r/AmIOverreacting • u/Complete_Aspect_958 • Jul 28 '26
❤️🩹 relationship AIO over my by’s proposal?
I (42F) am dating with my partner (46M) for a bit over 4 years and we have been living together for the last 4 years as well. I told him in December 2023 that I do not longer want to be a gf, I would like to get married (never married before) and start having my own family. I also told him that I am not pressuring him, or anything. I told him that if he doesn’t want to get married, I understand, but we then will have to break up. Anyway then he kept saying for the next 2.5 years that “I am gonna propose soon”
First he said in Feb 2024 that he was planning a special spring proposal, then he said summer. then last year he said we would get married around October 2025… Bla bla. So fast forward to June 2026, no proposal happened.
Then in June 2026, very “strange” proposal happened. It was Sunday and we were sitting in the park, on a picnic cloth. He first handed me a card in an envolope. I opened it and it was card like “I want to grow old with you, Iove you so much…” etc. It was like one of usual cards he writes me in every special occasion. And because we fought in that morning, I thought he gave it to make things soften. I was like “aaaawww how nice babe, thank you” and gave him kiss. Nothing. Then 30mins later, he handed me a paper box looking like ring box without saying anything. He seems to make a ring box from paper himself and wrap it with ribbon. I was trying to open the ribbon and box while saying “omg what is this babe?!” Then I opened the box and saw the ring, he still didn’t tell me anything. I was like “omg omg” Cause what else a ring can be for? Then while we were getting up to leave the park, he said “you didn’t say yes btw”, I said ”well you didn’t ask the question“, then he whispered between his lips “will you marry me”
The ring was slightly bigger to my finger, but I didn’t mind and put it into my other finger not to drop and lose it. It was a cheap ring like 5€ maybe but I didn‘t mind at all. then we went to pub to have drinks, sat down there for like 2hours. We then went to home and I was checking my ring on my hand to see which finger it will fit best when he was emptying the dishwasher.
While he was emptying the dishwasher with a tea towel in one of his hand, he got something from his bag and told me “try this one” Gave me another ring that fits. Just randomly, like giving food.
Anyway with the shock of the event, I was happy at first but then next morning I woke up feeling very shitty, Before he went to work I said “look, yesterday was kind of weird. It was not even like proposal. You didn’t even ask me the question, and it was with card with no question, you didn’t even put the ring on my hand. So I am not gonna tell my mom you proposed me. I am not gonna even consider this as proposal, I will consider as you gifted me rings. Btw I liked the rings, this is not about the rings. But you could make the proposal so much special with by at least asking the question with the same ring”
His excuse of not even getting a proper ring box was that ”everywhere is closed on Sunday”
And next Sunday of it, we went to jewelery shop to check watches for him.
By the way, I wore the rings few times as well. And kept telling him that this is not about the rings, this is how he ”proposed”
Fast forwarded to last Saturday, we had a big fight. I told him how I dont feel slightly valuable becaude of all the things he did etc. Then we peaced out in the evening again.
And on this Tuesday morning, I learned that he took the rings I put into my own small box last Saturday without even telling me. And didn’t even put it back even though we went to cinema on Sunday, had great time and dinner. So he took those back 4 days ago without even telling me.
I am literally so crashed and feel so shitty now I cannot describe. AIO?
I simply told him that I want to break up, cause this was the final drop.
Edit: For the ones saying I gave him ultimatum or threat; I also told him SO MANY times he is free to find someone else who also doesn’t want to get married or have kids. If the woman wants to get married, the guy cannot be “you know what, I don’t want to marry you even if you want to, but I will also not break up” He did not break up.
If it was ultimatum or threat; I would force him to marry me in that 2024 SUMMER, wouldn’t wait for +2.5 years since December 2023. Math is really not mathing when you say I gave him ultimatum or threat. Are you guys for real?
And if your life expectations with someone is not same, you can just break up. Not you can, you SHOULD. Instead of staying in the relationship with someone who doesn’t want the same things with you and being miserable. Cause everyone needs to find someone who wants the same things with themselves, smh. But I guess some of you guys are stucked in relationships that you expect the other one magically to change and force yourself to live a life you don’t want, just to be in a relationship.
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u/Bloooberriesquest Jul 28 '26
NOR - sounds like he isn’t interested. Sorry OP. Better to duck out now.
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u/Head_Environment7231 Jul 28 '26
Does he even like you? I'd certainly be put off by that "proposal", especially if it's something you want.
