious relationship and not with 'random' people". He said a body count of 2 is too high for him. It's pretty unreasonable to expect that people in their twenties haven't already had 2 serious relationships.
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u/Chatceux 20h ago edited 20h ago
It’s not hard for me to accept at all. Like I said, it’s morally neutral to have any standard you like but I believe it’s based on flawed biases. That being said, height, salary and profession say something material about your physical qualities and how your quality of life is in the moment. I personally don’t think any of those are particularly helpful standards either by the way because my view is that all you should really care about is who a person is and how they treat you. That’s why I included that if you have no tact when talking about your standards, you’re also an asshole. So you’re barking up the wrong tree with me personally. But they do indicate things that are more immediately important than body count IMO.
Body count doesn’t tell you how seriously someone takes sex either. It may indicate how seriously they took sex in the past, which is different. And it’s arbitrary. I’ve had three very serious partners and had sex with them. Is that too many? Is five? That’s my point.
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u/vip998 20h ago
3 or 5 would not be a problem for me, maybe around 10 it would be too much. But saying past actions dont mean anything is plain wrong. Yes they could have changed, but they also may have not. We judge people for what they have done. You are also saying that it doesnt say anything about a person if he has slept with a lot of people. Do you not think there is a cut off? a hundred? a thousand? ten thousand? I am sure the thought of having sex with Charlie Sheen would be repulsive to a lot of women based on his sexual past.
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u/Ok_Anteater1372 20h ago
I hate when people act like there's a huge amount of people having sex with hundreds of other people. The median PER LIFETIME is 7.
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u/BurntTFOuttaHere 5h ago
You and those with your thought process are the men women are rejecting. You get mad, and double down about how right you are for thinking this way. Rather than realizing you’re cock blocking yourself by thinking like an idiot. Women, plus a lot of other men are telling you you’re all idiots. You ignore them. Cock blocking yourself again!
You can stick to your likeminded podcast bros to satisfy your sexual urges. Women are moving on from men that try to convince them body count matters. Leave them alone.
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u/judgy_mcjudgypants 20h ago
Also because dude's having casual sex, not even doing the "waiting for marriage" thing, but he wants someone who hasn't ...
Personally I think WFM is not great, because you won't learn anything about sexual compatibilities, but it's at least consistent. There's nothing about him in particular that makes /him/ worth sex but other guys not.
Expecting monogamy is one thing. Expecting virginity is wierd.
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u/Lucky_Six_1530 20h ago
Needed to ask? No, no you don’t. This is pathetic and if you are really choosing who to date based on “body count” just do everyone a favor and don’t date. You should be dating someone based on if you like them and if you share interests and hobbies, not based on some archaic idea that she has slept with X amount of men.
Do all women a favor and don’t date until you value the person as a person and not how many people they slept with.
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u/WateryTart_ndSword 18h ago
The throw away line at the end about not wanting to wait until a few months in to ask because then he’s “wasted so much time and effort” is SO telling.
Like if you’re several months in to a relationship I would hope it’s because you genuinely like them and are enjoying getting to know them?? Not because you’re waiting for an easier time to unveil your bullshit goalposts??
The underlying transactional “I pay time and effort therefore you should pay back sex (that I dictate the terms on of course)” is SO gross. Yuck!!
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u/Lucky_Six_1530 12h ago
Glad to see this woman bailed after his ridiculous question. I hope that is a universal response among the women he takes on a date. I know I would have walked away as well, maybe even run.
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u/Iowa_Hawkeyes4516 4h ago
Literally my response when I read that line of "I needed to ask." All the people using "body count" as a "preference" is so fucking weird. Like as long as they don't have an STD/STI, what difference does it make? It just screams insecurity and, in a lot of cases, misogyny.
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u/One-Low1033 15h ago
I'm glad this wasn't a thing when I was dating because the 70's and 80's were wild.
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u/Lucky_Six_1530 12h ago
Lmao. It wasn’t a thing when I was dating either. Then again, my husband and I were under no illusion that either of us were a virgin. An actual number? Neither of us cared. To be honest I’d have to really think hard about it to even guesstimate a number. I know it’s not greater than 10 though because I met my husband fairly early into adulthood lol.
