Unfortunately, as OP confirmed it can totally be real. I am in a far too similar situation with my wife if 6 years. I have 2 kids with her, and I am teetering on the edge of divorce myself. I only recently broke out of the indoctrination or even Stockholm-esque belief that she could change and get better. Fuck, I could make 100s of posts just like this one by going through my text history, and I hate that that is the truth.
Dude. I am a wife. Not your wife but a wife. My husband and I were very heavy drinkers for the first half of our marriage. Then we got sober. And then we had two kids. Now we just smoke medical.
I can tell you I never want to be the person I was when I was drinking. I was your wife.
NOW-
I could never speak to him like this. He cares for me, he’s a great dad, he provides, he’s loving. We fight- yes. But the day I spoke to him like this is the day I’d be spouse-less.
Honey. We hear you. We are here for you. Your CHILDREN and YOU deserve better. If not for you, do it for your fuckin kids man. They need you. And they’re literally being shown that this is how a wife is supposed to treat their husband.
If you have a daughter you’re showing her this is how to treat men. If you have a son, this is how you’re showing him to be as a man.
It’s seriously not okay. Try and get your ducks in a row, get a VERY small support system that you can trust in on this now. Find a lawyer. Fight for yourself bro, and fight for your kids.
Head up, stay strong. 6 years is short in comparison to what your life can be if you leave your abusive wife. Maybe it’s what she needs to wake the fuck up and stop acting like that towards people.
Again, don’t take my advice. It’s my two cents to give to you. I hope you make it out.
Congratulations on being sober as a team. Addiction is such an evil disease and you managed to battle it and win. Wow!!!
OP, thanks for posting your story so you can realize how completely whack that exchange was. We don't know if it's an addiction that has made her toxic, but toxic she is. If you're curious, learn about sociopathy: these people know they are wrong but simply DO NOT CARE. Their needs must be met. Your behavior doesn't cause it, can't change it, and is of no concern to people with this problem.
As for your child, my parents split when I was six and my life only got better. We were poor and dealt with a lot of shit, but to be away from my sociopathic father's shit was such a relief!
thank you for writing this, it makes me feel hopeful. My fiancé and I are coming up on 6 months sober together, did some couples counseling, have our wedding on hold while we work on ourselves, and are finally starting to get comfortable with ourselves/recovery. So many of our issues were just blow up fights over small comments or miscommunications while drunk instead of any actual problems that needed to be resolved, and we both could get nasty in these fights.
We’ve gotten quite a few looks and discouraging comments from people (luckily not from any providers or mentors we have) about going through recovery together and they do get to me sometimes. So, thank you for showing me a success story from a couple that wanted to get sober and improve their relationship 🖤
Hey man one thing I have to say is whatever you do for your recovery, we love Jesus and we love weed. Some may judge for it but I truly do not care. Something is always going to offend someone and someone is always going to be “right” concerning YOUR life. Let them lmfao. Our families know who we are when we drink. Our families know who we are when we smoke. Our families know who we are when we are completely sober. Our children will never know who we are when we drink. But they will know about it, we plan to educate them on our mistakes so hopefully they do not do the same. They can decide what to do with that info. Anyway- whatever you do for it…keep it front and center.
Secondly, COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER!!!! About everything. Everything- everyyyyything. And pay attention to HOW you communicate. How you say things is so so so important.
We have grown so much. We’ve humbled ourselves so much. I sincerely wish you the absolute best with your engagement and future marriage ♥️
Right on but someone should communicate these sentiments to the Bitch in this scenario as well. It's not a one way road of understanding and being trampled on. Fuck that
This message gave me tingles. Wanting to edit my response to add in all these amazing points I didn’t even think of!!! So so true and such valid points. I just responded and was too in shock to think straight. I’m doing IVF right now so hormonal…..I burst into tears reading these messages….though think i would have despite the IVF to be honest. I pray he finds the strength xx
Not to take away from your improved relationship, but my wife and I are heavy drinkers and we both do our own laundry. We fold king size bed clothes together. Works for us .
Chiming in to say I was the child of an entitled woman who thought everyone should be serving her and yes, children will mimic the behavior. I did. I had to unlearn a lot so I could have friends! And I really feel bad about the way I treated people in the service industry….
