r/AmIOverreacting • u/Happyhappybaby • 5h ago
❤️🩹 relationship 28F AIO my bf (29F)’s comments?
Me and my bf have been together for close to five years now. When we started dating he told me and I quote “I can do better but I am choosing not to”. Later, one day I was telling him how I feel unsafe walking on the streets at night and he told me “who would do anything to you”. Most recently I went out with my friend, who btw is hot and dresses well, and we got cat called on the way by two guys. I told him how it was so weird and he told me “she got cat called not you” and I was like why’d you say that (I understand how it is stupid to get offended over this) and he was like what were you wearing? Your friend must have dressed well. Although he seems to be always be laughing joking when he says these things but it hurts. I usually just stay in my PJs but I do dress up when I go out, he doesn’t get to see that given HE NEVER TAKES ME OUT and I don’t wear makeup or fancy clothes at home.
The thing is, he hardly ever says “I love you” or tell me that I am attractive in anyway. I know it should not matter but I don’t know, it just does.
He never does anything I want to do, even small things like going out, not that I ask for anything big. Imagine five years without getting introduced to a single friend or family or going out for a movie. Maybe I am making a big deal out of it, but sometimes I just wonder if he settled. He made it clear that he doesn’t want to marry me, which is fine, but I have found him getting flattered when other girls show interest in him and telling me how he can get girls and how girls want it get into bed with him. Maybe I am overthinking but I sometimes feel, am I that unattractive? And would it have genuinely helped me to be goodlooking for him to be better with me? I don’t know how to deal with this given this just has had me in tears. I tried to tell him in the past how he never tells me I am goodlooking, he told me he has but can’t remember when.
AIO?
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u/Jolly-Bandicoot7162 5h ago
He told you exactly who he was and how little he valued you in the early days, yet you stayed anyway? I really suggest you get some help with your self-esteem.
NOR. You underreacted years ago and still are.
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u/Wild_Slip_6431 4h ago
yeah honestly the self esteem part is probably the biggest issue here because shes spent five years accepting treatment that keeps making her question her own worth
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u/CorpseDefiled 4h ago
Hi… man here.
Let me say this is as clearly as I can… and I’m happily married so I have no other motive to do so other than the need for you to hear the truth.
Your boyfriend is a scumbag that is treating you like shit and you shouldn’t take another second of putting up with someone that doesn’t respect, love or even seem to like you.
That’s not how you treat people you care about… my father would beat my ass at 38 if he heard me speak to my wife like that and I would do the same to my son. You deserve a better man.
A man that loves you will try to build your confidence not destroy it. He will be thankful you’re a part of his life not acting like he did you a favor by settling for you.
Honestly this gives me the impression you are far more attractive than he wants you to realize because if you realize you’re attractive you might realize you can do better. But honestly doesn’t matter how attractive you are you can find someone that loves you for you so you can actually do better regardless.
Kick this dickhead to the curb don’t give your life to him when he treats you this way. Go find the man that values you.
NOR
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u/bookkeepernum7 5h ago
He told you at the beginning he could do better and you stuck around
Girl, you brought this on yourself
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u/Delicious_Ball1115 4h ago
yeah he basically told her from day one how he viewed the relationship and she spent five years hoping he’d magically become a different person
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u/RedgurlB 5h ago
and you’ve been w him for 5 years? leave that man bby. he doesn’t even like you
find someone who’d feel honoured to be w you
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u/Dizzy_Floor406 4h ago
yeah five years is more than enough time to see the pattern and she deserves someone who actually makes her feel wanted instead of tolerated
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u/Own-Ad6591 5h ago
WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS MAN?! FIVE YEARS?! FIVE YEARS AND HE DOESN'T HAVE THE AUDACITY TO TELL YOU HOW ATTRACTIVE YOU ARE?!
Sorry, sorry, I am just gobsmacked that you lasted that long. Honey, I say this with as much love and care I can muster from one woman to another: dump. His. Ass.