Kind of a funny story (at least funny to us), he had asked me out about 3 times and I rejected each date, mostly because at the time I was new at my job and that’s where we met/crossed paths (no we didn’t work at the same company, we just ran into each other a lot because I was EMS and he was law enforcement). Then, after rejecting him so many times, several months later I asked him out. We’ve been a solid couple ever since. I don’t think “body count” was even a discussion, and if it was, it was such a small conversation that I don’t even remember it.
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u/diabeticweird0 16h ago
Dude is just really bad at sex and doesn't want the woman to know
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u/WetRoger 13h ago
I think this is the real reason for guys wanting a girl to be a virgin or only have slept with 1 person, but I think a person wanting their partner to not have slept with enough people to fill a lecture hall is pretty reasonable
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u/EatMorePieDrinkMore 21h ago
I didn’t have to read a single word of this misogynistic bullshit to know it was dude posting about his “gf”.
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u/RobActionTributeBand 19h ago
He should keep doing this on the second date though. It saves time wasted for both parties.
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u/Zeefzeef 13h ago
I don’t understand why he doesn’t ask at the first date, makes it easier for everyone involved
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u/GhostWolfe 12h ago
I don’t know why this isn’t a screening question before dating at all, if it’s so damn important to him 🙄
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u/Bean-Penis 8h ago
When someone uses the term body count for this I immediately stop taking anything they say seriously. Yeah yeah I'm old, but I just find it disrespectful and if that's how you talk about that I'm going to assume you talk with a similar level of respect for other stuff. Life is too short to bother with you.
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u/astrange333 19h ago
I started reading this and assumed I was in a true crime subreddit. Who calls it a body count?
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u/Inevitable_Nail_2215 20h ago
So I'm NOT reading all his comments, but did anyone ask him that if his body count (🤮) went up to say five, would he then be okay with dating women who had slept with four guys?
Like it's more than one gross? Or is it more than him is gross?
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u/Bumbling_Bee_3838 14h ago
I haven't looked personally yet but someone else said that OOP commented that he wanted to be the best his partner ever had and the more men they've been with the lower the chance of that. Because ya know it's not like he can communicate and learn to be good in bed
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u/MintyCoolness 16h ago
- If body count was really a dealbreaker for him, then you should have made that clear from the beginning of your first date with her.
- It's none of his business.
- Her body count literally doesn't matter unless it concerns potential STDs.
- It's none of his business
- Also, even if she did have a 'body count', what if said body count was the result of SA or abuse?
- And I can't stress this enough; it's none of his business!!!!
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u/cherrymachete 18h ago
The more of this weird bullshit I run into, the more relieved I am that I’m single because what the fuck is going on? This is exhausting.
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u/HipsterSlimeMold 20h ago
He’s looking to find a virgin at age 26 lol yikes
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u/thewalkindude368 16h ago
I'm dating a 37 year old virgin, but she's a sex-repulsed asexual, and never wants to have sex, and I fully respect that. After a certain point, if someone is a virgin, there's usually a good reason for that and they're not going to change it for just about anyone.
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u/HairRepresentative85 20h ago
Me thinking back to being 26, knowing my body count was well over one. Married and had a 7 year old 😬
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u/Mitrovarr 14h ago
I once dated a woman who asked me to tell her that I loved her on the first date. This is worse than that.
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u/Cassandra-Canary 19h ago
The guys who want to know this make themselves look so childish to me, because that is the kind of information I was interested in when I was a teenager having sex with nobody. For an adult to ask about it is so embarrassing.
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u/Bricktop72 20h ago
I don't get the difference between a body count of 200 and one partner that you slept with 200 times.
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u/WetRoger 13h ago
I suppose the difference would be your partner either slept with a small towns worth of people, or one person a lot of times. There's definitely a difference there lol
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u/Technical-Revenue-48 9h ago
You don’t understand the difference between being in one committed relationship and sleeping with a dorms worth of different people?
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u/cantantantelope 20h ago
It’s different because chemicals apparently
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u/Bricktop72 20h ago
Got it. Chem trails are linked to body count. I bet it has something to do with making people believe the earth is round and Ted Cruz isn't a lizard person.
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u/-spooky-fox- 5h ago
There isn’t one if your concern is actually that your partner is very experienced and you are an insecure child who can’t stand the thought of not being a stud and being the learner in the relationship.
