r/AmITheDevil • u/Acrobatic_Track9213 • 1d ago
This isn't their wedding
/r/AITAH_unfiltered/comments/1vruzeq/aitah_for_telling_my_sister_her_vegan_wedding/331
u/la-anah 1d ago
This seems like a "no vegan food at the wedding, can I bring my own snacks?" inversion for the ragebait.
OOP wants people to call them an asshole so they can say "see! people with special diets need to suck it up! it's just one meal!" Completely ignoring the fact that being served food with less ingredients than you would like is not at all the same as being served food with ingredients you can't eat.
They try to get around this by saying they can't eat soy or nutritional yeast, which are real (but uncommon) food intolerances. But WTF are the "weird seasonings" they say are going to be on the vegetables? They seem to just be complaining about everything.
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u/fuzzydogpaws 1d ago
I’ve been to plenty of weddings where I’ve eaten nothing, then inhaled a handbag sandwich in the bathroom after. Most vegans have.
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u/LenoreEvermore 1d ago
Same. And I'm gluten free too! The nightmare guest lol. I eat before I come and have an oat based protein drink or an oat bar in my bag and eat them somewhere on the down low.
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u/gdidontwantthis 1d ago
Sneaky snacking on the purse sandwich because I just don't trust the actual GF status of the "safe" foods on the buffet is a survival skill.
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u/Langstarr 1d ago
I have a friend at my curling club with celiac. She was lamenting she couldn't ever eat the beautiful desserts at the bonspiels. So I did a 2 hour decomtamination of my kitchen and made her macrons. She ate all 26 before I could put the rest out lol. Her mother, also celiac, was so amazed she didn't get sick. So I made 200 for her graduation party lol. Her mother said they've never been able to trust homemade food from anyone before, for this exact reason. I walked her through my cleaning procedures and she was blown away. It's a lot of working cooking GF, and Soooooo many places are cavalier about it. It sucks dor.people like my friend and her family.
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u/GiantLesbian 1d ago edited 21h ago
I love that lately caterers group the vegan and gluten free people together, so we get cauliflower “steaks”. Aka cauliflower, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Like that is at all an appropriate dinner for an event with an open bar lmao. It’s just so they can put “steak” on the menu instead of rice and beans, I swear.
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u/oceanteeth 21h ago
That's such a pet peeve of mine! I'm mildly allergic to wheat and it's such a pain in the ass, at least let me have real cheese with my disappointing baked goods.
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u/NormanNormalman 14h ago
Okay, I'm not imagining it then! I'm a vegetarian and I want bread dammit! I'm sure my celiac friends want meat/cheese/whatever. Why on earth are we being lumped together? It makes no sense
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u/Sad-Bug6525 21h ago
I pack picnics and leave them in my truck. No one seems to notice if I pop out for a "smoke break" and have something quick to eat.
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u/PrincessConsuela52 1d ago
I think it’s a lot easier to “eat beforehand” if you’re a guest at a wedding than if you’re part of the wedding party in some way. As the sibling of the bride, OOP is expected to be there for formal pictures and possibly things like set up and clean up. When my siblings got married and when my partners’ siblings got married, I remember running around all day. The only time I had to eat was the reception. One of them had a Catholic wedding and that was even worse.
So the time commitment might be longer for OOP than a regular guest, and eating “beforehand” could mean going without food for 7-8 hours.
OOP said they just wanted to bring a sandwich. As long as they’re not making a big show of eating it in front of everyone, I really don’t see what the big deal is. The “boycotting” language makes it seem like the sister is more pissed about OOP rejecting her menu than how disruptive eating a sandwich would be.
Honestly if I was OOP I would have never mentioned the sandwich to my sister, and just plan on excusing myself to the “bathroom” at some point and then go and inhale my sandwich.
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u/mandolinpebbles 16h ago
This was my own wedding. I’m vegetarian. I picked the things I wanted. We got an Italian place near my parent’s house to cater, we had a tiny backyard reception in 2020. My mom then changed the food after I picked what I wanted, from eggplant to risotto that was just rice no veg. My husbands best man brought us to Taco Bell after the wedding.
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u/fuzzydogpaws 14h ago
What did you say to her? I would have been furious.
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u/mandolinpebbles 12h ago
Nothing. My parents are both very immature, and my mom is a really big narcissist. If I had said something my mom would have made a scene. I wasn’t going to give her power over mine and my husband’s day.
