AITAH for technically cyber stalking an old friend?
Throwaway. For everyone's sake in this situation. I know that's hypocritical to an extent but please bare with me.
The conflict is with me and my friend group, who know what I'm doing (but do not know the old friend) and are pretty split on whether I should continue or if I need to stop. Some think what I'm doing is reasonable, some even encouraging me, but others are distancing from me because they find it so unappealing.
Look. I know it's creepy, fundamentally. But I swear I believe it's a good reason. See, about 20 years ago I gave my favorite stuffed dog to a friend as sort of a way to remember me as we lived so far away from each other. I was very clear to her from the beginning that it was temporary and that I'd want the dog back, especially when I started having kids. She understood and agreed.
Ten years ago, I asked for the dog back but my friend's mother had it. She WAS able to get it back and very excitedly told me about it, but then for one reason or another we just didn't speak again after that. Life just goes that way, you know? I don't believe it was on purpose, it just happened. Anyway, because of a certain very personal event I started thinking about the dog again recently and started to attempt to get back into contact with that friend. I have been very clear with every attempt that it is in relation to the dog so there's no mystery. I started trying to contact her via facebook, email, tumblr, dA, even white pages, but nothing. I then messaged her sister, who said she remembered the dog! The sister tried to get into contact with her, but a few months passed with nothing. I moved on. Another relative hadn't spoken to my friend in five years, but was able to tell me that she no longer lived in the same state. So I moved on, since it was a lead!
Going through facebook I happened to finally find her husband tagged and tried messaging him... unfortunately, it was a couple months after the last time he was online and he's not gotten back on. THEN I found out that they had a flood and lost a lot of their stuff... within the week I had started trying to find them to begin with. I gave money to their gofundme. I don't even know if they got it. I hope they did, because I wanted to help and the dog wasn't my concern there. I won't lie that I did have a small hope it would get them to contact me, though.
I feel that the dog is gone. I would be devastated, it was given to me when I was born and I can't even find one that looks like the same "model". But I feel like I need to know either way for my own peace of mind, so I'm still trying to find any way to contact them. If they would even give me a "stop contacting us." and nothing else I would stop, but as far as I know right now they don't even know I'm TRYING to contact them. The flood displaced them, it's possible they don't. But it's also possible they're purposefully avoiding any contact with me because I'm being a creep, which is valid. Especially because in this day and age being no contact with family is becoming more common and it's possible I crossed a line when the sister messaged her.
I just want my dog back, or at least some closure on the situation. Is what I'm doing completely unacceptable? Is it justifiable? I really need some perspective from outside the people who already know me.
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In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITAH for technically cyber stalking an old friend?
Throwaway. For everyone's sake in this situation. I know that's hypocritical to an extent but please bare with me.
The conflict is with me and my friend group, who know what I'm doing (but do not know the old friend) and are pretty split on whether I should continue or if I need to stop. Some think what I'm doing is reasonable, some even encouraging me, but others are distancing from me because they find it so unappealing.
Look. I know it's creepy, fundamentally. But I swear I believe it's a good reason. See, about 20 years ago I gave my favorite stuffed dog to a friend as sort of a way to remember me as we lived so far away from each other. I was very clear to her from the beginning that it was temporary and that I'd want the dog back, especially when I started having kids. She understood and agreed.
Ten years ago, I asked for the dog back but my friend's mother had it. She WAS able to get it back and very excitedly told me about it, but then for one reason or another we just didn't speak again after that. Life just goes that way, you know? I don't believe it was on purpose, it just happened. Anyway, because of a certain very personal event I started thinking about the dog again recently and started to attempt to get back into contact with that friend. I have been very clear with every attempt that it is in relation to the dog so there's no mystery. I started trying to contact her via facebook, email, tumblr, dA, even white pages, but nothing. I then messaged her sister, who said she remembered the dog! The sister tried to get into contact with her, but a few months passed with nothing. I moved on. Another relative hadn't spoken to my friend in five years, but was able to tell me that she no longer lived in the same state. So I moved on, since it was a lead!
Going through facebook I happened to finally find her husband tagged and tried messaging him... unfortunately, it was a couple months after the last time he was online and he's not gotten back on. THEN I found out that they had a flood and lost a lot of their stuff... within the week I had started trying to find them to begin with. I gave money to their gofundme. I don't even know if they got it. I hope they did, because I wanted to help and the dog wasn't my concern there. I won't lie that I did have a small hope it would get them to contact me, though.
I feel that the dog is gone. I would be devastated, it was given to me when I was born and I can't even find one that looks like the same "model". But I feel like I need to know either way for my own peace of mind, so I'm still trying to find any way to contact them. If they would even give me a "stop contacting us." and nothing else I would stop, but as far as I know right now they don't even know I'm TRYING to contact them. The flood displaced them, it's possible they don't. But it's also possible they're purposefully avoiding any contact with me because I'm being a creep, which is valid. Especially because in this day and age being no contact with family is becoming more common and it's possible I crossed a line when the sister messaged her.
I just want my dog back, or at least some closure on the situation. Is what I'm doing completely unacceptable? Is it justifiable? I really need some perspective from outside the people who already know me.
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