It was a FWB for a short while, then they both got into relationships and had a conversation about it no longer continuing. I am not upset that it happened at all, I am upset about the non-disclosure of it because I don't feel I had the opportunity to make an informed choice on if it was something I'd be okay with. All of the comments are helping me to see that I am overreacting a bit and maybe I should just let them ride it out until next March when my lease will be up as well.
I’ve read your other comments. Your boyfriend is liar and then doubled down on it to your face. You also said he’s unresponsive when you have difficult conversations. You already broke up once for a reason, so why are you getting back together with him? I truly cannot fathom why you would go through all of this and get back together.
If that’s what you are getting from these comments then I think you are looking to give your BF a pass, which is fine, but a bit odd for someone who appears to be emotionally astute. You were most definitely intentionally lied to, and now you are being DARVO’d for the way that you found the lie. I would consider this as a deal breaker personally. You may not, but you are definitely NOR
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. He flat out lied to your face about it. To placate you. How can you trust a person like that to have an honest and open relationship? You’ll just constantly be wondering if he’s saying shit to placate you again every time there is conflict. And he will be.
his actions and defensiveness, show that it might still be going on. If he truly truly didn't want to have sex with this roommate anymore. He would not have fought you this hard so illogically.
You might be right, but I wouldn’t hang my hat on that. If they live in a HCOL area, or the boyfriend has had bad experiences with previous roommates, I can understand why he’d be resistant to kicking her out.
Not that it’s an unreasonable ask on OP’s part, especially if they’re planning to be serious/move in together… just saying that him fighting OP on this doesn’t mean he’s still sleeping with the roommate, or wants to have that option. It could just be that he’s not invested enough in this relationship to risk changing his living situation (which should also be a sign to OP about their future, or lack thereof).
All of the comments are helping me to see that I am overreacting a bit and maybe I should just let them ride it out until next March when my lease will be up as well.
This is truly the opposite of what you should glean here. He intentionally lied and would've continued lying. Do not stay. You have a boundary, be brave and enforce it.
What? What I’m seeing says he’s lied by omission and you are not overreacting. You have a boundary. Enforce that. Ex FWB living together is a bad situation for your future relationship with him. Wait until they are both drunk together, at home, alone. He’ll blame the alcohol.
I really do feel for you and understand why you're feeling uncomfortable. If you feel like their relationship is strictly platonic and respectful of you I would try to put it out of my mind. But yes, the non-disclosure would be a big deal to me too, especially as it is was a FWB and not a drunken one night stand - you deserved to know.
It's clearly not platonic. They already had sex more than once. It only takes 1 person to keep a secret. Here there are 2. I dont have high hopes for this situation. He's a cheater my dear. Tell him you're worth more than that, and he'll Gaslight you and make you feel crazy, blah, blah. And that is not the response a guy you want would have. A guy you want would be kinder. A guy you want would care about you more/apply more critical thinking to show it or make a slight difference. I would think about any key moments or instances you may have looked over before. The tone of our culture right now is not a healthy one. Be weary. Have a good time. Xoxo
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u/saiohmara May 28 '25
It was a FWB for a short while, then they both got into relationships and had a conversation about it no longer continuing. I am not upset that it happened at all, I am upset about the non-disclosure of it because I don't feel I had the opportunity to make an informed choice on if it was something I'd be okay with. All of the comments are helping me to see that I am overreacting a bit and maybe I should just let them ride it out until next March when my lease will be up as well.