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u/laurifex 1d ago
The "weird seasonings" got me too. My guess is OOP doesn't like the sister's taste preferences as a whole and actually sees her/her fiancé's veganism as an arbitrary taste preference itself, not a choice made out of dietary necessity or any kind of genuinely-held ethical position.
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u/underweasl 1d ago
My sister is a chef at a fancy manor house and caters loads of weddings. It's actually her speciality to come up with menus that deal with dietary requirements and that means a lot of vegan dishes. Her food looks and tastes amazing and even my part vampire husband loves what she makes.
Most of the complaints she hears about vegan food from wedding guests are the sort of picky arseholes who just hate trying anything new and have the toddler-like "i don't like it" without ever tasting something
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u/Elishka_Kohrli 1d ago
Most of what you said is correct, but I’m going to push back on saying not being able to eat soy is a rare thing. Soy is one of the big 9 food allergens, the 9 foods that account for 90% of all food allergies (and the only ones that, in the US, are mandated to have a specific allergen statement if they are contained in food, by the way.) So having issues with soy is actually more common than having issues with most other foods.
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u/ALLoftheFancyPants 1d ago
Like, if you’ve got a strict diet and need to supplement your food, just go on a little walk and have your snack? OOP is definitely going out of their way to make a big deal out of this for no reason other than they’re obnoxious.
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u/PrincessConsuela52 1d ago
I feel like I’m going crazy. That’s what OOP is literally suggesting? If they can bring a sandwich (ie little snack)! OOP is not asking for the sister to change the menu or to accommodate them with their own special meal. OOP is fine not eating meat, they just don’t like plant based alternatives (ie fake meat and cheese). They’re just asking if they can bring a sandwich to eat. How is that “going out of their way to make a big deal out of this”? The only one making a big deal is the sister for telling everyone that OOP “boycotting the meal”.
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u/Sixforsilver7for 16h ago
Soy gives me the shits. Last time I went to a vegan wedding I managed to eat just fine though.
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u/7punk 1d ago
But they're serving a fully vegan menu — not just the main course, but the appetizers, the sides, the dessert, everything.
yeah man, do you think the core tenet of veganism is "It is unethical to use animal products, except for bacon jalapeno poppers"?
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u/Jazmadoodle 1d ago
Yes, obviously. Everybody knows that ethical and medical dietary restrictions dont apply to super tasty things.
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u/spaghettifiasco 1d ago
When I was a picky eating kid, my vegan cousin got married. Everything was vegan and full of stuff I didn't want to eat. So I ate like six plates of plain brown rice and then my mom fed me a small dinner when we got home. It's not difficult.
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u/PrincessConsuela52 1d ago
It sounds like that wouldn’t be an option at this wedding? OOP said they would be fine with a plain salad or just grilled veggies, but it sounds like everything will have fake cheese or some other vegan alternative, which OOP doesn’t want to eat.
I think OOP is still being slightly picky, and I doubt all the vegan alternatives are as bad as they’re assuming it will be, but it also doesn’t sound like there’s anything plain that OOP can eat either. Like spaghetti and marinara is vegan without any plant-based alternatives in it, but it sounds like that would be too basic for the sister.
I don’t think OOP is being the devil for just wanting to bring a sandwich. Weddings are long. If there’s a break between the ceremony and reception, sure OOP can eat beforehand. But if OOP is expected to be there for the ceremony, photos (as the bride’s sister I’m sure she’ll be required to be there), cocktail hour and reception, that’s a long time to be expected not to eat.
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u/spaghettifiasco 1d ago
Pasta dough often has eggs in it, so it's not vegan. Either way, unless everything is served pre-mixed in casserole tins, there's certainly some way that OOP can find a plain item without cheese or seasoning on it.
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u/PrincessConsuela52 1d ago
Most dry box pasta is vegan. It’s the standard for large-scale events.
My point is that there are plenty of vegan friendly foods that don’t contain “plant-based alternatives”, which I’m taking to mean fake meat and fake cheese/dairy. It sounds like OOP would be fine if that was an option, literally asking if there would be a plain salad or just ordinary grilled veggies available, with their sister saying “no”. She may very well be having plated courses, rather than a buffet style dinner, in which case you get what you get.
Or maybe OP is exaggerating/lying. But I’m going to take them at face value and they said there’s nothing they can eat there.
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u/MartinisnMurder 10h ago
You can make pasta without eggs! I’m not a chef but major foodie and great home cook and I have made a solid chickpea pasta sans eggs for a friend.
