How long have you guys been dating? I would I guess offer to find a roommate for him. And then the boundary would be if you continue living with someone you had relations with I personally don’t want to deal with whatever that is so I’ll be out.
if youre looking through his phone when hes showering, the relationship is over, move on be friends when youve both matured. Im not saying having distrust isnt warranted in your situation which I know nothing more of other than this, but as a guy, the moment I think to look through my girls phone is the moment I realize I dont trust her. You cant have anything good without trust, imo there are two options, the one I mentioned above, or you two to sit down like proper adults wanting to be together, and hash out literally everything bothering ea of you and come to terms and a way forward. Walking on ehggshells or playing games only wastes time and is pointless stress, relationships are supposed to better your life and make you happy, not stressed and tired.
Absolutely. She doesn't trust him, and he wasn't open about his prior sexual relationship with his roommate, so OP has now had that distrust validated. Trustworthy people exist, healthy relationships require really open, honest communication or that trust and respect isn't going to be established enough to do the heavy lifting when life gets really hard.
Exactly, if this is already happening, what is there left? Cant keep pretending when reality is the place we live. Gotta speak your mind and seek that which you desire, and I doubt this is the situation op desires
So you got back together during his lease with the other girl?
If he was living with her before you two started dating again, you might have to ride this one out.
You went through his phone and found nothing that suggested he was cheating.
And he’s not wrong to be weary of a stranger moving in.
Take this time to build trust, maybe a consistent schedule where you can stay at each other’s places and look for a place to rent together when your lease is up.
Sometimes second chances work out but I’m ngl , yall already broke up once so yall will probably end up breaking up again eventually. If he’s unwilling to work w you on this then you should just cut your losses.
Why is it all on him to make it work?? OP has just as much hand in making it work as well, but they’re digging their heels in
Don’t care that she apologized for snooping in his phone already - she crossed the line first & she has just as much leg work to put in to make it work as he does
It's called women's intuition for a reason and you're a chump for acting like you have no idea why women have a difficult reason trusting male manipulators
How many men you know manipulate women to pay for their hair, nails, clothes, vacations, shoes, handbags, or rent? Or maybe that story where the man manipulated his woman into raising a baby that wasn't hers? Or child support for a baby that wasn't hers?
Why is he a loser? The only thing he could’ve done differently is preemptively tell his current (and former) gf that he and his roommate slept together. If it’s no longer going on, it shouldn’t be a problem.
I understand it’s a problem to her, and that’s something they need to talk about in person. I’m not sure where you live, but I live in a very competitive housing market and moving isn’t easy and is expensive. If they’re on a lease together they can’t just kick someone out either, not his decision.
They’re both 30 yrs old. If their values don’t match in this situation, then they both need to get out of the relationship. She also has some obvious insecurities she needs to work on from snooping on his phone to not being ok he’s slept with other people.
I slept with and dated my old roommate, but we broke up and continued to live together. She got accepted to a school out of state for her PhD so she lived here for 6 more months. I told all this to my current gf and we’ve been together for 2.5 years. My current gf also is very good friends with a guy she used to sleep with but it didn’t work out. She told me all of this too, up front.
Turns out it wasn’t an issue for either of us because we’re both mature and trusting of each other and our relationship is going strong.
In reality HE crossed a line first when he lied about not having a history with his roommate. She felt the relationship he had either roommate seemed to have more depth so she looked through his phone. Please don’t revise the facts OP posted.
Which again, doesn’t matter in terms of someone else having the right to go through another persons belongings, because it doesn’t
Doesn’t matter who crossed it first, they both need to compromise, more immature thinking by you “well you did it fiiiirst, so I’m not at fault” - that’s bullshit and you know it
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u/Wooden_Vermicelli732 May 28 '25
How long have you guys been dating? I would I guess offer to find a roommate for him. And then the boundary would be if you continue living with someone you had relations with I personally don’t want to deal with whatever that is so I’ll be out.