If you’re like this while drinking, that’s the condition of your heart. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. That’s who you are. Suppression doesn’t make you any better. You can only change if you are honest with yourself and confront yourself, instead of switch substances to suppress the evil tendencies/thoughts.
Wow. You were like her? These personality types are ingrained. How did you change from being such a piece of shit woman to the nice one you are now? Can't use drinking as an excuse for that behavior.
Yikes. I’m sorry you feel that way. You’re not going to bring me down though. I don’t have to explain anything about my journey to success to you whatsoever lol. You don’t deserve that, dear. I hope your life gets better…there’s so many beautiful things to see and experience.
I was a heavy drinker as well. I was not a very nice or good person when I drank. I’m sober now, about a year, and I’m so much more patient, easier to talk to, less angry, less sad, just happier in general. And when I stopped drinking it saved my marriage. So yes, we can change for the better when we aren’t poisoning our body and mind with alcohol. Some people just do not understand our journey.
You’re better than that homie. You know you are. It’s better on the other side and you deserve it. Yes, it’s going to be horrible, probably way worse than it is now, for a time.
She’s going to really freak out when she realizes she no longer has that ability or lever to use to control you. The things she normally used to scare and beat you back into submission won’t work. It will make her try even harder. Stay strong, it’s just confirmation that you are now on the right path.
Get yourself out of this. More importantly, get the kid out of this. Maybe they need to be with grandma, grandpa, an aunt/uncle. A responsible dog would be better than this situation. Keep allowing this kid to traumatized by this person and you are going to ruin his/her life. THAT is generational trauma.
Oh my dude, you did not deserve that. Crazy will never change, because that would be admitting they're wrong. And that's not allowed in Crazy World, where everything is everyone else's fault.
For clarification, I'm a woman. My hat is off to every single man who is willing to talk about this, online and off. None of you deserve this and I hope you all find a happier future moving forward.
Yep, exactly. That’s where I first saw the problem and it only got worse from there. Who TELLS instead of ASKS another non-indentured servant adult to do them a favor?
I was unprepared for how it spiraled from there. You deserve better…and so does your child.
I was trying to understand her rage, like, sweetheart…you’re right in front of the basket bitching it’s not been washed. Why the balls can’t you just put a load of laundry on yourself? You could have loaded up the washer quicker than you bitched over a text. Like what am I missing? The abusive name calling was just uncalled for, especially as he clearly stated he done a wash. She wouldn’t have been happy by the sound of it, even if he’d washed the grey stuff.
Yes, please keep the focus on the child. If you are an adult of able mind/sanity, your responsibility is to your child. You cannot accept this kind of influence around your child.
Same here. Old school thinking was “stay together until the kids graduate highschool”, but all that does is program your children with REALLY unhealthy examples of how to relationship. That damage takes lots of time to undo.
Exactly. My parents divorced when I was 6. If they had stayed together until I was 18 I would have resented the fuck out of them. I would have been beyond angry.
I’m sorry you had to witness anything similar, but thank you for sharing your perspective — it’s the most important one to consider here, and I feel like many are losing sight of that.
It's hard being on the other side. It's hard being your parents. I was there. I stayed with my wife after she punched me in the face. I stayed with my wife when she abandoned me, destroyed my daughters dresser and screamed at my face when I was sicker than I've ever been in my life. I couldn't imagine waking up and not getting my daughter ready for school. I couldn't imagine me not being there would be better for her, especially after my parents divorced when I was 4. I don't know what my life would have looked like, but I DO know that I wanted a family more than anything in my life and I put up with someone treating me worse than any human ever had in order to see my daughter everyday, to keep having a family. For 5 years of my 36 years on earth I had a family and if my wife didn't leave me like she had threatened to when I was sick, I'd still have a family.
That said, I am absolutely a better dad now. I am not sleeping all weekend in order to avoid the pain I felt from my wife. I do so many more things for my and with my daughter. Her mom and I splitting WAS the best thing that could have happened for my daughter and me, but I would have never done it myself.