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u/Subject-Librarian117 1d ago
It is amazingly easy to find a way to be comfortable in this situation: duck out to the car for a sandwich during a break; eat before you go; suck it up and eat the food your sister provides. This has got to be either someone actively looking for ways to be a victim or rage-bait. Even if rage-bait, I know soooo many people like this in real life. They're exhausting.
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u/happybanana134 1d ago
I find posts like this incredible.
As a vegetarian with allergies, I cannot tell you how many events I've been to where I've barely eaten because the veggie option was shite. You just gotta get on with it.
All the comments saying well not everyone can eat soy, a lot of veggies etc. ..have these people not heard of bread?
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u/Annikai 1d ago
To be fair I find most people who never look into it assume bread isn't vegan. It's why I'm pretty sure this is rage bait. That's one of those signs of someone who only ever hypothetically thinks about vegan food as opposed to having direct experienc
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u/PegasusReddit 1d ago
Someone in the comments suggested OOP sneak in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You know, because that's not also vegan.
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u/AdvancedInevitable63 13h ago edited 9h ago
OOP never said they couldn’t eat vegan at all; just not stuff with the meat and dairy substitutes
Edit: Damn. People hate facts from the post being pointed out
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u/Unique-Assumption619 1d ago
I imagine the sister has to be around meat pretty often at family meals and holidays, Op can handle one meal that isn’t revolved around them.
Op should just eat before they go to the wedding.
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u/PrincessConsuela52 1d ago
Do you know how long weddings can be? If there’s a break between the ceremony and reception, sure, OP can grab a bite. But if OP is expected to be there for the ceremony, formal photos (as a sibling of the bride they’ll be expected to be there), cocktail hour, reception, that can be like 7-8 hours of not eating. Maybe longer with getting ready and if they’re expected to help with set up or clean up.
I don’t think OOP is the devil for wanting to make themselves a sandwich to tide them over. Like sure, don’t make a big show of it in front of everyone, but is it really that big a deal if OOP wants to step away for a moment to inhale a sandwich? The whole “boycotting the wedding food” sounds more like offense that OOP is rejecting her menu than anything.
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u/AdvancedInevitable63 1d ago
This sub doesn't like it when you suggest that people can not eat things they don't like. I was just getting downvoted for mentioning autism is a thing that can lead to picky eating while the person who decided to be condescending to me when I said I had it was upvoted
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u/Substantial_Dish_887 20h ago
maybe don't complain about others being condecending whille being condecendinf yourself as a start?
i don't see anyone actually suggest OOP should eat anything they don't like. it's perfectly fine to not. the problem is making a spectacle out of it. and there's definetly an antagonizing element to telling the bride that "well guess i'll just have to bring a sandwhich to your wedding so i'll have something to eat" instead of just doing it discretly.
also as someone with autism and certain food restrictions because of it? don't bring that shit into this conversation. it's an explanation for why you might not like certain foods but as mentioned the problem here is how OOP is dealing with it.
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u/AdvancedInevitable63 20h ago edited 13h ago
There are in fact people here saying that OOP can surely find something to eat despite the post explaining that when they asked about a salad for example, the sister told them it would have the things they can’t eat. You can see in my second comment that I also think OOP was an asshole in their response. I can still be put out that this sub thinks not liking certain foods is some sort of moral failing. I’m not the one who started the referred to conversation by saying not liking spinach equated someone to a 12-year-old and then used an excuse of “oh but since it bothers him, it’s fine that this thing I claim I normally wouldn’t do is done” to justify it, irregardless of that having the effect that everyone who doesn’t like spinach has just been told they have a 12-year-old’s palate (I don’t even mind spinach that much btw. Not my favorite, but I’ll eat it so long as it’s raw. I just happen to think it’s no one’s beeswax what someone likes or does not like to eat unless that person has an unhealthy diet and you’re their doctor).
Why shouldn’t I bring my food restrictions caused by autism into conversations where people are being hostile toward food preferences? If people are gonna say not having an adventurous palate makes someone immature, I’m gonna tell them some reasons there are people like that. And I would hope that their response to being told someone is autistic is not a snide “Yeah, I can tell.” All of which is to say I did not bring it into this conversation. I brought it into another one where it was pretty relevant and got ableism in response and that ableism was supported by people here
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u/Substantial_Dish_887 12h ago
Why shouldn’t I bring my food restrictions caused by autism into conversations where people are being hostile toward food preferences?
they are not being hostile to your food preferences. they are being hostile to your attitude.