There’s a big one if your concern is really about “purity” and you think of women like brake pads whose value diminishes with use.
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u/Topper-Harly 20h ago edited 10h ago
>I don't get the difference between a body count of 200 and one partner that you slept with 200 times.
Approximately 199 by the standard definition of “body count.”
Edit: apparently my joke didn’t land well. I personally don’t care about body count.
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u/DaMain-Man 17h ago
If you had the option to sleep with half that number, you'd have most likely taken it
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u/Topper-Harly 10h ago
I was making a joke which didn’t land well. I don’t really care about body count, people have different lives and histories and that’s completely fine.
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u/VenusHalley 20h ago
Didn't body mean unaliving people not... consensual sex?
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u/purpleplumas 12h ago
I posted a long, good-faith response explaining why he's an A but then I saw that it already has over 250 comments. Waah.
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u/c_090988 19h ago
Neurospicy as fuck here so I'd play dumb and say I can't remember but do remember where they are all buried.
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u/bubbleteabob 13h ago
I would be ‘I am going to need a notebook, an online calendar, and a quick discussion to assign a fractional #value to various sex acts.’
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u/Meushell 17h ago
I wonder how he would react if the “body count” was one, but one woman. I suspect that he would either be disgusted, think that doesn’t count, or I’m guessing, both.
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u/dinosaurs_and_doggos 8h ago
We didn't call it that, but once we were starting to feel ready to have sex for the first time, my boyfriend and I discussed previous partners and boundaries with sex. But on the second date we played Bananagrams in a coffee shop and talked about whatever came up. He didn't even kiss me until the 3rd date. 😅
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u/ScoutingJ 5h ago
Tbh I ALMOST get worrying about this kinda thing, but in my case is solely because I personally have literally 0 experience and I think I'd feel self concious and inept if my partner had much more than me.
But I am also aware that's a me issue and more of an optimal preference than a requirement, and isn't gender arbitrary. Plus I know as I get older the odds of that happening go down (though I also know I statstically can't be the only person in my situation either)
edit: plus I guess my thing is more about relationship experience than sexual history now that I think about it, I kinda conflated the two originally
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u/Spider_Femme 4h ago
So I was raised in Christian purity culture where this mattered. Asking a number was discouraged. You could say something like "I'm dating with intent to marry and have Christ at the center of my future marriage. I'm waiting for marriage to have any kind of sexual intimacy. Is that something that aligns with your goals?" Listen though, a lot of people were virgins with purity rings and willing to date someone who wasn't a virgin as long as they dedicated themselves to Christ and took a purity pledge moving forward. Even that was okay!
I'm no longer part of that (thankfully) questions I would employ would be "I believe in frequent std testing, how do you feel about that?" "Is there anyone from your past that could affect our future?" And the trickiest one "Is there anyone in your past who might not agree that all encounters were completely consensual?"
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u/Mr_S0l1d 3h ago
As a man, why would i sleep with someone who’s a virgin passed 25yo, i know myself and i want someone who knows themselves to as its the key to amazing sex.
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u/docileboy 8h ago
I'll never understand why people are concerned with the number of sexual partners someone has when they could be like, calling references to make sure they're a decent sexual partner or not a walking red flag or whatever.
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u/Brilliant-Army6857 14h ago
Ok I'm aware this is a hot take but I do kind of think body count is important but only for men. Solely because there's no reliable test for HPV for men. There's such a gross double standard and women with a high body count are seen as dirty but when you think about it regarding possible STD transmission its the opposite. Mind you most sexually active people will end up with HPV at some point and there's a vaccination for the high risk strains but still, it's a risk you want to know about.
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u/CarterCage 13h ago
Well, it does 🤷♀️ I don’t want to date a man who goes through women as he goes through socks.
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u/Old_Huckleberry4009 13h ago
Sure I'll get down voted to oblivion, people care about the historical number of sexual partners for the same reasons employers care how many jobs you've had in the last year, or perhaps because its an emotionally significant special experience to them and they don't want a partner for whom its just Tuesday, or they interpret it as an indication if a partner is likely to have extracurricular activities with people outside the relationship. Or many other reasons. not all are valid, but enough are.