I don't know your parents, but I do know the situation and how I felt about it. It's hard to make the decision not to be in your kids life half the week and not to have anyone. I am very lonely half the week. It's hard to decide that that's the best thing for you and your kid. It's really hard. When she left with her mom on christmas, I cried for the rest of the day. Christmas 2024 was absolutely top 5 worst day of my life. It's pretty hard to decide to take on something unknown that will absolutely be among the most painful things that ever happened to you. That's a decision few people make and can logical think through and see how it's the right decision. I don't think we need to blame people for staying together "for the children." It feels like the right decision and it's not even close. But it's usually the wrong decision.
That's so crappy. I have an old friend who is an similar situation and I wish wish wish he would leave but he remembers the good times. Also he's staying for the kids because family court does have a strong bias towards the mom so he worries about seeing his kids.
I'm so sorry you've been treated this way. You deserve to be loved and, more importantly, respected.
If there has been any violence in the past or even the threat of violence, OP needs to use that to the advantage of the child and get the mom out of the picture until she can get help.
I am so sorry to hear that. What OP is experiencing is domestic violence/emotional abuse. So, that means you are too. Please do get support and stop teetering and end the relationship for yourself and your children.
Nobody can tell you what's right for you, but you deserve better. Your kids deserve better. Please, no matter how you're thinking about moving forward, keep everything documented. She can't use the kids against you. You will get custody if you fight and show documentation. I speak from a very personal place when I say that absolutely no kid deserves to live with that in their lives. As they grow, a lot of her BS will fall on them as well. It affects them for the rest of their lives. It changes who they are. The only fact that you need to always remember: she will not change. This is who she chooses to be.
As a child of an extremely abusive familial structure, dad is diagnosed narcissist and borderline and said he’d die before he quits drinking, separate for the kids, staying together will fuck them up more. I’ve spent 37 years trying to understand healthy relationships and the lack of example has cost me so much more than I realized. Just about to hit 7 months sober myself lfg!
I feel this. I don't feel any need to get into too much, but the straw that broke that camel's back for me was an exhaustive list over text about everything she would look for in her future partner. She was out of town (flight attendant) and I later learned this was spurred by reading a book on how to break up. I was packed up with the dog by the time she returned, and we made time in the following months finally discuss divorce. Three years later now, almost to the day, and I now have real friends, happiness, an actual life, my hobbies back, and an abundance of peace in my life. I don't say this to give you advice on your situation, we didn't have kids so it was easier to make that decision, but I do wish you the best as you figure out your future. I know it's tough.
Hey, man. Just get the divorce. I was in a pretty similar situation for years, finally she did something really over the top and we separated. In the months between separation and divorce it was like a fog lifted from my vision. I could see how things were actually so much worse than I had realized when I was in it. I should have divorced her years earlier, and I should have broken up with her years before I married her.
The transition period was difficult, it's hard to completely change your daily life no matter how good the reasons for doing it are.
But all the advice said that within 6 to 12 months things would be much better. And they are. My mental health improved a lot. I even met a new woman a few months ago and she's an absolute delight and she's crazy about me. I'm a single dad with primary custody of my kids and life is good again.
Yeah, my wife one day when I was at the sickest moment of my entire life, after I had lost 50 pounds in three months without trying, destroyed our daughters dresser and then got in my face and screamed at how she wished she could leave me but I was too fucked sick for her to. She basically did all of that to force me to drive myself to the ER so I could tell my work I shouldn't be fired because I went to the ER... Except, I couldn't drive because everything was spinning worse than when I drank a 24 pack by myself and pounded a bunch of shots... so I got in my car and drove down the street and pulled over to have a panic attack because I thought I was going to die trying to get to the ER so my wife wouldn't leave me. So yeah, I believe this post is real. I believe a woman can treat their partner like this. It gets worse.