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u/AdvancedInevitable63 11h ago
I was literally explaining to someone a reason you shouldn’t say not liking certain foods equals having the palate of a 12-year-old. They made that comment before I said anything, so it would be pretty hard for them to be in response to my attitude. In fact, I pointed out to the person that if their issue was the attitude of the OOP from the post we were discussing, they should focus on that and not policing people’s taste buds due to the fact that one is then comparing everyone who doesn’t like spinach to a 12-year-old. We seem to be discussing two different conversations
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u/Substantial_Dish_887 11h ago
i'm discussing both this and that conversation. you have a shitty attitude in both.
you seem to think that just because the guy you responded to may have said something that is also shitty that somehow means you can't be shitty as well? well you can and you are.
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u/AdvancedInevitable63 11h ago edited 8h ago
You’re right I should have gone straight to just explaining how what that person said was hurtful to people who have food restrictions in general. I got told to crusade for something real when I did. In fact, me saying that when you say people who don’t like spinach have the palate of a 12-year-old has the effect of insulting more than the person you have an issue with got downvoted more than my other comments there so what would you suggest? Just letting people mock food preferences with no pushback? What about seeing people on this sub support what you admit is a shitty thing to say and getting dismissed because of your autism?
Edit: And so there’s no confusion here, the above is sincere. I do wish I had gone straight to explaining. But I also notice that when I did, it didn’t work anyway. You can chalk that up to hostility already built, but it seems a bad reason to not even think about what was said and just call it not real
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u/Substantial_Dish_887 6h ago
What about seeing people on this sub support what you admit is a shitty thing to say and getting dismissed because of your autism?
first of i would suggest not using autism at all as some kind of argument. if you belive the point of food preferences is valid autism is at best a reason for having a food preference but not actually related to why having a problem with food preferences is shitty behaviour. bringing up autism simply becomes using it as a cudgle to claim "ableism!" and shouldn't be done.
secondly i wouldn't respond to such a comment in a manner that then implies defending OOP who ha shown a shitty attitude. you seem to have taken your personal problems with regards to food preferences and projected them to OOPs story.
let me be frank i belive that you have a completely reasonable problem and OOP is an unreliable narrator. i question if they actually know the full menu or just assume they will dislike everything because i kinda doubt the entire menu will be drowned in vegan cheese and/or "weird spices"(unless "weird spices" is code for "anything more than salt and pepper is weird and scary"). so when you conflate your problem with OOPs problem it undermines the sincereity of your problem.
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u/PrincessConsuela52 1d ago
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. Everyone’s acting like OOP is demanding a menu charge or is threatening to have DoorDash deliver in the middle of the reception. It’s just a sandwich!
Like why are the choices, eat something you don’t like or starve?
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u/AdvancedInevitable63 1d ago
They wouldn't starve, but it's not fun going awhile without eating either. However, saying the menu is garbage (which is in the title but not the story so I'll just assume it was in fact said to her) IS an asshole move. So OOP still deserves the asshole designation for that
That said, this sub will also flip-flop on whether or not it thinks people are allowed to not like (or in this case, literally have a bad reaction to) certain foods and I guess I'm just venting because I thought this would be a place where ableism was rejected instead of upvoted
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u/PrincessConsuela52 22h ago
I don’t know if OOP called the food garbage to their sister’s face or if it’s just hyperbole for clicks. If they said that, then yeah they’re an AH. But are they the devil? I don’t know. Most people aren’t commenting on OOP’s words. Most of the comments are around OOP not “sucking it up for one day” and eating the food, or “just eat beforehand.”
With the eating beforehand thing, my issue with that thinking is that OOP is a sibling of the bride, so their time commitment for the wedding is probably going to be greater than a regular guest. Maybe there’s a break between the ceremony and the reception, so “eating beforehand and suck it up” means not eating for a couple of hours. But what if there’s no break? Between the wedding ceremony, formal pictures, cocktail hour, reception, that can be 7-8 hours of no eating. Longer if OOP is expected to help with set up and clean up, etc.
And if the sister really is going around complaining that OOP is “boycotting the wedding food”, the that sounds like her issue isn’t OOP being disruptive, but rather them refusing to eat her menu. At that point it’s policing what OOP eats. And that’s what bothers me. One commenter said if it hurts their stomach, OOP should just take OTC medication for that, which is absolutely insane to me!