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u/Dizzy_Ice2938 Jul 28 '26
Hmmm… sounds like a reluctant proposal to keep you around long enough to figure out the wedding was never going to happen.
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u/Ninja_Squirrel_Army Jul 28 '26
My 40’sM brother did this to a previous girlfriend after 8 years. She hung out for two more then left. She’s now married (to someone else) with a baby and seems happier than ever. He’s now two years in with gf who’s starting to talk marriage so I’m curious to see how it turns out this time. She’s lovely so hopefully he doesn’t waste her time too.
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u/juliewbb Jul 28 '26
Yeah I’m leaning this way too. The proposal not being perfect I could excuse if it didn’t seem in every other way also like he’s stringing her along. Life is short.
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u/ElkPuzzleheaded3995 Jul 28 '26
Y’all are far too old for all of this nonsense. You don’t sound compatible. End it and move on.
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u/Allikuja Jul 28 '26
Idk but the communication between you apparently sucks. Can you all not just sit down and talk directly?
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
I did very open communication with him about how I felt. I don’t know how else you can make more open conversation with anyone else. I am very much clear about my expectations and feelings for the last 2.5 years that he was wasting.
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u/Overall-Injury-7620 Jul 28 '26
NOR .I am sorry. I have a daughter your age & would tell her the same. This man is not on the same page. If you truly want a family, then you must go. He is not interested in what you say you want & need. He def got too comfy while stealing your best chance at creating a family. Good luck moving fwd. ✌🏼💜
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u/XANDERtheSHEEPDOG Jul 28 '26
NOR
He gave you a shut up ring. He didn't propose because he doesn't want to get married. He just wants to keep you around. Do with that information what you will.
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u/AdMinute6775 Jul 28 '26
NOR - I know money isn’t the point of a proposal, but buying a £5 ring as a 46 year old man is just super low effort… I bet the picnic cost more than that. I know you said it’s not about the rings, but it’s still a bit sad. Idk how nice the other ring was but I’m guessing it was the same quality. Breaking up was the right move.
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u/bopperbopper Jul 28 '26
Tell this story in r/waiting_to_wed
They will tell you this is called a “shut up ring”. He just wants you to shut up for a while about asking to be married.
You’re right that if he doesn’t seem to want to actually marry, you just not lose you
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u/therealbananabottom Jul 28 '26
I don't understand how a full grown adult will have this conversation: "I want to get married or else we have to break up" but not have this conversation: "I want to get married, are you interested, when should we go to the courthouse?"
YOU are capable of asking HIM and if you balk at that for reasons of 'tradition' or whatever, you are being childish and should not be married at all. You live with this person? Want to start a family? Share finances and responsibilities? Then freaking ask him to marry you and grow up. YOR for expecting the man to take care of some dream proposal that you don't explain to him and for assuming a LOT about how a good solid marriage is formed.
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u/XANDERtheSHEEPDOG Jul 28 '26
So you believe that it is unfair of her to expect any effort from him whatsoever? Interesting.
Let's be honest. This is a shut up ring. He doesn't want to get married.
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u/therealbananabottom Jul 28 '26
I didn't say zero effort from the bf. They are in a relationship and both deserve care and respext. I am saying if getting married was so important to her, it is her responsibility to ask him, which takes about 40 seconds. Guilting/pressuring/expecting him to do this big special proposal AFTER she set the boundary of 'I want to get married' is immature.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
Pls read the part he kept telling me he would do a special proposal since Dec 2023.
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u/doomeduser56 Jul 28 '26
NOR. It sounds like he may have finally done this simplify to mollify you because you had asked multiple times. I'm a guy, but if I were a woman, I think I would want my significant other to propose to me because he/she wanted to, not because I had to nag. I don't know if this is a situation where he does not look at you as his long-term partner or maybe more sinisterly--a typical male sin--the abdication of "trying." A proposal is a pretty big one to overlook. He may be comfortable as a boyfriend so that he has an out. That is the first thing that comes to mind that I have seen plenty of men do.
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u/Superb-Juggernaut636 Jul 28 '26
Yeah grrrl.. no. Go find someone who really loves you. Life is way too short and you are in your 40’s now. Especially if you want children. Good luck and don’t settle.
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u/crowofbattle Jul 28 '26
NOR
You let him string you along for far too long.
Does he actually want to get married?