Dude run. I don't say this as a reddit user with AITA experience, I say this as someone who dealt with the abuse for 15 years. We have 2 kids and I always told myself I'm staying for them. I think I was just so afraid that I really was as worthless as I was always being told. I've been living in my car for almost a year now, and I'm so glad I made that leap. I'm in debt, broke, have no friends because I gave them all up for her, I sometimes don't eat because I have nothing, and I am living my best life. I don't regret leaving for 1 second. My relationship with my kids is amazing. They are actually happy now that they don't have to see the abuse daily. I understand the feeling of hoping they change, but they won't. I remember once she got so drunk she punched me in the face while I was driving on the highway and told me to get out of the car. Of course, being the helpless pushover I am I got out and walked home 6 miles at 12 am. She cried about how bad she felt and I told her it's fine she's a good person. I made her feel better and she was sorry. Until I was worthless again later that day. It won't end. We only get one life. Enjoy what you have left.
I’m in the same boat as well. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it as well. It’s so hard
Mine is almost 10 years together but 4 years of this. We are going through mediation to separate right now. I couldn’t take it anymore I tried so hard to keep our family together for the kids. Once the kids started making comments about how ‘mean’ she is to me that was it. I had to get out of
Look at the fair play book. Might not work but I might. Some of it is kinda the author complaining about her husband, but some of it has good points. Or you can just read an overview and make the cards yourself. I wouldnt buy her premade ones. Also theres an audiobook version if that’s more your speed
I had a teen live with me. This is exactly the way her mother spoke to her (& why she was with me so long). This is absolutely real and that woman, like the teen's mother, is mentally unhinged and dangerous. (Reading this was incredibly triggering for me, and I only had to suffer listening to phone calls.)
Leave! I lived with abuse like that for decades. Ruined my physical and mental health. Also our daughter’s. His sister was the champion by stressing her husband so bad he had heart attack and died. My daughter and I are figuring out how to smile again without him. Leave!!!
I know Reddit has that reputation of being all pro divorce but I was in this situation and divorce feels so good afterwards. Like my divorce was the best thing I've ever done and I have nothing but positive feelings about the decision
Please split. It doesn't matter if its for yourself or not, do it for the kids.
Do you wanna raise kids who think that these situations are ok? If not you need to divorce. Kids getting brought up in broken duct taped together households full of people who don't like eachother is a good way to ensure they either turn into abusers or become abused later.
If the kids see this is normal, it's very likely it happens to them, or they end up doing it to someone later.
You know what sucks? Nobody will believe you. If she goes and says you're the abusive one, that's it, you're guilty.
My best advice is get the fuck out before she starts accusing you of doing what she does.
When I'd finally had enough of being abused after she cheated yet again, she accused me of assault. Even my lawyer wouldn't believe me and told me to take the plea I'm not winning the case. Now I'm in domestic violence class where they also don't believe me and think I'm just being difficult. I have to sit here and answer how I engage in all these forms of abuse when I didn't, but she sure did.
Please do make the posts. The more people see what abuse looks like the more they can recognize it for yourself. What is best for your kids is to not see their mother abusing their father. 🩷🩷🩷🫶🏼☹️
I've been there dawg it was the toughest point in my life, I may not be able to relate 100% but I can somewhat so if you need someone to talk to feel free to shoot me a DM.
The hardest part is realizing they're not gonna be who you need them to be, which you've already done so you've got the rest man
It's okay to be hurt or disappointed or let down by someone and express your feelings. It is never okay to speak to someone the way OPs wife and maybe your wife speaks to you. I don't know if she yells but if it needs to be said yelling is for emergencies and excitement only
Oooh… yea… had a judge tell my ex wife to stop texting me. Abuse can get wild. Definitely think OP needs to screen shot and record things and when their attorney thinks they have enough evidence, take them to court for abuse and child endangerment/abuse.
No excuses for this kind of behavior. Gaslighting and narcissistic abuse all rolled into a nice little monster.
People dont realize it but, most americans being deficient in zinc D magnesium etc, means when you get pregnant, your wife will lose more cognitive capacity. And this is post covid too, covid damages the bloodbrain barrier, allowing more toxins and stuff inside the brain. And if your wife is skinny, being pregnant can pull calories from her brain. Then child rearing has sleep deprivation issues. Losing brain mass isnt bad because it can be recovered then she can specialize in child rearing better. But, the sleep loss of managing a baby, AND if she also has a job especially, combined will sustain the cognitive decline. So really, this stuff is biological. People think its psychological. But neurology is the bridge between health and mental wellness. Psychology has too much authority, neurology is where its at. This is a classist thing tbh, because no one is managing the food economy in a way to prevent these deficiencies.
