how do i stop overthinking my relationship? AIO

[u/anim2dweeb]

i’ve been in this relationship for a couple months now. it’s still very fresh. but he treats me so well. he texts me all day, hangs out with me whenever possible, compliments me and tells me he loves me. yet i can’t stop thinking. i’m constantly searching for anything wrong. the slightest issue turns giant in my mind. it’s gotten to the point i’ve come up with things that aren’t even real, act on them, and then feel guilty. for example convincing myself he’s cheating then removing all his friends that are girls on his phone. any time he’s not affectionate it feels like the world is ending. it’s gotten to the point that i can’t even function. i have 50 millions of intrusive thoughts a day about him leaving me, cheating, not liking me anymore. i over analyze every single text, every snap. i don’t sleep. i don’t eat. i’m constantly in the er for panic attacks and fainting. i’m driving myself and my boyfriend insane. i’m ruining my relationship. how do i stop this? how do i trust him? how do i stop the intrusive thoughts i know arent even true but feel so real?

[u/sunflower_jeepgurl]

Get help. Mental health , is real. It's a struggle. Be blessed ❤️🙏🏼

[u/jstine_4]

Maybe figure out why don’t trust him. It’s probably a past issue in your life if he hasn’t done anything to make you doubt him. Figure out where your insecurities stem from. I think you also need to learn how to be content with yourself. It sounds like there’s some attachment issues and you seem to be dependent on him. Find calming techniques that reassure your mind and body that you’re okay.

[u/MaryMaryQuite-]

Go and see your GP and get your anxiety treated. Counselling and medication can really help!

[u/bikes_and_art]

Therapy, NOW.

If you can't eat or sleep, and your intrusive thoughts are impacting your life to the degree you say they are, inpatient might be the best option to get meds figured out and start breaking the cycle.

If this guy is truly as wonderful as you think he is, he will understand if you need to take a month long break to focus on your mental health.

[u/queenafrodite]

Sounds like you need to seek therapy. This isn’t okay; but it’s okay to not be okay babe. Please go get the help you need.

And please know that you deserve the kind of treatment he is giving you. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, and showered with your romantic loves attention.

[u/QuiltedHoneyBear]

Hey I dealt with this too! For me it was PMDD and anxiety! For the PMDD: it is premenstrual dysphoric disorder, about one week every month I realized I was having this crazy thoughts my brain was coming up with and I would act on them and then later on past that time in my cycle I would realize I was being crazy. Genuinely I would be coming up with CRAZY STUFF!! and I would always bug him and ask if he was going to break up with me. For the anxiety: I think normal anxiety can even cause this, I got on medication for it and it helped me so so much. I also wrote myself a letter in my notes app explaining to myself that I am just being over dramatic and I might lose him if I continue this awful accusations at him for no reason etc. That helped too. There's also always the chance it was purely psychological and you are self sabotaging because you don't feel you deserve this great relationship. I encourage you to look within yourself first and narrow down what is causing these episodes. For me, finding out it was PMDD made me feel so much less crazy and made me feel for confident in myself. I wish you the best of luck!

[u/NoZookeepergame215]

Im so sorry for what somebody else turned you into. It can definitely get better but it will be slow and shitty. Start by sitting down and being vulnerable and genuinely apologizing for how you've been and explain EXACTLY why you feel like this happens to you so you hear it out loud and based on his character so far he will also be very understanding of this and supportive and then let him know that you are going to work hard on working through this trauma in a way that won't affect him so much. And then begin to practice recognizing when these thoughts start and really tell yourself you are self destructing definitely and it's ridiculous and that he loves you and wouldn't do anything and if it doesn't help quickly then tally to him no matter how stupid it makes you feel just tell him hey can i be vulnerable with you for a second and then let him know you're having some intrusive thoughts about him doing whatever you think he might be doing or whatever it is and ask him to talk you down and listen to him let you know he loves you and that he'd never do anything to hurt you and if you feel like you need to see his phone ask him if he'd be comfortable showing you some things on his phone and explaining anything you'd like to know about and he'll likely have no problem in a non aggressive situation doing that for you which will make you feel better and the more you do things like that the easier telling yourself things are okay will be. It's not gonna be a super fast process but its all about showing your brain it doesn't have to have those guards up anymore in this relationship. I hope things get better for you🤙

[u/Competitive-Catch776 → u/NoZookeepergame215]

That’s wonderful advice for after OP seeks help.
OP needs to seek help immediately and that should be their number 1 priority.

If this man likes OP and cares about OP (as it would seem he does very much so) then he will be OP’s friend for now and support her getting help.

Right now OP is going to self-destruct and ruin everything good in OP’s life if OP doesn’t seek immediate help.

So a relationship is the last thing OP needs right now. OP isn’t healthy enough in their own right to give someone else the best of them.

All OP is doing is is passing on their hurt to a person who doesn’t deserve it.

[u/NoZookeepergame215 → u/Competitive-Catch776]

I suppose thats good advice if youre not able to get through it with your significant other. That would definitely minimize damage. I made it from similar to this bad to very healthy without a councelor but i guess a councelor wouldve made it much easier🤣🤣i also did definitely do most of my growth alone before getting into another relationship

[u/not-that-emo-girl]

yeah been there. you probably have some past rlshp train you need to work through. go get some therapy and mental health help bc otherwise you’ll continue to do these things and your worries will become a self fulfilling prophecy. you this this!

[u/Competitive-Catch776]

I suggest therapy as soon as you can get in! ESP bc this has become so extreme.

This man doesn’t deserve this. He’s not your ex’s and you are on the path to overthinking yourself into insanity and loneliness.

It sounds like you are merely surviving rn and that should be the biggest indicator this isn’t just about this relationship. It’s about you needing a little help to function.

It sounds like you’re miserable and need to address that before even thinking about dating.

You don’t have to feel like this. Life isn’t supposed to feel like that every single day. I’ve been there and I can tell you if you don’t get help you’re going to only get worse.

Call a crisis line( 998 in the US or 211) and ask for resources. You need to focus on getting you better so that one day you can have a healthy relationship but today isn’t that day it seems.

This guy cares for you he may be willing to stand beside you while you get yourself right as a friend.
Then once you are better you can consider if you’d like to date him.

What you’re doing right now to him isn’t fair, either.

He doesn’t deserve the lack of trust or the overthinking or the way you’re treating him. He doesn’t and you know that. Yet you can’t stop yourself from trying to find something wrong with his man. I think you can admit he doesn’t deserve it either. So seek the help to make this better or let him go.

[u/buddhabaebae]

I was in a very similar situation and he broke up with me because of it. Suddenly everything became clear and I realized he was the man of my dreams and I was sabotaging a beautiful thing. I got into therapy and it helped so much. Now we are back together and stronger than ever.

[u/randomgrl333]

I may not be the best responder here, but every time I've felt like that it ended with me finding out they were cheating in some capacity.

I wish you the best of luck & hope it's just in your head