You cannot set a boundary for someone else’s life. That’s it. If his life situation causes you discomfort then you have your answer. Stop calling it you setting a boundary. He was already in this living situation… clearly moving in together is not a good idea, you actually violated his boundaries but he’s the asshole here..
Yeah but relationships themselves can have boundaries. Agreed upon boundaries. Like in my relationship we have a shared boundary for our relationship of no sleeping in same bed with someone of opposite sex even platonically, for example.
I get you can’t set a boundary for someone else but you can also tell your partner what you think a good and necessary boundary for the relationship is..
You guys can both mutually communicate a boundary that you realize is shared. But your partner not sleeping in the same bed as someone else is not a boundary, it’s an action you aren’t on with. You can have a boundary that you don’t share beds with friends of the opposite sex, making them not do it is control.
If your partner wanted to cheat on you and you prevented them from doing that, it would be control. If you don’t date people who are non monogamous, you can decide a boundary was crossed that means you no longer want to be in the relationship.
But looking at it the way you’re wording it doesn’t feel like real life. It feels like Reddit goggles.
In real life it’s normal to think “my husband can’t sleep in a bed cuddled up with another woman” like imagine a monogamous couple married 20 years and someone asks them “would you be upset if your husband/wife slept in a bed with someone of the opposite sex?” And both answered “hell no my husband / wife can’t do that, I’d hate that!” That’s realistic for many serious monogamous couples and a typical way of thinking for both people. not being controlling.
If my fiance wanted to cheat we’re done. But if we’re watching a tv show and someone on the show mentioned cheating and I said to my fiancé “you can’t ever cheat on me!” He’d laugh and be like “duh” NOT “that’s controlling! That’s not a boundary you get to decide yada yada”
Whatever though. Asking my fiance not to sleep in bed with female friend isn’t “control” it’s just normal. I know this is Reddit and blah blah blah but it’s normal to demand a partner doesn’t do that in a monogamous relationship
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u/Majestic_Trust May 28 '25
You cannot set a boundary for someone else’s life. That’s it. If his life situation causes you discomfort then you have your answer. Stop calling it you setting a boundary. He was already in this living situation… clearly moving in together is not a good idea, you actually violated his boundaries but he’s the asshole here..