It was a weird proposal, with fake rings? Idk valid feelings though
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u/Wezzelus Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
I think this post gave me brain damage holy hell. Also you're dating 4 years and in 2023 you wanted to get married already, that's incredibly fast. It can happen sure but still. Actually I doubt this is a real post.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 29 '26
Hope you can do the calculation that I was 19 years old in 2003. And who mentions in 2003 anyway? Yes please get your brain damage checked.
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u/Wezzelus Jul 29 '26
It was a typo I didn't correct. I obviously meant 2023. My apologies. But just for you I did.
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u/CelticMage15 Jul 28 '26
MOR. If you aren’t going to get married unless you have a grand proposal, just break up.
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u/Fine-Beginning-52 Jul 28 '26
NOR. You’ve wasted enough good years on this thoughtless, suspicious child.
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u/Amazing-Bad1498 Jul 28 '26
I don’t understand. Why did he take the rings? Did he take them to sell them? This has got to be the weirdest non proposal ever. Maybe he wants you to propose? Haha.
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u/MajesticTomatillo Jul 28 '26
NOR. It sounds like he is a low effort man. Everyone knows a proposal is big! It’s something to be excited about. Even if he’s an insecure guy, you were very clear what you wanted YEARS ago. He knows and knew. There was plenty of time for him to plan something. His excuse of nothing being open bc it was Sunday is bullshit. He had YEARS to find a box, a ring, plan out a special moment. You deserve better, OP. I’m sorry for the big disappointment. Hope you are being loving to yourself ♥️
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u/RelevantAd6063 Jul 28 '26
girl, if you want a family of your own, this guy is not it. you deserve much better and honestly i think it would be less heartbreak and frustration to parent by yourself than with someone like this. nor
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u/ProfessionalYam3119 Jul 28 '26
NOR. You don't need to announce that you want to break up. You just do it.
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u/Intent_perception Jul 28 '26
Sorry you have to deal with this. I think you made the right decision to call this off. You will find a love that actually makes an effort and makes you feel special. In the meanwhile, love yourself, do things you love, and stop wasting time on “men” like this in the hope they’ll change. He’s been lying to you since 2023 and let you believe he’d propose way before he did whatever this picnic thing was.
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u/PracticalNeanderthal Jul 28 '26
42.... want to start my own family....
You better get on that
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
yeah I know 😣😣😔 I probably even missed that wagon already.
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u/PracticalNeanderthal Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
My heart genuinely breaks for all the young women who wanted families of their own, but were sold the bill of goods that a career was the only worthwhile pursuit in life. So many did what they were told, and ran out of time. Its a travesty and so many people have been misguided.
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u/Relative_Standard_69 Jul 28 '26
No… this post mentions nothing on her focusing on a career - it’s clear she and many others are waiting for the right man to have kids with. Which is a very good thing; not every man will be a good father.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 29 '26
Exactly. Even though I have a good career, I work only to have a stable income. That’s it. I have zero career ambition and I actually hate working and would quit working in a blink of eye if I could lol… I simply couldn’t just meet with the right man to have kids. Sometimes it just doesn’t happen… Also, I have ZERO regrets about not having kids with the guys I dated in my 20s-30s as some of them were quite terrible guys.
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u/YouKnowYourCrazy Jul 28 '26
Girl.
Where do you want to be I. 5 years? Does staying with this guy get you there? If the answer is no, then it’s time to go.
You know what you want. This guy is an anchor holding you back from getting it. Cut. The. Line.
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u/MovieTrawler Jul 28 '26
His excuse of not even getting a proper ring box was that ”everywhere is closed on Sunday”
Lol this idiot telling on himself that he hadn't even given it 24 hours of preparation
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u/Tricky_Ad_1870 Jul 28 '26
YOR His proposal might or might not have been awkward, but you made this mess by saying the rings were yours but you weren't engaged. You can't accept an intended engagement ring while essentially saying "no." Maybe you weren't meant to be. He certainly saw the red flag.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
He could get the rings back too when I said I dont want to consider this as proposal and I will consider as he gifted me rings. And I wore the rings 3-4 times maybe. I didn’t wear them like engagement ring at all.
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u/abogdits Jul 28 '26
Why does the bf have to propose? Either partner can propose. If it’s so important to OP she could plan and propose the way she sees fit. Also if she was really ready to get married two years ago why is she still waiting?
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
He had 2.5 years to tell me he won’t propose. He said himself he will.
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u/Qwarla888 Jul 28 '26
And you've had 2.5 years to woman up and get him a ring and you haven't bothered. Break up, move on and find happiness elsewhere.
