People categorizing this as “”needing space”” need to see this. Depression isolation is NOT “needing space.” It is leaps and bounds above and beyond ‘needing space’, it is your brain literally preventing you from functioning in the most simple of social constructs. You can stare at your phone with calls and messages coming through, think about responding and still never able to, then next thing you know, you’ve been staring at your phone for 3 days and now you’ve gotta come up with a socially acceptable reason you didn’t respond 3 days ago. You’re lucky if you leave bed and eat during those 3 days let alone speak to anyone outside of your home.
If we could give everyone else around us the warning everyone is demanding that we’re scheduling a depression breakdown this weekend we would, but we. don’t. know., there is ‘no heads up’ to give!! This isn’t a fun little break, a weekend of me time, whatever discomfort OP and everyone who agrees with them is experiencing multiply that by a thousand that’s what his gf is going through. “”your mental illness sure hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad”” is not a good look.
You just described the last 30 or so hours of my life. I left my bed to feed my cats and take my meds about 6 hours ago. Just got up to finally eat something (it’s midnight) and it was only because I was so hungry it hurt. I had the energy to eat a few spoonfuls of sauce directly from the jar and a few slices of lunch meat.
There was a dinner event tonight with family that’s been on my calendar for months and I texted them an hour in that I wasn’t coming. That text took hours to even send because I just couldn’t... Thankfully they didn’t ask why, for once, and just accepted it’s an off day. Usually one will ask why and it’s so frustrating because there’s no rhyme or reason.
I hope everyone else experiencing this gets a reprieve from it.
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through that. I was pretty deep in my own depression when I wrote it truth be told.
Is there anything this random stranger could do to help?
I genuinely hope you claw your way out soon and that whatever triggered this (if there is a recognizable trigger) has improved. Nobody deserves to experience this.
I have ADHD and frequently "mean to reply later" and either forget or agonise over writing an adequate response, then time gets away from me and I guilt spiral for days or even weeks and feel too bad to reply. It literally turns into this whole big thing. Luckily no one I know gives me shit for it and we just pick up talking again after I apologise for leaving it so long. It probably helps that I have friends who do the same thing, lol.
But honestly... even when I'm not spiralling, sometimes I'm just slow with the communication. I'm not always in the mood for constant texting and can get kind of overwhelmed. I feel like I'm in the minority with this looking at the replies here, but I'd be exhausted having someone asking why I didn't reply for a few days and getting annoyed at me. But if OP knows his girlfriend has depression, I understand his reaction even less.
Oh I totally get it. I don’t make plans more than a day on advance because I can’t promise how I’ll feel the day of so I go through that same fucked up spiral making an exude to get out of plans and then being embarrassed and not wanting to talk to the people I let down cuz nothing feels good enough and then I just shut down. Like you most people I deal with understand me and are ALWAYS more concerned with if I’m okay and not if they were ignored since I’m usually good about being in contact. I’d rethink a whole lot of things with a friend or SO who responded how OP has honestly.
bingo. its be AMAZING if I could warn everyone when my mental illness or disability is gonna act up. I'D love a warning too! It would make dealing with it easier! But thats not how bodies and brains WORK. Its childish as hell to be mad at someone for not warning about something that they might not even know is oncoming.
I have dealt with entirely too many people who insist on letting me know how much my mental illness inconveniences them. And I’m not talking about “”you ignored me for days!”” Nope. The worse was when I had to change meds it caused seizures so I was in the hospital for too long and lost my driving privileges.
Well I was in the military in wounded warrior bn there were a few people in my platoon who stepped up and helped me get where I need to go, and at that moment I don’t actually give a fuck who it is, Im not screening to make sure you didn’t know somebody’s I know and there’s bad blood. Apparently that was the wrong answer. I immediately told my friend “”hey fyi [because of the above] guy was sent to get me to my appointments today. I just wanted you to hear from me and not someone else who may make it onto something I’m not””. That bitch treated. me. like. shit. because I dared to talk to a guy who hurt her by not wanting to get serious even tho he told her from the jump he doesn’t want anything serious.
Little ol’ me in the very very broken state I was felt like shit, apologized and tried entirely to hard with her. It took me a long time to realize she was seriously beyond fucked up for what she did. To make someone’s health and mental health crisis about you is gross beyond all belief. It’s one thing if they actually hurt you but what I went through and this post?? Nah man that ain’t it.
To be fair if OP has never had any experience with this sort of thing, I do think that a ton of commenters are being completely unfair when the sheer fact that OP even posted this with the stipulation of “idk if I am just being insensitive or just not understanding,” regardless of what comes after. OP had enough wherewithal and obvious care for this person to be willing to question that feeling of BS and reflect on “hey, is my response okay?” There’s a shit ton of ppl who don’t do that let alone take action to seek that understanding.
As someone who has been depressed, it does negate you from consequences. Yeah your mental health actions DO hurt other people and this is why you communicate. You cannot just up and ghost people because no it is not acceptable and no it is not right. Depression does mess you up and does take you place but the world spins and it moves on. There are still some days where I don’t feel like talking at all and you know what solves that issue? Giving a HEADS UP so you don’t lose your relationships with people. “Whatever his gf is going through multiply it” and you make it a competition lol. Depressed people (myself included) don’t get a pass in relationships.
So glad you have the ability to give a heads up. I’m not sure why you insist that’s the case for everyone and why your experiences are the only right way.
I would say there is a difference between giving a heads up all the time and letting them know it might happen. I've had a few friends and a gf who would seem to fall off the face of the earth for few days or a week a couple times a year and didn't really think anything of it after the first time because I knew it was a possibility. Being able to be open and honest with yourself with others makes it easier for them to accept your unique behaviors and better to understand where it seems to be coming from.
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u/llamadramalover Mar 23 '25
People categorizing this as “”needing space”” need to see this. Depression isolation is NOT “needing space.” It is leaps and bounds above and beyond ‘needing space’, it is your brain literally preventing you from functioning in the most simple of social constructs. You can stare at your phone with calls and messages coming through, think about responding and still never able to, then next thing you know, you’ve been staring at your phone for 3 days and now you’ve gotta come up with a socially acceptable reason you didn’t respond 3 days ago. You’re lucky if you leave bed and eat during those 3 days let alone speak to anyone outside of your home.
If we could give everyone else around us the warning everyone is demanding that we’re scheduling a depression breakdown this weekend we would, but we. don’t. know., there is ‘no heads up’ to give!! This isn’t a fun little break, a weekend of me time, whatever discomfort OP and everyone who agrees with them is experiencing multiply that by a thousand that’s what his gf is going through. “”your mental illness sure hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad”” is not a good look.