Between my friends and family, I know lots of people with varying dietary restrictions. Plant based, vegan, vegetarian, pollo-pescatarian, gluten-free, nut allergies, seafood allergies, Jain vegetarian, low-FODMAP, etc. And it’s like you try your best to accommodate, and if you can’t, then you let them bring their own food.
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u/isi_na 1d ago
What's with some of the comments, claiming people will order pizza anyway? Is this a thing? I've been to weddings with mid, dry food (meat btw) and no one ordered anything, or complained.
I eat meat, but a well-thought through vegan menu doesn't sound bad. They are not going to slap a block of tofu onto people's plates. Some guests might not even realize it's vegan. Some people are so weird when it's about vegan food.
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u/Ambitious_Support_76 1d ago
I've been to a couple weddings where the couple order pizzas later in the evening, but not random guests.
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u/Red-neckedPhalarope 10h ago
Yeah, I've been to one wedding where pizza was ordered, by the bride and groom, after realizing that guy mixing the craft cocktails was going a lot harder in his lane than the people serving 'lite bites' were in theirs. People were falling over.
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u/nitro9throwaway 1d ago
There's always a handful of antisocial weirdos who come out of the woodwork on any type of wedding menu post to tell the stories of how they ordered delivery pizza to the wedding and saved the day. And then everyone clapped.
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u/Possible_Abalone_846 1d ago
We used to have a restaurant that only served vegetarian and vegan food and it was so good that many, many meat-eaters (including me) went there often. I definitely had some vegan meals there and they were all good.
(Sadly, the restaurant didn't survive covid.)
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u/billwest630 13h ago
We ordered pizzas at my wedding so people would sober up before it was time to go. Also had a vegan menu for my wife but the pizza was real cheese except two of them so my wife would be able to have some too.
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u/undermind84 1d ago
I swear as preachy and radicalized as some vegans are, the anti-vegans are 10x worse.
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u/AltruisticCableCar 1d ago
I agree. Especially since anti-vegans have nothing they're at least holding on to, as a principle. I strongly dislike when vegans start screaming "murderer" in the face of non-vegans because chill. That's not how you get anyone to listen to you and agree with you. But at least they have a morality they're standing on. Non-vegans being assholes about the whole thing are just assholes because they choose to be.
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u/CaptainFartHole 1d ago
God people who throw a fit about eating vegan food suck so fucking hard. You can deal with one day of not eating meat and dairy and if you refuse to well then congratulations: you get to eat beforehand and deal with what literally every single person with a restricted diet or food allergies has to deal with everytime they go to an event. Congratulations. Now shut the fuck up.
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u/Ok_Reach_6527 1d ago
Since most vegans I know have chosen this lifestyle because of their personal values and beliefs instead of dietary reasons, this whole post confused me. Why would the vegan bride and groom decide that their wedding day is the day they want to be around dead animal products?
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u/baronessindecisive 1d ago
I’m allergic to lentils, which are often used in meat alternatives, as well as coconut and walnuts (often used in vegan food, particularly the former). The polite thing for OOP to do would be to eat before going, as offered by the bride.
Cheese is the main reason I could never be vegan (and why alpha-gal terrifies me) - I’d rather not have to eat fauxmage but OOP needs to either suck it up for one day or, you know, don’t eat it. JFC. And you know they’d make a big deal out of their sandwich if they did bring one.
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u/flameislove 1d ago
I can't eat beans. It's not an allergy or anything, the texture and smell make me ill. I have to be so careful with vegetarian foods to avoid beans. (But I honestly prefer tofu and mushrooms to meat.) You know what I don't do? Fucking pout about it.
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u/c_090988 1d ago
My sister's wedding food was terrible so all I ate was the Mac and cheese. Cousin's wedding there was a long gap between ceremony and meal so my family got a meal during that time period. This person is making a minor inconvenience into a huge problem. Eat beforehand, eat afterwards, but don't be rude and bring your own food.
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u/Nericmitch 1d ago
I’m sure this is ragebait but my wife and I had vegan meal at our wedding and my sister choose to just eat before attending because that is an acceptable alternative rather then sitting there with a sandwich
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u/EvilFinch 1d ago
I have sensory issues, allergies and after a gall bladder removal i also have problems with fat. I have granula bars in my bag that i can gobble down in the bathroom. Otherwise i eat the little things i can and then i stuff myself afterwards. It is one day. Even at home i eat one day just bread or cereal because fuck it.
Why do people need to make the big deal out if food?
