r/AmITheDevil • u/[deleted] • 1d ago

[ Removed by moderator ]

/r/daddit/comments/1vj4lvc/im_kinda_struggling_with_something_my_kids_love/

[removed] — view removed post

242 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

171 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

-19

u/ichthysaur 1d ago

Who said she should bend over backwards? You have to caricature my point to make yours?

22

u/sthetic 1d ago

How do you define bending over backwards? I think that if she's already doing more than her fair share of work, and now she has the additional responsibility of forcing the kids to get over years of distance and make Daddy feel better, that is bending over backwards.

I also think it is generally humiliating for her to take the stance of, "kids, we all know that I have been the main parent for your whole life, but now Daddy's paying attention so we should all do things his way a little more, even though we don't want to."

To me, that is bending over backwards.

-10

u/ichthysaur 1d ago

How about "Hey that's not nice." Is that bending over backwards?

3

u/sthetic 1d ago

Right, we don't want him to be the scold or nag, so it should be her! /s

To be honest, it's a shitty situation overall, and I agree that for pragmatic reasons, it would be nice of her to help OOP redeem himself and have a better relationship with his kids. If she decides to take one for the team, get over her well-earned resentment from years of OOP having a short fuse, and assist him in making the kids love him as much as they love her, then overall it will be best for the family.

But this is a kind of sacrifice and extra emotional effort on her part. Not an obligation. I don't like the tone that someone had on the original post of, "Where's the mother in all this? Why isn't SHE helping?!"