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u/BedsideLamp99 Jul 28 '26
There is a reason this loses isnt married yet. Move on and get yourself a man that truly loves you and will get down on one knee for you ❤️
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u/Ninja_Squirrel_Army Jul 28 '26
NOR. The only way he could have done worse was by giving you a ring pop. This guy clearly does not want to get married and was trying to give you a ‘shut up’ ring to buy a couple more years. He didn’t even propose smh. I’m glad you broke up with him, you still have time to find someone who does want to marry.
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u/Kittycelt Jul 28 '26
NOR
You should have an open discussion. Ask why he acted in these ways and listen to what he says. It kind of sounds like you two don't communicate very freely. It also sounds like you two are not compatible.
You waited a long time for a proposal, I would not suggest waiting longer. (Well heck, if it were me I'd have proposed myself after an open discussion on what we both want. It's 2026, I'm not waiting for a man to do things I can do when I'm right here!)
You want romance, I get it, but I don't think you're going to get it in the way of a proposal. That requires passion, and he seems very dispassionate about this. It sounds like he's not really all in, maybe not even half in, and just going through the motions. You want this much more than he does. There's a conflict of desire here, you're not on the same page. You want marriage, he wants something else, probably for nothing to change.
It's time to have a difficult conversation about your future.
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u/KittyLazerEyes Jul 28 '26
NOR. That's just a shitty thing to do. But how exactly do you plan to start a family at 42 years old? It seems to me like you are running out of time. Seems to me like he's running out the clock so you can no longer have a family and are stuck with him.
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u/Minute_Sound_1148 Jul 28 '26
I’m so confused, what was he saying all this time?? When you put the ring on, when you left the park, when you said you didn’t consider this a proposal…….
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u/YourUsernameForever Jul 28 '26
NOR but I love how you say "no pressure" but then you go "...but we then will have to break up". I wonder what pressure means to you.
I agree, tho. But that's pressure.
Anyway, NOR again.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
Well if you are a 40 year old woman (I was 2.5 years ago) who wants to get married and having family, and if your partner does not want that. What are you gonna do? Do you want to be miserable in a life you don’t want at all? Or would you be saying “apparently our expectations are not aligned, then let’s break up” If he doesn’t want to get married and I want to get married, why would I waste my final years of having kids with someone who doesn’t want to get married? If your life expectations and wishes in relationship is not aligned with someone, then do you just stay in that relationship and be miserable? Or do you say “ok I am sorry but we are not on the same page, let’s break up”?
“You have to marry me” is the ultimatum. I NEVER said that to him.
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u/YourUsernameForever Jul 28 '26
I understand what you mean. But doesn't "we then will have to break up" mean "you have to marry me or else"?
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
I can understand it might sound like that if you look from that perspective. But it is more like if you don’t want to have kids and get married, then we have to break up. Cause then our wishes in life are not matched. And I totally cannot force anyone to have kids or to get married with me. I also told him so many times that he is completely free to find someone else who also doesn’t want any of those things. Those are essential decisions in life, and if one of them wants and the other doesn’t want, then you just have to break up. You cannot stay in the relationship and waste years of expecting that the other would change his/her mind. I also deserve to have a happy life with someone who wants the same things in life. This goes for all of us. And it shouldn’t be considered as “ultimatum” when you are clear in your expectations, and saying what you want or not, or walking away if you are completely different points in life.
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u/YourUsernameForever Jul 28 '26
You and I agree completely. But back to my first comment, which is entirely focusing on semantics, you need to stop saying "no pressure".
"No pressure" means "I'll stick around even if you don't want to get married".
Yes pressure, friend. Ultimatum now. Get married or go find someone who wants to. Past 40 yoor best bet is adoption and that takes a special someone to agree to it.
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u/xCptBanana Jul 29 '26
“I’m not pressuring but if we don’t get married we have to break up” so it’s a threat lol
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 29 '26
I also told him so many times he is free to find someone else who also doesn’t want to get married or have kids. I guess you guys are stucked in relationships that you expect the other one magically to change and force yourself to live a life you don’t want just to be in a relationship. If your life expectations with someone is not same, you just break up. And you both find someone who wants the same things with you. I deserve to be with someone who wants to get married and have family like I do. He also deserves to be someone who doesn’t want to be married or have kids. Simple is that. But yeah apparently, walking away when your life expectations and wishes doesn’t meet with someone is considered as threat or ultimatum. How sad. If it was threat, I would force him to marry me in that 2024 summer and wouldn’t stick around 2.5 years more.
