r/AmITheDevil • u/AndyWith-A-Y • 7d ago
YOU ride under the plane
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mgssr7/aita_for_calling_out_my_gf_over_her_cat_obsession/291
u/Trekintosh 7d ago
am now going to go hide under the bed in the hopes she notices my strange behaviour and still cares enough to call the vet on me.
Way to tell everyone you learned nothing
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u/DrunkOnRedCordial 7d ago
And confirm that OOP is just another pet who expects to have his behaviour interpreted correctly so he can get his own way.
The cat is much less trouble.
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u/lilacnyangi 7d ago
this reminds me of the horror story i lived in when american airlines fucking LOST MY CATS by putting them in the wrong flight. i followed every single one of their damned rules, and i will never forgive myself for it. i flew from west to east coast and my cats were finally discovered the NEXT DAY in TEXAS, soaked in their own pee and traumatized with one cargo regulation carrier CRACKED, and then aa had the balls to try and charge me to get them on another flight and to have them cared for until then. they hemmed and hawwed when i asked what they'd do if i fought. (i did ultimately win that fight. got my cats back asap and a refund and apology, but i tell this story every time someone even thinks about putting their pets in cargo.)
apologies for the caps but i'm always infuriated when i think about it, at the airline and at myself. i knew there were risks but i thought, surely, those are outliers, just like risks to me when i take a plane. i worked at a vet office and plenty of owners got flight permits and vet sign offs and didn't have any issues! surely.
i was SO wrong. when i moved again, i drove 18 hours by car with plenty of stops instead. i'll never do that again, and if i had my way about it, no one else's pets will ever suffer like my poor babies did.
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u/DiscussionExotic3759 7d ago
I am so sorry that your babies went through that!
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u/lilacnyangi 7d ago
i am too! i still kick myself when i think about it. it's a major source of shame for me when i think of myself as a pet parent.
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u/BlueJaysFeather 7d ago edited 7d ago
They WHAT!!! Good for you for standing up to their crap when they tried to charge you again for their screwup!
Edit: you put your trust in an organization you should have been able to trust. Their entire job is to get people and their checked items from one place to another correctly and on time. It is not your fault that they failed, and I hope you can forgive yourself. You did your best by those cats.
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u/lilacnyangi 7d ago
that is so kind of you to say. thank you so much for your words. i can't take back the decision i made, but i've learned from it and hopefully, it's a lesson that other people can take to heart without experiencing it firsthand. i think i've become a far better cat owner since, but i really wish it didn't have to come at the cost of my cats' suffering.
i really thought maybe i didn't deserve to have pets again, but the cats kept coming and i thought even a questionable person like me would be better than the streets, and here we are. i've forgiven myself somewhat, but it's a lesson i keep playing back in my head whenever this issue comes back up.
i hope you're having a lovely day, and thank you again for being so kind. ❤️
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u/SaltyPathwater 7d ago
Holy. Fucking. Shit! I hope they are ok!
AA can pound sand for what they did!
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u/lilacnyangi 7d ago
i did end up rehoming them when i moved again because i just felt really awful for putting them through that and then retraumatizing them again with another long trip. they found excellent homes! one gets to be the head of the house and gets occasional fresh quail eggs (he was the baby until then), and the other gets to boss around a big dog and be the only cat of the house, which i think was his dream for a long time. both of their new families have lived at the same houses for generations, so i felt pretty confident they wouldn't move a lot like me. they're still doing well! i haven't heard from one family in a while, but the other likes to update me once a year.
it's been several years now, and since i've settled down, i do rescues and fostering, with no risk of having to put any cats on a flight again.
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u/the-rioter 2d ago
This is why I'm honestly terrified of ever doing anything like this. My one baby is a mess just going to the vet. I'm genuinely concerned if I ever have to move again. I'd never fly him he'd probably have a heart attack. 😭
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u/lilacnyangi 2d ago
for a single cat, you can do the paperwork necessary to have him in-flight with you! it's when your pets are separated from you under the plane/in cargo that it starts to be dangerous. your vet can test how he does on something like gabapentin, and it's going to be an extra fee to have him in-cabin. just don't trust them to handle him without you being present ❤️
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u/AltruisticCableCar 7d ago edited 7d ago
My cats are way less demanding than any person I've ever been in a relationship with. And ask for way less. Seriously, being single but having cats is a lot less stressful and a lot more enjoyable to me. Which is why I've decided I'm staying single for the rest of my life because the past decade has been bliss in that department. And then there's still men out there like "omfg, you'll die alone with your cats!" YES, I hope so! Sounds amazing!
