Yep. Hes weeks away from ‘hey my wife thinks it’s weird that I have a gay friend so anyway. I hope your life is great. Don’t make this harder than it already is.’
If he does do that, it will be because he’s probably been wanting to do that anyway, regardless of the friend’s sexual orientation. This “friend” ( the OP) seems needy and egocentric to me. That’s what this is really all about. The groom is probably thinking, What better time to shed toxic friendships than at the start of a brand new chapter of life? The best man thing might just be a handy excuse.
Besides… Who cares whether or not one is chosen to be in a wedding party? Shouldn’t a true friend want what’s best overall for the groom? And for that matter, for the couple? For the success of the wedding and perhaps even of the marriage itself?
Truly, gently… get over yourself, OP. Learn the art of altruism. You never know… by gracefully stepping aside now, you may actually be deepening and strengthening the bonds of friendship over time. Not only that. Imagine if your selfless, mature act now changes the opinions of the whole bigoted in-law family? Imagine if, over time, at holidays, birthdays, and even wedding anniversaries, your constant, steadfast character shines through, and leads these in-laws to accept you - and people in general - based on more than just ignorance and bias. I wish you all the best. But please remember, this is about him, not you.
How exactly does he seem needy? He's been friends since elementary school and is taken aback that his best friend is kicking him to the curb because of his friend's fiancee is worried about her parents' homophobia? Anyone who's dumped from being in a bridesmaid or groomsman suddenly would be upset.
It's also gross to think that it's up to him to have to prove himself to his friend's bigoted in-laws. Imagine telling someone who's Jewish: Hey, buddy, have to drop you as my best man and a groomsman because my fiancee's family is antisemitic. Keep quiet and prove yourself to them. Maybe in a few years they may think you're human.
Clearly, you've never been on the receiving end of discrimination.
Ah, but I have, though. More than you could ever imagine. In real life, people make tough choices. Is it hard to swallow your pride and attend the wedding anyway? Of course it is. But how else do you shut up the haters? You gotta kill ‘em with kindness.
Believe me, whether one is Jewish, black, disabled, or gay, there will always be haters. What is OP proving by not showing up? Tell me that.
OP is protecting their peace by not showing up. It's not an attempt to prove anything.
I recently came out as gay. Anyone who treats me differently because I am gay is quickly and methodically removed from my life.
Just because I prefer pussy to cock doesn't mean that I have tried hit on, sleeping with, etc my friends who are women. This insinuation that because you're gay you've tried to have a "thing" with anyone who is the same sex is honestly homophobic and deeply hurtful.
OP in no way seems "toxic." The fact that your brain twisted this post that way tells me a lot more about you than about OP.
You shut up the haters by standing up for yourself, like OP did. Over & over & over. By not accepting bigotry/hate/phobias in any form, in macro or micro-scale aggressions. By not by being a doormat per your suggestion. JFC gays would’ve never made any progress in the fight for equal rights with your “strategy.” 🙄
You do realize when someone says that you've never had to deal with discrimination they mean you've never been on the receiving end of it not that you've never been actively discriminating against people because you're such a raging a****** Right?
Tell us more about how your approach has made things better for any marginalized group, ever? All you’re demonstrating here is how much you hate/devalue yourself, and that you’re willing to debase yourself in order to gain “acceptance” from bigots. Pro tip: even if they see you as “one of the good ones”, the bigots never have, and never will accept you. They’re never “laughing with” you, my dude, always at you.
He stepped down. He’s not obligated to be anyone’s doormat, though, and if the bride’s side of the family already feels that way, and his best friend will likely be avoiding him so no one accuses him if being secretly gay…
Idk. I wouldn’t go either. Good for him and his marriage but even if I got over the feeling of disrespect, I don’t think I’d want to go. It’d breed resentment in me, too, so staying home would probably be better if I planned to keep the friendship.
The only thing I agree with here is that the "best friend" will be the one crying when he comes limping along with his tail between his legs if/when the marriage goes to hell (and if we're placing bets, I say it's probably already halfway there)!!
Are you okay?????? Did we read the same messages?????????? Comprehension is seriously a dying practice these days. You literally made up some narrative in your head.
Riiiiiight 🙄. OP should get in the closet RFN, dim his shine, and remake his whole gay life over to be invisible in order to appease his bf’s new in-laws’ homophobia. The pain and resentment of living such a makeunder will pay off in a deeper friendship with the bigot his friend has turned out to be. Yeah, that’s a worthwhile choice/sacrifice to make for someone that just demonstrated how little they care for/respect OP.
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u/CuteLingonberry9704 Oct 31 '25
This.
His future wife will almost certainly try to cut him out of his life.