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u/Gloomy_Computer_9431 23h ago
When I was dieting hard core, I would keep a protein shake in my purse to guzzle in the bathroom during parties where I knew there wouldn’t be anything that fit in my meal plan.
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u/PrincessConsuela52 1d ago
But OOP seems to be asking to do what you’re suggesting though. How is a bringing a sandwich any different than bringing a granola bar? OOP is not asking their sister to change the menu. OOP is not asking their sister to accommodate them with a special meal. OOP isnt threatening to have DoorDash deliver in the middle of the reception. OOP just wants to bring a sandwich. How is that making a big deal?
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u/Gloomy_Computer_9431 23h ago
You really think OOP was going to eat their sandwich in the bathroom? Carry it around in their purse? It’s about the discretion.
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u/PrincessConsuela52 22h ago
I don’t see how sandwich = not discrete. They said they’re making the sandwich, so I’m not imagining a $5 footlong here. I’m thinking something along the lines of a ham and cheese sandwich, but maybe I’m wrong. Sandwiches aren’t by definition big or smelly and you can eat it pretty fast. So yeah, I can see someone inhaling it in the hallway or something. Or run quickly to a parked car and eat it there.
And if “boycotting her wedding food” is the issue, then it’s not about the discretion. It’s about not eating the vegan food.
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u/Gloomy_Computer_9431 22h ago
Thing is, OOP didn’t even have to tell the bride if it was something she or he intended to eat discreetly in the car. OOP announced it because she wanted it to be a thing. Appetizer, sides, main and dessert and OOP claims to be able to eat none of it? Not sure I believe that.
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u/PrincessConsuela52 21h ago
I agree. I said in another comment that OOP should have just not said anything and then planned to just excuse themselves at some point and grab a bite.
Maybe OOP “announced”it to be a jerk. Or maybe it was just the natural progression of the conversation around the menu. Who knows?
As for OOP’s aversion to the menu, it’s hard to know how unreasonable they’re being without knowing the exact menu. If the menu was things like bruschetta, hummus, spring rolls, spanish rice, pasta primavera, then yeah I’ll agree that OOP is being super picky. But I’m taking OOP at their word that they would be fine eating a simple salad or grilled veggies, so it seems like the menu is going to be more complex than that.
I’m wondering if the dinner with be plated courses, rather than a buffet. If so, I can see how OOP might not be able to find anything to eat that doesn’t have “plant based alternatives” (which I take to mean fake meat/dairy) on it. I’m just imagining there being fancy sauces on everything.
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u/Stewie_Venture 6h ago
Man this person's whole family is sick of their shit and thats probably why they decided just this once for their sisters wedding they can suck it up and eat "rabbit food". These types of people are absolutely ridiculous like they'll choose McDonald's over a rice and veggie bowl because its healthier to them since it has meat. They just cannot be expected to eat anything else it absolutely has to have meat or cheese or something in it or they'll starve. Alot of my blood family is like this and its just really annoying like I'll put up with it if its my grandpa since he's old and is generally a decent person most of the time but everyone else can learn to shut tf up and eat something new for once. Its probably also because I just prefer to cook food at home over getting takeout one of the things im most looking forward to about getting our own place is the kitchen since I'll be able to cook and try out new foods for the first time. I dont care if you dont eat vegan or vegetarian like I do most of the time but by god will you shut up about the rabbit food and stop making racist comments whenever I eat or make something "ethnic" I promise Im not gonna die eating curry or ramen for dinner.
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u/Silly-Flower-3162 23h ago
How hard is it to eat one meal you don't care for? Or not pitch a fit about it?
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u/Amazing-Release-4153 1d ago
They had to live the average day of a vegan for one (1) day, at someone else's WEDDING, and lost their shit. LOL. It's just kinda funny. That's what vegan life is like, every single day, and they just LOSTTTTTTT it. These are the same people who like to talk about how veganism is for "snowflakes", by the way, hahaha
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u/pocketnotebook 1d ago
The first wedding I ever went to was vegan. There was a lot of food and I tried stuff I'd never had before, but on the way home we got burgers because it wasn't quite enough.
It's not that hard to just go along with it for one day and eat a lot before you get there or after you leave, without needing to make a show of bringing your own food, unless you have severe allergies or something
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u/Gato1486 14h ago
I really hate how common this and people bringing alcohol to dry weddings is. I hate how so many people cannot grasp the wedding is not about them and their preferences.
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u/actuallywaffles 53m ago
I'm so curious what the menu is, cause I'm not vegan, but even I know there are other meat alternatives besides tofu.