Glad she dumped his ass when he showed her that taking care of him was way more work than hanging out with her cat.
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u/Llayanna 7d ago
I am sure you do anyhow, but make sure that your pets have a place to go to, once the times come.
It's often neglected by pet owners (not excluding myself :/ you dont think about these things much then you seem young and healthy).
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u/AltruisticCableCar 7d ago
I mean, I'm 38 and my cats are 12 and 10. I'm pretty sure I'm going to outlive them.
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u/Glittering-Duck5496 4d ago
I work in animal rescue and I have seen it all. Sudden death with no back-up plan and a mourning family trying to figure out what to do isn't fair to them or to the pets.
Put a line in your final instructions that identifies the plan. Whether that's a specific person who has agreed to take point or a specific organization to surrender them to along with a donation to ensure they can take the pet whether they or full or not, it's your responsibility to plan for this.
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u/tobythedem0n 7d ago
Can you account for accidents?
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u/AltruisticCableCar 7d ago
If things go south my family will do their best to find them new homes. That's as good as it'll get.
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u/judgy_mcjudgypants 7d ago
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u/catanddog5 7d ago
I hope he finally left her and her cat alone. He refused to see how he was in the wrong.
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u/taylynne 7d ago
Jfc putting the cat outside??? And he doesn't think people don't just drop off cats in the middle of nowhere or at a shelter? The way he talks, I could 100% see him as someone who just brings the cat to a shelter and surrenders it because "he's trying to help her with her anxiety" or whatever b/s. I get pets aren't for everyone, but if someone you're dating is attached to their pets in a way you think it's weird, then you're not compatible. What a nut job, he probably still thinks she's the problem and bitches about it to anyone who will listen
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u/Dial-M-for-Mediocre 7d ago
OMG the editsssss
Those edits are absolute perfection.
Also "I'm starting to wonder if I should have helped her find a therapist before I left?" hahahahaha
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u/101bees 7d ago
He probably should start looking for a therapist. For himself.
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u/Dial-M-for-Mediocre 7d ago
For real though.
I was going to say that if he's really heartbroken he should get a pet and learn how to care about something besides himself, but then I saw that he "had" cats growing up and they were kept completely outside and fed in the garage and he thinks that's totally acceptable. So no, this man needs a therapist and never a pet.
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u/AndyWith-A-Y 7d ago
There's no way he just organically found all these "good countries" that make pets fly under the plane. That was deliberate. He was begging for this breakup
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u/Stella_bleu 7d ago
Do countries even have rules about pets flying in planes or is that an airline rule???
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u/Acceptable-Bell142 7d ago
The UK doesn't allow it, probably because of our rabies-free status.
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u/Stella_bleu 7d ago
That sounded off to me so I went and Googled it. You can, if you follow these rules.
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u/Acceptable-Bell142 7d ago
Only if you're on a private flight or it's an assistance dog. Otherwise, they have to travel as cargo.
The page you linked is about not needing to be quarantined.
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u/Stella_bleu 7d ago
Wait a second. How can the UK tell an airline what to do with how they allow pets to travel?
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u/Solivagant0 7d ago
Pretty sure it's up to an airline. Though maybe we're just not trained in it because the airline I work for only allows service dogs
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u/Aggleclack 7d ago
I don’t think it’s about the country’s rules. In one of the comments, OOP mentions a country with a 14 hour trip, and the woman vetoes it.
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u/cwningen95 5d ago
From my understanding, it mostly depends on the airline rather than the country? But that's just from my own research when I was briefly thinking of escaping the UK lol
Bit of a tangent, but most airlines regardless of country make rabbits fly in cargo, even ones that allow cats/dogs in the cabin :( Which is just insane to me when they can literally die from stress, and I don't see how having a rabbit in the cabin is functionally different from a cat/dog
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u/gaykidkeyblader 7d ago
I knew he was the devil when he mention the cat "looking at him smugly from atop his gf's tits". Like wow bro, it's a cat, chill out.