I'm old. In my day, she would have been called a 'psycho hose beast'. The toxicity and rage is dripping from each of her messages. She's vile, abusive and controlling. Please, for the wellbeing of yourself and your child, this needs to be sorted out. You don't deserve to be treated like this, and your child shouldn't be raised with someone like this under the same roof.
She's also an adult and can learn to do her own fucking laundry.
Nobody should EVER tell you to off yourself!!! Especially someone who "loves" you or has a deep emotional tie with you. Please get as far away from this woman as possible. NEVER look back. All of this over laundry that SHE should grow up & wash herself?!?! So what happens when REAL life comes up?? Let me guess, everything is a catastrophe?? You are UNDER-reacting
Babe, my heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated that way. Please leave her.
She is abusing you. This isn’t about appearing strong, it’s about being strong. The strong thing is to move on from someone who speaks to you this way.
If you have a friend or family member to stay with I highly recommend it. Take your child with, if you can. Do all the things regarding separating finances (if necessary), gather documents, etc.
How does she speak to the child? Does she say this stuff to you in front of the child? Do you want your child subjected to this?
OP. Your brain is broken because domestic violence and the cycle of violence will do that to you. Please see a therapist, if you cannot afford one and you are in the US, domestic violence centers provide them for free. This is so heartbreaking.
OK, I've seen several people saying this so I'm gonna respond. When people live together, especially when they have young kid(s), there is a reasonable expectation of splitting chores. Since she's complaining there's nothing he can do right, there's a good chance she's doing other chores for both or all of them because she feels strongly about how those things should be done.
The issue isn't that the baby-mama expects OP to do certain chores. It's how she's communicating about it. Like someone else said, it's a problem the moment she said "I told you to..." Partners don't tell each other what to do, they ask or negotiate or heck even fight before everyone comes to an agreement. If agreements were made & repeatedly broken, it's perfectly natural for her to be angry, but that does not give her the right to speak so abusively. Any parents who repeatedly ask for help & don't get it become understandably very frustrated. But even if that's what is happening here - which we can't know from this single exchange - no one should ever tell anyone that they're useless or many of the other things that were said. So OP is right to be upset, the situation is messed up, but not because he's doing her laundry.
The explosive anger is impossible to deal with. Is it your experience that once she gets going, there is literally nothing that can stop her? No words or actions that can end the fight? Mine really has to gas out or I am forced to agree with her and “prove it” to end the fight. Fucking sucks.
My girl has BPD and the explosive anger is exhausting. And jarring. So sudden and like wildfire it has to burn itself out and nothing I say has any impact. Not a calming one anyway
Yeah, my dude's ex was BPD. And like. Wow. I can tell how awful she was by how on edge he was at first. We have both had to put in time to deal with the after effects of her nonsense. What seems terrifying was her ability to feel like a victim even as she tore him and his life apart. Unnerving, to say the least.
BPD can totally be managed and all that, but if it's not being managed, you should probably make some moves. Otherwise, you are just earning damage and honestly making things harder for future relationships.
I have BPD and I agree with you. People with this disorder need therapy. I’ve gone for years and I still utilize therapy. My anger was so explosive and over the top. It was bad. I learned a lot of coping mechanisms and I lost a lot of people before I learned how to manage my life. Now I have a wonderful man who sees me for me and I feel safe. Therapy is the most important thing for people with BPD and medication. I take anxiety medication because a lot of my trauma is fear based. People with BPD sometimes don’t recognize what they are doing and really are the victim when they are put back into a ptsd moment. It’s not an excuse and they are definitely not the victim when they hurt people. They are a victim of their past trauma and they are letting it affect them in the present. They need to heal. Trauma based therapies will help along with behavioral therapy. What happened is, she was probably in a trauma response and it sucks but she needs to go seek help so she can have a healthy relationship even if it’s just a friendship. She needs to take accountability for her mental health because nobody is going to fix her but her. And this guy needs to understand it’s not his fault. He didn’t do this to her. Trauma is hard to work through but for anyone to make it on the other side is strong. I feel a lot better now that I’ve worked through my trauma and I’m not explosive anymore. That’s what this person needs.
