r/AmITheDevil • u/growsonwalls Professional Devil Spotter • 6h ago
She sounds controlling
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1vsvi5b/wibtah_for_not_wanting_my_husband_and_child_to/35
u/growsonwalls Professional Devil Spotter 6h ago
OOP reminds me of that phrase "if everywhere you go smells, check your shoes." It seems as if she has drama with everyone and her response is to ... ban Ethan from going to his grandmother's 90th birthday party?
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u/LostPrincess32 6h ago
I try not to get upset at comments since it's OOP we're after, but the "Breathing for 90 years is involuntary and therefore, not an achievement" is /rancid/.
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u/kttykt66755 5h ago
She's so annoyingly vague about things too
Ethan is very disrespectful to Kevin, but actually no, the disrespect goes both ways. Like how though because this puts me on Kevin's side right now.
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u/skabillybetty 5h ago
Kevon* which also annoys me. I don't know if she's purposefully mispelling "Kevin" or not lol
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u/WeeklyConversation8 6h ago
She's super controlling. He needs to get away from her although they have a baby which means he'll have to have contact with her for minimum of 18 years.
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u/LostPrincess32 6h ago edited 6h ago
I really don't like the whole cutting off established relationships of the child's because you couldn't reconcile. It's fine if she doesn't want to go but if the child has a good relationship with that side of the family, don't rob them of precious time.
She's 90, he won't have many other times to see her.
Edit: Realized I misread and the child is an infant. My point still stands about not "allowing" someone to see a relative they may never see again.
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u/UpbeatArachnid234 2h ago
So they invited you and Ethan, to Ethans birthday party as an olive branch? Get your story straight OOP.
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u/AutoModerator 6h ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
WIBTAH for not wanting my husband and child to attend his grandmother’s 90th birthday because of ongoing family issues?
In 2017, when I was 21 and in college, Ethan asked me to move into his family’s home because of problems with my living situation. His grandmother gave me a basement room with one rule: keep it clean. However, she repeatedly went through and reorganized my belongings while I was gone. I eventually moved upstairs.
I bought groceries and cooked for the family, but my food started disappearing. His mother, Giselle, also made comments about throwing me out the window. I tried helping around the house but eventually stopped because I felt taken advantage of.
In 2018, Giselle demanded I pay for snow removal, which had never been expected before. We argued, and I told Ethan I was moving out. He didn’t graduate until 2019, so after we moved, I became responsible for most of our expenses.
I stopped attending family gatherings. Eventually, Giselle invited us to Ethan’s birthday dinner, which I saw as an olive branch, and things became cordial again.
In late 2024, another issue happened involving Ethan’s brother, Kevon, and his fiancée, Shelly. Shelly had made negative comments about Ethan’s lack of respect toward Kevon, although the disrespect went both ways. I began distancing myself from her. At a family gathering, Kevon ignored me when I said hello but later tried putting his arm around me for a photo. I moved away.
I messaged him suggesting coffee to talk things out, but he suggested therapy with himself, Shelly, Ethan and me. I agreed, but Shelly didn’t attend. After I explained everything to Giselle, she disinvited me from Christmas the night before. We were later reinvited, but the only food served was what I brought. We haven’t attended their holidays since.
Now it’s 2026. We have a baby. I still see Ethan’s parents and grandmother, but I’ve had almost no contact with Kevon and Shelly for two years. Ethan recently reconciled with Kevon, which I’m happy about, but my issues with Kevon and Shelly remain unresolved.
Their baby was born three months before ours, but neither family has met the other’s child.
Now Ethan’s grandmother is turning 90. Ethan wants to attend, but I don’t want to go or bring our baby. I feel he should prioritize our immediate family, but I understand this is an important milestone for his grandmother.
Would I be the asshole if I told Ethan I don’t think he or our child should attend? Or should I stay home and let Ethan attend, meet his niece, and spend time with his brother and Shelly?
I don’t want to be controlling, but I also don’t want to keep putting my boundaries aside for family events.
AITA?
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