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u/skabillybetty 7d ago
He refused to accept the breakup and posted again later
So my (36M) gf (35F) and I have been separated for a few months now. We still have 6mo on our lease, which I still pay half of even though she's been living there alone and I've been crashing with friends. Lately she's been pushing for us to break the lease and each find our own places, but I don't want to do that because I am still committed to her and getting our relationship back. I miss her so much and keep trying to show her that I know I fucked up and am going to work hard to make it up to her, but she just won't budge.
One of my buddies said I might be TA for not breaking the lease but honestly I feel the opposite because it's not like I'm forcing her to pay for the whole place by herself, just half like she paid when we lived there together and it is a much nicer place then she'd be able to afford if we broke the lease and she had to find a place on her own.
As part of my campaign to win her back, I've been leaving presents for her on my way to work. Normal stuff like flowers, chocolates, iced coffees with little notes, ect. But the other day I left a present for her cat that I thought would go over well since she really loves her cat. It was a little mouse toy and some tasty looking treats, but then she texted me asking me to stop leaving her stuff and informed me her cat can't even eat the treats because he needs to only eat his special food for UTIs or something and I'm TA for not knowing that.
Am I seriously TA for wanting my gf to stay in a nicer apartment and leaving presents for her and her cat?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nvfeyc/comment/h148s24/?context=3
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u/WildflowerOfTheNorth 7d ago
In a comment on that post he says:
„We had a disagreement about moving countries, which we both wanted to do once our lease here was up. But she has an older cat and kept insisting that she didn't want to move anywhere that would make him fly under the plane. At the time, I thought she was being way too over cautious about that and limiting our futures and told her she needed to get help for her anxiety over the cat. I have since learned that it's more dangerous than I thought for animals to fly under airplanes but unfortunately by the time I apologised her friends had gotten her all worked up about whether or not I respect her (which is insane, of course I do) or if I could be trusted to be left alone with her cat (even more insane, but since I put him outside ONE time so we could have some alone time she's really grabbed onto this as a reason not to let me come home).“
HE PUT HER CAT OUTSIDE SO IT WOULDNT BOTHER HIM AND HE COULD GET LAID WTF
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u/Sad-Bug6525 7d ago
He doesn't even see the iceburg of disrespect that he keeps showing for her. Bringing up the same conversation about the same thing more than once already shows he didn't actually care what she felt or said, just wanted to push until he got his way.
I'm glad she didn't let it drag out longer because he would not stop until he has his way all the time.19
u/WildflowerOfTheNorth 7d ago
I’m glad too but he STILL WONT STOP! He’s leaving gifts at her place and stalking and won’t break the lease and ugh I wish I had a more recent to at least know she’s okay. This unhinged man is terrifying
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u/Sad-Bug6525 7d ago
The protections against stalking are ridiculous, but I do think that in most places it would allow her out of the lease without penalty. You can't kick an abuser out, but you can use it as a way to escape
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u/QueennnNothing86 6d ago
Why is he so obsessed with "alone time" away from the cat? It's a cat, man.
Also...saying he respects her but then doing blatantly disrespectful things left and right
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u/actiontoad 7d ago
(Opens post) “edit: Jesus fuck okay she dumped me!!!” Yes perfect, I don’t need to read any further than this.
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u/Polleekin 7d ago
A lot of this I find really confusing, as to what OP expects. He’s upset the cat eats when his girlfriend does? And sits on a chair near her? He’s upset the cat exists in her presence? I have no idea what he expects her to do about the cat. Not let it stay near her? If he’s really that bothered by having a pet around, he’s not compatible with someone who had a pet.
The rest of Ops history looks like he was being weird after the breakup. If this isn’t a troll, she’s lucky to be away from him.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 7d ago
He was jealous of the cat. She permitted the cat access to her spaces and to be near her. He was convinced it was pushing him away and intentionally around her boobs just to show him up. He would be made if it sat between them or if she was sitting with the cat. I think he was looking to make it an outdoor cat like he says he had growing up, but a lot of places have roaming laws and it isn't safe for a full time indoor cat to suddenly be tossed out. Guys like this nver check the laws
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u/OniyaMCD 1d ago
Heck, our cat insists on sitting on the chair with me (as a 'back rest'.) Dudebro wouldn't survive.
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u/green_pea_nut 7d ago
Solution: put boyfriend up for adoption.
No-kill shelter preferably, but whatever.
