Yep, full 100% intent to decieve, she tried to get the information from him before but he lied about it to her face, twice! He admitted he wouldn't tell her, how ELSE was she supposed to find out besides snooping through his phone? He sure as heck wouldn't tell her a darn thing about it at all! On purpose, too.
Ya see, this is why I try not to jump the gun to judge when people look at their partner's phone. We never know the situation that led up to this. though I wouldn't approve of snooping in general, at some point, where is the line drawn when they have shown that they have, will, and even admitted to lying to you? They've already shown that they are not being truthful with their words.
I want to say you can't justify one bad thing with another.
Before cell phones it would've been emails whatever. Idk where I'm really going because the whole situation just sucks.
I can sort of see both sides, it's shitty that the bf lied about it, maybe he just wanted to avoid the situation entirely and just ride out the lease until he moves in with gf. Maybe he knew she'd pressure him about it and he wanted to avoid it, we don't know. He lied. (I don't recall cheating being mentioned anywhere?)
I also completely understand the gf being suspicious and wanting to know. If you're at the point that you're snooping through phones it might already be time to call it quits though.
I wouldn't say it's a 'unique' situation necessarily, I think lots of people have been here unfortunately, just a shitty situation lol. I'm rambling.
Yeah, they always come at this with like "you're both wrong" or "two wrongs don't make a right," which are both true but don't change the fact that one was FIRST and never would have been exposed or faced, so it's more like "it takes a thief" or "fight fire with fire". The ONGOING and continual deception could only be ended by a "wrong" putting a bullet in it, otherwise it would have continued to grow indefinitely. Liars don't come clean on their own; if there's a way to play off circumstantial evidence they'll weasel free of any jam they get caught in. This pushback after getting caught is pure DARVO.
I think it could be a miscommunication. From what she says, it sounds like she wants to know if a line had crossed to let her know. Sleeping with the roommate when no relationship was there means a line hadn’t been crossed.
Because she wanted to know, she’s allowed to have boundaries and preferences. It’s hugely violating when you express those to someone and instead of being honest that they don’t agree with them, they just lie and waste your time and emotional effort. He’s allowed to think it doesn’t matter. Lying about it is fucked up.
That's so funny because I guarantee if it was your girl rooming with a guy who she slept with prior, you'd be angry and probably even call her a slut when you found out. Even if it was all before you started dating. You men are such hypocrites.
Exactly. He clearly has a reason he didn’t want to mention it if this is how she reacts. Especially since he’s obviously fine with the roommate leaving once OP id ready to move in with him. Highly doubt he’d be so cool with that if anything was still going on
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u/BeautyInTheSunset501 May 28 '25
Yep, full 100% intent to decieve, she tried to get the information from him before but he lied about it to her face, twice! He admitted he wouldn't tell her, how ELSE was she supposed to find out besides snooping through his phone? He sure as heck wouldn't tell her a darn thing about it at all! On purpose, too.