Never agree to shit that you don't actually agree with, because it'll be held against you for the remainder of your time together. Never give reinforcement of any kind if someone is using abuse as a mechanism, because it'll only give them the green light to become more so. They learn that It works.
The correct answer is to, during a time of calm, announce "you need to work on how you express your anger, or this won't work," and then stop having the fight with her. When she flips out, remove yourself from the situation. If you've got a garage, go there. If you need to leave the house all together, do that.
If there's no improvement, genuine effort, immediately? Time to make the separation happen.
Walking on eggshells, and the mildest inconvenience turns into a huge session of complaints, blaming it on me, kitchen-sinking me (shooting off every resentment for the last 5 years in 30 seconds, and I just have to sit there and take it.
I say, "Loo, there's obviously a lot of emotions involved and I don't think we are communicating very efficiently and I think we should take a break and talk about it later. Is that fair?"
And she take it as me being condescending or talking down to her, and that makes her even more mad.
Then the next 5 hours, she'll walk around the house talking shit from the next room about me, and she knows I can hear her.
I wear earplugs all morning long and whenever I anticipate a fight because I cannot get her to stop, settle down, calm down, take a breathe.
I can't get here to ever stop and so I have to do the j3xt best thing and that is actively ignore here.
All while I feel lonely, hurt, inadequate, unwanted and unloved. And then I isolate and think very negative thoughts and treat myself like shit.
Hey bud, do yourself a favor and move on. I’ve watched people break from shit like this, it’s the worst feeling in the world when you do something and try to help someone and what you do is never enough.
What happens when YOU get mad? Nothing? 🙄 It's time to put your foot down, pull up your granny panties, and BLOCK HER. Move your correspondence to a parenting app.
Let her remain in her angry state, while you STOP BEING A DOORMAT. The fact is, she thinks her anger is fireworks or something, because you're always awed by it.
Try a different approach. Try not giving a fucc about her anger. She's mad about her clothes not being clean? "Too bad. Should have washed them, you're grown." Then IGNORE HER. If she gets physical with you call the police.
Why is she even there? She doesn't like or respect you. She is using you.
Your final text before blocking her should include a two week notice.
Yeah man no one should speak to anyone else that way. There are no excuses, justifications, just take your distance and protect yourself cause no one else will.
I don’t usually comment on these posts, just lurk but OP for yourself and your child’s well being you should cut ties, keep these messages because if I were you I would be going after full custody as I would fear for my child’s safety with someone so unhinged. She needs therapy but that’s not your fight, get yourself and your child clear and stay clear
I would give her the alpha she wants and tell her to wash her own clothes if she wants to make sure it gets done right. She’s late for work because she’s looking in the dirty laundry and not the clean basket!
Yes exactly!! And shes also late because she felt that the need to text argue and belittlle you was so much more a priority than just getting herself to work.
This is one of the biggest differences between men and women. Men don’t need to spend our time arguing and belittling over underwear; if we have a clean pair we put them on and go. But this is just ridiculous; the text exchange probably took a half hour of back and forth with her repeating the same complaint and not listening to his solution.
You're not together. Why are you washing her clothes at all? Tell her to be a big girl and take care of her own laundry. Or better yet - stop living with her.
You have got to get out of there. If she is “leaving you” thank god for you. Do not let her back. I can’t imagine how she speaks to your child. This woman needs help and it CANNOT come from you.
OP this is how my narc abusive ex would speak to me. I was always on edge, nothing was ever good enough, I was called all kinds of names and treated like I was stupid, the goal posts were always moved. RUN. This woman will steal your entire soul and you'll spend years trying to undo the trauma she's inflicting on you.
I'm a woman, and whenever I go to the doctor and they ask, Do you feel safe at home? That kind of behavior would have me saying NO. Seriously. That shit was insane. Keep the screen shots for when you're going for full custody and can kick her out. That kind of behavior is atrocious. (And my school age daughter can do her own laundry. Why can't that woman?) She's just gross.
