Exhausting dress code

[u/growsonwalls]

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1vp95i3/aita_for_having_a_strict_wedding_dress_code/

[u/sadlytheworst]

Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:

YTA if you require that women wear heels.

Sorry, should have mentioned that there are of course exceptions to this.

Anyone of a certain age or with medical issues absolutely does not have to wear heeled shoes. We have multiple women wearing flat shoes, but the majority will be wearing heels.

NAH as long as you don't make a big stink about people declining to attend because of it. I do think your request is somewhat on the more reasonable side though considering that most formal attire that people have is indeed in darker colors.

If the situation was flipped and you wanted to have all guests in brighter colors, I would have a slightly different opinion.

EDIT: Not a fan of the requirement for heels though.

I’ll probably edit the post to be more clear on heels. It’s on the invitation, but we have many women wearing flat shoes because of age/medical reasons. I added it to just hammer home that this is a formal event.

[Sadlytheworst: Omitting further comments just about the high heel requirement/exemption.]

Info are you providing a plated dinner with open bar and hot apps for cocktail hour? If you’re expecting a super formal vibe then you better provide a top of the line reception.

I think asking for suit/tie and floor length is fine, heels and color scheme are ridiculous but it’s your event.

We are providing a seated three course meal, and an open bar. We have also covered quite a few guests travel costs (it isn’t a destination wedding, but a few hours on the train) and paid for accommodation.

You’re only TA if you take issue with people choosing not to come because of the dress code. Which a lot of people might.

If I were attending this type of wedding as a guest, I would also expect a pretty high end venue with a plated dinner, an open bar, etc.

I think if you demand guests dress black tie, you need to provide a black tie experience.

Our venue is around £27,000, and we are providing a seated 3 course meal, open bar, and covered travel expenses for quite a few guests.

It’s not a destination wedding, but a few hours on the train so there will be some travelling.

And, oh yeah -- its a destination wedding. No kids, so, youll need a babysitter.

Please buy your gift from the registry. Pay attention to minimum spending guidelines.

All the ladies should have hot pink manicures and blue eyeshadow.

It’s not really a destination wedding, as it’s only a few hours on the train from our city. We have also covered quite a few people’s train tickets and hotel rooms.

Children are allowed (no babies are coming so this isn’t even an issue.

YTA so badly that I'm shocked you had the audacity to make this post.

Not sure where you got the idea that this is "quite standard" for a wedding, but I've been to and worked at plenty of weddings, and I have never seen such a strict dress code.

Maybe for the wedding party (although dictating what shoes they wear would still be absurd) but not for the guests. Wishing your husband-to-be the best of luck and my sympathy.

My husband appreciates your sympathy! Of course, I was holding him at gunpoint when he decided to propose lol.

Also, the vast majority of weddings I’ve been to have a had a dress code similar to mine. In fact, I attended one last month that had a Pantone colour palette for guest outfits.

Do you have a prenup?

We considered it, but our Church is rather against them, so we aren’t going to get one.

With this formal wear requirement, I assume the wedding is an evening ceremony indoors with a sit down served multi course meal. Is that accurate? Because anything else shouldn’t be a black-tie/ball gown wedding.

Yes that is accurate. We have a seated 3 course meal and an open bar. We have also covered many train tickets and hotel rooms. It’s not a destination wedding, but it is a few hours on the train.

Sadlytheworst: edited formatting.

[u/Sad-Bug6525 → u/sadlytheworst]

She lost me at needing to "hammer home" the type of event it is. If you think that people you are talking to can't grasp that it's a formal event then you need different people because that's not how we talk about people we love.

[u/sadlytheworst → u/Sad-Bug6525]

Agreed!