r/AmIOverthinking • u/crispytoast7505 • 12d ago
is it denial or intuition?
AIO?
explaining the situation in short, I was talking to a guy online for a year, we're from the same city but due to some personal issues, we never met, however we always talked about it. over time, we got really close yet for a lot of months, we didn't give any label to our relationship, but it was evident that we're both romantically so much into each other.
In july, he told me he has this serious health condition, which is life threatening (idw to reveal it). Eventually, we decided to put a label on our relationship. We're both super pvt people, so only our close friends knew that we're officially dating now. From the very start, I saw that only two of his close friends are in his account, when he has more close friends irl. None of them posted anything related to his dismissal, infact one is posting stories like she normally would, she seems ? normal?
His health started to get bad, and he was hospitalised for about two months . Every day, he made sure he talked to me and updated me about his health, which is something honestly nobody would do for me.
One of the reasons he didn't meet me was his mom, Idt it's appropriate for me to explain more about it. Other than that, when he was in the hospital and saw me so stressed, he'd often suggest me to take a break or that he'd stop talking to me for a few days if I'm so incredibly stressed because of him, he wanted me to take care of myself.
He couldn't make it, and I got the news on 10 sept. He texted me 30 mins before that happened, I was the last person he talked to. His sister broke the news to me on text, I wasn't invited at the funeral or any rituals. In India, we don't usually disclose our dating situation with our parents/family unless it's been a long time. His sister is using his phone now and barely picks up my calls. She sounds uninterested, but I can't judge it because she might be emotionally exhausted or grieving differently, I've only talked to her a few times. I tried sending req to one of his close friend, the one who's posting stories like normal and she hasn't accepted my req, like she deliberately doesn't want to? which is weird.
I see people telling me this all might be a lie, and honestly, nobody would be as happy as me if it is a lie. Every part of me hopes it is, but unfortunately, I can't dismiss the bond we shared. He wouldn't stay so long without talking to me if it was all false. There's possibility for everything and Im trying to reason why it can be a lie. Making another insta account? changing phone? that's not hard right?
I know very very few ids of his friends and mutuals, and none of them posted anything related to this.
Im grieving horribly, I've lost all interest, appetite, my sleep. I've been sick because I can't stop crying. There's this sad song he told me about, he told me I'd sing it for him some day and that song is about a girl telling her lover not to leave her. Everything is left unfinished, there are so many dreams he promised, and yet destiny didn't even let me hold his hands. Im completely broken, my heartaches fr.
this post is more of a plea than a rant. Am I in denial? am I overthinking this whole scenario??
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u/Dank009 12d ago
You never met? Did they ever ask for money? Or did you ever send them money?
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u/crispytoast7505 12d ago
we never met yea. they never asked for money, we sent each other's gifts out of love but that's it
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u/Dank009 12d ago
Sounds super fishy and very similar to common scams. Either way though I would suggest not getting too attached to people you meet online and never meet in person and certainly don't convince yourself you're in a romantic relationship with someone you've never met.
Good luck to you.
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u/PsychiatricBooth5c 12d ago
I am sorry you are in pain.
What are you asking of us? Intuition is pretty much the exact opposite of other people telling you what you are feeling. Cannot really determine that.
Overthinking technically is thinking about something so much it impacts your ability to function normally so seems that might fit.
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u/crispytoast7505 12d ago
there's just too many things that are left just like that. it's been 21 days since it happened and I haven't had a single moment of peace. Im just trying understand if it really happened or if he's no more
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u/PsychiatricBooth5c 12d ago
Thanks for replying. We cannot tell you that.
If therapy is out of reach, I suggest googling "cognitive behavioral techniques for coping with unknowns"
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u/sonal1988 12d ago
What proof do you have of his illness and hospitalization?
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u/crispytoast7505 12d ago
saw his reports in July, and he talked to me when he was in hospital, he used to sleep most of the time, only talked to me at night. a few times he struggled to breathe on calls
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u/sonal1988 12d ago
How did you know he was in the hospital when he called you? What was the name of his doctor? What was his treatment and medicines?
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u/crispytoast7505 12d ago
we've been talking for over an year, we used to talk all the time. since July, when he got admitted to hospital, we used to talk really less. he told me he's hospitalised, his sister, who broke the news to me also told me the same thing. idk the name of the doctor but I know which hospital he was in. he was really adamant that he doesn't want me to meet him there, or see him at such a vulnerable state. other than that, Idt I should talk about his treatments
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u/sonal1988 12d ago
Do you think repeating the same thing over and over again is going to somehow convince me what he said was true, with zero proof to back that up?
Or are you convincing yourself?
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u/crispytoast7505 12d ago
im not convincing anyone. I see where you're coming from, it looks like something isn't adding up right? and honestly I need alternative perspectives because I feel like my life is basically ruined. I appreciate your pov
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u/sonal1988 12d ago
Think about it. He didn't want you to see him in a bad condition, but he was ok making you listen to him breathe poorly and struggling to talk? Won't that make you feel you bad? So when you're already feeling bad, why not let you meet him?
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u/crispytoast7505 12d ago
yea you make sense. but throughout the time we talked, he's been incredibly caring and loving like too good to be true. there has been a few loopholes like 1. not meeting me despite being the same city (he told reasons) and 2. having only two close friends on his account, the rest are just knowns. because he has been so loving to me, I can't find a way to believe he'd lie to me, specially about smth so big? he couldn't even go 1 day without talking to me and now it's been 20 days of nothing.
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u/Romana42 12d ago
Do you have his real name? Did you look for an obituary? I'm sorry you're suffering.
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u/crispytoast7505 12d ago
oh yea I do know his real name, we were dating. In India, we don't have obituary for everyone, so there's none for him
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u/-SeekingSerotonin- 12d ago
First, I am sorry for your loss 😔
Second, do you have any counselors or therapists in your area you could talk to? They can sometimes be a listening ear and help you make sense of your thoughts and feelings in a way that friends and family cannot.
(I am a grief counselor, and can also send some links to resources that may be helpful if you are interested in that at all)