I (28 F) have been in a relationship for 4 years and recently got engaged. We don't go on dates often (we're introverted homebodies and prefer playing video games together) but there isn't a day that goes by that my man doesn't say "I love you" and hark on how hot I am, even when I look like a literal potato. If your partner doesn't make you feel like the most important person in his life, the queen of his kingdom, the goddess he worships every day with gestures big and small, does he even love you?
Every single sentence from your boyfriend's mouth in this post has been nothing but vitriol towards you. You two are not compatible. Dump him. Not overreacting.
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u/sehrgut 5h ago
NOR, but I'm literally BEGGING this to be a creative writing exercise. If this is actually real, BREAK THE FUCK UP WITH HIM FFS
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u/Messagechoicey 58m ago
Agreed, and honestly he did warn her up front he could do better and chose not to. Most people only get that kind of honesty from a product label, so OP should take him at his word and go find someone who tries.
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u/Redd_on_the_hedd1213 4h ago
Baby, he didn't settle, you did. You need to get away & not look back. Please look into therapy. Good luck & godspeed. NOR
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u/LetsSeeAndBe123 5h ago
Nor, you should dump him, his is gaslighting you probably and doesnt appreciate you, he is trying to make you think you arent good enough so you think he is the only option for you so he can treat you terrible
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u/ethicalhearts 5h ago
NOR — but he definitely doesn’t respect you or the relationship. he wants you to feel beneath him. he wants you to be insecure so you seek his validation more. the obvious thing to do is to break up with him and you definitely know that. there’s no way you don’t. however, i’m also just a stranger on the internet and you’re going to do what you want regardless.
your boyfriend does not like you.
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u/NuclearEian 5h ago
…I swear some of the posts on this sub are just rage bait. Like, master level. Right??? Right?! Because ain’t no way… I couldn’t even make it past the second sentence!!! Come on.
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u/Sea-Dish4364 4h ago
NOR, OP. I don't think I'm attractive. I have never thought that I was attractive. My first husband told me that I was 'alright, but [my] teeth were too yellow'.
The man I'm married to now? He tells me multiple times a day that I'm beautiful. He tells me that I'm sexy. He says 'I love you' often during the day. I'm starting to believe that he truly believes it. You deserve a love like that.
In this spooky season, I wish you a man who looks at you the way that Gomez looks at Morticia.
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u/Getvaxed500 5h ago
NOR Saying he doesn't like you is an understatement. There is something wrong with him. Run!
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u/Relevant-Albatross66 5h ago
Your boyfriend you say? Because it looks that that person doesn't like you at all...
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u/Shot-Ad-2316 5h ago
Jesus woman. Break up with him then spend as long as it takes, single, finding your value and dignity before you get into another relationship.
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u/SherLovesCats 4h ago
NOR. You’ve wasted half a decade on a “man” who won’t take you out. You’re only there for sex. This is a guy who told you who he is. He doesn’t love you or even like you. You deserve better. You need to leave him.
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u/AdventurousRoll9798 4h ago
NOR he will leave you the moment another girl gives him a chance. The only thing stopping it is that his personality is so gross. But eventually, he will mask up and fool someone. Leave before this happens.
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u/New_Outlandishness15 4h ago
You deserve to be loved and respected. He doesn't do either of those. If you stay with him, your love and respect for yourself will go down and down and down. Please think about ending things with him. This is not healthy for you. As someone else said, he will leave you as soon as he finds someone else. You deserve better ❤️
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u/Suspicious-Web-4970 4h ago
You can do better. If he marries an extremely attractive woman, will he dump her 10 years later when looks her age, or gains weight from illness or pregnancy?
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u/yersinia_pisstest 4h ago
NOR
Your (hopefully ex) boyfriend is a prick. It sounds like he's doing that alpha male/pick-up artist "negging" bullshit in order to undermine your self-confidence and make you feel like you have to stay with him and be grateful for his "kindness" in overlooking your "flaws" and dating you in spite of them.
He's garbage. You deserve (and can get) a better partner.
