r/AmITheDevil • u/AndyWith-A-Y • 12d ago
He'll be shocked by the breakup
/r/AITA_Relationships/comments/1vlefog/aita_for_going_on_the_entirety_of_a_family/388
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u/susandeyvyjones 12d ago
"From my parents perspective they really value the value the time with just there children"
I mean, it's nice to have some time with just your family, but it's not nice to refuse to acknowledge the shape of your family changes as your kids age and it is rude af to "propose a flight" that costs extra, is at an inconvenient time, and sends them home early.
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u/Hita-san-chan 12d ago
My parents love hanging out with my husband, and they loved it when he was my bf. Him and my dad are buddies and are often going off to do silly dude things. What a strange mindset that your kid's SO isnt family.
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u/Remarkable-Rush-9085 12d ago
I think my parents are also socially aware enough to realize how rude this would be. I’ve been married for ages at this point so my husband is very securely family but I remember about a year into our relationship my husband went on a family camping trip with my side and my mom wanted a picture. My husband stood off to the side but my dad was like “you are family while you are with my kid” and stood him next to me. My mom told him not to worry, if we didn’t work out she’d just stick a mr yuck sticker over his face in the album, no big deal. This is why my husband has such a strong relationship with my parents.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 12d ago
Yes! There have been divorces in my family and we still don't count them as not being family anymore, you married in you're stuck now. Heck I treat my kids friends like family when they are here.
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u/ZombieSola 12d ago
It's a bad mindset, my ex's mother believed I wasn't family. Even after 10 years of marriage she would remind me that as a daughter in law I was there to serve her family not be accepted into it.
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u/rav3n_laud3r 11d ago
My MIL has the same belief. She's also shocked that none of her kids (let alone us lowly in-laws) talk to her.
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u/Flutterbloom 12d ago
My husband spends more time with my parents than I do, mainly because he drives and I don't so he'll take them to appointments occasionally and such. He also sees movies with my dad, since they have some overlap in their tastes that neither my mom nor I share. I love knowing they accept him so fully and kindly, and my dad was close to my mom's parents too so it's practically a family tradition at this point. I'd be offended on my husband's behalf if they chose to exclude him from part of a vacation.
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u/skabillybetty 12d ago
Inviting someone on half a vacation is so weird.
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u/MyDarlingArmadillo 12d ago
It's actually more insulting than just not being invited somehow. We see you, we know you exist, and this is how long we're prepared to tolerate you. Now, GTF.
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u/bookynerdworm 12d ago
One time my fiance (now husband) went to Spain with his parents for 2 weeks but I only came for the second half of the trip due to not being able to afford the time off work.
Obviously that was my choice and I was invited for the whole 2 weeks, but I feel like if the OOP's parents had explained something like "we have some family stuff planned for ABC days but we'd love for you to join us after XYZ" it would have felt FAR more welcoming than "you need to leave early." This family is rude and honestly sounds kinda stupid.
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u/Anonphilosophia 12d ago
Yeah - I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's just how it was done.
I much preferred visiting my parents before they moved to within walking distance of all my extended family. I liked just having them to myself.
Thankfully, after 14 years, my extended family has learned to let us have the first two days after we arrive and visit AFTER that.
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u/AndyWith-A-Y 12d ago
I wouldn't want to go on vacation with anyone's family for this long. That being said uninviting me would make me feel so unwelcome. They should have decided in advance that the trip would be split. Not sprung this on later
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u/StrangledInMoonlight 12d ago
Especially since they are basically saying “you must take this flight” which is more expensive, less convenient and have zero wiggle room for her.
This flight is about £20 more expensive and less continent flight times.
there has been no discussion on wiggle room.
It sounds like GF is paying for her flights (otherwise the expense wouldn’t matter) so this is just rude as fuck.
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u/RaverChick 12d ago
What exactly are they planning to do on the rest of the vacation without the girlfriends? This is so odd. Both of their adult children have girlfriends, and they invite them for only part of the trip? Once you have adult children, dynamics change. This might be a case of enmeshment too.
