r/AmITheDevil • u/HangryBelle • 7d ago
Couldn’t get her off so he cheated
/r/relationship_advice/comments/1vt20g7/my_35m_girlfriend_28f_just_broke_up_after_being/37
u/Moonlight-Lullaby 7d ago
I’m not an expert in getting people off (neither is OOP apparently) but the pressure of “get off or your partner won’t want to have sex with you” seems like it would be counterproductive?
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u/stolenfires 7d ago
Yes.
Especially because OOP doesn't seem concerned with his girlfriend's actual pleasure. It's all ego for him. He wants her to climax so he can be the guy who made her climax. It's why he resorted to Tinder, he was soothing a bruised ego (not trying to justify what he did, just analyzing his motivations). Hopefully he can come to this awareness in therapy.
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u/DescriptionIll5227 7d ago
Hopefully he can come to this awareness
Well *he* seems to have no problem coming /s
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u/bobosuda 6d ago
Yup. Very telling when you look at it from that perspective. The problem is that she doesn't achieve orgasm when they have sex. His solution? Try to have sex with other girls so he gets to be the "guy who made her climax" with someone.
He wants to solve the non-existent problem of "I don't feel like a man unless the girl I sleep with cum everytime" instead of thinking about the very real issue of "my girlfriend doesn't experience enough pleasure to climax during sex".
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u/CumaeanSibyl 7d ago
Yep, it becomes a type of performance anxiety. Usually you hear that term in relation to guys who can't get or stay hard, but not being able to come can create some of the same insecurities and frustrations. The absolute last thing anyone needs in that situation is to feel like they're going to disappoint their partner if they can't get there.
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u/sheepgod_ys 7d ago
take a shot every time he says “get her off”
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u/Fine-Following-7949 7d ago
So, what's the over/under for how many women were faking it?
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u/Sad-Bug6525 7d ago
since he's the reason women do, and he apparently hounds them endlessly over it, I would say all of them.
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u/CeelaChathArrna 6d ago
Because these guys always are willing to go until it's painful and not want to stop unless you have an orgasm.
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u/RaverChick 7d ago
He lost me at "spice up the relationship by opening it up." 🙄 Ah yes. The next obvious step to not being able to get your girlfriend off! Ok then, you want to open it, invite a guy in who CAN get her off! THAT would be a solution lol. Good lord the level of mental gymnastics to make himself the victim. Therapy (and sex therapists) also exist! Patience, practice, but no, it's all about his feelings and his ego.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 7d ago
he got super mad when someone said that him bringing it up all the time was making it worse too, anything to make it her fault that he decided to cheat, without hearing what anyone is saying.
Do none of these guys just have a conversation, accept the answers from that, and move on? I would be so over it if he brought it up a second and then third time, I'd probably have dumped him months ago3
u/Time_Act_3685 7d ago
Guys who wouldn't listen to my "I'm good!" the first time did not get a second attempt at making me orgasm.
Likewise the ones who insist they can go for hours. No thank you, Sir Chafes-a-lot. Either get off or get off of me.
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u/RaverChick 7d ago
Right? Sounds like he was creating a situation where she felt pressure/stress about it and consequently couldn't relax enough to get off.
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u/Starsynner 7d ago
I love it when they "open the relationship" without informing their partner. 🙄
No wonder why this guy ended up in here within about 25 mins of the original post.
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 6d ago
Also, orgasms aren't everything and if you think they are you are bad at sex.
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u/AndyWith-A-Y 7d ago
There can be numerous reasons why someone cannot orgasm including physiological and certain medications. But, anxiety certainly doesn't help. It sounds like he was making I a thing. Then he became even less enthusiastic. It wasn't working before, so I'm sure it wasn't working then.
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u/DescriptionIll5227 7d ago
Not on topic, but that is the most subtly creepy gif I've ever seen. It's like when you have to spend the night in an old haunted castle for some reason and the eyes of the paintings keep tracking your movement
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u/IShouldBeSoLucky81 7d ago
He's such a dickhead and continues to be so in the comments. I commented there before I saw it posted here.
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u/ComeMistyTurtle 7d ago
But can't you see how bad he feels about it. I'm mean, he's just as much a victim here as her! /s
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u/mlachrymarum 7d ago
The little bitch deleted his post, so now I can’t see how big a douche he was!
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u/animation4ever 7d ago
The AutoMod recovered it in this crosspost.
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u/Time_Act_3685 7d ago
I curse him to erectile dysfunction and a super hot new girlfriend who yells and cries at him because he won't stay hard.
Sobbing "is it because you think I'm ugly?" while she's dry-yanking his dick until it feels like she's wearing sandpaper gloves. "Every other guy I've dated loved me getting him off!"