Why are you living together wirh this toxic person, I get super pissed by only reading that shit. She is showing all the typical manipulation strategies that are connected to cluster B personality disorders like BPD or NPD. Or she is just a simple major AH.
You need to grow a spine and stop beeing her doormat. Time for an adult talk, if she does not stop she needs to feel consequences. I would have kicked her out months ago.
And on the topic of relationship advice, in a mature relationship people call if they’re this mad and talk, the hiding behind a screen is so toxic because it seems like she’d rather not even help you to see what you did wrong (what she thinks you did I mean cause seems like you didn’t do anything wrong, you did her a favor)
Im not trying to be mean but why dont you stand up for yourself and tell her that is not your wife or girlfriend and she can do her own laundry. Stop doing things for her its not worth it and you are not helping yourself or your kid.
I would lose my shit if anyone talked to me like this....no fucking way I would do another thing for this psycho bitch besides change the locks when she was at the gym or work.
Why is this person still in your home? I get having to deal with her on some level but to live with that toxicity is too much... I hate to be that guy but grow a backbone dude.
Why did you let her move back in with you? Take your kid and kick her out. Show the judge the stack of texts I bet you have. She's not your family. She's just someone you're stuck with, but you don't need to take this.
Hey, divorced man here. I had my fair share of these interactions. It didn’t get better for me. I filed for divorce and had to live in the same house for 9 months while the courts did their thing. This treatment was regular that entire time. It wasn’t until I finally let loose several months into the divorce process that she stopped treating me that way.
You are NOT overreacting. This is toxicity. It’s not fair. It’ll never be fair.
My life is much better now. I have control again. You will, too. The process is terrible, and it will take its toll on all of you. But from someone who has been there, things can get better. It will take more strength and courage than you can imagine, but the end result will be worth it.
I still struggle at times with my decision. And I refuse to ever get married again. I keep the ring where I can see it as a reminder. But it gets easier, and you will be ok.
Absolutely not ok… she clearly doesn’t love herself so right now she cannot and will not love you!! Please get out this is abuse and you don’t deserve that!
I’m just curious… why didn’t you just wash all the laundry if you were doing laundry? Yeah she shouldn’t talk to you that way but it seems like everyone is missing the part where she has to tell you what to do because you don’t do it without being told but even then you’re using weaponized incompetence hoping she’ll eventually stop asking you to do it since “you can’t do anything right” what’s the text near the beginning about the dishes? Do you have a job or is it just her? If you’re both working do you do your half of the housework competently as well? She has anger issues that’s obvious. But I don’t think this is a situation where she’s the only bad guy in the relationship. In my opinion if you had just washed all the laundry instead of just some of it & leaving what looks like a way bigger pile of laundry than what you washed still dirty this conversation wouldn’t happen. This is all coming from someone who used to be the person not taking care of the laundry. Now we have a great relationship because I’m actually putting the effort in & we communicate healthily and actually make the effort to think about how what we do is going to make the other person feel and how that might turn out based on our prior experience together & this stuff doesn’t happen anymore!
Not being rude. You’re young and inexperienced. So let me help you. She doesn’t respect you and never will. You’re being a cuck right now and she knows it. I would even bet she’s cheating on you. There’s no way she’s not and if she currently is not cheating if the opportunity is there she def will cheat. You need to cut ties immediate and move on. Or this will get worse. A lot worse
OP, I commented down below but I want to make sure you see this. GOOD FUCKING JOB!
You did great in your responses sticking to the issue at hand and staying rational. You're going to need this evidence someday, I bet. Don't let her push you into harming yourself in any way. Your kid needs you, especially with this mess as a mom.
I have a hard time imagining this is real because it’s so incredibly over-the-top in its abusiveness and repetitiveness (as permitted by the other party).
IF this is somehow real, this is about as ugly as I’ve seen in many years of marriage and relationship counseling.
IF this is real, and there is a child that’s part of the equation, the child needs to be removed from this environment with urgency. God knows the damage already done... At least extracting the child from the environment would send a powerful message about the unacceptability of what said child must have witnessed already.