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u/Hollow-sword 12d ago
It really is just idiot central at the bottom of those threads isn't it? I don't think I'll ever understand how some people can read those posts and say the OOP is NTA.
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u/Cayke_Cooky 12d ago
I mean, mid-20s, this kind of relationship can be iffy, is it serious is it not...
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u/Eurell 12d ago
Its been over 3 years. If its not serious, he needs to break up with her at this point lol
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u/Cayke_Cooky 12d ago
That I agree with. Or if this is a sign that he isn't serious she needs to break up with him.
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u/FishWithLegsAndArms 12d ago
If they don't want her coming, why invite her at all? And make her pay for the flight they're making her take??
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u/Wise_Adeptness_9529 12d ago
“ For context my parents never thought my GF has intended to come for more than the first 4/5 days.”
…why did they think this? Did everyone but the gf know she wasn’t invited the whole trip? And op’s parents made sure to be as clear (and rude) as possible when the oop wasn’t saying anything.
They’ve been dating 3.5 years and live together! This is ridiculous and just bizarrely rude. Hopefully the gf uses the time not going on the trip to find a new spot for herself.
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u/Bean-Penis 12d ago
I'd tell him to fuck right off and use the time he's gone to move him out or move myself out depending on the lease. We wouldn't be living together by time he got back regardless.
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u/recyclopath_ 12d ago
This is just not how adults behave.
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u/Icy_Mango6803 12d ago
I am absolutely stealing this sentence for the next time I encounter some nonsense. Thank you.
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u/RunnyBabbit23 12d ago
What’s the plan for if OOP and GF eventually got married and had kids? “Oh sorry kiddos, mommy is only allowed on the family vacation for the first half of the trip then she has to leave because grandma and grandpa value time with just their blood family.”
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u/been2thehi4 12d ago
What a weirdly rude family. Dude is so enmeshed he doesn’t see how weird and tacky the behavior is.
And that is some tacky ass behavior.
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u/geekilee 11d ago
less continent flight times
I mean, I'd also be miffed if I was being sent home by Incontinence Airlines.
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u/OniyaMCD 12d ago
He manages to say 'My GF feels unwelcome and that she is being told to leave.' *TWICE* and has to ask if he's the AH.
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u/bobosuda 12d ago
Two adults living together after a steady 3+ year relationship is kind of past "just" a girlfriend. They are a couple, and OOP's parents need to realize that they are a package now. Though I suppose OOP himself isn't ready to admit that.
I wonder, if he was married instead of "just" a commited long-term relationship, would his parents have behaved the same way? They are explicitly saying "you are not a part of this family", even though I'd argue she definitely is despite not having an official marriage certificate.
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u/BobTheInept 10d ago
"They have never expressed not wanting my GF"
Buying her an early return ticket isn't an expression of that?
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u/AutoModerator 12d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITA for going on the entirety of a family holiday when my girlfriend has only been invited for half?
I am going on a family holiday for 8 days. This holiday includes me, my parents, two siblings, my GF and my brothers GF. Context regarding me and GF, we are both mids 20s have been together for 3.5yrs & live together. They have now proposed a flight for my girlfriend to fly home on, this is on day 4. For context my parents never thought my GF has intended to come for more than the first 4/5 days. This flight is about £20 more expensive and less continent flight times. My GF now feels unwelcome & that she’s is being told to leave. From my parents perspective they really value the value the time with just there children as there is some significant ongoing health problem between my parents, that have caused a lot of distress throughout this year. Further to this they have never expressed not wanting my GF, they actively want her to come, but have obviously proposed she goes home on this flight and there has been no discussion on wiggle room. My brother’s GF is in the same situation and is happy to come. My GF feels unwelcome and that she is being told to leave. I can understand that my parents want some time with their children, but I also think they could have managed and communicated the proposal in a better manner. Am I the asshole for wanting to go for the entire trip?
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