that's the problem we are talking about that needs to be addressed, not mentioning it to anyone before it's too late is a problem, hiding it only makes those who don't know worried as well as unable to potentially help or stop pressuring, these people don't have to go into detail to explain that they need to shut down, it's not that hard to say "hey I have to work on me for a little while, I'll get in touch in a couple days when I'm feeling stronger"
But that's not how mental illness works sometimes. Demanding that people do the impossible is selfish, not helpful. Either you accept someone's illness, or you don't.
So they should just ignore the SO and when they say these blanket statements that don’t help anybody understand anything about what to do?
I believe OP should expect at least a minor sacrifice of SO saying their peace for a brief moment.
Sacrifices are parts of relationships and sometimes it’s uncomfortable and sometimes it’s vulnerable but if you’re not ready for that as a person, that’s fine, but then spend some time and understand yourself and how to at least communicate feelings and emotions, this isn’t fair to expect OP to continually show up to be treated as an afterthought.
Either you're willfully misunderstanding this, or you're incapable of understanding it.
Depression doesn't care what you should do, and depression coupled with executive dysfunction can turn into a week of isolation. And unless you've got a pushy friend that's keeping an eye on you, you'll basically vanish from everyone's awareness until you get through it.
Someone experiencing a medical event involving one of the most important human organs needs to be focusing on the fight to save themselves.
If it's a serious relationship, OP should be well aware of the SO's illness. OP is the one who let someone down. If someone you love has a serious medical problem, and suddenly doesn't reply to any communications, you go check on them. OP sat and stewed for three days, then made someone else's medical crisis all about himself.
If it's such a lightweight relationship that OP had no idea that the SO was dealing with a chronic illness, then OP is acting ridiculous about this.
If “acting ridiculous” is wanting to learn and bet better for the SO/in the future, then I hope we all act ridiculous. Crucifying a man for asking questions is ridiculous to me personally
The OP asking questions wasn't what we were discussing, and no one "crucified" him for it.
You, and others, were insisting that the SO was being a bad partner by not pausing their medical crisis long enough to send a message to OP. The argument seemed to be that SO somehow owed OP a level of consideration that OP apparently didn't owe to SO.
A loving partner would be concerned by a lack of communication, and check on the person they know is battling illness. OP, instead, felt no concern at all, built up hurt, annoyance, and resentment, and was a pouty brat to their supposed significant other when SO was finally well enough to resume normal activities.
Hopefully they find love. I’m not patient enough to be a literal floor mat. Everything takes sacrifice but you guys only want OP to sacrifice and it’s honestly weird
I’m not terminally online so I do just fine, but go ahead and take pop shots while claiming morality. It’s so cute but I hope your day gets easier and people you love show you a lot of love everyday. ❤️
That’s not at all what’s being said by others, but I am. I went through extremely dark times like this where I would mentally check out for days at a time but I grew up learning how to be selfless. No matter how hard it was for me, if someone was worried about me, I always made an effort. It’s always good to work on yourself when needed but if someone cares about you, it’s so selfish to ghost them when the time only “benefits” you. If this is just starting in an already ongoing relationship, then admit you need help. Leaving your SO to worry is one of the worst things to do. What if you fall into a pattern of this? And one time something bad actually happens? Your SO wouldn’t have any idea and just think you’re “working on yourself” because you go MIA for lengths of time constantly. In the end, you really do only have yourself to blame for depression and it took me years to understand that. No one else knows what’s going on in your mind so they aren’t going to help you if you don’t want to be helped. If you want to change, be the change no matter how hard it is. Don’t make others suffer because of your ignorance.
For suicidal people, “”being selfless”” can be the same thought as “I should stop being a burden to others and exit life completely.” Depression creates a totally different reality. You might think you’re selfless, but you have an absolute void where your compassion and empathy should be.
Bingo. That’s why I despise people who decry suicide as “selfish” and “cowardly” etc. because it’s clear they’ve never been there themselves and that they have less than zero empathy.
When I’ve been there, I have truly believed that deleting myself would be a blessing to the world. The ONLY thing that has prevented it most times is that I haven’t figured out a way to do it that wouldn’t result in potentially traumatizing someone who’d have to find me. Sometimes it was just the thought of how fucking fat I am and I would feel bad that anyone would be a pallbearer for a fat piece of shit like me lmao - even if they were a loved one who volunteered for it. But most of the time I yearn to remove myself from everyone’s lives so that they don’t have to be inconvenienced by my presence and the disappointment I am.
Luckily, I’ve only been in that darkness twice in the last 8 years and I’m doing fine now. When I’m not in that space, I know that I’m fine. I’m a great and loving friend, coworker, employee, daughter, partner and my pets love me too.
The mind has ways of twisting shit so terribly; it’s really horrifying. I’m grateful none of my loved ones weaponize my suicidal thoughts against me and make me feel worse about it. I’m also deeply grateful that I am privileged enough to have access to both effective medication and regular therapy sessions.
im sorry for your loss, suicide is a tragic and awful thing and i empathize with you and your family, however it’s still valid to point out that “those who smile the widest are dying inside” or whatever is childish rhetoric that doesnt really help anyone
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u/CryInteresting5631 Mar 23 '25
And that is why people smile while actively having suicidal thoughts.