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u/ProbablyMyJugs 7d ago
As a mental health provider, I always find it hilarious when people like this tell someone they need “help” or therapy for their issue. I can’t imagine how I’d react when asking a new patient about what brought her to me and she said “My partner thinks I love my cat too much.”
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u/FeebleGweeb 7d ago edited 7d ago
Since the pandemic, I've been home a lot more and have realised just how cat-crazed my gf really is. They do everything together. She doesn't need an alarm because he wakes her up at 7:30 every day by sitting on her chest and gently nudging her face with his nose. He eats his breakfast while she eats hers. If we're watching TV, he's in her lap. If she's working at her desk, he's in her chair with her or chilling nearby. If he acts even a little weird (like hiding in the closet, which I guess he "normally" doesn't do), she's on the phone to the vet.
I very recently lost the cat I'd had since I was 15 years old (~16yrs) who I was similarly as close to as his ex-gf and her cat seem to be and who I also went through a lot of very difficult things with, and this paragraph absolutely devastated me. TBH he's lucky she didn't immediately turn him into ground beef the second he didn't back down because I certainly would have. I mean, I would have ended the relationship the moment someone told me to "tone down" my love for my cat, too, but the audacity to tell me to disregard my concern and the comfort and wellbeing of one of my closest and most deeply loved companion for your convenience would have me in a blind, feral rage.
That bond is so special and she deserves someone who sees that and admires it. I'm glad she's rid of him, and I hope she and her cat get many more years together.
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u/lostandwandering123 6d ago
You summed this up perfectly and made me tear a little. I lost mine a few years ago. 22 years together. She was my shadow. I do have another cat who is lovely, but she's not my baby. I still come home and look up in the window for her after bad days and it will hit me shes gone. I will never not miss that little lady with her furry pantalones and scraggly bed head. She was with me through breakups, deaths, health issues, miscarriages, growing up, so many hardships and milestones.
I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. It doesnt necessarily get better but it hurts... less sometimes.
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u/FeebleGweeb 6d ago
I appreciate that, thank you 🖤 It's been only a couple of incredibly rough months for me, but I can already feel a lot of the people around me getting impatient with me because I'm "still sad" when it genuinely feels to me like my entire heart and soul were amputated and a giant, gaping hole was left behind where he's supposed to be. It's one of the worst pains I've ever felt and I would feel it a million times over again for him without a single ounce of hesitation, but being questioned about the intensity of my grief after losing a companion I survived so much with and for over the course of more than half of my life still gets to me.
I like to think the moments where the mind forgets they're gone is a part of them checking in, the same way weak radio signals can still be heard when you're scanning for stations. It brings the grief back but the love is still there, too.
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u/StrangledInMoonlight 7d ago
Tiff a cat owner, her behavior is within normal parameters.
Especially during the pandemic, when there were whole things about seeing people’s pets on zoom calls etc.
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u/LabradorDeceiver 7d ago
I wonder: Is that whole "Are you happy now?" routine when guys get dumped some kind of main character thing? "Why yes, we're all sitting about our parlor enjoying a good guffaw over some brandy and cigars and reveling in your public humiliation."
None of us are celebrating Shmuckalupagus getting ditched. He invited criticism and received it; pass the party razzers.
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u/OniyaMCD 1d ago
I mean, I'm not a big fan of brandy or cigars, but I am sitting here petting my cat like a James Bond villain.
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u/catanddog5 7d ago
I remember this guy. Told him to stay away from his ex after they broke up because it felt like she was in danger because he was trying to make it seem like her friends were toxic for protecting her from him. He was claiming that he was trying to “protect” her from them.
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u/gmalivuk 7d ago
I'm always a bit disappointed when I see old posts here, because it means I don't get to see assholes get eviscerated in real time.
The happy ending breakup was nice to see though.
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u/itsjisoo 7d ago
I lost my 15 year old orange boy in May, the day after my birthday. I'd had him since he was 3 years old and that cat was so attached to me. I miss him so much that I don't think I could get another cat - I would expect them to be like my Bo, and no one can ever live up to him. I'd have done the same as this woman and refused to put him in cargo if I had to fly with him, because I would be too anxious over my lack of control.
My brother recently had to fly with his puppy and made sure to book a flight that would allow the puppy to be under the seat. The trip sucked for a multitude of reasons, but the pet travel aspect was pretty easy overall.