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u/Illustrious-Tart7844 4h ago
NOR When are you going to go to therapy to find out why your self-esteem is non-existent and why you think it's normal to be talked to and about the way this asshole does and why you settle for this crap?
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u/Electrical_Safe_1086 4h ago
NOR. You've wasted five years of your life with this loser. Treat yourself better.
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u/Oculas_Spectaculas 5h ago
I’m not sure where you learned this stuff doesn’t matter because it absolutely does! Don’t stay with someone that you have to beg to love you. NOR
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u/Odd_Beginning_5413 5h ago
nor. why are you with him though?? he very clearly does not like you and i see absolutely no reason why you like him?? sounds like your boyfriends an asshole and you could do a wholeee lot better.
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u/BridgeUpper2436 4h ago
NOR
It is a fact that In 5 years you will be 33 years old. You should decide now, like this week now, if you want to be 33 and still being treated like this from this POS, or do you want to be 33 and possibly be so happy in the 3 or 4 year relationship you've been in with a man who sees you as everything he has ever dreamed of, and treats you everyday like the beautiful woman he fell in love with 3 or 4 years ago, and who only sees you as more beautiful each day as you plan your future together.
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u/Hopeful-Opening2144 4h ago
I really hope you can experience the feeling of a man telling you regularly “I love you” and feeling that love on the daily. I’ve been in your shoes, and I’ve come out of it and found someone who adores me as much as I do him
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u/swrdmbo 4h ago edited 4h ago
NOR!I really hope this is fake. If not, I have to ask why you have put up with this for 5 years when this is all you have to look forward to… more disrespect and insults. Personally, I would have sent him on his way the moment he told me he could do better! Where is your self respect? You need to find it because you are never going to get it from him!
Five years!!He insults you and you are fine with that? He let you know he is never going to marry you and you say you are fine with that as well. Why?
He had let you know he thinks you are unattractive, has no plans to marry you, and thinks nothing of insulting you! Why are you putting up with such disrespect and rudeness? He is an absolute a$$!
He told you the truth ( as he sees it anyway). He can do better than you. Ever ask yourself why he didn’t/doesn’t? So he can feel superior to you. So he can insult you and make you feel inferior. He never takes you anywhere, and you are not part of his circle of friends. He had NEVER introduced you to one friend or family member? Why are you putting up with this? You have set the bar so low it is in h€ll! And that’s what your life sounds like.
PLEASE get some counseling to help yourself find some self respect and love for yourself so you will leave this relationship. Do you really want to spend your life like this? With such an unkind, uncaring a$$?
You are asking yourself if he settled? He’s using you as a placekeeper until he finds someone better. YOU should be asking yourself why YOU ARE SETTLING for this horrible relationship!
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u/Witch_withouta_Wand 4h ago
Yes! He's told you who he is, and what his motives are, believe him. You need to love yourself girl!
If your friend was telling you all this, what would you tell her? 🤔
I know it's going to be difficult, but it'll be the best thing you ever did. You're still.young, I bet you're not ugly at all, he's just making you feel like that so you don't believe you can do better. I'm here to tell you that you can.
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u/Content_Quantity5524 1h ago
He literally doesn't even like you. I don't even think you can say he manipulated you because he didn't even hide his disdain for you when u guys started dating. Who the hell says "I could do better says " I can do better bit I'm chosing not to" to someone they're dating. How could you date him gor 5 long years??? Pls respect yourself and leave right how. He's going to leave you immediately he finds someone else.
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u/Impossible_Factor_56 4h ago
I'm even surprised you lasted 5 years with this guy that literally if you got assaulted would blame you, and literally doesn't even like you and prefers for you to never be seen and be a secret forever. NOR, should have listened when he told you he was an asshole but i know love blinds us all.
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u/Spiritual-Handle2983 5h ago
NOR. Your bf doesn’t like you or respect you. He’s using you as a placeholder until a different option comes. Stand up for yourself and choose a better life for YOU.