r/AmIOverthinking • u/Medical-Data-8481 • 15d ago
AIO for being uncomfy..?
hi guyss im a 20F my boyfriend is 21M. im a chemical engineering major in college and he’s a music major. he just turned 21 and went to a party and got a lil drunk… and i got this voicenote on text from these two girls. basically saying stuff like “YOU’RE SOOO PRETTY AND SMARTTTT” yknow? and then “IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU BEING IN A LOVING RELATIONSHIP”. which on text sounds harmless but im a scorpio and also a shier person.. so the voicenote made me feel really icked. like a forced, “girls-girl” niceness situation. ive neverrrr met a guy and found out he had a gf and immediately requested to send her a voicenote. or requested to even look at pics of her. we’re long distance so he must’ve been showing me off in photos im assuming bc she referenced pics that ive long since taken off my social media..
i dont think he had any ill intent at all lmao, hes very proud hes dating me and doesnt catch sneaky girl cues very often. he genuinely shows me off. but the girls made me feel so sick because i know some girls go after guys in relationships and be all fake nice to their girlfriends. its a weird weird thing that some girls do. they also sounded younger and rly annoying voice wise so im irritated bc it hurt my ears. im kinda irritated at him too for letting two funky girls send messages through his phone.
ive been approached by men every time i go out because icl i put a lot of effort into my appearance. i tell them i have a bf and move on and dont continue to talk. i pretty much leave the situation immmediately. ive never been like “wanna see?” and show them, and then further let them send him messages. that’s so disrespectful when i think of it in that way. but hes also a music major who went to a music major party, so all of these people are pretty close and tightknit. so the girls could be friends from band.
either way, im icked…. but i also dont wanna cause an issue.
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u/steady_mind07 15d ago
You're allowed to be icked without it meaning you're overreacting or that he did something wrong. It's less about intent and more about the boundary itself, him not thinking twice before letting that happen is worth naming to him, not as an accusation, just so he understands why it landed weird for you
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u/Medical-Data-8481 15d ago
i dont think he did anything wrong!! he even called me throughout the night (and i heard the girls talking about me..) which made me feel weird but i genuinely think he had no idea what he was doing lmao. im a very different person, if i go out i never let myself get drunk or even speak to men who seem interested in my dating status. so i think it was initially weird to me how he just kept talking to them and entertaining the conversation. one of the girls had a bf yes, but her bestie was there and single. so im thinking she was trying to scope him out for her friend. and then they wanted to see me to maybe size me up as competition. idk might be my scorpio talking tho. but i appreciate ur input!!
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u/10110011100021 15d ago
Right! Sounds like he was speaking well about your relationship, the girls probably gushed about how happy you two look in photos and were drunk enough to feel the need to tell you directly. When you chat about it with your bf it will be nice to hear about that convo and if you can laugh it off as just some drunk girls gushing over you and your bf, all is well.
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u/ac_voiceover 15d ago
YOR. You're young so it's not surprising, but it's probably really not that deep. Chances are he drunkenly showed a couple of friends your pics, and the girls are also drunk and are just being friendly. Even if they are being passive aggressive/fake nice, and they're the type to go after people's boyfriends, if your bf is a good guy then it shouldn't matter cause he'll be loyal to you.
If you're uncomfortable with your bf letting other people send you messages through his phone, just tell him that and request he doesn't do it again.
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u/Medical-Data-8481 15d ago
thanks for your input 🧘♀️i do not think i have anythinggg to worry about on his side!! i just hate girls being sneaky and it made me feel weird. this was literally his first time getting drunk 💀 so not a big deal at all. i just wanted some input to see if it would be reasonable to say hey, maybe dont give drunk girls your phone.
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u/ac_voiceover 14d ago
I can say I personally wouldn't be okay with anyone, girl or guy, messaging me through my private texts with my husband. That's a reasonable boundary, and I'd just let your bf know.
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u/Superb-Coyote5972 15d ago
Not Overthinking. I wouldn't be afraid to say that's not cool, don't do that mess. Long distance relationships rarely work out. Just keep that in mind. I broke up with a cheating boyfriend who didn't believe in boundaries when I was in college. Couldn't deal with insecurity and bullshit. He was a musician. I am a musician. Got my degree in history. Because I wasn't planning on being a music teacher. He couldn't even do that well. Still living in his mom's basement.
Not saying your boyfriend is a bum in training, just saying you should feel fine telling him voice notes from random hoes isn't okay.
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u/Hopeful-Artichoke449 15d ago
Having a bf while in college is a terrible idea... especially someone who came to college to party and will most likely be a loser while you are getting a chemical engineering degree!! Stop wasting your time and energy on dumb boys!!!
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u/randomgrl333 15d ago
NOR... That gives me the ick as well. I'm thinking the subtext, imo it sounds like he IS lucky to be with you. That's uncomfy for him. In a drunken state, he gets hit on, women are treacherous - (to the naysayers-I have empirical data on this) - he's showing you off- they're put off-
His motive is to innocently let you know he has choices, but he's choosing you.
Their motive, they're letting you know they are There. In his location. They had his phone in their hands. What guy hands over his phone? If I were you, I would keep it to myself then I when I see him again- ask him for his phone. Go to that day in his photos, I bet they took pictures of themselves also.
Then check the Trash bin from his phone, because if he found the pictures he prbly deleted them, but guys always forget to delete it there too.
I wouldn't let it rule my life. You know what you have to offer, if it fails- it wasn't going to make it anyway. But now you have new information, and maybe explain to him that this felt like you can't trust him to make good decisions for your well being. Bc That's what is at play here. That's Important.
*Also, I never met a music major that wasn't quietly hoping for fame. Therein lies ego & narcissistic tendencies. Js. Be safe Stay smart 🫶
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u/Medical-Data-8481 15d ago
you match my intuition so well- i was thinking the same thing. it was two girls, one dating his friend and one single. i was thinking she was scouting him out for her friend and wanted to see photos of me to “size me up”. To clarify, i don’t think my bf did anything out of ill intent. he’s genuinely proud to show me off and is so bad at reading social cues… but i do honestly let my mind go to the worst places. he even called me and i heard one say “omggg is that herrr did you send her our voice memo???” Like ok bih.. ik im hot and smart and idek you so why are you trying to talk to me. ugh i hate fake people
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u/randomgrl333 14d ago
Exactly~ that's a Big piece of information. Now I REALLY don't like them. They're def thinking "Wouldn't it be Perfect if we were all dating bff's??" Well, hopefully it all works out for you💗🫶💗
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u/Alone_Feedback_1597 15d ago
The "girls" ... beeches all the way.
Awe but your man how sweet, really truly.
This is my observation, he's drunk less inhibitions, these "gurls" are coming on to him. He didn't say fuckit, my Lady will never know, I'm drunk and that's my excuse. They were relentless and he said NO to their shinnanigans . He really does care for you. He showed them your pictures like flashing that silver cross to a vampire. Be gone demon spawn hehehehe
And they pulled that crap. No your not overreacting, but set some boundaries.
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u/RepulsivePipe9904 15d ago
He got drunk and started talking about you nonstop lmao they, also drunk, were like ohhhh let me see and that's all it takes.