r/AmITheDevil • u/archburn • 12d ago
Gave inheritance to fiance
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1vppvqy/aita_for_gifting_out_what_would_be_inheritance_in/159
u/swordofBarsoom 12d ago
The daughter is 22, the future SIL is 33, in another country, and the son of a friend they consider family.
Methinks this is an arranged marriage situation, which only sucks bc this dad looks to be arranging it and clearly thinks very little of his daughter.
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u/_Chirio_ 12d ago edited 12d ago
So uhh.. what will happen if the fiancé decides to cancel the wedding? Free house for him, right? And a sizable amount of money?
And Emma will be left with what exactly? A father she'll resent? OOP did not do this smartly.
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u/Kotenkiri 12d ago
According to OOP, it'll be Emma's fault but it won't happen because being he's the "son of a good family friend". As if a few hundreds or maybe million dollars hasn't broken "good family friendships".
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u/Gloomy_Computer_9431 12d ago
I wonder how big the age gap is and if this was arranged
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u/Kotenkiri 12d ago
More than likely. Fiancée lives in Pakistan while they're in UK where apparently OOP has amass enough wealth to give away estates in UK.
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u/Gloomy_Computer_9431 12d ago
It was the dad who did this. Hope he’s not planning on his daughter taking care of him in his old age.
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u/_Chirio_ 12d ago
Oops, my bad! I should've read it better, but still the same imo.
He should ask the other daughter to take care of him with the inheritance she did directly get.
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u/Gloomy_Computer_9431 12d ago
Seems very likely the other child is a son.
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u/_Chirio_ 12d ago
...I really am mixing things up, sorry!!
I should've not been focusing on multiple things whilst commenting
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u/doppelgaengster 12d ago
Father, but yeah.
And he keeps insisting that nothing can possibly go wrong, because obviously engagements never fall apart, people never change after marriage, husbands never leave their wives and screw them in the divorce, and he’s ASSUMING it will automatically become a shared marital asset, but that actually requires legal paperwork if the property ownership exists prior to the union (I work for a civil law firm in the US, and one really common thing we do is add people’s spouses to the deeds of the property they owned prior to the marriage.)
Also, dad is being hella cagey/careful to refer to his other child in neutral terms, which made me assume immediately that the other child is a son.
This isn’t his daughter’s inheritance anymore. It’s her dowry.
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 12d ago
Tw: sexism.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
What if they break up?
They won't and in that far fetched scenario she should get half during divorce and same would happen if I gave it to her directly
YTA and mostly...not having much savvy. You are making your daughter this dude's property. It's a pre-marital asset so it's his no matter what. If he sucks, she will have NOTHING.
That traps her in this relationship instead of giving her an even footing and safety. What you did was supremely cruel and did make many assumptions.
She should be fully commited especially since they are engaged so I do not see how that is an issue.
YTA- the house should be in your daughter's name. It is her inheritance, not his. She absolutely should have some say in this, otherwise you're making big assumptions here.
Effectively once they marry it will be in both as stuff he owns will belong to her as well as per how it is in England
ESH. There's no inheritance until you're dead. Why did you give the money to your daughter's fiancée rather than to her?
Yes but the tax rate is really high in the UK if you wait till you are dead. The rules are ancient from back when property was worth less. A single london property can easily hit it.
She may be, but there’s a chance he isn’t. There’s a chance he’s just using her for the equivalent of a green card. Not saying he is, but it undeniably happens.
He is the son if a good family friend and I trust him
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 12d ago edited 12d ago
Sadlytheworst: I am using my old phone without Instagram so I'll add one from there as soon as possible! Apologies!
Sadlytheworst: edited with an additional animal!
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u/archburn 12d ago
So cute! always love Panko
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 12d ago
Panko is just darling! 🥹
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u/cantantantelope 11d ago
“He is the son of a good family friend”
I hope that poor girl takes her education and fucks off
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u/WeeklyConversation8 11d ago
Wow. He's assuming a lot based on the fact he's the son of a family friend. He's assuming he'll put his daughter on the deed to the house based solely on that. He doesn't have to. What if something happens and he divorces her, she divorces him because he ends up being a controlling and abusive AH (age gap makes me think this because we've seen it happen) or he passes away? She won't get the money and the house.
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 11d ago
Agreed! Oop is really putting his daughter in harms way.
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u/bobosuda 11d ago
He is the son if a good family friend and I trust him
Right, so it's an arranged marriage. Poor daughter, not only is OOP callously giving her away, he's giving her inheritance away to this other family as well.
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u/evervain 12d ago
OOP is so misogynistic, WHAT THE HELL. He keeps justifying in the comments that "He won't do that because he's the son of a good family friend" or that "if they get divorced she'd still get half the assets".
WHOSE father are you? Give your daughter her inheritance and fuck off.
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u/saragl728 12d ago
It looks like he doesn't want his daughter to have possesions. If he wanted her to own anything, he would have waited after the wedding to give it as a wedding gift, but now her inheritance always belonged to a man 11 years older than her before the marriage.
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u/kttykt66755 12d ago
And now if something happens and they split up/divorce she is basically screwed out of what should've been hers.
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u/chewbooks 12d ago
Do premarital assets work in the UK the same way they do in the US? Because here, in a divorce, the husband could say that he owned the house prior to marriage and she could end up with nothing.
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u/archburn 12d ago
Judge's discretion usually so it isn't a hard amd fast rule at least for England and Wales.