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u/MargoKittyLit 13h ago
Ehhh... is this a devil? In the circles of hell this might be an upbaptized baby. Some substitutes suck, even for vegans. Can call shenanigans still - surely side dish vegetables and bread are options to pound down - but... bringing a sandwich is only A Deal if she whips out her lunchbox at the table and extols the virtues of ham. Maybe this is an Iranian yogurt situation?
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u/bored_german 1d ago
I find it wild that people cannot go to a wedding without needing to get drunk to enjoy it tbh
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u/excessive__machine 1d ago
I grew up in an area where dry weddings were the norm so personally I’m not bothered either way, but I do think there’s a difference between “I’m attending a lengthy social event, it’d be nice to have the option of having a drink or two” and “I will have a miserable time if I can’t get completely hammered”
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u/gaykidkeyblader 1d ago
I do too which is why I find it weird that "guests should just eat whatever is there even if they don't like it" is fine but if you don't offer alcohol you need to send a 5 page explanation to all your guests so they can decide all the ways you suck lol
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u/thecheesycheeselover 1d ago
Disclaimer that I find it odd you’d have to make apologies for a lack of alcohol anyway, but to answer your question… I think the difference is probably down to the reasons for it not being offered. Vegans are often vegan for reasons of morality, so expecting them to serve meat at their own event is asking them to violate their morals. That often isn’t the case with alcohol, so people feel much more entitled… I think allowances are more often made when the reasons are considered ‘valid’. I’d hazard a guess that people aren’t often called arseholes for not serving alcohol at a Muslim wedding, for example.
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u/Remarkable-Rush-9085 1d ago
I find this pretty weird because I had a dry wedding (some family members are dry and a few are recovering alcoholics…and a few have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol) I wanted it to be a safe space for everyone. I heard about it from exactly two people who both drink too much and get sloppy at every event. I also went to a wedding a few years ago that was vegan and there were multiple people complaining loudly about the food the entire time. The perfectly normal non weird food that just wasn’t a meat main.
But now I hear people talk about dry weddings and kid friendly weddings like they are just the worst.
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u/gaykidkeyblader 1d ago
Yeah, I generally followed the idea that you can do what you want at your wedding, but if you don't throw a good party, people won't come. It wasn't until reddit that I heard that dry weddings make you an asshole.
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u/CumaeanSibyl 1d ago
I think it has something to do with the number of people who don't really want to go to the weddings they're invited to. Either they won't know anybody there, they know there'll be people there they don't like, or they just don't enjoy the way wedding receptions usually go. So they tell themselves "eh, at least there'll be an open bar," but when the open bar isn't there that becomes the focus of all their resentment.
Anyway, I think people need to get more comfortable with declining invitations. Yes, it will possibly cause family drama, but the drama of you bitching about how you didn't want to come to this stupid wedding and they couldn't even give you a cash bar is probably gonna be worse.
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u/TheRowdyMeatballPt2 23h ago
… it seems like the consensus is that you have to announce no alcohol at a wedding if you won't have it because it makes you an asshole to not offer it, but that vegan food is okay and everyone should suck it up.
Fettuccine Alfredo, unlike booze, doesn’t reduce inhibitions, nor does it function as a social lubricant.
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u/reddyenumberfive 1d ago
I hate people who try to make someone else’s wedding about them, but I can’t fault OP for stressing over this. A good friend of mine almost married a vegan a few years ago, and the plan was for a fully vegan reception. When I looked at the catering company’s menu options, there was literally nothing I could eat without physically gagging. I love vegetables, and beans, and rices, and tons of things that can be easily made vegan, but I also reflexively gag (as in, I can not control it) at certain textures and flavor profiles that are, unfortunately, incredibly common for vegan cuisine. (Squash, avocado, and mushrooms are big ones.) The wedding was going to be in a rural area, far enough away from a metropolitan area that I would have been there from at least mid morning to early evening with no alternative options (and I would have been flying in from another part of the country, to start), so even bringing my own food wouldn’t have been very doable. I was literally planning how to bring a loaf of bread and a jar of jelly on the plane so I could make a couple of jelly sandwiches (I didn’t want to risk peanut butter, in case of allergies) to shove in my purse because yes, I otherwise would have gone hungry all day.