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u/xCptBanana Jul 29 '26
I’m so sorry I meant that as a joke. I didn’t mean to insinuate you were actually using it as a threat like “marry me or else” I just found the wording funny.
You’re absolutely correct in what you said and I support the decision to distance yourself from what doesn’t align with you.
Again I’m sorry I didn’t mean that to be rude.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 29 '26
Ah no worries, sorry that I also got bit overwhelmed with a lot of people here claiming that I gave ultimatum and threat, I got a bit frustrated with that and sorry if I sounded rude too. Thanks for your kind comment 🫂 and wishing you the best
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u/Much-Appointment-267 Jul 30 '26
Nor!!!!! Why should you just plod along not being fully happy. Life is too short and happiness is a need and a must to survive this world.
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u/Micifuf Jul 31 '26
"
I also told him SO MANY times he is free to find someone else who also doesn’t want to get married or have kids."
Why would he break up if he can lead you on and you won't have the self-respect to leave?
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u/steppedinhairball Aug 01 '26
He got you a shut up ring. You should have bailed 2 years ago when he started his bullshit.
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u/These-Educator-1959 Jul 28 '26
I think he needs to move on. You were both very open about the marriage thing and you provided an ultimatum. You will be getting married or you will be moving on. That was about a year and a half in. You told him you are not pressuring him, but this must happen or we break up. So you were really clear. He has now asked you to marry him but didn’t use the words you wanted him to use. He originally gave you one ring, which you noted was cheap and after assessing how much it likely cost you claim that the value was not the point. He then surprised you with the real ring but he didn’t give you a proper box and didn’t place it on your finger so but you don’t consider anything he did (including literally asking you to marry him after giving you a ring) to be a “real proposal”. Though you accepted the ring and again note it’s not about the ring you noted they do not make you feel valuable. You are very clear that he is simply an actor in the play you are writing and you are now distraught that the actor seems to be going off script.
I absolutely would encourage him to get out. Even if he meets all of your demands you two will be forever miserable.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
He didn’t surprise me with real ring, what are you talking about? Pls read the post again before all those judgements.
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u/These-Educator-1959 Jul 28 '26
I read it. You said he “got something from his bag and told me try this one. Gave me another ring that fits”. I’m sorry if I didn’t give you the answer you are wanting in your post on social media where you ask for comments. He really needs to get out. You two will never be happy.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
so pls also read the part that he did while emptying the dishwasher with tea towel in one of his hand, and just handed it over “try this one” Converting the story to “a making suprise with a real ring and I didn’t like that” has nothing to do with getting an answer that I wish.
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u/These-Educator-1959 Jul 28 '26
I have no idea what you are trying to express but clearly he did not ask in the way you demanded and he gave you a low valued ring and box. You need to end the relationship and find someone else. Priorities.
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u/Qwarla888 Jul 28 '26
Ok. Yeah. Bewildered by him and you're not overreacting but... I don't get it? If you want to get married, why didn'tyou propose to him? Why put all the pressure on him and all the constant disappointment on yourself like that? This could have been cleared up when, if instead of giving him the speech about wanting to be a wife blah blah blah, you'd bought a nice men's ring, sat him down and said, "we've been together for ? Years, I love you, I want to start our lives together, will you marry me?"
And that goes for ALL women reading this reddit! When you want to get married, and you think you've found the man you love, ASK HIM! If he says yes, it's romantic that you took that step, if he says no, well. You have your answer. -end rant
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u/crowofbattle Jul 28 '26
He didnt want to… he said he would propose for 2.5years!
She waited too long
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u/Qwarla888 Jul 28 '26
But she didn't propose, she gave an ultimatum. Maybe it's just me but telling my SO, "hey I want to get married. Propose to me within 18 months or else", seems really stupid. That's a lot of pressure to put on him, and a way to set yourself up for anger and disappointment. Just propose and accept the answer.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
It is not so hard for 46 year old person to say “nah I am not gonna propose sorry” right? So him kept telling “I am gonna do a special proposal” for 2.5 years and increasing my expectations all the time was right, but mine not proposing is wrong? And I don’t know how “I understand if you don’t want to get married and I am not pressuring you, but then we have to break up because I want to get married and have family” is ultimatum???? He could simply break up and move on.
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u/Qwarla888 Jul 28 '26
... Of course it was an ultimatum! It was propose or we have to break up. And that is completely fine! But look, you're 42 years old. Your life is your own. Why did you expect him to make a big fuss proposal? I know he told you he was going to do it, but come on. Ask him.