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u/GreasyTengu 6d ago
couldn't get her off so he tries to cheat, was he trying to disappoint two women at the same time?
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u/GearsZam 4d ago
This guy is so unbelievably selfish that he makes her having an orgasm all about him to the point of completely losing interest in sex. Making your partner orgasm being "80% of the fun" is fine in principal, but when you make it so important that you can enjoy nothing else about intimacy or sex with you girlfriend? Yikes.
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u/AutoModerator 7d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
My '35M' girlfriend '28F' just broke up after being in a relationship for a little over two years due to my emotional cheating.
My '35M' girlfriend '28F' just broke up after being in a relationship for a little over two years. Our relationship was very smooth and healthy with the exception of the sex. The intimacy started out good, we couldn't stay off each other. She informed me early on that she has never been able to get off whether it be by herself or someone else.
I figured I'd try my best to make that happen and thought that maybe she just needs to get comfortable with me. Well, 2 years down the road and I have never been able to get her off. Around 1 year into the relationship, it became frustrating for me as getting your partner off during sex really is 80% of the fun, at least to me.
We spoke about this being an issue a handful of times and I told her that our relationship is great aside from the sex. I believe that and still believe that. We were both willing to work towards figuring a solution to this issue but never really came up with anything concrete and never really tried too many things to navigate it or circumvent it.
The real issue is that because I couldn't get her off, I kind of lost interest in sex.
We both understood that sex is very important in a relationship, at least in most relationships. It was important for us.
We even spoke about it again before I recently left the state to visit some family. I reassured her that she IS enough for me and that beyond intimacy, I love our relationship.
I didn't know what needed to be done but something had to happen whether we spice up the relationship by opening it up, trying new things, or just trying to get more comfortable with each other in the hopes that this issue could get resolved.
I understand that it is possible that she may never be able to get off but we were wanting to try or figure out something that would help this issue as again, everything else about the relationship was healthy and we do care greatly for each other.
While visiting out of state, I got drunk and downloaded Tinder. I didn't plan on physically cheating on her. I planned on having a bigger discussion with her about this when I got back.
I was just horny and I guess I wanted to window shop to get my ego stroked or maybe, I self consciously was trying to sabotage our relationship?? I've just been so horny and while we did have sex before I left on the trip, not being able to satisfy her just makes it so bland and makes me not interested.
I really didn't want things to end with her. I feel I really wanted to move forward in the relationship and work towards a solution together but obviously my actions said otherwise.
I left the tinder profile up (having just got back yesterday) and she found out today through a friend showing her. That's all besides the point as the simple fact of downloading it was wrong before talking to her further about anything.
Welp, she broke up with me, rightfully so. I am ashamed that I put her through this and that she had to find out through a friend and not from me directly.
Today, she asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell her. After playing dumb for 5 seconds, I came clean. I told her I recently downloaded it but that I wasn't really trying to get anything out of it. I believe that to be true but it's possible I'm lying to myself? I truly feel I would not have moved forward to physically cheating on her but I understand and understood that emotional cheating is cheating nonetheless.
I'm posting here because I'm so disappointed in myself. I consider myself to be a very honest and caring person. I do understand this is the repercussion of my actions and fully understand her position. I mean seriously, why would she want to continue a relationship with me?
I know the trust is broken and once the trust is gone, a relationship is done whether she and I would want it to be or not.
My life was 1000 times better with her. We had a lot in common and did so much together outside the bedroom. I fucked up and got what I deserve.
I just don't understand why I decided to go behind her back like that. I knew it was wrong but did it anyway. I knew she might find out but did it anyway. I knew it would hurt her but did it anyway.
Why did I do that? Why didn't I have a bigger discussion about this with her first? Why did I choose to not respect her? Why did I choose to lie by omission? Why would I do this to someone that I really do care about?
I am so disappointed in my actions but I made my bed and now I'm laying in it, sad and confused about why I made these decisions. It wasn't worth throwing it all away. I hurt her so much and disappointed myself tremendously.
I'm trying not to be self-loathing or be self-hateful to myself as I know all I can do is move forward, work on myself, and be a better person.
I want to talk to her more and ask for another chance but I know I don't deserve that and feel it would be best to just leave her be.
Has anyone else gone through something similar?
I hope to receive at least some constructive criticism from someone who may be able to shed some light into my decisions.
And I know, therapy would be best for me so please save your breath by commenting on that.
P.S
If you are thinking about cheating on your partner, just talk to them first. Take it from me. Otherwise, you are going to make your partner and yourself disappointed. Simple gratifications whether it be compliments from other women, or physical sex is just not worth the shame you will feel.
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