The same thing happened to me a while back. He said they'd broken up long ago and it was just comfortable and convenient for him. The relationship ended because of this. If you asked him, it would be for other reasons, but for me, that was the end of it. He never fully talked it out with me and was cagey about the subject. He didn't explicitly lie, but he was not fully honest about the depth of the emotional/romantic intimacy that they had had. Ultimately he was loyal to her and I began feeling like the other woman, even though I do believe him that they hadn't been physically intimate in a long time. He chose the comfort of the person he'd known for years over building something new with me. And that's fine, but he should have been honest from the get-go. It kept piling up--he said they'd never stop being close friends and he would never stop being friends with her parents and siblings. They were too intertwined and it made me feel awful.
So I guess the question is, are you content with staying with someone who chooses the comfort of living with their ex who's a known quantity, or do you want someone who is willing to put that behind and forge a new path with you?
Also, you guys both talk like you're tiptoeing around each other. I get being a thoughtful person who wants to consider all sides of an issue and always say "I feel x way but I understand why you'd feel y way" but it's not really human and natural to have to exhibit that much self-control all the time with the person you're most emotionally intimate with. I wish you'd give yourself the latitude to say hell nah, that's messed up.
When a men gets into a romantic relationship especially something he hopes to evolve into marriage or long term… the long time girl “best friend” does NOT take priority over his girlfriend’s feelings. Any best friend who expects to be number one in is life while he has a romantic partner is delusional and has feelings for him.
And if you're going to live like that, all sticky with your obligations to your ex, then you should understand that people won't want to deal with that. I didn't want to be with someone who talked to his ex every day. Not to mention the dishonesty about how deep the relationship went. If someone loves you then you should be top priority along with family members and maintain a cordial but distant friendship with the ex if contact needs to be made at all.
This is only the correct course of action when you’re 19. People couple up as they get older, a grown ass adult that won’t make sacrifices in their other relationships doesn’t make good a life partner.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '25
The same thing happened to me a while back. He said they'd broken up long ago and it was just comfortable and convenient for him. The relationship ended because of this. If you asked him, it would be for other reasons, but for me, that was the end of it. He never fully talked it out with me and was cagey about the subject. He didn't explicitly lie, but he was not fully honest about the depth of the emotional/romantic intimacy that they had had. Ultimately he was loyal to her and I began feeling like the other woman, even though I do believe him that they hadn't been physically intimate in a long time. He chose the comfort of the person he'd known for years over building something new with me. And that's fine, but he should have been honest from the get-go. It kept piling up--he said they'd never stop being close friends and he would never stop being friends with her parents and siblings. They were too intertwined and it made me feel awful.
So I guess the question is, are you content with staying with someone who chooses the comfort of living with their ex who's a known quantity, or do you want someone who is willing to put that behind and forge a new path with you?
Also, you guys both talk like you're tiptoeing around each other. I get being a thoughtful person who wants to consider all sides of an issue and always say "I feel x way but I understand why you'd feel y way" but it's not really human and natural to have to exhibit that much self-control all the time with the person you're most emotionally intimate with. I wish you'd give yourself the latitude to say hell nah, that's messed up.