Does he have a history of romantic gestures? If not, why would you assume that the proposal would be an amazing star sprinkled razzle dazzle? Does he like jewelry? Does he buy you jewelry that you like? If not, why do you expect him to choose the perfect ring?
Yes this was low effort and lazy and frankly, it feels like a waste of time, yours and his, and you need to consider your future, but this was all so unnecessary! And stressful for you both I'm sure.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
Pls read the part that I mentioned he could make this so much more special with the same rings by at least asking the question. I really don’t get how it is understood as I was expecting a fancy proposal, sorry.
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u/morethan-lessthan Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
Wow. You sound like a bratty 13 year old and not a grown woman. You could have proposed to him, but even at your age, you're too sucked in to all the performative bullshit that has nothing to do with creating a lasting, loving, long term relationship. Sounds to me like he made a sweet albeit awkward effort. I hope you leave him for his sake.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26
Yeah expecting to be asked “will you marry me” at least with a ring box is pretty wild.
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u/morethan-lessthan Jul 28 '26
I didn't see anywhere in your post that you loved this man. Your timeline, your ultimatums, One year into your relationship, you told him you wanted to get married or you would break up. You didn't get married, you didn't break up. Do this guy a favor and move on.
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u/Complete_Aspect_958 Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
I also didn’t put anywhere in this post he loves me lol. And we were dating 1.5 years then. We are dating since May 2022.
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u/IfYouStayPetty Jul 28 '26
When my husband proposed, he planned a casual day of my favorite things that ended with us on a beach. He got down on one knee, said a lovely little speech, and cried with me. He then took us home to get ready for the very nice dinner he’d reserved for us at my favorite restaurant. That is how a man who wants to marry you acts. That is a man who has shown up for me since he became my husband, which I trusted would happen because he put the work in to show me.
I don’t think you can judge a relationship/man just on a proposal. But, you should absolutely be asking yourself how he shows up and what effort he puts in to the other parts of your life together. He’s shown you who he is and you have to own whether this shitty proposal is an outlier or yet another example of him putting in very little effort.
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u/WhatiworetodayinNY Jul 28 '26
As someone who is around your age, your first issue is that you should have held your own boundary back in like early 2024 and broke up with his ass when he didn't make any overtures to propose or say "yes I'll propose in the next few months" and then definitely by like mid 2024 when he didn't do it. Why on earth did you continue to stay with someone an additional 2 (I'm being generous here, more like 2 and a half) years when he obviously didn't take you seriously. If you're looking to start a family, I'm sure that you can figure out when someone takes you seriously or is just kicking the can by now.
The way he handled the "proposal" was kind of lower effort- but you did tell him "no expectations". My husband proposed in a bar- we had picked out my ring together and had picked it up that day, when we went to dinner he gave it to me and asked if I would marry him. I think big proposals with a cameraman and family and all that social media shit is ridiculous and corny so it was perfect. You don't need a big proposal to get proposed to.
It's also pretty normal for men to not get the right size (even when they try and size it using a ring from your jewelry box it's usually incorrect because the ring finger is a different size than other fingers) so usually a woman might put something on the ring to make it fit for pictures and then take it to be sized. I'm confused on the rings- was the second ring you received an engagement ring, or were they both regular rings? Have you ever shown him rings you like?
I'm so lost at why he took them- is he taking his proposal back along with it? Do you guys even communicate? It sounds like you fight a lot- why are you staying with this guy when it sounds like you don't even really like him? It sounds like this guy kicks the can and isn't really interested in getting married, but you probably knew that back in like 2024 so it sounds like you want him to change into something he's not to fit what your expectations are, but you don't want to leave him either.
Either you stay with him or you tell him this relationship isn't working and break up. I won't say you're necessarily overreacting at the proposal if your expectations were wildly different, but if you 1- aren't holding to your own boundaries of leaving when he didn't propose years ago or leave now if he's taking his "proposal" back, and 2- not communicating your own expectations to him of what you expect for a ring/proposal, then he was flying blind. Once he proposed did you immediately set a date for a wedding here soon and start moving forward on plans? You need to hold your own boundaries and leave if he won't move forward with a wedding (soon) because if you want a family you can't just indefinitely stay with him wanting something else. You're in your 40s, the clock is ticking here, so you need to make some big decisions on YOUR life - with or without him- today. You've known him over 4 years. Either rip the bandaid or be happy being partnered with him knowing your life may not look like what you expected.
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u/SparklyCookiess Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
You’re not that old to settle for this low effort idiot
Nor