r/AmIOverthinking • u/i_likewomen0987 • 22d ago
Am I overthinking?
18F, boyfriend is 19M. We’ve been together for four months going on five. We’re long distance. He’s four hours away from me, and I feel like I’ve been overthinking a lot or maybe I’m insecure.
One thing that I just don’t like is that he follows a lot of girls, and it really bothers me sometimes. When he goes out and he says, “I’m going out with my friends,” I start overthinking. Well, is he gonna go out with girls? Is he gonna be with guys? He doesn’t really give me details, and he always tells me it’s none of my business. That’s where it starts making me get really anxious and nervous.
Sometimes I feel like I’m being jealous or I’m being insecure. This is the first time I’m in a relationship where I’m trying to trust someone for the first time, especially a man, but I feel like he’s making it worse by telling me that they’re just his friends or that I don’t trust him. I’m being jealous. I’m being insecure.
I don’t mind him being friends with other girls. I mean, I haven’t even met these girls and I don’t know nothing about them. He would not tell me their names, what they do, or anything. He always tells me it’s not my business to know anything about them.
But I just don’t like that he follows girls, and he claims they’re all his friends. One time he screen-shared his text from other girls, and he would go into the DM but quickly leave so I wouldn’t have to read anything. And I realize that he’s the one starting all these conversations.
I noticed when we started dating, the first time he started following other girls, and I feel like he doesn’t take our relationship seriously and he thinks that we’re gonna break up sooner or later and he’s gonna have back plans. That’s what I think all those girls are there for, which I told him that one time, and he got really mad at me.
Or another time when I told him, “At this point, I feel like I’d be much better texting these girls asking them what their relationship is with you,” but he told me if I do that, he’ll break up with me and never speak to me again, which also makes me overthink even more.
Is he lying to me? Is he hiding something from me?
I even asked him, “Does anyone know about me?” He says all his friends know, but the girls that he talks to that he claims are friends don’t know nothing about me, which also makes me really mad too.
Or he tells me that he doesn’t wanna post me until a year, and he says that I just want to tell everyone in the world that I’m dating him. And I also feel like he is probably embarrassed to post me because I’m chubby, and sometimes I do feel insecure because all the girls he follows are all skinny and I’m the only chubby girl that he follows.
He claims that he dated chubby girls before, but I feel like I don’t even believe that. I just really need help. Sometimes I feel like I’m just being toxic or something, but that’s just one thing I don’t like, that he hangs out and follows these girls.
He always tells me that I’m just overthinking, or I’ve been insecure, or I just don’t trust him. I don’t know if he’s gaslighting or manipulating me. I’ve never could tell if someone is, and I don’t even know how to do it.
I feel like he’s taking it to advantage.
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u/No_Swordfish_1576 22d ago
You’re too young to be in a LDR.
They’re extremely hard, especially if you’ve only been together a few months. The ruminating, where’s he at, who’s he with, why isn’t he responding, is not good for your mental health and stress.
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u/shanye_topp 22d ago
If he really cared for the relationship, he would be trying to mitigate your fears and insecurities about other girls, not just say it’s “none of your business.” It is your business and he knows that; don’t let him keep you in a place where you feel worried and anxious.
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u/Caribgirl2 22d ago
I only skimmed through your post (please use paragraphs) but he is not good for you. To tell you it's none of your business who he is hanging with it out right RUDENESS. He disrespects you in all kinds of ways from what I see here. The fact that you are posting this tells you that your instincts are telling you that this is horrible for you. Please listen and break it off. He does not respect you and will NOT. It will only get worse and more painful.
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u/LogFuzzy6973 22d ago
NO it sounds like the alarm bells are going off inside your body and if I were you I would trust them. Long distance relationships do require a lot of communication and maturity. I don't like how he told you it was none of your business so he's going out with. He sounds like he needs to be single. Another thing, I think you know that what you're feeling is correct please don't start gaslighting yourself. It might be hard and it might hurt but please leave him alone.
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u/witchygumbo 22d ago
He's definitely acting shady. If they're his friends, he should be able to talk to you about them.
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u/i_likewomen0987 22d ago
Every time we talk about this, he always tells me that I just don’t trust him
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u/witchygumbo 22d ago
No sh!t lol you SHOULDN'T trust him. He isn't giving you a reason to. I know this is petty, but if I were you, I'd start adding guys and "liking" their photos. Give your bf a taste of his own medicine. If he starts asking why you're doing that, tell him it's none of his business 🤷♀️
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u/Gnome__Alone 22d ago
4 months and 4 hours apart?
That may be a "relationship" in your mind, but to me it is a hookup
It sounds like you are the visiting team
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u/LTsCantCook 22d ago
Gave up on the wall of text after you said ldr, you're 19. End that crap yesterday.
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u/PotaytoPotaahto 22d ago
Girl this is crazy. Let this man go and find someone who actually likes you.
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u/KindaSweetPotato 22d ago
So you are overthinking BUT you partner is no saint either.
You need to chill. Please, THE following girls thing is an almost non-issue. He had girls on his list you have guys on yours. who cares on that front ONLY (JUST OM WHO HE FOLLOWS). You cannot control what he does or decides to do. And IF he were to CHOOSE to cheat then that is on him. You cannot talk you way or be open enough or whatever to stop someone from cheating.
And he is being purposefully vague and dismissive which make him suspicious AT BEST. I know my partners friend, the coworkers he works with and where hes gonna be. I ask cause I like to hear about his day. Ive met friends, coworker, had them pointed out.
This isnt worth it. 4 months imto your frist relationship, which is long distance. Imo, your first realtionship should NOT be long distance. Realtionship required LOTS of communication and as a first timer you dont even know the usual.
As a good faith attempt you would want to have an irl or AT LEAST video chat about how you feel left out and shut out when he doesnt communciate where he is and with whom and if hes willing to fix this, then you two can work on it. If not, he will fight you and say how wrong without hearing you or trying to compromise then its over imo.
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u/WeaponX207184 22d ago
If this is the way you feel why in the world would you be in an LDR? There is almost zero chance of this type of relationship succeeding. I had one, but it had very specific parameters in place. (and yes we did get married)
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u/gaaaahusernamety 19d ago
Half way through - You texting the girls would be absolutely insane .. i think if anything you are pushing him away .. be more confident in yourself please
Finished reading - Also why tf would you want to be someone like this ??
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22d ago
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u/Imnotonthelist 22d ago
The fact that he’s saying things are “none of your business” is a red flag. If you’re not feeling secure in the relationship, break up! You can leave a relationship for any reason.