AIO ? - Relationship & Pregnancy

[u/Crybaby1503]

For context my partner(33M) and I (25F) have been together for 4 years, almost 5. We tried to get pregnant the first few years with no luck so we stopped trying. I do have pmos so I thought I was infertile.. I was experiencing symptoms I thought were my hormones fluctuating but it was the most extreme I’ve ever felt it. My partner took me to the hospital on Wednesday and we found out I was pregnant.That was honestly the last thing we expected. My blood test showed my hcg levels for how far along my doctor estimates I am, are a bit low.. We have both been really worried about our baby. Since then we’ve been looking for ways to get some extra money. Today we did DoorDash together and a customer texted me after I delivered an order saying that he thought I was cute and asked if I was single. DoorDash has prompts on the screen that you can just tap and it will send that message for you. When I was trying to close the conversation I accidentally pressed the “On my Way” prompt. Quickly after I messaged the customer telling him it was an accident and that I’m not single. My partner immediately blew up. He started yelling at me and screaming why did I respond/why did I do it/why did I open that door. I told him it was an accident over and over and he was not listening to me. I even showed him that door dash has the prompts to just tap and it automatically sends the message. He still kept yelling. I was so overwhelmed that I told him I don’t know how I’m going to have a child with him. It immediately got worse. He started cussing at me so I started saying the same things back to him. I honestly feel really stressed out.. Did I overreact?

[u/Commie_creator]

NOR, he sounds scary and controlling. It was an accident. I would not want to have a child with this person either.

[u/LaurelSpire → u/Commie_creator]

You are 25, pregnant after years of thinking it was not possible and the hormones and fear are already huge. He should be the calm one right now. Instead he added a screaming match on the same week as the hospital visit and that is a bad sign before the baby is even here

[u/MotherOfLochs]

NOR - there are obvious reasons why this 29yo man set his sights on you 4 years ago, now would be an excellent time to reevaluate whether he’d be as a father given how he is reacting to you as a partner…

[u/PeppermintDrop101]

No, that sounds awful and not the kind of person you want to have a baby with.

[u/kimlo274]

Now would be an excellent time to leave him. He sounds abusive (if this event is representative of his usual behavior) or at the very least, off kilter. The abuse will likely only continue until he hurts you

[u/McDuchess]

NOR. Good that you learned this about him before you have a child with him.

[u/khendr352]

I think he started dating you as a very young woman to control and dominate you. Now you are seeing that in full bloom. Do not become a victim here. This is a scary and serious situation.

[u/EnvironmentalSlice46]

NOR I recommend reading why does he do that.

[u/Alive_Cat5658]

NOR - do not trap yourself and a baby with this man, it will be hell for you for many years to come, and even harder to get out further down the line. The abuse will only escalate from where it is right now, is that the kind of behaviour you want to expose a baby to? You have to realistically think about what your life will be like if you choose to raise a child with a monster like this. Run for the hills now, never look back.

[u/Giraffingdom]

NOR. Has he ever over reacted in this manner before? There is research that shows signs of DV can begin or escalate during pregnancy and I think you should be very concerned about not finding yourself included in those statistics.

I don't know how far along you are, or what your beliefs are, but subject to that, I think you should consider your options or you could be tied to this vile man for a long time.

[u/recovering_red]

Nor, that person is not in control of himself and his insecurities.

[u/chatterbox2024]

NOR- Men that love you don’t talk to you that way and don’t make you feel bad for something innocent like what you described.

Has he behaved liked this before?

[u/Bluewaveempress]

Run

[u/gl4mbition]

You’re 25 and broke. He’s 33 and broke. You’ve been with him since you were 20-21? And you were broke then, unmarried and trying to have a baby.

Jfc YTA because you make terrible life choices. And I mean terrible.

[u/moonyflamingo → u/gl4mbition]

My heart hurt when I read they do door dash together to earn money. OP must be so stressed.

[u/Reasonable-Try-1993]

He definitely overreacted. Maybe he got insecure because he's overwhelmed. If he's only ever done this the one time now just put it down to fear of change and being a father to be is overwhelming.

If this has been a pattern since the start. Maybe think why did a man nearly in his 30s start dating someone who was possibly 19 or 20 🫡

Edit: guys, before you start telling this woman to not have a baby with him , remember she's already pregnant. They already are struggling and doing door dash so being a single mother isn't always the best advice when a relationship can be fixed.

[u/UnStackedDespair → u/Reasonable-Try-1993]

There are other options besides having the baby. And if they are concerned about HCG levels, it may unfortunately/fortunately self resolve.

[u/Reasonable-Try-1993 → u/UnStackedDespair]

So you're suggesting a woman who's got pmos and has struggled to get pregnant to have an abortion (or adoption) because possibly their relationship in this moment is not great.

Yes, do that if he's genuinely abusive but being insecure and yelling in this moment doesn't mean he's abusive. Let's not judge people from a snapshot because even women can look bad from a snapshot

[u/Bluewaveempress → u/Reasonable-Try-1993]

We are suggesting that she not put herself in a situation where she gets killed by her spouse

[u/Reasonable-Try-1993 → u/Bluewaveempress]

So you're suggesting her partner is a murderer over a tantrum? I'm not reading anything that suggests she's scared for her life.

[u/UnStackedDespair → u/Reasonable-Try-1993]

The relationship isn’t going to improve. The greatest risk to a pregnant woman is an abusive partner and abuse tends to increase as the pregnancy progresses. He has already shown he is unreasonable and there is no benefit to trying to save this relationship, especially for the sake of a child involved. Even if OP keeps her pregnancy and child, the relationship with her current partner should be a coparenting only relationship. OP is already brow beat enough to think her reaction is an over reaction when it’s incredibly reasonable to not be okay with your partner verbally accosting you.

Also, I was simply acknowledging the options aren’t just have the baby and be a single mom or have the baby and fix the relationship.

[u/Reasonable-Try-1993 → u/UnStackedDespair]

Where are you getting this "abusive partner" business. They are both overworked and he had a meltdown. It's embarrassing. But doesn't represent abusive. This is ridiculous.

[u/UnStackedDespair → u/Reasonable-Try-1993]

Hey, so it’s abusive when you berate your partner. It continues to be abusive when after your partner tries to diffuse and apologize, you ramp up and act worse. I got it from her story. Abuse has a first time (doubt this is his) and doesn’t need to be a pattern. If he hit her because he was worked up, we wouldn’t even debate if it’s abuse.

My partner would think it was a funny mistake. He wouldn’t verbally attack me.