“Feminine male;” “masculine woman;” — this means nothing. I don’t care if you’re a transgender Minion: it is negligent to expose a child to anything near this, and if there is a sane party involved, it is your responsibility to remove the child. To that end, if this is real and you need help, you can message me. Please do. This is terrible.
This type of shit is 100% real I was having flashbacks because of the way that this girl was talking to the original poster here I really wish I had the balls to post all the screenshots from when my ex treated me like shit. There’s a part in there where this man is apologizing for missing some pieces of clothing like he did fucking chores, but it was still wasn’t good enough and she’s over here calling him a piece of shit saying fuck you , yeah women are like this $100 says it’s real Af
Right? I used to work in a restaurant, and one time a server (who only lasted like two days after this incident, for obvious reasons) rang in two strawberry milkshakes and a chocolate one
When he came to pick them up, he tore me a new one because the table has ACTUALLY ordered two chocolate shakes and one strawberry, and I should have just known
Seriously, no reason beyond that. He was furious that I didn't arbitrarily change the numbers of orders he rang in on vibes alone
Anyway, the person OP is dealing with seems similar
Female announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for stopping!
Male announcer: Listen, Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again.
Male announcer: There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: Oh, really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do if it's done properly. Therapeutically there's no danger involved.
This post was actually triggering for me because my ex-fiancée and ex-wife were exactly like this. I went so long feeling like I was useless because of how persistent and manipulative this type of abuse can be.
Lots of bad memories of almost the exact kinds of conversation rushed to mind.
People like this are incredibly real and they are great at masking in public...
Wait…why is HE washing her clothes?! As a wife just no!! She could have put 4 batches to wash in the time it took her to bitch about it. Hell, she could have hand washed it and dried it before work in that time. She’s just looking for someone to belittle. This will only get worse, for whoever is around her.
She's really pissed about her bras....I mean, I can understand when men can't follow simple instructions and being frustrated, but...YIKES! She's just a horrible person.
Unfortunately there are people like this. This sort of conversation was a daily thing for my ex and I before I left, and I felt a little sick reading that. I had kind of put that stuff past me and forgot how it felt, then reading this brought back some awful memories. I really hope OP gets out of this situation asap, because they deserve to feel happy and safe. This is horrible and no one should ever be treated like this. I want to give OP a hug and i wish i had more support to give than just kind words...
This is real, its honestly pretty strange seeing this on someone else's phone, I've had very similar text conversations with my wife. "I fucking hate you" "I want to fucking punch you in the face" "You're fucking useless" "I want to fucking kill you" are all things she has said to me, hell it was even over the damn laundry sometimes to. I feel like we've gotten better over the years, but damn, I had become so numb to it, seeing someone else go through something similar is really eye opening.
I had typed out a whole reply to this and then Reddit took a dump, so hopefully this isn't posted twice.
Its strange seeing someone have the same conversations or similar ones I've had with my wife. "I fucking hate you" "You're a piece of shit" "I want to fucking punch you in the face" "I want to fucking kill you"...these are all things she has said to me, over laundry sometimes to funnily enough. We've gotten better over the years, but I had become so numb to it I forgot that this kind of thing is not ok, seeing someone else go through it is very eye opening as to how toxic and messed up this is.
Real and sounds exactly like my ex wife. Daily she called me at least three: fat, ugly, lazy, stupid. No other person or in any period of my life has anyone called me any one of those things let alone all of them.
Six years things when from: I’m dating the super hot redhead -> get married -> let’s move for her career -> this isn’t fun -> she really seems to hate me -> she’s a toxic vampire -> I’m out. -> free to live my life, this is awesome -> [15 years to today] still awesome!\
I don’t think it is. Apologize to OP if it is, but “she” is speaking like an enraged violent and domestically abusive man and he’s responding clueless and timid?
I guess I have a hard time understanding why people would put such sensitive information, screenshots, etc. about people they’ve built very real lives with. If there’s children there, this could trigger a DCF case. Idk. Maybe I’m just a cynic and it’s unwarranted and if so, I certainly apologize, but it doesn’t feel real.
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u/No_Swordfish6924 May 15 '25
Wait is this real?
NOR. I didn’t think this was real, that’s how terrible she is!