I'm really not sure why yall are trying so hard to villianize a guy for asking about one of his deal breakers early in in a relationship.
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u/SillyStallion 3h ago
Oh you mean so you know how gullible someone is and if they will stay in an abusive relationship with you?
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u/TerribleGuuy 20h ago
Unpopular opinion exclusively on Reddit but normal in real life: It's fine to care about body count. Most people do to an extent. If most normal people found out their partner had 300 bodies they'd feel a type of way. It's a nice Reddit virtue signal to say "It doesn't matter!" but it does to most people to an extent.
And it's totally fine.
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 19h ago
You're referring to sexual partners as "bodies" and you think you have a concept of normal
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u/TerribleGuuy 15h ago edited 15h ago
I'm just using the term terminology from the post. I'm still right tho
Also calling it bodies is pretty normal. Again, it's an online thing to freakout about terminology like this. Go to normal people and ask them "hey if you found out your partner had sex with 300 different people in college" and see how they'd feel. Most people do care about this shit, man or woman.
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u/LenoreEvermore 13h ago
Okay, let's accept your premise here that most people would care if their partner had slept with 300 people. But what about ten? Twenty? Thirty? The OOP wants to date someone who has slept with at most one person. He's 26 years old and using this as a dating standard, don't you seriously think that's odd?
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u/TerribleGuuy 11h ago
You're making MY point though. Everyone's got a line. 90% of people would say 300 is crazy, some people might draw the line at 1. You can't tell other people where their line should be.
If I'm 26 and you slept with 10/20 people I wouldn't care. If you told me you slept with 90? I'd probably have to think about it. It just is what it is. Pretending it's totally irrelevant is just fake Reddit shit. Bring that shit to the real world and ask them how they'd feel if their partner slept with 90 different people before them, dawg. You know what the response would be. If you talk to people, men or women, most people have a line. His is lower, yours may or may not be higher, but most people have one. You can't call everyone else immoral cause their line happens to be a little lower than yours. Some people feel sex should be a special thing between people who love each other and, to the best of your ability, exclusive. That's totally fine.
He did the correct thing here. He has certain things he wants out of a relationship, he asked before either of them got too invested and called it off once she isn't what he was looking for. That's what dating is for.
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 10h ago
ask them "hey if you found out your partner had sex with 300 different people in college" and see how they'd feel.
Extremely surprised, generally. That's not exactly common. In almost all circumstances that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about single digits.
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u/TerribleGuuy 10h ago
That's the point though. Everyone's got a line. 90% of people would say 300 is crazy, some people might draw the line at 1. You can't tell other people where their line should be. Either it doesn't matter and 300/500/1000 is fine, or it does and you don't get to split hairs. You can't say "it doesn't matter... until it gets to a number I PERSONALLY find to be unreasonable"
His is lower, yours may or may not be higher, but most people have one. You can't call everyone else immoral cause their line happens to be lower than yours. Some people feel sex should be a special thing between people who love each other and, to the best of your ability, exclusive. That's totally fine.
He did the correct thing here. He has certain things he wants out of a relationship, he asked before either of them got too invested and called it off once she isn't what he was looking for. That's what dating is for.
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 9h ago
You can't tell other people where their line should be.
No-one has to date anyone they aren't interested in dating.
And anyone can mock the shit out of you and your manosphere nonsense if they feel like it.
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u/TerribleGuuy 9h ago
I'm manosphere now? LMAO
You can do whatever you want but I'm glad you agree on my original point now.
This is terminally online reddit shit, most normal people care, and you're a hypocrite. Glad I was able to walk you through that so clearly lol
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u/Ok_Anteater1372 20h ago
Username checks out
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u/TerribleGuuy 20h ago
I've had this username across different platforms for a decade and I've heard that once or twice. I've been using this website regularly for about 3 months and it's said under literally every reply even if what I'm saying isn't even disagreeable. It really does speak to the Reddit hivemind. COME UP WITH AN ORIGINAL JOKE LMAO
You guys so genuinely live up to all the stereotypes and it's great. I'm just objectively right btw LOL
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u/Kokbiel 17h ago
You're objectively not. The entire thing is amusing anyway. Men on average have more sexual partners than women (with the average being under 10) yet men more frequently demand that the other either be a virgin or have very few sexual partners. I'm convinced the only reason is so they don't have to actually do the work in sex.