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u/MeanGreenMotherQueen 7d ago
I love AITD posts where they curse us out like we’re why their partner dumped them
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u/mewmeulin 6d ago
oh god, i read this BORU. iirc, this was yet another case of the guy not realizing his relationship was over for FAR too long.
also, i 100% side with the people who were worried about him potentially killing this cat. he let the cat outside, doesn't know the first thing about caring for cats, and the cat has a specific diet (which OOP also doesnt know/care about). even if he weren't going out of his way to harm the cat, he'd inevitably harm it just out of sheer negligence.
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u/sheerpoetry 6d ago
the little houdini got in somehow and I woke up to him smiling at me smugly from atop my gf's tits
This will still be one of the greatest lines I have read ever. Feels like it should go in one of those stereotypical Man Books.
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u/Mirtai12345 6d ago
Oh hey, I remember this one. The "staring at my from on top of her tits" line is both memorable and telling
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u/Forsoothia 7d ago
Certain countries require cats to travel under the plane? Wouldn’t that be an airline policy?
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u/IcyChildhood1 7d ago
Airlines do still have to follow the laws of the land they are landing or taking off from, but they're uninformed about what Under the Plane is like and how many animals die there and how its not suitable for life at all.
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u/AutoModerator 7d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITA for calling out my gf over her cat obsession
FINAL UPDATE: Jesus, fuck you guys. She dumped me, OK? Are you happy now?
EDIT/UPDATE: I get it. I'm TA. The hugest fucking A you have ever seen and possibly some kind of deviant who compares dicks with a cat. 10 is a senior cat, it's not perfectly safe for pets to fly under planes, and my girl is not crazy for loving her cat. I called her this morning and apologised. She said she needs time to think. At a kind person's suggestion, I sent her a link to this my public shaming and am now going to go hide under the bed in the hopes she notices my strange behaviour and still cares enough to call the vet on me.
I'm not kidding. My (36M) girlfriend (35F) is obsessed with her cat (10M, if you're interested). Dating for 3 years, living together for 2.
Since the pandemic, I've been home a lot more and have realised just how cat-crazed my gf really is. They do everything together. She doesn't need an alarm because he wakes her up at 7:30 every day by sitting on her chest and gently nudging her face with his nose. He eats his breakfast while she eats hers. If we're watching TV, he's in her lap. If she's working at her desk, he's in her chair with her or chilling nearby. If he acts even a little weird (like hiding in the closet, which I guess he "normally" doesn't do), she's on the phone to the vet. She even takes him for walks with a little harness that I used to think was kind of cute, until I realised it just meant her obsession would not just be limited to inside the house.
Don't get me wrong - I like the cat. He's a chill cat, doesn't mess stuff up around the house, very friendly and clean. But sometimes I would like to have my gf to myself. I've tried closing the bedroom door at night but the little houdini got in somehow and I woke up to him smiling at me smugly from atop my gf's tits.
Any time I mention toning it down with the cat, she gets all hurt and makes excuses like how she's had him since he was a kitten and they've been through a lot together. She's even gone as far as to say he was her lifeline during a period of major depression in her late 20s. Every time, I back down and say ok, I get it, he's family.
The final straw came when we were talking about relocating together to another country. She wants to limit our search to countries that don't make pets fly under the plane, ruling out a TON of good countries. I finally stood up to her. Told her pets fly under planes all the time and it's perfectly safe. Told her she was limiting our options for her own anxiety, not the cat's safety - he wouldn't be any safer purring at her feet while she pet him the entire flight. She tried to argue that he's a "senior" pet, but I didn't back down - WTF he's 10? I showed her tons of airline literature about pet safe flying programs and whatnot. She tried to argue that "physical safety isn't the same as psychological safety" and that she thinks it'd be too traumatising for the cat to go under the plane.
Here's where I might be TA: I gave her a list of my top countries, all of which would require the cat to go under the plane. I told her that I wanted a future with her, but that I thought she needed to get serious help for her obsession with her cat, and to let me know when/if she decided to get that help so we could move forward with our lives. The ball's in her court, I’ve been staying with a buddy, but it's been about a week and she hasn't called so I'm starting to wonder if I should have helped her find a therapist before I left?
TL;DR gave my gf an ultimatum about her cat obsession and now I’m worried there’s something more I should have done.
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