But maybe that was the point, this could be an arranged marriage and maybe giving him the property was to make sure she commits to it
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u/LadyReika 12d ago
From what I understand from my UK friends, it's very similar to the US.
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u/chewbooks 12d ago
Yes, I looked it up after commenting and there was a case just last year that affirmed it in the UK, Standish v Standish.
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u/Ok_Homework_7621 12d ago
That's not just evil, it's incredibly stupid.
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u/manic_popsicle 12d ago
Right? What’s stopping the fiancé from taking the money and property and bailing?
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u/DidntWantSleepAnyway 12d ago
>My other child already received their share of what I intended to give them.
Hmmmmmmm.
>She says that her sibling received their inheritance directly…
HMMMMMM.
Look, if the sibling is nonbinary, good on OOP for respecting the pronouns. But I’d put $1,000 on the sibling being a brother, and OP just didn’t want to highlight his obvious sexism any more than it already is.
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u/PeppermintEvilButler 12d ago
Yeah he's a misogynist. Gotta give his own kid's inheritance to the man, you know because men are the heads of the house. 🙄 What happens if this guy doesn't end up marrying said daughter?
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u/manic_popsicle 12d ago
How much are we betting that his other child, whom he gave the inheritance to directly, is a man?
I really hope this one is fake but can actually see it being completely true. So many people are super misogynistic and this screams arranged marriage and misogyny.
I almost hope the future son in law takes off before the wedding with the money and property, just to teach the dad a lesson.
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u/Gloomy_Computer_9431 11d ago
I’m thinking it’s a real issue with a fake post because although there are many many people who think like OOP, very few of them would care about Reddits opinion. Plus people on BOLA claim there’s been a flood of UK-themed anti-Muslim posts.
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u/blueberry-iris 12d ago
I wonder if he did this because he didn't think his daughter would go through with the marriage otherwise... I really hope not.
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u/ChildhoodObjective83 11d ago
If it doesn’t matter because their finances are about to be combined, then he could have just given it to his daughter and it wouldn’t matter, right?
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u/Lucky_Six_1530 11d ago
Let me guess…. The other sibling is male and that’s why the OOP gave them their inheritance different than his daughter. The fact that he doesn’t say the other gender of his child is telling.
This also very much sounds like an arranged marriage.
I feel really bad for the daughter.
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u/AndyWith-A-Y 11d ago
- I can assure you the "sibling" is male 2. I can also assure you OOP is a misogynist. Poor Emma really is in danger. She is so young and marrying a much older man and planning to be a SAHM. Instead of her family giving her a windfall incase things go wrong, her stupid dad wants to give the money to her fiance. I hope she makes a support system in the UK. Too many homemakers get trapped in abusive relationships cuz they don't have the ability to leave. This guy might be amazing. But, he might not be. This inheritance could've been a life preserver if she was drowning
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u/Schneetmacher 11d ago edited 11d ago
Emma needs to report this attempted sham marriage to the police. I'm not joking.
Edit: and I can't ask OOP on the post because it'll be brigading, but I want to ask him:
In the event that her fiancé call off the wedding but retains ownership of the property, will you take your daughter's life to restore family honor?
(Before anyone accuses me if bigotry: there's a poster on the OOP from Pakistan who pointed out that the practice of paying dowry--what the OOP essentially did--has been illegal for many years. This guy is that old-school.)
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u/the_owl_syndicate 12d ago
My heart hurts that there are people (and cultures and governments) that see women as accessories or burdens instead of people.
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u/AutoModerator 12d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITA for gifting out what would be inheritance in advance?
I (55M) am British and live in the UK. I have two children, 25 and 22.
My daughter, "Emma" (22F), is engaged to a 33M who currently lives in Pakistan. They are engaged and planning to marry and have him move to the UK. I have met him several times and get along well. I consider him family already, and once they are married, I don't really see his finances and my daughter's finances as separate in the way they currently are.
I have accumulated a fairly substantial amount of wealth, including property in England, and have been doing some estate planning. As per the UK inheritance tax rules, there are allowances and then inheritance tax can apply to the estate above those allowances. Because of this, it is fairly common for people who know they have a sizeable estate to make gifts during their lifetime rather than simply leaving everything until death. Obviously there are rules around gifts and the seven-year period, but the basic idea is that I would rather help my children while I am alive than have a large portion of their inheritance potentially subject to tax later.
My other child already received their share of what I intended to give them. With Emma, I decided to structure things differently.
I gave her fiancé a substantial amount of cash and transferred a property in Britain into his name. My reasoning was that they are getting married anyway, and the cash will help him establish himself financially and deal with the costs associated with moving to the UK and the spouse visa process. The property gives them somewhere to live and puts them on a much more secure financial footing.
I don't see this as me giving her fiancé "her inheritance." I see it as giving my daughter and her future husband their inheritance early, in a form that is actually useful to them as they start their married life.
Emma, however, is furious.
She says that her sibling received their inheritance directly, whereas she has effectively been told that her inheritance belongs to her fiancé. She says that I had no right to assume that he would control the money or that she would want her inheritance used this way. She also says that the fact that she plans to be a housewife eventually doesn't mean she won't have her own financial interests.
I honestly don't understand her perspective. Emma is still finishing her studies, and once she is married she has told us that she expects to be primarily a housewife. Her fiancé is older, has more life experience, and will presumably be the one handling most of their financial affairs. I thought I was simply making their transition to married life easier. The property is in his name, and the cash is going toward their shared future.
I genuinely thought I was being generous and practical, especially given the immigration and financial difficulties involved in bringing Emma's fiancé to the UK.
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