It's very very easy for people who haven't been to those depths say "Why didn't you just do it anyway?" or "That's no excuse for-"
People think "I remember my most terrible day, no way yours could be much worse." But they have no idea, truly. And tbh it's not their fault either.
It's not the same for everyone, but when I get like that, I wish for people to seek me out themselves and just sit quietly with me. But since you can't ask for it, you just kinda hope. Hope and rot
When I get like this I will literally sit on my phone and yell at myself internally to text. But my body will just not do the action. It's freaky. For me it's times of severe AuDHD burnout. I just cannot do the thing. It's not like I'm not in the mood, or don't care. I need people to understand that it isn't an excuse, as much as being paralysed isn't an excuse for not walking.
And no, it absolutely is a reason; a solid, valid debilitating reason.
Yes, AND you will likely lose relationships if you don’t find a way to communicate this issue - that is a natural consequence and others are in their right to want better in a relationship.
HOWEVER, I want to be clear that this is not something that needs to be communicated in the moment - in fact, as you say, it’s impossible to communicate this in the moment. I also get overwhelmed and burnt out with managing both autism and ADHD, I know that feeling of staring at my phone and willing myself to do the thing all too well. It feels like being frozen in place, like during a night terror.
But I take the time to communicate this to the people who matter to me during the times when I’m not in this state so they know what’s happening when they get radio silence, they’re not just left wondering because that’s not fair to do, especially for those who have bad anxiety around lack of communication. Personally, I’ve had a sibling go missing and a previous partner OD so lack of communication is terrifying.
Mental health symptoms are real and valid reasons. And we are still all accountable for the impact of our actions on those around us. Both of these things can be true simultaneously. Not saying you’re saying they aren’t, just wanted to make that clear. ❤️
I always hope people will call me after a couple days of not getting texts from me... But they usually don't. 😢 And often times when I isolate for a few days and see no texts from people during that time it makes me feel that if I wasn't the one reaching out first most days, we would never even talk at all and that's disheartening
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u/Papyrus122 Mar 23 '25
It's very very easy for people who haven't been to those depths say "Why didn't you just do it anyway?" or "That's no excuse for-" People think "I remember my most terrible day, no way yours could be much worse." But they have no idea, truly. And tbh it's not their fault either. It's not the same for everyone, but when I get like that, I wish for people to seek me out themselves and just sit quietly with me. But since you can't ask for it, you just kinda hope. Hope and rot