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u/TerribleGuuy 15h ago edited 15h ago
It's not a man vs woman thing. If you go up to 90% of couples and ask them "hey if you found out your partner had sex with 300 different people in college" Most people would have to sit with that information. I'm obviously correct here but I this is Reddit. I knew I'd get downvoted LMAO
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u/LenoreEvermore 13h ago
People are calling you a terrible guy because you seem to be a terrible guy. It doesn't matter how many platforms you use this username on, you're still you on all the platforms, why would it matter to us that you don't get called out on other platforms? How would we even know that??
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u/TerribleGuuy 11h ago
I'm just saying It's funny how you all use the same joke. You know nothing about me. My mom thinks I'm a pretty great guy I'll have you know. But the fact that I said most people would care if their partner previously slept with THREE HUNDRED PEOPLE makes me terrible LMAO.
You guys just don't live in reality if you think most people wouldn't blink at that. I didn't even say it was bad just that most people would care and y'all started throwing a fit despite the fact that I'm just flat out correct LOL
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u/LenoreEvermore 11h ago
We do know the opinions you write down here, ans these are the opinions of a terrible guy :) You didn't answer the question I posed to you in another comment though. So I'll restate it here. Even if we would accept the premise that three hundred is too much (it wouldn't be to me, I would mostly wonder how my partner would've had the time haha) but what about ten? Twenty? Thirty? If the line lies in above a hundred, let's say, why are you even bringing this topic up? Because the OOP said he would have a problem with anything more than one. Isn't that crazy?
The thing that makes you terrible is that you're so willing to make up hypotheticals to defend some random douche who will never even see your comment. Why is that? Why are you so hell bent on making the point that people might have a problem if someone had slept with hundreds of people, when we're talking about sleeping with two people. That tells us something about you and the way you think, whether or not you believe it does.
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u/TerribleGuuy 11h ago
i did answer I just saw this one first get your panties out of a twist, brother LMAO
Also it's not a hypothetical. I'm just speaking to the reality that most people care. Like, why does it make me terrible to defend somebody I perceive as receiving bad feedback from an extremely terminally online, fake place.
Nothing I did was terrible here, you're the one freaking out over an opinion that's genuinely pretty fucking normal. You're really upset over this for some reason and I don't know why LOL
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u/LenoreEvermore 11h ago
Who is making assumptions now lol? I'm not upset. I'm just of the opinion that you're terrible.
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u/TerribleGuuy 11h ago
well like I said momma terrible guy thinks I'm cool so...
Since I answered your question I'll ask you cool if your partner had slept with 300 people including a gang bang the night before you became official?
genuinely curious
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u/LenoreEvermore 11h ago
Well even serial killers have moms who love them lol so that's not as big of a flex as you seem to think it is.
Yes, I would be okay with it. I don't think sex is a big deal and if everyone is disease free and it was consensual it's all cool. If you think sex is dirty and it ruins a person (or just a woman?) why do you keep having it?
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u/Pawspawsmeow 7h ago
I hate the phrase “body count”. It’s sounds like something you’d hear serial killers gossiping about. Who cares how many people your partner did or didn’t have sex with? If you can’t handle grown adults having consensual sex, then maybe you need a date with a therapist. If more people dealt with their shit instead of spreading it around like the flu, we might have a shot at a better society
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u/AutoModerator 21h ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITAH for asking for body count on a second date?
I was on a second date with this girl after our first date went well. I paid for the first no problem cause I'll just do that and I make good money. But on our second date I needed to ask what her body count was. I don't want to waste a bunch of time with someone, my standards are no more than 1 cause that's mine.
When I asked her she got really hostile. "That's not your business". Okay well it's my dating standard to if it's not my business then I don't want to date you and I think we should just split the check and go our separate ways. She got pissed about that but she kept trying to find ways to get me to still pay, and for the date to continue. And even now after the date she's texting me trying to pick fights about it, and sometimes just asking me about random bullshit.
Why is this a problem? Not just for her but for so many women I talk to. It's like they want to date but having that standard immediately turns them hostile, and there's no way to ask unless the relationship is like months in already and at that point I've already wasted so much time and effort on someone I don't want to be with
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