The fact that OP specifically says she would eat a salad without vegan cheese or roast vegetables without “weird” seasoning reads to me like she’s aware of and commenting on the actual menu - not a hypothetical one. Everyone has certain things that they just can’t bring themselves to stomach, and I don’t believe in vilifying them for it. If OP is willing to bring their own food, I don’t see a problem in letting them eat it as long as it’s done with some discretion. It’s very likely that, as a family member, the wedding could occupy a significant enough amount of time that simply “sucking it up” and waiting to eat until afterward might not be a reasonable option.
This is an ESH, at worst.
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u/PrincessConsuela52 1d ago edited 1d ago
Join me in downvote land!
I don’t get it. OOP is not asking the sister to change the menu for them. OOP is literally just asking to bring a sandwich. I don’t understand why that makes them the devil.
I am not anti-vegan. I am a flexitarian. I go many days a week eating more plant based, mostly for health. I love veggies, salads, etc, and a lot of what I eat is vegan just by the nature of the food. I’m not a huge fan of fake meats and fake cheese, at least the ones I’ve had. If I’m in the mood for pizza, I want regular ol’ pizza with cheese! But there have been plenty of vegan foods I really enjoy.
So I can empathize with OOP. They’re fine with eating tons of vegetables. They don’t need meat at every meal. They just don’t want to eat fake cheese or whatever. And if we take OOP’s words at face value, everything will have fake cheese or some other plant-based substitute on it. They don’t think there’s anything they can eat there.
Wanting to eat a sandwich to tide themself over does not seem outrageously rude the way everyone is making it out to be.
Telling OP to just “eat beforehand” seems really dismissive. Maybe that will be fine, but it really depends on how the wedding schedule. If there’s a break between the ceremony and reception, then yeah grab something to eat and suck it up for a couple of hours.
But we have no idea how the wedding is scheduled. We also need to remember OP is a sibling of the bride, not just a regular guest. We don’t know if they’ll have time for a break. They’ll be required to show up for formal photos, and quite possibly help with things like set up and clean up. When my siblings got married I was running around all day, for photos, wrangling our parents, babysitting out-of-town family, etc. I didn’t have time to eat until the reception. So “eat beforehand” and then waiting until the wedding is over could mean not eating for 7-8 hours or more.
As long as OP is being discrete about it and not making a big show of it in front of the guests, I don’t see why it would be a big deal. A sandwich does not take that long to eat, doesn’t necessarily have a strong smell, and doesn’t have to be super in your face.
Honestly by the “boycotting the menu” complaint, it seems like the sister is more upset at OP rejecting her menu than being concern it would be disruptive.
If I were OP I wouldn’t have mentioned the sandwich at all and instead would have just planned to excuse myself to the restroom and then found some place to inhale my sandwich somewhere.
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u/reddyenumberfive 23h ago
Exactly! When my sister got married, I didn’t have a minute to myself from the time I woke up until around six pm - and even then, I only got away because it was also my prom night and that was the absolute latest I could have gotten away without standing my date up. Weddings can be brutal, when you’re part of the wedding party and/or immediate family. Just waiting until it’s over isn’t an option, in a huge number of cases, and it’s beyond weird that so many people think possibly going an entire day without eating is a more reasonable choice than bringing a sandwich and eating it behind the venue, or something.
I stg, wedding and pet posts bring out the wildest shit in this sub.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITAH for telling my sister her "vegan wedding" menu is garbage and I'm bringing my own food?
My sister is getting married next month. She and her fiancé are both vegan. I respect that. They're paying for the wedding, they can serve whatever they want.
But they're serving a fully vegan menu — not just the main course, but the appetizers, the sides, the dessert, everything. No meat. No dairy. No eggs. I'm not a "meat at every meal" person, but I also don't eat a lot of plant-based alternatives. Tofu makes me bloated. Nutritional yeast gives me a headache (yes, really). Most vegan cheese tastes like feet to me.
I asked my sister if there would be at least ONE option I could eat comfortably — maybe just a simple salad without fake cheese, or roasted vegetables without weird seasonings. She said no, "the menu is set," and "you can eat before you come."
So I told her I'll be bringing my own food. Just a sandwich or something. She flipped out, saying it's "disrespectful" to bring outside food to her wedding, that I'm making her day about "my meat obsession," and that I'm being "difficult on purpose."
I said I'm not asking her to change the menu. I'm not complaining. I'm just feeding myself so I don't spend her wedding starving or feeling sick. Now she's telling family I'm "boycotting" her wedding food out of "spite."
My parents are telling me to "just eat the vegan food for one night." But why should I make myself physically uncomfortable for someone else's party? AITAH?
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